My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys - - - Mackenzy Cord

[Roping the Wind]

<center>
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone
I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you
I need you by my side

If we ever say we'll never be together
And we ended with goodbye
Don't know what I'd do ...
I'm lost without you

I keep trying to find my way
But all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind

Oh, my bed's so cold at night
And I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right
No, I'm not too proud to say

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you
I need you by my side

If we ever say we'll never be together
And we ended with goodbye
Don't know what I'd do ...
I'm lost without you

I keep trying to find my way
But all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

If I could only hold you now
And make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face
Oh

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you
I need you by my side

If we ever say we'll never be together
And we ended with goodbye
Don't know what I'd do ...
I'm lost without you

I keep trying to find my way
But all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you


Delta Goodrem </center>

[Roping the Wind]

She wasn't prepared to walk in and find him awake. She expected to see his still prone form, or something worse. The dream was a hazy blur in her mind, but the one thing she remembered was the urgency she felt about getting to him.

"Y..You're awake?" Incredulous was her tone and those blues simply drank in his features as she stood stock still at the foot of his bed. Perhaps it was the scent, or maybe the color, whatever it was, her attention was drawn to the vase of flowers upon the table next to him. A sculptured brow rose as she looked back to him. "Please tell me those are from your family?"

He couldn't speak for the unshed tears that clogged his throat. Just shaking his head miserably and still holding a single petal he had plucked from the blossom, marring its perfection and crushing it within his fist.
He was unashamed as he swiped at the saltine tracks staining the bronzed skin of his cheeks. Sniffling. Long and hard. Sinking lower into the covers as though trying to make himself disappear.

"Hellfire and damnation! Doesn't that fuckin' woman know when to stop?" She marched over to the vase and plucked the thing up in her grasp, regardless if he wanted them or not, and headed for the door. A yank had the metal hinges groaning in protest as she stuck her head out the door and hollared for a nurse. "If someone doesn't come and get this piece of.." She was cut off as a woman in white hurried over. "Is something wrong Miss?" The woman peeked inside just in time to see the man burrowing down into his covers. "You bet your ass there is. I want you to get rid of this crap and make sure he don't get no more gifts unless they're okayed with me first." The nurse's eyes widened in disbelief but she said nothing as she took the vase and hurried down the hallway. Satisfied that she got the message, Mandy shut the door and shrugged out of her jacket. The red dress nearly came off her shoulders with the garment, but skilled fingers caught the material and put it back in it's rightfull place as she headed back over to the bed. A slender finger was used to tap lightly upon Kenzy's head and she leaned down so that she could whisper. "Hey there..I know you're in there so you might as well come out before I come in there and git you." Using words he had uttered to her the day she found out he was going to marry Lilly and had run to the stables to sob out her woes to the horses.

He didn't respond to her like she was expecting. He was just babbling. Not making any sense. As though the cowboy everyone had known was gone forever.
His fist opened and he stared hard at the bruised petal laying crushed and broken within his palm. Murmuring from some far off place. "My mother's favorite flower was lillies. She loved her garden. I got in trouble for tracking mud in the house all the time. I'm sorry, Mama.
I'll try to wipe my feet. I promise." The voice wasn't his own. That much was clear.
He was nine years old again in his mind. Brain damage from being a vegetable for so long hadn't left him untouched after all. He was..fading away. Slowly. The old Mackenzy would be
buried for good. After awhile.

Her heart broke right along with him and she knew exactly what he was feeling. She had felt the same emotions the day he had walked away from her. "Mackenzy Cord! Don't you dare do this. I've lost you once before I'm not plannin' on doing it again ya hear me?" She snatched the petal from his hand and cupped his chin with her other, turning his face towards hers so that those familiar icy blues could lock with his. "You've got to realize that there's more to life than her. Damnit I need you to badly to let you go now!" Her eyes filled with unshed tears and she fought to keep them there instead of letting them fall down her cheeks.

"Mama why did you leave me?" He began to cry again and he curled on his side. "Mama, I'm scared. I'm all alone. Mama, it's dark and cold." He shivered and clutched the Grumpy Bear that lay off to the side of tumbled bed clothes. The shouting had him abandoning the stuffed toy and covering his ears. "Too LOUD!" Childish shriek. "Go away!" He kicked out at nothing then curled back into the fetal position. No, he didn't even recognise her now. The flowers had changed everything. The knowledge that his life was truly over had him closing down somewhere deep inside. And he didn't know if he was strong enough to swim against the current to breach the surface of reality again. A fitting end for a shooting star that had burned out far before its time.


"Oh Kenzy..." She swallowed past the lump in her throat and did the only thing she could think of. She reached over and ran her hand through his hair. "Shhh..It's alright. I'm here Kenzy, just like when we were kids. You remember the time we put the fake snake in Mel's bed? She screamed loud enough that the neighbors down the way heard and called the police." Her tone was soothing and calm, no matter how much she wanted to go and strangle the woman for doing this to him. Hadn't she done enough already?

He sniffled and swiped the back of his fist against his running nose. "I like frogs better than snakes." It was a blunt little boy comment. Not registering any other flicker of emotion in the memories she was trying to stir within him. Then grey-greens widened and he drew his knees up against his chest, hugging them while regarding Amanda with an expression akin to horror. "Who are YOU?!" Already forgetting the distraction and he started banging his head against the headboard of his hospital bed. The sickening thud of bone against metal resonated within the otherwise still silence of the room. Hugging his knees so tightly against his chest. "No. No. NO!" Repeated in an alarmingly monotone voice. Chanting.
Shaking his head as he uttered the stubborn refusal. It wasn't quite evident what he was objecting to, probably some inner demons currently plaguing his mind. Oh, Cowboy.

