My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys - - - Mackenzy Cord

[Roping the Wind]

Okay, I will admit it, Journal. The first few days of single life went a little to my head. I tried to do too much too fast. But I felt that I had to keep on moving on. Don't stop to think just feel. Because I want so much to feel anything right now but miserable and unbearably hollow inside. Contrary to popular opinion, I haven't moved on. I don't know how long it will be before I can. I miss her so much. There's just no substitute for this gnawing ache that claws at my insides and I know it can't be assuaged because I've already tried to scratch that itch and that didn't help. I can't help that I miss her. I'm sure as hell she doesn't miss me, so why should I go around with a long face like the fool I've been played for and show the world how bad I feel? Won't solve anything. Won't make anything go back to the way it was. I know I said I would wait ...for as long as it takes but I'm not getting any younger and I ache for things in life, too. My own family for one. I had so hoped that Shannon would be the future mother of my children. I even had a dream about her last night holding a dark haired child. What does it mean? I don't know, I'm not a damn psychologist. But I do know I miss her like crazy. Killer misses her like crazy. And we all are floundering, set adrift on a sea of loneliness without our life support.

The house is far too empty to live alone these days so I have hired a ranch hand I knew from the rodeo circuit years back. Staying in the guest quarters, the name of the cowpoke is Seth. But that is an alias devised for competition entries. Name's Wendy,actually. Yes, a girl houseguest, i know what you're thinking, Journal. Really, it ain't like that. It's more like having a live in housekeeper. She's going to help out around the ranch and help with the horses Lillian's company had sent over in exchange for room and board until she finds a place of her own. I could use the company, as it feels so lonely rattling around at the ranch by myself with only two dogs for company. I must admit, I'm grateful for the extra pair of hands.

I've thought of calling Shannon so many times in the past few days, but I figure it would be like rubbing salt in a wound. I want her to be happy, more than anything. If I wasn't the one to make all her wishes come true I hope she find's what she's looking for down the path that she has chosen to tread. There's a part of me that will always love her and hope....but I won't put too much hope in that dream. I'm sure she has found her niche and is content.

My life feels like a fucking soap opera right now,its so not even funny. In the past week, I've been dumped, warded off the advances of my first ex fiancee, renewed the acquaintance of an old friend (Mandah's back!But more about her later) and found out that... my twin brother is not only alive but recently arrived in town.

Frank. He disappeared when we were seven, he was my best friend. I've thought of nothing else but the meeting we have scheduled to touch ground with one another again. Melody is away at her fashion design internship in New York City so she will be sorry to missthe happy reunion. Melanie? Well, she is thrilled for me but you should have seen the face she pulled upon hearing she had another OLDER brother. Not to mention an identical replica of myself. It is a real mind trip. So is being in Love.

Can someone please stop the world...I want to get off.

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 22, 2004 05:00 AM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

Your body's warm
But you are not
You give a little
Not a lot
You coup your love
Until we kiss

You're all I want
But not like this
I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else

It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late

And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

Your body gives
But then holds back
The sun is bright
The sky is black

Can only be another sign
I cannot keep what isn't mine
You left and it lingers on
But you, you were almost gone

It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else

It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late

And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

I cannot tell if you mean what you say
You say it so loud, but you sound far away

Maybe I had just a glimpse of your soul
Or was that your shadow I saw on the wall

I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else

It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
No, no, no

It's only your shadow
It's only your shadow
Nobody else

It's only your shadow
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon

It's only your shadow


--- Britney [img]graemlins/wilted.gif[/img]

[Roping the Wind]

"So .. talk." Offered once they were far enough down the street, hands ducking into her pockets. She studied the sidewalk in front of them, choosing not to look at him just yet.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted, ba-Shannon." He clamped down on his lower lip, inwardly cursing himself. No, she wasn't his baby anymore. Someone else held the right to claim that form of endearment now. "I shouldn't have left things like that but I was so sick. Getting dumped while you have the flu...sucks." Trying to chuckle and be a good sport about it all.

