My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys - - - Mackenzy Cord

[Roping the Wind]

Was it the feeling of someone rubbing the life back into her fingers or perhaps the sound of that achingly sweet and familiar voice? Actually it was neither that caused an eyelash to flutter and then a crease to form in her brow. What in the hell was going on and why was her head hurting so badly? Ice blues opened to see the distraught form of Mackenzy above her and she blinked as another wave of dizziness washed over her.

He was still holding onto her hand as though afraid if he let go for a second that she might float away. His head was lowered as though in benediction and his lips moved of their own volition as he muttered words beneath his breath.
You can't die. Now that I know. Now that...I might.. Might what, cowboy? He was afraid to finish the rest of that thought even in the fever pitch of his brain.

"Either help me get the heck up or get back. This ground ain't the most comfortable yanno." There was false bravado in her words, and the words were just above a whisper as her dry lips parted to let the gravily tone through, but they were audible.

Please. God. Please. And some gutteral form of sound that longed to wrench free but was still held captive somewhere within his chest. He had no idea how life threatening her injuries might be. If she had in fact even any internal bleeding that might be causing her to slip away even as his fingers threaded so tightly within her own.

He was startled that he could feel that way at all given the sheer torture his chaotic life had been lately. He blinked away unwanted water from his eyes before their saltine evidence could be wtinessed trickling a path down his cheeks. His attention swiveled towards her face at the sudden stinging words and he was curling a protective arm around her waist to help her to her feet, steadying her with his own quiet strength as grey-greens flew anxiously to study her now quite pinkened features.

From her sudden outburst or the blood now rushing to her head, it was a welcome sight to not see her so deathly pale anymore.
He could only speak the first thought that came to mind. "I'm so glad you're alright..I thought.." He broke off and left her in the capable arms of another ranch hand as he needed some time to himself for a moment.

The world took a dizzying spin as she was lifted to her feet. His supporting arm was much needed, but then it was gone to be replaced by another as she was passed off to another person. Her vision blurred as she watched him walk away and she shook her head to try and clear it.

"What the hell?" The words nearly choked in her throat as the first wave of nausea flooded her. "Easy now Miss Mandy. Let's git you where you can lay down." The man holding her tried to lead her from the stables, but the stubborn tomboy didn't want any part of anyone's help. She had been taking care of herself for nearly ten years now and saw no reason for her to depend on anyone now. "I'm fine..Jus' let me go."
She tried to wrench free, but the man held firm.

It was amazing that she could fight like the wildcat she was now considering that there was still a nasty gash in her temple. She was starting to pale again and the man holding her called out over his shoulder for someone else to come help, which of course, sent her to struggling even more.

How he had approached with such quiet stealth was a mystery but he was there again suddenly at her back and murmuring low against her ear, while he pressed an icepack to the swelling near her temple. He dismissed the other men with an almost imperceptible nod and after a bit more fussing over the fallen trainer they were quick to scatter to all four corners of the wind.

"Y'really should learn to let people take care of you, Amanda. I used to be exactly the same way. I didn't think I needed help from anyone. But when you wake up lying in a pool of your own blood and vomit with the stench of death and gasoline in the air, you realise all too quickly that its time to start singing a different tune." He hadn't meant to offer those words but he was unconsciously angry that she had even taken off on horseback instead of any other more sensible means of transportation and he was wanting to lash out in belated response to her foolishness now that she appeared to be okay.
He lowered the ice pack to inspect the tender knot forming amongst honey-gold and his touch was tender yet sure. Grazing over the lump but not with enough pressure to cause her any more undue pain. He wasn't smiling either.

"The horses?" It was just like her to be concerned with the animals first and foremost. The familiar sound of his voice did have her calming a bit though, as she relaxed slightly against his chest. The ice against the tender spot on her temple had her hissing between her teeth. Stars were starting to form in front of her eyes again, but she wasn't about to admit that to the cowboy. Her eyes closed at the gentle touch of his fingers and she suddenly wanted to fall asleep right where she was standing. What was it they said about head wounds and sleeping? Her tired mind just wouldn't function properly, but somewhere amongst all the dizziness and pain, his words registered. Rather than pick up on the tone they were said in, she heard only the things he was saying. "You had an accident? When? Why didn't you tell me?" She tried to turn about to shoot him an accusing look, but her feet felt as if they were glued to the ground by a magnet and it was pulling her down with it's force.