"Yeah? Which kind? Bullfrogs or horn toads?" Her questions were halted when he recoiled in fear and started to hurt himself. She jumped back, her eyes wide as she clenched her hands together in front of her. "Kenzy..It's Mandy. Remember me. Please..We grew up together." She was unsure of what to do, terrified to leave him, but even more afraid of what he might do if he was left alone. "Please you have to remember. Look." She yanked the locket from round
her neck, breaking the chain it was suspended from. Opening it, she held the pictures up so that he could see. Each side contained a picture, one of her as a child and one of him.
She had given him the same thing when she first came to town.

So shrill. He just started screaming. And he didn't stop. Not when he felt his throat grow raspy and sore. Not when it felt like he was about to cough up blood. He shrieked so loud and for so long it alerted the attention of several orderlies and nurses who bustled into the cowboy's room with panic stricken faces. "What's going on here?" Demanded one physician, passing Amanda an accusatory glance that wasn't altogether friendly in the least.

"Shh. Shh...it's okay, dear heart. Hush now." Another nurse murmured to the patient flailing uncontrollably within his tangled bedsheets. He grabbed the stuffed toy and hurled it at one of the orderlies heads. "NOOOO!" Another moved to jab a syringe into Mackenzy's arm
to sedate him as he was going to hurt himself if he kept up this unhealthy behavior.
"Ow!!" His lower lip trembled and eyes rounded even further. "You hurt me."
It was his turn to pass an accusing glance towards the nurse who held the incriminating now empty syringe. He sniffled and then felt slack against his pillow. Groaning.

"Why don't you ask the woman who gave him those damn flowers?" She shot back. Mandy was used to being accused for things, but this was one thing she wasn't going to take the blame for. "He was fine this afternoon when I left, but then he got those flowers and now he's like this. Maybe you should blame your staff members for bringing the thing in here in the first place." Her gaze shot over to Kenzy as he screamed and she made a move to go to him, but stopped short when she realized that he had no clue as to who she was. "Is he going to be okay?" Her voice wavered when she saw him go limp and the expression upon her features was obvious. She was a woman in love and in worry. Her hands toyed with the locket, twisting it about her fingers as she watched him start to drift off.

Two of the orderlies quit the room, but the nurse lingered behind. Scribbling something onto the clipboard she held. After an interminable amount of silence she finally passed the woman a glance. "His system has gone through quite a shock. He's responding to all this negative stimuli by building up defenses for himself and closing down. Perhaps reverting to a state
in his life where he last felt safe and protected. It is my professional opinion that there is nothing physically wrong with him. He isn't in any danger now. Out of the woods as you Americans say." She had a distinctly German accent and was more gruff than she meant
to be as she gave her remarks in crispy cool tones. Probably having made the exact same speech countless times before. This was just another unfortunate case of a perfectly good wasted mind suffering do the the neglience of common decency.

"But there is nothing more we can do for him. He is the only one that can choose to come back. He could be like this for months. Years. But I'm sorry, there is nothing further we can do. He will require round the clock care. Either in a suitable medical facility that can handle his special needs or in home care with a licensed physician."
She moved away from the hospital bed and laid a hand onto the woman's arm. "I'm really sorry. He can be signed out of here as soon as suitable arrangements can be made."

Then just like that the nurse was moving briskly towards the door. Off to see to her next lost cause. Bleeding hearts were a dime a dozen tonight. It was tragic but it wasn't uncommon. Sad to see such a promising soul go to ruin though. Her last lingering thoughts before the soles of her orthopedic shoes were slapping an impertinent rhythm against the linoleum of the corridor.

She wasn't going to let him live the life of an institution crone, not if she could help it.
A look was given to the sleeping form on the bed and she was out the door and headed for the front. Her cell was pulled from her pocket and as soon as she could get clearance, she was dialing Frank's number. "Please pick up..Please..oh please." She was pacing outside, ignoring the chill in the air as she listened to the ringing on the end of the line.

Frank cursed as he fumbled with his carry on while trying to fish his ringing cell from the deep pocket of his greatcoat at the same time. His voice was somewhat exasperated and there was a calming breath pushed from clenched teeth as he muttered. Pressing the piece of technology to his ear. "Yeaah? Talk to me, time is money."
That was the attorney for you. No nonsense and straight to the point. Don't be discouraged, Mandy. Wasn't personal. Just business.

"Well it might be, but this time family is money." Her tone, no matter how much she tried to keep it lighthearted, held that ring of desperation as she spoke. "Frank it's Mandy." She shivered as a cool wind blew over her like a warning. "I don't have much time so listen up. I need money..A lot of money." She knew she sounded crazy, but hopefully once he heard her out, he would agree what she had in mind was absolutely the best idea possible.

There was a lengthy pause. Indistinct background noise of the other passengers scuffling amidst the terminal and a loudspeaker announcing arrivals and departures. When the gruff voice spoke again it was with an immeasurable degree of anxiety touched with unmistakable concern. "Amanda?" Static crackled. "What's wrong, babe. Why do you need a shitload
of money?" He set his attache case down onto the VIP lounge counter and his carry on slipped from the broadness of his shoulder to the crook of his arm. He ignored it, plugging his free ear with a finger in order to hear her all the better. She would hear the way his
gravel-rough baritone warmed once he recognized the caller on the other end. Lawyer man was simply...man now. And concerned for her.


"Remember when you told me that one day I would know when something was right? Well I know now. Mackenzy needs me Frank and I know that with the love I feel for him, I can help him. He's okay, but he's not the same. They're talking about institutionalising him and I know that would not be the right thing. I want to help him, but in order to do that I need money." She was babbling, but she wanted to get back in there with Mack quickly.
"Please tell me you'll help me." Her voice trembled and choked as tears welled up in her eyes. Frank was the only person she felt she could ask this favor and she hoped to God he understood that she would never unless she desperately needed it.

"I was under the impression that the bastard who put my brother in the hospital in the first place would be footing Mackenzy's medical bills." There was a pause and Mandy would have the image of Frank curling his upper lip in a sneer of disgust. He snorted then spoke again. Agitated. "You know you can always ask me for anything Amanda. I'll do my best whatever I can. If it will help my brother...of course I will." Firm agreement as grey-green slant flickered a glance towards his watch. More indistinct terminal noises and an announcement that his flight was now running on schedule. About bloody fucking time.