"I never meant to be so cold. What I really meant to say is that..I'm glad you've finally found your niche. Are you happy? That's all I ever wanted for you." I would live and die for your happiness if it came to that. The lager botlle lazed at his side, dangled from listless fignertips curled around its condensating surface. He had passed her a sidelong glance while he spoke and was studying her face as he did so.

"Are you?" She lifted a brow, a hint of dryness in her tone. "Why do I not believe that." Murmured more to herself then him. She listened to the rest of his explanation, nodding slightly. "Well, I do apologize for the timing. I didn't want to tell you when I realized you were sick .. but I knew it would be worse if I let it drag on any longer. You deserved the chance to find someone who could make you happy."

Which you didn't waste any time on looking, did you Mac? "My niche." A thoughtful tip of her head, and she still didn't glance his way. "Mac, there's something you have to understand about me. All my life, I've ruined my relationships .. and I think part of it is because I can't really belong anyone but myself. It's a trust thing. Bjorn is the same way .. which is why we understand each other. It wasn't that I didn't love you, I just knew that I wasn't right for you." She dipped a hand into her pocket, removing a small envelope. "Here. I .. figured you'd want this back." Softly, while passing it over. The ring was inside.

He lessened his pace so as to listen more attentively to her words. Fingers unconsciously gripping the glass of the bottle so tightly, he almost expected it to break. He had thought about the ring, yes. But actually, didn't want it back. He had given it to her. As a symbol of his love and devotion to her. He had spent not only hours but days scouring jewelry cases all over the city with Ris in tow for just the right one. That had Shannon written all over it. That ring...the one he had sweated blood for, worried over whether he shouldn't have chosen the gold band or a different setting...that one.. could never belong to anyone else. "Keep it. I gave it to you, Shannon. I wouldn't know what to do with it." Honestly, and he would look at it everyday probably and it would hurt to remember.
"Or if you don't want to keep it.. Have it appraised. I'm sure you'll get a good price."
He shrugged. Maybe she didn't even want anything he had ever given her.
That was why she was giving it back?

"Well, I'm sure you could find someone else to give it to. You probably already have someone in mind." Not a hint of bitterness in her tone, she was just calling it as she saw it. The envelope was taken back though. She was giving it back because she didn't feel right holding onto it now that she had left him. "I'll keep it if you really want me to."

HIs face tightened at her words. For the only reason that they negated completely everything he had just been digesting over in his mind.

"Shannon.." He strived for a calm tone. "You think I would be so thoughtless as to give a ring I had chosen specificaly for another woman..and just casually place it on another's finger? No. I'm not that kind of man. And apparently, I won't be needing it anyways...because from my experience.. I'm just not the marrying sort." The latter was his own self recrimination and not directed as any jab at her. Or anyone else.

"I don't know, Mac. I don't feel like I know you at all anymore." She never would have thought the cowboy would be the type of man to chase tail while on the rebound or everything else she'd heard about. "You shouldn't count out marriage, Mac. I'm sure you'll find someone. Hell, it only took you what .. a day to find someone else? Guess you didn't need to wait -- what was it 'a thousand lifetimes' after all." Curtly.

He broke down then at her words. "You never gave us a chance, baby. You said I didn't try? I didn't woo? You never ...believed in us. At the first sign of Bjorn..-"
He broke off because to his horror the tears came. The torrent he had been trying to hide for the past few rocky days with whiskey, women..a.nything.
"Youu...just..left.."
And yes, that 'baby' slipped from him but it was lost in a choked sob so what the fuck did it matter to him. He slumped onto a curb without a care for soiling his clothing.
"You mean everything to me, Shannon. I love you. I'm sorry I shut you out...I just...I wish I could've done it all differntly now."