"Horses are fine. It's you we were all worried sick over." Rumbling around a dissatisfied snort of disgust. How could she?! Really, how could she be so foolish? He wanted to grab ahold of her shoulders and shake her and rage those very words at her but anger all too swiftly turned into alarm as she seemed to slump forward a bit. "Mandy? Don't close your eyes, y'hear me, baby? Concentrate on my forehead. That's a girl." He wasn't even aware of the endearment
that spilled from his throat, so intent was he on reapplying the ice and keeping her alert. "It was...a few months back. Got real torn up. Nearly died from what they tell me." And there was the amnesia thing. But he didn't want to get into that right now.

She moaned at the shocking feel of the ice again and she tried to push his hand away. "S'cold." Her words were slurring as she fought off that inviting thought of sleep. "Want to lie down." And she was trying to lean forward so that she could rest her head upon his shoulder. The endearment was missed and probably a good thing too as it would have had her wanting to turn tail and run at this point. "M'glad you didn't." In responce to the statement about him nearly dieing. "Brought ya sometin." Oh dear..She was wilting and she couldn't do a damn thing about it. Come on feet! Just step back and get me to where I'm steady! She just wanted to find a place to curl up in..Just for a few minutes and then she would be all right.


"No, no. You can't lie down, sweetheart. It's okay. I'm here. Walk with me, dahlin." He was a habitual worrywort when it came to ailing women. He was used to it growing up in a family being the only male and she wasn't that much older than his baby sisters. Only a few years separated them. He curled his free arm around her and forced her to move along with him, getting the blood to circulating back through her veins and attempting to bring her dazed senses back to normalcy. His tongue was tripping over the affectionate words now and he didn't even seem to notice.
"You did? Why, you shouldn't have done that. Why ever for?" He was nearly stumbling over his own words in his haste to keep her moving and talking and not fall into that eternal sleep.
Head injury patients were to be kept conscious until they were certain to be out of the woods. Taking 'just a few minutes of a nap' could mean the difference between not waking up again. At all.
He relieved her skin from ice duty but continued to make her walk, supported her weight where as needed and it seemed that he was leading them straight into the orchard.

How funny it seemed to her that she had managed to bring a whole herd (even if she was unconscious half the time) of horses back to him, but she couldn't even get her feet to cooperate with her. Mack was the only thing keeping her up at this point as he guided them to God knew where. With her free hand, she reached inside her shirt and pulled up the chain that dangled about her neck. The glint of gold that was visible was definately masculine and upon the chain was a small heart. "Got if fer ya a while back, but you left before I could give it to ya." It was supposed to be a wedding present, but he hadn't gotten married and then left before she ever had the chance to give it to him.

The tangy, sweet scent of apples that had not yet been harvested spiced the air along with the smells of burning somewhere off in the distance. Wood scents that spoke of late autumn and the winter that was just around the corner.

He simply stared at the chain she held out towards him from her neck. "Amanda, I..." Don't know what to say."I'm touched. You kept it all these years?" He swallowed against a sudden knot that had formed within his throat. Now, it wasn't so much about keeping her talking just for her own survivial. He had momentarily paused as he looked deeply into her slightly glazed over eyes. As though seeing her for the first time as...someone other than Mandah. But as a woman, flesh and blood and one that had his heart tripping such a crazily staccato beat right now. He leaned to land a fleeting kiss to the side of her cheek.
"Thank you."

She somehow managed to pull it up and over her head with one hand so that the little heart that dangled in the middle could now be seen.
"Well I wasn't about to wear it myself."
I wanted to give it to you and tell you I loved you. She managed a smile at that polite and chaste kiss and even shrugged. "It's a bit old." He would know what she meant by that when he opened up the locket and saw the two childhood pictures of them each inside.
She might not be surefooted at the moment, but her eyes were starting to focus a bit better and the look she saw in his caused her heart to pound heavily against her chest. Get away! Mandy he doesn't need you drooling after him anymore. "I..I'm feeling better now." She didn't know how, but she was going to get her feet to cooperate with her somehow.

"This is great, Amanda. Really special. I'm..really..glad." Smooth, cowboy. Real smooth. He had shifted gears at the last instant and replied to her whispered admission instead and that was probably a wise choice on his part.