"Listen to me, Amanda," he murmured. He always used her full name as he didn't like the horse trainer calling herself Man-dy. "Don't worry. I'm on my way even as we speak.
So much so that I need to catch my flight. We'll discuss this further when I return. Everything's going to be alright, I promise." Then the phone line went dead. Frank scowled as the battery in his cell gave out, shrugged then headed towards Gate 3B. He was on his way.

She sighed in relief and then flew back through the doors, heading straight for Mackenzy's room. She ignored the looks the nurses gave her as she flew past them and entered quietly. Without hesitation, she moved to the bed and looked down at the figure as he laid there. "Don't worry Kenzy..I'm not going to quit on you, just don't quit on yourself."
She pulled a chair over to the bed and settled herself down upon the hard cushion while she gently took a hold of his hand with hers. "I love you, Mackenzy Cord."
The words came without hesitation and once they were said, it was as if she had removed
a weight of burden from her shoulders. It didn't matter if he had heard them or not, the fact was, she had said them and she wasn't going to stop saying them until the day she died.

(Taken from live play 1.14.05)

[Roping the Wind]

"Good morning, handsome!" Brighty from the young intern as she entered the cowboy's room with his lunch tray. Indigos were shadowed with darkened circles, a sharp contrast against all that ivory milk of her porcelain smooth skin.

Annabelle had been hesitant about visiting the cowboy since his newest setback. It was just so heartbreaking that one man would have to suffer so much in such a short period of time. She set the tray onto the table that swung over her patient's lap for his dining convienience.
One of those hard cushioned hospital chairs was pulled bedside and coltish frame perched onto its edge. It was afternoon, actually, but morning for him since he was just now stirring sleepily within the tangle of bedclothes.

The children's book she had tucked beneath her arm was withdrawn and spread onto her lap. She smiled as she leaned forward into a more intimate setting. "I thought it would be a nice treat for you to hear a story today. Usually, we read to the...ahh...we read at regularly scheduled times to all the good boys and girls, but I thought you deserved a special narration." She winked and pried open the glossy covered book she held within nimble fingers, swiftly turning to the first page and pressing it out.

Clearing her throat some. "If you give a pig a pancake..." She smiled benevolently at her round-eyed attentive audience. Winking. "She'll want some syrup to go with it. You'll give her some of your favorite maple syrup.." She licked a finger and turned the page while slanting a glance over her shoulder towards the door. Then returning her attention to the type before her.

Natalie had ventured back to the hospital, and was now leaning willowy frame against door jam, coltish limbs cradling something shaped like a box. Jaw was set rigid, mouth held taut as if
to hold back tears that threatened to spill over. Natalie was made of stone, nothing got to her. She had to be emotionless. But with cowboy, it was if someone had stuck a pin in her heart, causing twinges of pain everytime she took a breath.

She was content for the time being, to let the nurse read him the story, clouded-over greys running over his face and down the length of him. Poor Cowboy. How much more could he take? How much could one person hurt (though,unconsciously) hurt another? Heart was pounding the roar of blood sounding like a drum war of the Indians.
How would he react to her? Lower lip was caught, and she chewed upon it anxiously, biding time.

"She'll probably get all sticky, so she'll want to take a bath," Anna murmured as she turned another page, making sure she held up the picture so that Mackenzy could see.
"She'll ask you for some bubbles. When you give her the bubbles, she'll probably ask you for a toy. You'll have to find your rubber duck."
She grinned and once again held up the book so that the cowboy could see the artist's whimsical drawings.

He was just sitting stock still, covers drawn up to his chin, grey-greens far too large and wide within his face, skin pale despite the sun-bronzed tan even though it was the middle of winter. He fidgeted slightly and gave a soft sigh but made no other outwards signs of reacting to the story being read. Though when he saw the piglet wrapped in a oversized blue terry cloth towel and holding a rubber ducky almost bigger than her, he cracked a smile, pointing.

"Soapy pig!" He giggled. Good lord, it was odd hearing such a masculine looking man with the mind of a child. The blonde nurse-in-training tried not to let it affect her but inside she was crumbling away piece by piece. She nodded and swallowed against a lump trying to form within her throat.

"That's right, darlin.Look at that pig, doesn't she look funny?" Encouraging the interaction. She continued on towards the next page. "The duck will remind her of the farm where she was born. She might feel homesick and want to visit her family. She'll want you to come, too! She'll look through your closet for a suitcase."

That chin was raised, fighting for indifference. This felt like staring down the barrel of the gun; either bite the bullet or take it in the head. She shifted, tenuous frame growing restless.
But she remained patient. His childish giggle tore at her heart strings, but it forged a tender smile upon lips. Greys dropped to the critter barred by plastic cage. A frog. All little boys liked frogs, right? Watered-down greys were rising once more to watch the interaction and she gave a trembling sigh.
Cowboy, come back to me.
So much easier said then done.

Attire was strictly professional, knee-length black pencil skirt and a silk blouse just as dark as the skirt. A barrier, of sorts.
Perhaps, if she looked the part of cold business woman, she'd have the heart of one. A hand rose to run exasperatingly through the free curls of espresso, and she felt like screaming. Shaking something. Throwing a tantrum like a... child. Lord, help her think of him like a child right now. Erase memories of heated kisses and a tender touch, and she might be able to make it through this. Turn hearts to stone.

"Then she'll look under your bed. When she's under the bed, she'll find your old tap shoes," she breathed passing a glance towards her patient, who was now staring out the window which she had drawn the blinds earlier to afford the grim room with a bit of warm, wintry sunshine. She cleared her throat discreetly, and at the sound, the cowboy returned his half-hearted attention back towards the story weaver.