"I didn't give you a chance?!What in the hell were those days at the hospital then, huh? Waiting hours for you to wake up and then staying by your side while you couldn't fucking remember me. Me, Mac. Hell, I mentioned living
Me, Mac. Hell, I mentioned living
together and you didn't care to respond, I gave you a key to my apartment and you didn't return the favor. You didn't even seem to like anything I was planning for the wedding or even care about it! I mean, you hated a color because it reminded you of a woman that waltzed back into town to get you back!" .. It seemed that a dam had burst inside of her. "I wanted romance and to feel cherished .. and I felt like I was just there to be the good wife and cook and play with -- but I must have been boring in the sack if you had to buy toys after only two months."
He seemed horrifed. "Shannon, I never meant you to feel that way. I just loved you so much..I tried to hard. I wanted to give you everything. Make you happier beyonhd your wildest dreams..I just.." He couldn't speak anymore.

And she didn't seemed to be affected by his tears. That was fine enough for him. He never cried in front of people. But it was just all leaking out like a badly patched roof and he couldn't hold it in anymore. The damn had to break.

A lot of that had been said out of anger and she seemed a little surprised herself. A soft exhale. "Yea, well. You did." She was affected by his tears, turning her gaze away with a sigh. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm sure your new chick'll treat you better. Just don't shut her out, hm?"
"My new chick? Who the hell said I was even seeing anyone?" Because he wanted to know.

"..Oh! Right, I'm sorry. You don't have one chick .. you have what ten now?"

His hurt was replaced by a righteous anger and he shot up from the curb and advanced towards her, not in a menacing way but one of agitation..that was evident.

Well, she backed up.. because she didn't know if he was about to hit or not.

"I don't have ten...I don't even have one. Well, I did put she said I didn't dance to her tune (he meant literally) so she just gave up on me."

"Whatever, Mac. People I trust told me all about your little antics -- I'm so glad you could rebound so quickly."

"What people..and what have they been saying. Tell me.." He was trying to be so calm. That deadly calm she had heard only once before.

"My antics? I greet a few friends with a hug and a kiss and suddenly Im the town man whore?"
He was really angry now, raking both hands through his dark hair.

"I don't know Mac, is a hug what you call it these days?" She narrowed her eyes at him before sighing. "Look, I understand you're hurting .. and I appreciate the fact that you didn't run around telling everyone what happened in order to make them hate me. But you can't be screwing everything in sight one minute and acting like the broken-hearted man the next. It doesn't add up."

"Look, I don't know what you've been told by the people you say you trust, but I haven't been screwing around. And if I had? It's no one else's businesz but my own. Yes, I made out with two women on the same night. You know one. Remember Mist? She was the first person I met in town. That was number one. We were just shitting around.
And the other is psycho drama queen I don't even want anything more to do with her. She threatened to slice off my balls and feed them to me when I unintentionally spurned her.
And a possible other woman I might have been spotted with recently? Well, she's the reincarnation of a twelve year old tomboy I knew when I was only seventeen. My best friend as a boy actually.And I think everyone should just mind the fuck off my shit and keep their noses on their own." He finished and crossed his arms defensively across his chest.

"You made out with two girls in one night?" She stared at him. "Jesus Christ, Mac. If making out is just shitting around, I'd hate to see what you'd do with some girl after we had gotten married and you got bored. Would you screw around with someone and then just tell me you were shitting around?"

"Shannon...I was hurting. I don't say I don't regret what I did. But I've hardly been whroing my way through the female population of Rhydin." If that's what the impression her 'friends' had given her.

She lifted her hands in the universal 'I give up' gesture. "You know what? I don't want to talk to you anymore. You can deal with your shit, believe me I won't come anywhere near your fucking business any more." And she turned on her heel to start walking away. "Oh, Bjorn and I are getting married." Shot over her shoulder, because she was hurting and wanting to lash out.

"You don't want to talk to me? Shannon, wait. Godammit, ...wait!"
Then he jerked back at her words as though she had fired them with a shotgun. Stumbling backwards. That was so cold! "You are?" Little boy lost voice and his lower lip trembled.
"What?" Pausing. "Yes -- No. I don't know. He and I have to discuss it."
"He wants to, I'm not so sure."