"You really shouldn't lie down for the next few hours. I'm going to be checking up on you to make sure." He tried to make it sound like a mock threat but his gaze had shuttered and he was looking at her in such a way that would have him startled if he knew what he looked like just then. Intense and somewhat...enthralled? Yes, that was the appropriate word. And also confused.

"I'm going to fix you something to eat. After such a long journey I'm sure you are famished. Nothing heavy, mind you or fancy either. Consomee and crackers sound, alright? Oh and my brother is staying in the guest house for a few nights. He just couldn't abide it any longer at that flea bag motel he was taking up under. And Seth's still occupying the guest room at the ranch so um..unless you don't mind the company of my brother you're welcome to stay the night here if you have no better offers of lodging for the night." Trying to play it all off with that endearing self-deprecating grin that curved along the lines of his generous mouth.

"Can't lie down anyhow. Gotta get the horses settled in." Imagine, the mention of the word horse did have her shuddering. Wait a minute..Had he just called her Amanda? She blinked and frowned. All her life she had wanted to hear her full name from his lips but it sounded so...proper. He was talking to fast, but she caught the gist of what he was saying. "Where would I sleep?" No! Her mind screamed the word and she nearly flinched at the loudness from which it reverberated against her skull.
"I mean..You sound as if you're all booked up so I can just mosey on down to the hotel in town and get a room." More like beg the owner for a tab to pay off as soon as she could.

"He's sleeping on the couch. You, of course would sleep in the ...bedroom." He appeared amused by her startled expression.

"Unless you'd rather share my own bed and I'm sure Frank would more than be happy to take the guest house bed." He joked teasingly not taking the idea very seriously as he was helping her back towards the light afforded from the porch of said guest house. He was keeping his eyes straight ahead on the path before them and his arm still curved around her in a protective way as though fearing she might slip from his grasp at any given moment.

"Well, if you don't mind..I can find somewhere else tomorrow." Yeah, she would be up first thing anyhow to check on the horses and then, she would do what she could to get out of Kenzy's hair. It was time for her to put the childhood crush to rest. The timing of said words could not have been worse however and she looked away swiftly, ignoring the searing pain the sudden movement had caused. "I mean..If you don't mind me sleeping in the guesthouse that is." Where was the bold and brassy tomboy now? It seemed this flighty butterfly had emerged from a rough and hard cocoon. What she didn't know was that she only had to open her wings and let the wind of fate take her where she needed to be.

"'Course I don't mind, Amanda. You're...like family. You don't make family stay at motels." And he was brushing a kiss across her mouth, with every intention of it only being a brotherly sort of thing but the instant his lips met hers a zing of electricity licked up his spine and he groaned for the cause of it, and before he knew what he was doing was kissing her quite full on the mouth. Um...whoa!

Oh, God...It didn't help that she instantly reacted to that electricity, her lips melted against his and she moaned in agreement. The dizziness she now felt had nothing to do with the bump on her head, no this was far different than what she was feeling earlier. Her fingers searched for something, anything to hold on to and his shirt was the only thing she could think of.

"Amanda, sweet Amanda. God, you had me so scared." He could whisper the confession now. How terrified he had been. "If anything ever happened to you..Thank God you're alright." Because I might...love you. Those thoughts had him
reeling back in shock even as his lips brushed against hers while speaking them. He dropped his arm from her waist as though he had been burned. Leaving her at the doorstep of the guest cottage.

"I'll...um..I'll be back with supper.
Just take it easy and I don't want you setting foot into those stables tonight, y'hear me, young lady?" He was trying to sound all bossy and big brother like but failing miserably and if she looked closely she would see the telling darkening hue of his eyes, now smoke filled emerald and smoldering with an unmistakable flame of barely constrained desire. His lips found purchase once more along her forehead and then he was pushing away towards the main house. Raking both hands through his dark hair. Oh, shit.
Oh...shit. What are you doing, cowboy?He couldn't think about this right now. One day at a time. Isn't that what Jack advised him? He could do only that for the time being.

The words he whispered, the endearment accompanied with her name..All of those things had her heart threatening to burst. She wanted to tell him everything, but alarms went off in her head, loud enough that when he let her go, she sighed a breath of relief. She could only nod at his warning words, to afraid of how her voice might sound if she attempted to talk. She was inside before he could get to the ranch and leaning against the door while pressing trembling fingers to her lips. Forgetting that his brother was there, on the couch, to hear the sobs that racked her body.