"She'll try them on. She'll probably need something special to wear with them." Deft fingers turned another page, rubbing between thumb and index to loosen one from another.
"When she's all dressed, she's going to ask you for some music! You'll play your very best piano pieces, and she'll start dancing." Holding up the book so that Mac could see the funny dancing piglet wearing a colorful sweatsuit with a huge sunflower painted on its teal fabric.

"Tap dancin' pig, that's hilarious, isn't it, dear heart?" The endearments were all too common to the intern as she spent much time down in pediatrics and she tried to convince herself that it had nothing to do with her 'Florence Nightingale' syndrome of falling for her patient.
She turned another page and took a deep breath.

A tip-toeing brought her farther into the room, stealing the seat closest to the door in case she needed to make a quick escape if these tears truly did fall. Plastic container was settled in her lap, and she leaned forward dutifully, as if the book was arresting her attention as well.
The tender smile was still lingering about lips, and the swell of wetness that had gathered over light eyes had settled for the moment. All-too knowing gaze fell upon the nurse, and watched the woman's eyes soften. She wasn't the only one. Cowboy had a way of reaching deep into you, and tugging at your soul.

This was a personal look into his past life, of the sorts. Sweet child. A sweet child had grown into a man who's life was devastated. With the utmost care, and friends, perhaps she'd see the man again. Her fingers were playing about the top of the container, as they itched to slide through his thick hair. Cowboy.

"Then she'll want you to take her picture.
So you'll--" She broke off then, as she noticed the new arrival, tip-toeing quiet as a church mouse into the sick room. Her smile was brittle but not altogether unfriendly. Then she leaned forward and pushed a haphazard shard of dark that had fallen forward onto his broad forehead away back from his face. Almost as though she had read the women's thoughts and was throwing it in her face. But that couldn't be, right? Her brows lifted at the knowing gaze and she squared her shoulders and finished the rest of her sentence. Smile a touch too bright for the cowboy.

"...You'll have to get your camera. When she sees the pictures, she'll ask you to take more. Then she'll want to send one to each of her friends." Another page turned. "You'll have to give her some envelopes and stamps and take her to the mailbox. On the way, she'll see the tree in your backyard," she paused for emphasis, grinning at Mackenzy. Trying to build up his excitement with the change in her own voice.
"She'll want to build a tree house!" Finger licked and another page turned and smoothed out. "So you'll have to get her some wood,
a hammer and some nails.
When the tree house is finished,she'll want to decorate it. She'll ask you for wallpaper and some glue." She took another breath, and rubbed wearily at her temples as though under a great amount of strain. Dutifully turning towards the next page but the wan smile was still fixed into place.

The nurse's bold stare was met squarely, and Natalie flashed that charming grin, thought it was laden with a warning. Natalie could be vicious, and if it weren't for the state of Mackenzy's condition, the nurse would have been yanked out of the room by the roots of her (most likely) fake blonde hair. Tongue was to cheek, an attempt to keep her obnoxious words to herself. That woman, would get hers. She watched the nurse taunt her while she brushed at the stray lock of hair, and Natalie felt her spine go rigid. She was using him to taunt her. an eyebrow quirked at the challenge, and she felt the urge to smack the smugness from her face. Patience, Natalie, patience. The frog thumped loudly within the quiet room.

Cowboy was blissfully unaware of any ensuing female drama, cocooned as he was in his alternate state of reality. He pulled at the fuzzy hair decorating the top of the Grumpy Bear his sister Melanie had brought over the other day.
It seemed to fit his mood these days. Grown man or little boy. After all, weren't all tough guys just scared little boys on the inside? It was, at least true for Mackenzy. Reverting to a child like state had been a defense mechanism against all the current pain in his grown-up life. A way to escape it all. Just like the coma had been.

Grey-greens darted towards Natalie but no signs of recognition. He was staring intently at what she held though. A gleam of interest sparking his visage. The first signs of life all afternoon. "Frog!" He blurted out and Annabelle just stared for a minute, losing her place in the book. She passed an exasperated glance in the direction the cowboy was gleefully pointing in. Then tried to settle him back down with soothing words.

"Hm. So, I see. Pets are not permitted on hospitals grounds, though, I'm sure your visitor wouldn't knowingly break protocol and procedure, would she?" Her hair was all natural, thankyaverramuch! She had the fickle nature and the superficial ditziness to prove it even. She dismissed the woman with a glance and turn the last page of the children's book and finished off the story in a rather hasty manner. Whether the woman was breaking hospital regulations or not, the ominous sound had spurned her on to get the hell outta Dodge. She might be blonde, but she was no fool. She had other patients to see on her rounds, as it was the case.

"When she hangs the wallpaper, she'll get all sticky. Feeling sticky will remind her
of your favorite maple syrup. She'll probably ask you for some," she murmured between slightly clenched teeth. Falsely bright plastic smile for the cowboy who looked relieved that story time was finally nearing its close. She turned the last page and held up the book so that he could see, even though he wasn't paying much attention, grey-greens still locked onto the frog case. Making fish faces at the bug-eyed amphibian.

"..And chances are, if she asks you for some syrup, she'll want a pancake to go with it."
She smiled and shut the book, pushing back in her chair with a bit more force than necessary. Screeching protest of wood against linoleum unearthly loud.

"You better eat some of your lunch before it gets cold, darlin. I'll check on you again during my evening rounds." Words crooned for the cowboy and she passed Natalie a scathing glance but didn't say a thing more to her. Her earlier veiled threat had been enough in her opinion. She was already debating who to call about this...thing on hospital property.
Surely, it was against the rules. Soles of her unflattering nurse's shoes slapping against tile in a staccato rhythm as she gave a flip of blonde hair over her shoulder and quit the room. Mac was still making faces at the frog. Unconcerned.