"I hope you'll be very happy....t-together." And then he was just pushing away from her.
As though she were suddenly holding a poisonous viper.
Backing away..but not...leavig..yet.
Such pain in his eyes. "So, you just..didn't want to get married to me."
As though trying to piece this all together in his head so that it would make more sense.
"Wait, Mac!" She turned around to study him. "God, I'm sorry .. I shouldn't have told you about that. I was just so angry." She rushed forward to grab at his hand, to make him stop. "No! It's not like that. I wanted to marry you! I did! Hell, why do you think I would've gone to all that trouble to start planning the wedding?"
"No, I see how it is Shanno."
He saw very clearly.
He was shaking violently. A hand pressing to his mouth to stifle some scream of anguish that would not come.
"Mac, listen! I loved you okay? But I'm bad for you. Bjorn and I can hurt each other, but we know how to react. I don't want to hurt you. I am not going to marry him. Okay? I'll talk to him about it. I swear, listen to me."

"How could you be bad for me..when you made me the man I've become? Shannon before I met you...I was afraid to let anyone in. I was afraid to love. But by loving me you tore down all those walls. You helped me see it was okay not to be so serious all the time. You made me laugh. You infected me with you warmth. I'll never be able to thank you for the man you made me become." He didn't know where this was all coming from but...she had been good for him. At least when it had been good between them..it had been very, very good.

She was still holding his hand, though she didn't notice it. "Mac .. I'm glad that I could help you become that man, but I know that you could've done it without me. You're a great person, okay? You're too good for me, to be honest." She dropped his hand gently, moving to brush back a strand of hair from his face. "I just .. couldn't look into the future and know for certain that we would end up together. We settled so quickly.."
She sighed, placing a hand on his chest.

"The only time you ever hurt me, bella luca..is the day you said goodbye. And that's the damned truth. I know the you're a nice guy routine. I hate it. Maybe I was trying to sabotage my squeaky clean image. I don't know.

That's not justification for what I did but ti was part of it. Women want bad boys. No one settles for the boy next door when Mr. Mystery and Intrigue is out there waiting to sweep them off their feet." And away from their fiancees.

"Mac .. Bjorn is not the 'bad boy.' Really, he's not. He's -- he's an artist and he's always been someone that I've had feelings for. I don't know if he and I are going to last, but I have to give it one last chance. If I didn't .. I might have married you and then regretted it. I didn't want that to happen." Softly before she glanced up at him. "I .. don't know, Mac.
I'd say if you want to find someone else to chase me out of your heart
you might want to be careful about who you do it in front of. I don't want to hear about .. who else you're seeing."

He squeezed her hand. "I still love you Shannon. Tell me how to stop."
Because it hurt so damned bad.

"Did I really mean that little to you..?"
She couldn't even handle hearing about him at all! That...stung.

"...No! I just -- it hurts to hear about you with someone else, Mac! Okay? Is that what you want to hear?"

"Shannon...but you just said that you wanted me to find someone else..you're not making much sense, mi fiore bella.." He blinked.

"Well, t guess we're even. Because its eating me alive thinking about you with Bjorn. I always knew he was the one man capable of stealing you away from me. That'ws why I flipped so bad when you told me about kissing him. Him kissing you wahtever...'

She sighed. "I know .. and I do want you to find someone. Just .. not so soon. It just makes it look like I'm easily replaced. But I know I don't have any say in what you do anymore." She nodded. "I know that you won't want to see him and me together .. so I'll do my best to spare you from having to see it. I love you both, you know. But I had to make a choice .. I didn't want to string either of you along any longer." She sighed, swallowing back the lump that formed in her throat

Grey-green burned into mediterranean blue. "I knew..in that moment...when you looked at me. I had lost you. You just...had to find it out later on...on your own. " But I knew. "I'd appreciate your thoughtfulness. I'll attempt to do the same."


"I know you did. And you made the right one for you. I don't fault you for that. I only wanted nothing but for you to be happy. I hope you are. And I hope to remain freinds. You're my soulamte, Shannon." Even if they weren't together..they could still be soulmates, right?


"I think you're mine too." Yes, they could be friends and soulmates. To her, Mac represented the part of her that she used to be -- the small town country girl who used to dream about cowboys. She loved him for that, but she had to accept that the rest of her heart belonged to the woman she was now -- and that it belonged to Bjorn. "I hope we can be friends too. I'm really sorry that I hurt you."