She would have to go. And the thought broke her heart all over again.


(taken from live play)

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 26, 2004 10:36 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

And when you look in my eyes
Please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand
But when I'm in your arms
You have complete power over me

So be gentle if you please
'Cuz your hands are in my hair
But my heart is in your teeth, baby

Just makes me want to be near you
Always

Please don't say 'I love you'
Those words touch me far too deeply
They make my core tremble
Don't think you realise the effect
You have over me

And please don't touch me like that
Makes every other embrace
Feel pale and shallow
Please don't kiss me like that
It makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow

Don't try to understand me
Your hands already know...
Too much anyways
It just makes me want to make you
Near me always

Always


---Jewel

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 27, 2004 03:19 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

I told Shanonn about my twin brother last night, Journal. I could tell she was reluctant to even be alone with me. At first I thought that she couldn't stand the thought of being near me but I realise that she must be just as uncomfortable as I am with how things turned out between the two of us. I'm happy for her, really I am. But I still hurt. And I still love her. I ..think I always will. She was my first true love. I feel as though my whole life I've been waiting just to love and be loved by her. I know she still loves me, too..but sometimes that just isn't enough.

I made an ass of myself at the tavern but blurting out thoughts I should have just kept to myself. All the things I love about her--there are too many to name. The way she laughs. The heat of a summer's day in her lazy smile. The way she has of speaking my name that has my heart melting deep inside. And even the absolutely adorable crinkling she gets just above her nose when I've said something ridiculously absurd and she's giving me the 'you're nuts' wide eyed stare of confusion. I cannot help that I still love her. That I'm IN love with her. There could nver be anyone else for me. It's a bittersweet knowledge to realise that.

I don't think I could evr love another woman the way I loved Shannon. Not fully, not completely. Not with my entire heart, soul and mind. I'm confused, Journal. I couldn't possibly love two women at the same time, right? I suppose it is plausible. Shan admits to loving us both, Bjorn and I ..but apprently she just loves the Lion more. I think ...I always loved her more..we used to argue in a playful sort of way who loved the other more. I guess we finally know that answer. I will always love her. I think I love her now more than ever. I just can't stop. I don't want to stop. She made me feel more alive than I have ever known. I'd do anything for just one more chance to prove we could have made things work. Isn't everyone entitled to second chances?

But I'll just have to see how this current shift in the winds of fate plays out. Only time will tell but I do know that.. I am not in love with Mandy. I love her yes...she's pretty dear to me as a friend. But I was just confused...and lonely and I think I complicated matters by even kissing her. And other things...oh God. But those are no one else's business but my own.

I'm going to lie low for awhile until the gossip dies down. But I'm not going to become a fucking monk. I'm a man, and I need physical affection.
I cannot help that. But I will try to be more discreet so as the rumor mill isn't alive and kicking with 'Mac did this..Mac did that..oooh!' Really that just pisses me the hell off.

But...anyways..Journal, I'm getting off on tangents. Did I tell you I finished one of the songs I wrote for Shannon? It wasn't the one I had planned to sing at our wedding reception, though. It was more of what I am feling right now after our break up. I don't even know if I'll let her hear the other...it would be kinda awkward or something. And I wouldn't want to give Bjorn the wrong idea. You know what? I really am a pussy wimp. I should have fought for hr harder instead of just letting that shithead steal her away from under my very nose.

I should've argued more. I know...I'm far too irritatingly calm for my own good and it gives people the wrong impression perhaps that I do not care. But it's just not my style. Although I must admit..I wanted to beat his ass when Shan first told me about the 'kiss.' I still do. I swear...if I ever see him.. it's gonna be a knockdown. I'm sure its a long time coming on both our sides. There's a lot of repressed hostility and it needs to be vented.

I'm going to finish the other song I started when we were first dating. She asked me why I never played for her while we were togther and honestly, I was embarassed that was why.
I wanted to get really good at playing before I graced her with song. I wanted to be...I don't know Cassanova or something. But instead...
I screwed things up royally.

And I have only myself to blame.