Natalie had risen quickly near the end of the book, side-stepping into the nurse's path. "I would break any rule for one dear to me." The words were softly spoken, eyes flashing mirth and something darker. "But you... look at him again in a lustful manner, and I'll make damn sure you are removed from this ward and degraded to kitchen duty." The words were bitter, but they rolled off tongue smooth as the maple syrup in the story. A flash of the warning again in the purse of lips as she moved out of the woman's way, taking the perch the nurse had only moments before.

"Hi, Mackenzy. I'm Natalie, and this..." Holding the clear cage aloft for his viewing. "...well, he doesn't have a name." She smiled brightly at the man who was living a boy's world, and then wrinkled her nose comically at him. "Perhaps you should name him. you like frogs, don't you?" Brows rose in a friendly manner, and free hand pointed at the frog sitting idly in the fake moss that lined the bottom of the container.

Dark head bobbed up and down, childish enthusiasm in his voice as he gave the firm declaration. "Frederico!" Good grief, what a name for a wart covered slimey creature.
Freddie the Frog. It could be another children's novella. Definitely had potential.
Awe filling his wonderous gaze as he slid smokey emeralds from the plastic case towards the cool woman who had brought it. She was okay in his book if she brought him things to scare the nurses with! Next time, bring lots of candy.

He grinned boyishly, the same sort of Mac smile that he would have afforded anyone with last week. It was the kind that had melted thousands of hearts in the grandstands of a Texas rodeo. That part was still the same. It was small comfort but it was a tenuous thread linking him to the man he once was. The one hiding somewhere inside while nursing to his hurts and licking his wounds in his own private hell.

"Frederico..." Her own foreign accent tainted the name, and she grinned down at Mackenzy, going breathless at the sight of the smile.
"Oh... Mackenzy..." Words were thick with sadness and longing, and then she gave a wan smile to the Cowboy. "... did you know you are very handsome when you smile like that?" She was already digging in her clutch purse, eyes lowered to hide the desperation in eyes.

"Do you like Now n Laters?" Natalie was always chewing on one, the apple-flavored was her favorite. One was snagged, coincidentally apple and she offered it out in an open palm. Mackenzy, can you hear me in there? Greys narrowed briefly, and the question was asked without another thought. "Do you know why you are here, Mackenzy?" Gaze widened, and she leaned forward to place the frog upon the bed beside him. Perhaps the query would strike a chord within the man.


He stared earnestly at the candy but then refused it with a shaking of his head.
"I'm not supposed to take candy from strangers. But I like your frog." It never occurred to him that she had brought it as a present for him.
He just grinned ear to ear for the compliment not understanding the desperation staining the lyrical quality of her voice.

"No." Simple and succinct. He was referring to her earlier inquiry of his masculine charms. On some level, he thought he could hear Natalie, through a fog that was so heavy it hurt his eyes to try and blink through it. He struggled and formed a few nonsensical words on his tongue in his regular voice then was dragged back under.
It was something in Italian.
Words that if she knew their meaning would have stricken her to her very core. Help me.
Then the cowboy was gone and it was the nine year old incarnation beaming back up at the model.
"Can I touch him? I used to put frog's in my little sister's bed. Boy, how they screeeeamed!" Gleefully.
Gone, he was already gone.

"Well you are very handsome, coeur!" She was smiling brightly down at him, and then she leaned forward with a soft whisper. "Y'know what? I bet the frog would be much happier if he belonged to you." Stranger. She was a stranger. Fingertips rose, and covered her mouth momentarily as she fought off the need to scream for the real Mackenzy to break through. Her gaze was deadset upon his as the italian broke through, and she nearly lunged forward as she heard the Cowboy's true voice. "No." Softly muttered, and lips fell apart in bewilderment. "Mackenzy... amour!"
Then he was gone. and Natalie was on the edge of breaking down. Torture. Prayers gone unanswered. "Of course you can touch him
..." She blinked away the tears for the umpteenth time today. Don't do this to me, God.
I beg of you. The rant was feverish in mind as it was rambled over and over, chanted.

"Reaaaally?! Wow, that would be swell. Thanks!" He was exuberant in his reply for tranferring of ownership of the critter. Yes, to little boy Mac, she was naught but a stranger for the time being. But hope springs eternal... the man inside had heard the plea and was struggling against the current to fight his way back towards her but...he was just so weary and downhearted.
It wasn't time yet, today. But the promise of tomorrow would hang heavily in the air. It was after all, another day. And the winds of fate just would keep on shifting on its course charted for the cowboy's destiny.

"You're alright, lady. I like you." Wild eyed grin for Natalie and he leaned to give the model an awkwardly shy hug. Help me. The words still resounded like a drumbeat in his head. And he was struggling to show the emotion in his eyes but he wasn't even sure if she could readily discern it. I'm trying. God, help me. I'm trying.
Please, don't give up on me, Natalie.

"You are very welcome." Words were still thick, and she nearly choked on them.
I know you are in there, Cowboy. I'm never letting go. How she ached to offer soothing words to the man behind the shell, but as far as she knew... they would fall upon deaf ears, and would gain her nothing but confusion from the little boy who had taken over. Being hugged by a nine year old who lived in a grown man's body was near traumatic, and she couldn't help but sink against those familiar arms. "I like you too, Mackenzy. More then you know." She squeezed gently, lingering for a moment too long. She drew back, catching sight of an odd glint in the Cowboy's eyes, and she mildly brushed it off from an over-wrought imagination.

"I... really like you. I hope to have a son just like you one day." It was a rush of words, and it was a screen over what she had been nearly about to say. Every boy liked hearing a compliment like that,
didn't they? "So... why don't you tell me all the stories about how you used to torment your sisters?" She grinned faintly, snatching up his hand in her own. If she couldn't hear the past from the man, she'd hear it from the boy who was living for him at the moment.


He beamed and nodded, chattering animatedly as his eyes filled with boyish excitement and hands moved in whimsical gestures to accompany the stories he told. And in the background of his mind he heard himself talking about his boyhood and a sense of peace began to envelop the cowboy. Just as an old familiar tune filtered through his thoughts like the crackle of an old transister radio.