"I'm really sorry, too. So we're both really sorry individuals." He attempted a half assed joke.

She chuckled. "I guess so."

"Can a friend get a hug? I want you to know I'll always be here for you, Shan. Whatever you need. A shoulder to cry on. An ear to listen. I know you have Jack already for that. But..there's a lovesick cowboy that will always have a place fo you in his heart. No matter what." He confessed. He didn't mean to cause her any discomfort with the words, it was just the honest truth. He wasn't ready to date anyone seriously. Adopting a one time things are alright but anything resembling a relationship...no no. It was ironic...it was the same view she had once held in place when she had been keeping him at bay ..so long ago...before.
She offered a small smile. "Of course.." A step forward had her encircling arms about his neck, holding him close while she hugged. "You'll always be in my heart, Mac." Murmured against his ear. "You'll be my soulmate and one of my
best friends, I promise." She leaned back enough to see his face. "Now, I want you to start eating, Mackenzy. I hate seeing you lookin' like skin and bones."
"Yes maam. Now there's th' Shannon I remember.." Half grumbling around a chuckle.
She chuckled. "I'm serious .. I'll force you to eat if you don't." Pointing at him.
"I'm glad. I 'll always love you on some level even if it shifts from romantic to platonic. You're an amazing woman, Shannon Elizabeth Maguire."
He spoke tenderly and traced a thumb along the curve of hr cheek before allowing his hand to drop to his side.
"Oh, no! I've had my fill of that already at the hospital!! They FORCE tubes in you, yano!"
His horror wasn't entirely feigned.
She offered a smile in response to his words, leaning in to give him another hug. "I'm glad that you don't hate me.. and I'll do everything I can to be a good friend." She laughed for his horrorified display.


(Taken from live play. Thanks for the memories. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] )

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 23, 2004 05:14 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

<center>'...At night I pray. That soon your face will fade away. I guess I need you baby, after all. ..And every night I see you in my dreams. I see your face you're haunting me. I guess I need you baby.. I may have made it rain. Please, forgive me. If my weakness caused you pain.

And this song's my sorry. ..' </center>

For Mackenzy the week had been an exhausting one.
So many thoughts swirled around in the fever-pitch of his brain he didn't know which to give his attention to first. Amanda was gone.
He didn't know how he felt about that. The former tomboy had blown in like a texas tumbleweed and quicker than he could hog-tie a calf she was...
gone.

She had penned a note and tacked it to the front of th guesthouse door she had been occupying the past few days and he hadn't discovered the missive until he had finished his chores around the ranch and lumbered on over to check up on her. Was she coming back? Did she leave because of the stupid kiss in that pile of autumn leaves? He didn't know. But he needed more time to think about all of this drama in his life right now. That was a given.

Francenzo stopped by yesterday afternoon and the cowboy winced at the awkward situation that seemed to be unfolding like an automobile accident in slow motion. Mandy was there in nothing but the cowboy's shirt no less...it was laundry day! She had nothing else clean to wear but what an uncomfortable tension that filled the air. Melanie
and Frank couldn't seem to take off fast enough, his baby sister mumbling something about 'leaving the two of you alone' and something about car shopping. Shit, he wasn't going to buy her a Mercedes or anything! But he figured his sibling was in good hands, she knew absolutely nothing about cars (a Honda is not accptable...) and his brother apparently was quite knowledgable on the subject.

They were so very much alike Melanie and Francenzo, though Mackenzy saw much of Charisma in Frank, too. They both had professional careers (as opposed to Mack's more unconventional occupation) and could give the initial appearance of snobbery in their polished icy demeanors.
Ris hadn't spoken much to him about the missing son's sudden reappearanc but he figured that was because she had always blamed herself for losing
the missing twin in the first place. But it wasn't her fault. Just like the accident that stole away Mom and Dad. No one could control what had happened. No one.