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 27, 2004 04:09 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

His sleep was of a dreamless variety and in the morning when he awoke he felt as if he hadn't rested at all. The first thing that caught his attention was the blinking message waiting light on his machine. Blearily, he reached for the receiver and punched in his code to listen to the playback of the recording, yawning and scratching a few fingers along his whiskered jaw.

'Oh, Mac...so sweet. Was beautiful..Thank you. Needed to hear that..'

The message was garbled by his drowsy brain but he caught the gist of it and even pressed the rewind to listen to the message a few more times before hitting the 'save' button.
At least now he could hear her voice whenever he wanted. Pathetic, cowboy.

But it was all he had now.
He thought about calling back but in the end he decided to indulge in a few more hours of sleep. He was unemployed now. What did it matter if he never left his bed again.

"Rise and shine...sleepyhead!" Boomed a rather disgustingly chipper voice from his doorway. No, Francenzo wasn't the chipper sort--he was just doing it to get his goat. He knew. Some sick form of torture. The cowboy was not amused. He covered his head with a pillow. "Gobawahfrank!" Muffled, yes. Just let him wallow. He was entitled.

"You can't mope around all day, you promised to take Melanie car shopping remember?"
His older brother (by minutes, you would have thought it was years) was unabashedly grinning around a mouthful of a banana nut muffin Seth had baked that morning.
Was nice having a woman around that actually liked to cook and clean!

"I know! I know...but..." GAH! He just needed to be alone right now, okay?
"Geeeethefuckoutnow!" Poor cowboy. He just wasn't a morning person.
And he heaved a pillow at his brother's retreating back and flopped back into bed.
It was going to be a long day. He could already feel it.

Frank merely arched a brow and snickered. "Don't have to get all testy about it.
Breakfast's in the oven, kept warm when you'r ready for it. Mac..don't -- Oh, hell!
Stay in bed forever. See if I care."
And the door slammed.

"Thank you." He mumbled to the now still air.
He might do exactly that.

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 27, 2004 04:11 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
And as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love it's suicide

You say you're cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we've had some good times
Now they have their own hiding place
I can promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday

And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

And I wasn't there when you were happy
I wasn't there when you were down
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

---Bon Jovi [img]graemlins/sun.gif[/img]

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 28, 2004 01:08 AM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

He was unable to sleep as he had expected and just as he had figured he would do, he was lugging his guitar out onto the porch and finishing the song that had haunted him for months now. It wasn't the best lyrics in the world, but they had come straight from his heart.
He hesitated before fishing out his phone and dialing her cell phone, waiting for the message to beep before setting the phone on the porch railing and beginning to strum his guitar. Clumsily at first, as he tried to manipulate the strings and then with more assuredness.


And then? He began to sing..




She likes to dance
Beneath the moonlight
With the wind in her hair

She likes to drive a bit on the crazy side
With the music turned up loud

I never realised how lucky I was
To have her singling me out in a crowd

I like to tickle her breathless
Just to hear her scream
She likes her coffee with sugar
But never with cream

When I look in her eyes
I can see every beautiful
Unborn child
A blue so tranquil
So heavenly mild

To know her is to love her
To be with her is a joy
Like I've never known

I never thought I'd find the place
Where my weary soul could rest
But just one look into her eyes
And I know I've found the best

She likes to sing in the shower
A bit on the loud side
She likes the scent of roses
And warm candlelight

I never took the time to see
Just how special she was to me
And now she's someone else's light
But I just want to hold her tonight

I'll dance if you ask me to
I'll romance you to the moon and back
I would give my life for you
To find my way on the right track

So I'm writing this song
In hopes of righting all those wrongs
And though it doesn't exactly rhyme
I hope you will be able to forgive me
In due time

I would dance if you asked me to
I would sing to you every song
I would romance the life outta you
I would love you all night long

I'm still breathing this heart still beats
But it beats for you I cannot help that
And should I pass you on the street
I might stare, I might cry
I might wish to God that I could die
But I won't do any of these things

Because in the end
You chose the right guy



-----------------------------------------------

" I love you, Shannon. No matter what, remember that. And don't laugh at my song. Heh...Okay, at least don't tell me if you did. Night."

And then the voicemail cut him off.

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 27, 2004 12:24 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

If I caught the world in a bottle
And everything was still beneath the moon
Without your love would it shine for me?
If I was smart as Aristotle
And understood the rings around the moon
What would it all matter if you loved me?