"Life's a dance you learn as you go. Sometimes you lead. Sometimes you follow. Don't worry about what you don't know. Life's a dance...you learn as you go."


(Taken from live play 1.14.05)

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ January 15, 2005 04:45 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

<center>

I was alone in the dark
Never let down my guard
Closed the curtain on my heart
So the world could not see
All the demons in me
Told myself I was free


Then you showed me how wrong I could be


Now I'm standing on a mountain of rubble
That once was a wall
Took years to build around me
And you came along
And you tore it down
Like it was nothing at all
Now it's a little scary
Learning to fall


When you looked in my eyes
Past the fear and false pride
You saw goodness inside
I can't believe how I feel
I believe love is real
And I'm ready to heal


You show me how right I can be

I was holding on, now I'm letting go
I was holding on, now I'm letting go
I was holding on, now I'm letting go


Martina McBride </center>

[Roping the Wind]

Plans had been made and seen to in the time it had been since she had seen Kenzy and now that she knew exactly what she was going to do to help her best friend find who he was, she was on her way to tell him. Dressed in a simple cut dress of cotton blue, she looked like a softened southern gal, enough so that she figured that he would appreciate it with the child's perspective. A sunny yellow sweater warded off the chill and vied for attention with the honeyed strands of her hair. She smiled a raspberry stained smile at the nurse as she passed the station and headed noislessly to his room. The woman motioned that he was sleeping and so she entered silently, shutting the door slowly behind her. The scent of lavender and that spicy scent that was Mandy alone penetrated the starch hospital smell of the room as she tiptoed to the sleeping figure in the bed. Thinking that he was in a drug induced slumber, she scooted a nearby chair close and settled herself down in a whisper of cotton. Warmed fingers took hold of the larger hand and smothered it with both of hers as she stared longingly at his peacefull features. "I've thought about you nearly every day since I saw you last. There's so much I want to tell you but I don't know where to start." First thing's first. "Well, I got us a new place to stay.." Continuing on as if he were alert and aware of the conversation. "I had he builders start on it the same day I paid them. You'll like it I know. It's like I always dreamed.." Her voice broke as tears welled in those icy blues. Swallowing back a sob, she paused to try and regain the calm tenor once more.

He had been resting his eyes just before she had ventured inside. Tired out from all the earlier activity of the evening out at the tavern. And all the events that had been set into motion with a simple kiss. He had been ready to greet Amanda upon hearing her familiar tread but was given pause at hearing the words, strange sentiments tumbling from her mouth. This wasn't the same Mandy that he had grown to know over the years, The voice was the same and yet somehow different. Holding a different note of desperation in the honeyed tones. He kept his eyes tightly shut and remained where he was rolled over onto his side. Feigning sleep.

His mind whirling with so many thoughts. Unable to do much more but listen...in slowly, gathering awe. Mental facepalming even. Christ, this is all I need right now. Another layer of drama to add another nuance to the soap opera that was his life right now. Grrrreat.

If she was aware that he was awake..If she knew that he was not the child she had left the last time she saw him, this conversation would not be taking place. The last thing Mandy wanted to do was to complicate his life further, but, she didn't know, so with gathered courage, she began to talk. Words that she had always dreamed of telling him from the day he walked away from her at his mock wedding, to the night he made her a woman.
"Oh Mackenzy...I don't know what I would do without you in my life. You have to come back to me. You have been the one constant in my life where everything else has seemed so unreal. I don't think I could handle losing you. I love you to much to just let you go damnit. I just wish I had the courage to tell you when you needed to hear it." Another choking sob stopped her words and she let go of his hand so that she could wipe away the crystaline tears from the apples of her cheeks as they fell. What would she do if he was forever this way? Well, she wouldn't abandon him that was for damn sure. No, she would spend the rest of her life taking care of him if need be. He was her Kenzy, her best friend, her one and only true love. No, she would never turn her back on him.

She...loved him?! Holy freakin' shit on a goddamned cracker. He wanted to cover his ears and scream to block out the words. If just to deny them. On some level, he thought he had always known. Somehow. Guilt and remorse ripped through him and he couldn't adopt this charade any longer. Grey-greens popped open suddenly. Startling to say the least. "Amanda," he hesitated. In what he knew he had to say. In his voice. His.
It was a bittersweet reunion of sorts that was for sure.
He propped himself up onto his arm and reached to turn on the overhead light as it was pitch black in the hospital room and he needed to be able to say this face to face. But the words wouldn't come. He stared in consternation. "I...Mandah...Geezus.." He was at a loss.
"I'm flattered." Shit, Mac.. that wasn't the right thing to say. He was wincing.
"But.. err.. Mandy, I love you too." Just...not in the way you deserve. He was adding on silently.

Her startled gasp was mixed with relief and utter humiliation. "Oh..Oh God. You're awake?
I mean...You're.." She was stammering, the usually full of words, bold talkin' trainer was stuttering. She shot up from her chair and took a couple of steps back. It didn't matter what he was saying, and it certainly didn't matter if he was returning the affection she had just laid out like a blanket over a mud puddle. What mattered was that his voice was the familiar baritone she remembered and that he had actually called her Mandah. "Kenzy..I'm so glad you're okay." Her cheeks were flushed a very becoming shade of crimson out of embarrasement and excitement that he was seemingly back to his normal self. A hand shot up to swipe at an errant strand of honey as she inspected his features from where she stood.

"Yeaah.. earlier tonight. Everything came crashing back all at once. It was...well.."
He chuckled. "Pretty freaky shit." Staring. "Amanda..don't.." Go. Because that was how he had interpreted the steps she had taken back. "Well, I feel like shit. But I suppose that's to be expected with one tangles with a jealous man-beast bent on beating
the hell outta you." He was trying to keep things lighthearted, laughing nervously to cover his discomfiture. He couldn't think about all that she had said right now.. he couldn't. He stopped and stared. As though realising what he had just said. He hadn't remembered anything about the fight earlier on in the evening.