He had a very full plate at the moment and was grateful for one less thing to worry about. Mandy was gone. But Seth remained. The ranch hand he had hird on to help with the horses Lillian's father's company was shipping to the stables.
He hadn't heard a pep from Lilly since they had mutually agreed to go their own separate ways, but it had been her that had hand picked Amanda to be his horse trainer. Ironic how fate seemed to have a sense of humor. But wasn't that called serendipity? A fortunate accident.He could use all the good fortune he could get these days.

Seth... puzzled him. She was a cowgirl, yes so technically they shoulda been like two peas in a pod. She liked to drink beer, didn't fuss over her looks and knew how to make all the boys teeth sweat and pulses race with the heat of a texas sun in her languid come hither smile. He had known her from years back in the rodeo circuit but they had never shared much more than a passing acquaintance. She was a good friend.
But from what his mirror double had confided in him the other day, perhaps Francenzo was seeing the lovely cowpoke as something a bit more than a country bumpkin with strikingly vibrant green eyes.

They had yet to have a heart-to-heart but cowboy had been filled in by the attorney of the main gist of his life. What had transpired after the abduction. The foster homes and time spent in a juvenile detention facility. Straightening up his act and going to law school once he was back on solid ground and then...the fact that he was a widower. Nicola had been her name. Cowboy hadn't been able to fathom losing a spouse, yes, they had lost their parents and lost each other for over twenty years but they hhad been able to touch base once again. But losing a wife..and to such a terrible, debilitating illness. He couldn't imagine the pain his twin must have endured, watching the woman he loved slowly slip away right before his very eyes. And not being able to do a thing to ease her pain.

At the end of the emotional exchange, a confession had been made. "I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time, Mac. Not since..Nic."

Mackenzy had felt like he had lost so much in life already. His twin. His parents. Two fiancees.
But if he ever lost a wife...
He didn't know how he would be able to endure that kind of hidden anguish.


"Seth's..she's different, Frank." As though trying to either give either an explanation or warning he wasn't quite certain. He didn't want
his good hearted brother getting burned.

"I know, Mack. Believe me, I know. That's why I'm so goddamned scared."

They both had been to hell and back and the ride didn't stop here. Who knew what other storms lay on distant horizons just waiting for the winds of fate to bring them to fruition.

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 23, 2004 06:04 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Amanda Lynn Covington]

Kenzy,

For thirteen years I've waited to see you and now that I have, I feel as if something in my life is complete again. Back when we first met, I didn't understand what it was like to have someone like you in my life, but when I lost you I did. I learned to live with that loss and accept it for what it was. Now that you've come back into my life, I don't think I could handle that loss again.

It seems to me that you have to many things going on in your life right now that you don't need another hassel. So I'm leaving tomorrow to get the herd. The decision feels right to me as I just seem to cause you more problems than anything. I will be back here on Friday and once I get the horses settled, if you want me to leave, I will. The last thing I want is for us to drift apart even further than what we have. You are to special to me for something as silly as man and women issues to come between us. Besides, I think I would miss seeing that charming smile when you look at me. I will be around the ranch later if you want to chew the cud or go for a ride. I miss you cowboy.

Mandy

[Amanda Lynn Covington]

The horizon always looked different when seen through the blur of tears, but on the trail it didn't matter if one was sad or heartsick or just plain down. One only had to worry about one thing and that was surviving.

She had ridden for a good two hours before finding a good place to stop and take a quick rest. Leading the horse over to a small creek, she slid from the saddle and patted the mare's neck. "We're going to be all right girl." Well, of course they were! If the ride became to much, she could always find a way to get a hold of the boys and have them stop on the way. Stretching her arms above her head, she looked to the robin egg blue sky and wondered what Mackenzy was doing. "No stop that!" Berating herself, she shook the image of the cowboy from her mind and focused on getting something to eat from the knapsack she had brought along.

After pulling out a small container of mixed fruit and a banana nut muffin, she settled herself on a nearby log and set to eating. She couldn't help that her mind instantly wandered back to the ranch and the spread of land that surrounded it. Mackenzy used to always brag that he was going to have a big spread someday. The other boys on the ranch had always laughed at the overzealous cowboy, but not Mandy. She could see the determination sparking within those gray green eyes and had known he would achieve any goals he set out for himself.