Here in your arms where the world is impossibly still
With a million dreams to fulfill
And a matter of moments until the dancing ends
Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear
Not a solitary thing would I fear
Except when this moment comes near the dancing's end

If I caught the world in an hourglass
Saddled up the moon so we could ride
Until the stars grew dim, Until...

One day you'll meet a stranger
And all the noise is silenced in the room
You'll feel that you're close to some mystery
In the moonlight and everything shatters
You feel as if you've known her all your life
The world's oldest lesson in history

Here in your arms where the world is impossibly still
With a million dreams to fulfill
And a matter of moments until the dancing ends
Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear
Not a solitary thing do I fear
Except when this moment comes near
the dancing's end

Oh, if I caught the world in an hourglass
Saddled up the moon and we would ride
Until the stars grew dim
Until the time that time stands still

Until...

---Sting

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 27, 2004 12:32 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

People living their lives for you on TV
They say they're better than you and you agree
He says "Hold my calls for me I must go"
The boss says "Come here boy, there ain't nothin' for free"

Another doctor's bill, another lawyer's bill
Another cute cheap thrill
You know you love him if you put in your will

Who will save your soul when it comes to the flower
Who will save your soul
After all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul
If you won't save your own?

We try to hustle them, try to bustle them, try to cuss them
The cops want someone to bust
Down on Orleans Avenue
Another day, another dollar,
another war, another tower

Went up where the homeless had their homes
So we pray to as many different God's
As there are flowers
But we call religion our friend
We're so worried about saving our souls
Afraid that God will take His toll
That we forget to begin

Who will save your soul
When it comes to the flower
Who will save your soul
After all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul
If you won't save your own?

Some are walking, some are talking,
Some are stalking their kill
You got social security,
But that don't pay your bills

There are addictions to feed
And there are mouths to pay
So you bargain with the Devil,
Say you're o.k. for today,
You say that you love them,
Take their money and run

Say it's been swell, sweetheart,
But it was just one of those things
Those flings, those strings you've got to cut
So get out on the streets, and bust your butts.

Who will save you soul
When it comes to the flower
Who will save you soul
After all the lies that you told, boy

Who will save your soul if you won't save you own?

---Jewel

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 28, 2004 04:03 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs and my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you.
I break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore' cause

Dreams last so long
even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.

I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause

Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.

I go about my business, I'm doin fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.

I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
Take a deep breath and a good look around

Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause

Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon I know you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

Yeah.... You were meant for me and I was meant for you.


---Jewel

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 28, 2004 04:19 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

Just try not thinking about her for two minutes. Work up to it if you have to. But get in two minutes. And then try five. And then ten.
And then an hour. Pretty soon you'll be able to do it without even trying anymore.


Easier said then done.
The days bled one into the other and he lost all concept of time. He slept. He drank. He breathed.
In and out. Listening to the steady rhythm of his heart.

And perhaps soon he wouldn't have to remind himself how to breathe. He reached for the phone, his hand hovering over the receiver before dropping back to his side, listlessly.

She doesn't want to hear from you, cowboy. She has her life all planned out to her liking.
Give it up. It's over.
The hell it was. It wasn't over until the last fat lady sang. He shoved himself from bed and wandered towards the master bath. Intent on shaving, showering and hauling his ass outside to meet the world today. He couldn't drown in his own self pity forever. And he wasn't going to stand idly by and watch his entire life crumble before his very eyes.
He just had to do something.

"One day at a time, Mac." He murmured to himself and flipped on the radio as he turned on the faucets for the shower, the spray hitting him square in the face and forcing him back to harsh reality. He scrubbed vigorously.

Garth Brook's slightly static filled voice flowed from the speakers of the waterproof boom box and he stilled as though hearing the words for the first time.

"Life's a dance you learn as you go. Sometimes you lead. Sometimes you follow. Don't worry about what you don't know. Life's a dance...you learn as you go..."

Dancing. It was going to become an obsession of sorts for him now. His mother had wanted him to become the next Fred Astaire and had signed him up for numerous ballroom type dancing classes and being the typical tow-headed little boy he had been dead set against the idea.

It was time to let go of the ghosts that plagued him thus far into his life and move on.
As much as it hurt like hell. He would struggle on. Like he always had.

All about the luck of the draw.

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ November 28, 2004 04:41 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>