And she would simply let the subject drop like a raindrop from a leaf after a storm.
"Well, they do make punchin' bags for stuff like that yanno?" Her lips curved into a half smile as she inched nearer, slowly as if she would break him if she got to close. "I suppose though, if you need to row with someone else in the future, I'm sure I can still pin you."
A trip down memory lane if he would, back to when they used to wrastle, yes wrastle, in the leaf piles.

He laughed. The rich and husky sound reverberating within his chest and caughf her around the waist, enfolding her into one of those infamous bear hugs he was notorious for. He would just..think about all that other stuff...later.
"You could never pin me. I always let you." Shit-eating grin. Yeah, it was good to be back. Drama and all. He could handle it. He was unbreakable. Surviving two near misses with Death now. Mr Grim Reaper was going to be pissed before long. Tough cookies.

Softness..That would be the first thing he felt when enveloping her in those large arms of his. She was definately prepared for the motion and when he did so, she was pulled half on the bed and half off. Hands came out to steady herself on either side of him. She might not look like Mandah, she might not smell like Mandah, but the arch of a sculped brow and the pursing of those natural softened lips was definitely not Mandah. "Oh yeah? Well, seems to me that I know a different version of that Mackenzy Cord." Full name? Uhoh, he better watch out! Amusement sparkled in those blues as she looked down at him and she couldn't keep her lips from forming into a smile even if she tried. Damn it felt good to be joking with him again.

All of this was just now dawning upon him. He sniffed her neck, nose burrowing into the hollow of her throat. Hands wandered over the fabric of her...dress?! "You look different." Someone give that man a prize! Way to go, Captain Obvious. "Smell different. Good different though. Like soap and girly stuff." Instead of horses and manure. She knew what he was thinking! He grinned roguishly, tweaking her backside just because. Once a rogue always one right?

Now why did he have to go and do that? They were just joking and having fun with each other and there he went letting his hands wander and his nose sniff, sending shivers down her spine. "Well..I thought perhaps I could shock you into returning to the old Mackenzy..How was I to know that you were already waiting you sneaky dog!" She would have lightly slapped him for that tweak, but she was still surrounded by his embrace and she didn't necessessarily want to be out of it just yet. "But no worries..I'll be back to my old self tomorrow and you won't have to worry about Man-dy turnin' girly on ya." It was amazing how she could change her voice from a soft southern tone to that husky twang that was the trainer wasn't it?

She liked when his hands got a little grabby, admit it! And he would just laugh at the slapping if she had gone through with it. "Oooh nooo. I think not. I like this new reincarnation of you. Stop hiding your woman's charms from the world, Mandah. You're a beautiful woman. 'Bout time you showed it off." Stubbornly growling against her ear. His breath feathering the sensitive shell with the low rumble. His arms were still locked tight around her nip of a waist. And he brushed his mouth against hers just to add His arms were still locked tight around her nip of a waist. And he brushed his mouth against hers just to add a punctuation to his comments. Hm. Poor girl. It was a friendly touch nothing more.
Mac was affectionate like that.

She was just about to comment when her words were stopped short with that gentle touch of his lips. She tried to stop herself, but the urge was just to great. Without thinking, she bent her head down and captured his lips in a searing kiss, one that was a hint of the passion they had shared once before. To her, it was her last chance to do such a thing, a final kiss to end the longing she had been feeling since they had kissed the last time.
Her heart was beating wildly at her actions and she kept her hands right where they were, on either side of him. Her lips danced over his for a moment longer, the hint of her tongue coming out to taste his like a sampling of a forbidden fruit. Just a moment longer, and she was going to pull away with a mumbling apology.

He was completely taken off guard by the passionate asault in return to his casual brushing caress. Eyes which had been regarding her in a lazy, almost lethargic way now snapping to attention and widening by slight degrees.
He felt her lips sear his own, tasted her tongue and he was the first to wrench away first. Freeing a hand to press fingers against his mouth. His own heart rate accelerating rapidly. Banging a sharp tattoo against his ribs. "Amanda.." Incredulity staining his whiskey-rough voice. "I... I'm sorry. I need ..time.." To think about this. About what exactly I feel. Because he sure as hell didn't know....now. Just when he thought he had it all figured out, fate threw him another curve ball. He wasn't amused by the irony.
Not in the least. Christ.

He didn't have to say anything more. She was pulling away from him faster than a rattler could strike, her own eyes wider than a coon spotted digging in the trash can. "Kenzy..I'm..I'm sorry. It wont happen again I promise. I've just been so worried. I guess my emotions are a bit mixed up. Don't worry, you don't have to say anything more about it." That was truth. She was just so relieved to see and hear him acting like his old self. "I..I got most of the horses sold. You won't have to worry on that when you decide to go home." A swift change of subject was the first thing she could think to do, trying to show him she wasn't going to dwell on anything.

"Sssh.." He pressed a finger to her lips and then lulled her closer once more. "Let me..just...shut up. Let me see something." She was hauled up nearly across his chest before she would realise what was happening. His turn to brand her with his plundering mouth. Curious, if he was being honest with himself. To explore that door she had swung open...again. After so much time. He was after all, technically still single, why the hell not?

He murmured sounds of appreciation into that sweet cavern of her mouth, pushing fingers through her hair, tugging her head back slightly as his mouth drifted lower to grace the curve of her throat as it was exposed. Still mulling it over. He was a seeker of truth after all.
Hm. Hm. This required an in depth research!

She was caught off guard, completely unexpecting the assault he was giving her. It didn't take much to get a response from her though and with a whimper, she threw caution to the wind once more. It was always like this with them, as it had been from the first night she walked into his stables. Passion flared within the cool cavern that had been her heart and she felt it's warmth radiate all over her body. Fingers clutched the sheets beside him as his lips trailed a blazing path over her sensitive skin. Lashes fluttered against the apples of her cheeks as her eyes closed. Complete surrender was offered to the man that she had secretly given her heart to so long ago. A low moan worked it's way past her lips as she reveled in the feeling he was stirring within her.