Her own personal goals had been another thing entirely and had never been mentioned out of embarrassment. Now here they were, years later, and she wasn't even one step closer to where she wanted to be. A long sigh slid past her lips as the paper that once held the muffin was crumpled in her hand. "Well, at least I'm not married to some slob who don't know the difference between a horse's ass and a woman." Yes, Miles McKenna thought that she was going to be his blushing bride when she got back, however, Mandy had different plans. She was going to get the horses, get them back to the ranch, train them, get them sold, and hightail it out of there before the fat oil worker found out where she was.

"Enough lolligaggin for now Sugar. Let's make some more tracks before the sun sets shall we?" Stuffing the container back into the knapsack, she climbed back onto the saddle and spurred the horse into an easy gallop. The back of her hand was used to swipe a stray honeyed strand from her forehead and she instantly wished she hadn't gotten into that scuffle with Kenzy so she would still have her hat. "Dammit all to hell!" She couldn't get the infuriating man out of her head even when she was thinking of the simplest of things! Hopefully, by the end of her journey, she would have a clearer mind and an even more clearer heart.

[Roping the Wind]

The first born, my heart will call Truly
A God-like boy of the sky
The fog hissed away like a movie
And serpents go home for the night
The thundercloud rain hits the freeway
The clowns put on makeup for show
The nightfall, my skin crawl kind of evening

And how the wind she blows
How the wind she blows

I want you to come closer
Come in closer. Come in closer.
I want you to come in closer
Come in closer. Come in closer.
I want you to come in closer, in closer

Come dancing with devils
Need not to know their names
We'll waltz like an army
For the fear of our pain
Our souls become useless
As the day they were born
In a rusted arm rocking chair
Away from your storm

But still, the truth remains lethal
A lie made by man
Where my shoes become hammers
And my words become sand

Like a sour patch, a wedding batch
Of roses you threw across my floor
In the rusted arm rocking chair
Away from your storm

--- Blue October

[Amanda Lynn Covington]

The whole trip had gone smoothly and she was a might proud of herself when the familiar land came into view. If her heart had wings, it would have flown away right that moment as the chocolate and cream palomino came running up and over the rise. Amanda could no longer deny that she had been a little homesick as tears welled up into her eyes. "Comeon Sugar, let's get you rested and introduced hmm?" Nudging the horse into a faster gallop, she wasn't prepared for the next thing that happened.

Blaze, seeing her owner for the first time in nearly two weeks, sprinted over to the fence, causing Sugar to startle and rear. Amanda had been paying more attention to the other horses and the men who were preparing to leave themselves.

If she had time, she would have cursed herself for not holding tighter to the reigns, or she would have done something to keep her hands from letting loose so that she wouldn't have toppled to the ground. However, the last thing she remembered was seeing the blue blue sky before it was clouded by a million little tiny sparks as her head hit a rock.

Blackness claimed her so that the sound of hooves thundering her way was nothing more than a soft drumbeat.

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 26, 2004 06:40 PM: Message edited by: Amanda Lynn Covington ]</font>

[Amanda Lynn Covington]

She woke with a start, her eyes blinking against the fuzziness that usually accompanied a good bump to the head. The ground beneath her was softer than she thought it would be and gingerly, she moved her hands to find that she wasn't exactly on the ground, but on a sleeping bag of some sort. "What in the name of all that's holy?" Her words scratched in her throat, the sound barely loud enough to be heard over the crackling of a nearby campfire.

"Jus' be still Missy. Ya bumped yer head a good un'." The voice was familiar and with a slight turn of her head, she was able to see one of the ranch hands not far off. "Where are we?" Asked before accepting the cup of water he was handing to her. "We're 'bout a day an a half ride away from our destination. Miss Gramercy didn't want no.." He broke off and shot an uncertain look to the fellow behind him.

"Didn't want no what Leroy?" She was pushing to her elbows now, ignoring the dizziness that threatened to have the water she just drank to come back up. "Well..She didn't want no injured at her ranch. Said that we should take ya with us as you'd be stayin' on with the horses. We packed the rest o' yer stuff up too. Got it saddled on Blaze over there."

Okay the man was talking to fast for her! Shaking her head, she moaned at the way the world took a dizzying spin and lifted a hand to rest it against the bandages on her forehead. "You mean to tell me that I've got no job over there anymore?" Her voice had managed to find it's way back to normal and the tone that had slipped past her lips was not something lighthearted. Danger flashed in those icy blues as they leveled on the Lead Rider. "Hank?"

Please, someone tell her this was just a sick joke they were playing on Man-dy. But the look he sent her was one of sympathy and remorse. "Sonofa-" Her words stopped when another wave of dizziness had the world turning black once more. The men were more than happy that she had slipped back into the land of unconsciousness, but woe to the person that was around when she came to!

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 26, 2004 06:42 PM: Message edited by: Amanda Lynn Covington ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

A whiskey laced voice was speaking into the phone..Slowly so that the drunken man would understand this time, however, the wind outside was doing a number with the connection so only a few words might have been caught. "Horses at the ranch, mighty windy, Man injured." Then the line went dead.

Mackenzy was plunging a finger into his free ear to block out the noise of the tavern's crowd and heading for the porch where it was hopefully more peaceful. He stumbled as his sneaker caught on the gradual incline of the entryway and his phone slide from lifeless fingers. Horses. Wind. Injury. Nononono...! He strived for calm. But the voice had said man down. Yes, content yourself with that fact cowboy.
Pushing away towards the parking lot and sucking in at the corner of his lower lip to nibble thoughtfully before releasing. He sat in the cabin of his truck for several moment before turning over the ignition and peeling away. The Ford cornering as though on rails.

Please, no. God, no.

He didn't know exactly where the prayer had arose from but he was whispering the mantra again and again as the beat-up truck jostled the few blocks towards his grounds, the sprawling ranch just a skip, hop and throw away from the popular tavern.

Gravel crunched and flew in all wild directions as he eased into the drive, killing the engine and angling out of the driver's side, nearly stumbling over his own feet as he hastened in the direction of the stables.

A man is injured.The words repeated like a drumbeat in his brain but he knew...he knew.

And when he rounded the corner and saw the victim pale and unconscious with a sizable lump knotting along a tumble of honey gold, that's when his heart dropped out completely.

"Mandah," he was nearly robbed of all breath and crumbling to his knees at her side, reaching to thread his fingers through hers and alarmed by how chilled her flesh felt against his own. He rubbed briskly at her numbed extremities with both his hands, swallowing her fragile palm easily within the grasp.

"What the hell, happened here? I don't care who starts speaking but someone better damn well start, now."

He was so not ready for this. In the midst of everything that had happened lately, he didn't want to have to put a label on any feelings attached to this woman beyond mere friendship and commraderie. But seeing the horse trainer so still and heartbreakingly vulnerable had shattered him somewhere deep inside. Like a door closing that he had never known had even opened.
And the resounding thud that ensued was actually the crazy thudding rhythm of his heart.

He didn't want for any answers, as the onlookers seemed only able to gawk and hold their hats uncertainly within their clenched fists.

"Mandy? C'mon, baby wake up for me." Baby?
He hadn't even realised he had uttered the endearment, the fear had latched on tightly to his throat, constricting it with unshed tears. One's he had held at bay from just awhile earlier during his heart-to-heart with Jack.
He patted her cheek as though to rouse her from a deep slumber. Please.
Deciding upon a different tactic, he slipped into
'I'm older than you so you should do what I say' mode. Just like when they were kids.
"I swear, I can't leave you alone for a few days without you getting into some form of trouble, ehh kiddo?" His voice held a tremor he couldn't quite disguise and his hand wavered as he pushed away a matted gnarl of blonde from her cheek.
Oh, God. Blood. He stared at his palm as though he couldn't seem to wrap his mind around what he was seeing.

And then he really began to pray.

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 26, 2004 10:06 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>