He grazed his teeth against the hollow of her throat and then pressed a burning kiss there. That dark head lifting after what would seem like a pleasurable eternity. "I do believe I need to sleep on this one." He was so evil. But unintentionally so. He was undecided! Not expecting this bombshell and his emotions were already getting tangled up somewhere else. Time would tell. Everyone had their own shit to attend to and the like. Only fate knew where things would lead next. And he rather liked to keep it that way. For now at least. Murmuring against her mouth then.
"I'm exhausted." Transalaton, you need to leave now before I pull you even more fully into this bed and become tempted to ravish you. Yawning in an adorable way to give further credence to his words. Yes, same old Mackenzy.

There would be no demands made on her part.
The wonderful thing about Mandah was that she wasn't one to expect anything in return. She was willing to give and give and expect nothing for doing so. It was the one reason she kept to her horses for they were such selfish beasts.

After her breathing returned to normal, she nodded and pressed a light kiss to his lips before testing the hold he had on her. Once she was freed, she smoothed her hands through those shortened strands and then ran them down the length of the dress, pulling the material taut over curves she normaly kept hidden. "Okay..Well, just sleep peacefully Mackenzy. I don't want you worrying over anything but gettin' yourself better." She already felt terrible for bringing this whole situation about in the first place, that much was evident in the blue of her eyes as she looked down at him. "I'm glad you're okay." She was pulling the yellow sweater closed, to keep the chill from penetrating her heated flesh.

But she deserved the world on a string tied around her pretty finger. And he wasn't sure if he was capable of giving her what she so desperately wanted. He was terrified he wasn't capable of loving anyone ever again. But once again, some strange cosmic force was trying to prove him wrong. And it annoyed the shit outta him. Lazy form of a grin for her as she straightened.

"I'm..okay.." Yeah, he really was. Or he would be. In due time. "Thanks for your concern.
Take care of yourself, Mandah." Sleepy murmur, roughened by fatigue to an irresistably sexy rumble. He was already beginning to drift, mouth lifting at that corners in a parting smile.

I'd rather take care of you. She smiled and nodded. "Sleep well Kenzy." She turned and headed for the door opening it silently and slipping out without a look back in his direction. Confusion marring the delicate features of her face as she headed down the hallway. Tomorrow was a new day, and perhaps she would try and right the wrong she had done. The last thing she wanted to do was to bring any more burdens to the man in that hospital bed and starting tomorrow, she was going to make sure she made life a bit more easy for him. Satisfied, she headed out into the cold of the night, heading straight for the ranch to pen a note for Frank. There was a certain debt that needed to be paid before Kenzy got out of the hospital, and a bargain needed to be made before he found out what lengths she had gone. She wouldn't take guilt from him. If he opened his heart to her, it would be of his own choosing and not from anything foolish she had done.

Admitting feelings is never a wrong committed. The real tragedy lies within never letting emotions bubble towards the surface. The seed had been planted, even unwittingly so. Only time would tell if anything would flourish.

As tired as he made himself sound, he couldn't fall asleep right now if his life depended on it. He would be awake well into the early morning hours just turning over all the events of the past twenty-four hours in his mind. And when dawn broke he still didn't have any more answers than before. Confused as hell and not seeing any definite solutions in sight. Either way, someone would end of getting hurt and that was what pained him most. Not being able to avoid that inevitable outcome.

(Taken from live play 1.18.05)

[Roping the Wind]

one more kiss could be the best thing
one more lie could be the worst
and all these thoughts are never resting
and you're not something i deserve

in my head there's only you now
this world falls on me
in this world, there's real and make believe
this seems real to me

you love me, but you dont know who i am
i'm torn between this life i lead
and where i stand
you love me, but you don't know who i am
so let me go
let me go

i dream we head to what i hope for
and i turn my back on loving you
how could this love be a good thing
when i know what i'm going through

in my head there's only you now
this world falls on me
in this world, there's real and make believe
this seems real to me

you love me, but you dont know who i am
i'm torn between this life i lead
and where i stand
you love me, but you dont know who i am
so let me go, just let me go

no matter how hard i try
i cant escape these things inside
i know, i know
but all the pieces fall apart
you will be the only one who knows
who knows

you love me, but you dont know who i am
i'm torn between this life i lead
and where i stand,
you love me, but you don't know who i am
so let me go
just let me go

you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont know who i am

you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont know me...


3 Doors Down

[Roping the Wind]

Cowboy was engaging in the most infamous of drunken pastimes...singing. Slurring in
a gravel-rough baritone that wasn't really all that bad. He was after all, a closet song writer and romantic. Bronzed forearm dangled over the edge of the jacuzzi, corded muscle licking across his bicep flexing and releasing as he kept time to the music he heard within his head.
'You love me but you don't know who I am..." Yeah, Three doors down, kicked some
serious ass. He heard the tires squeal as the blonde nursing intern peeled away from the apartment's parking lot, mouth curving into a faint smile. He had refused her offer of 'intensive aquatic therapy' for his ailing ribs, certain as sure as the night was long that she just wanted to rub out a boner on him when she stripped down to her skivvies to get real intensive.
Natalie could flirt and make dates with half the male population in town 'till the cows came home. "Like I fuckin' give a damn." He grumped. Such a boyishly endearing downward pull of his mouth as it drooped at the corners. Both hands rifled through his dark hair and his head angled back, lulling against the edge of the marble tub.
He was more irritated at his instinctive response tonight than her own actions if he was being honest with himself. Never feeling so...threatened and possessive in both the same instant. He wasn't the jealous, possessive type. What the hell was going on here?!

Natalie was swiftly becoming his fondest addiction. Outweighing whiskey and nicotine. And he couldn't shake off the cravings. Feeling like a junkie hungering for his next fix, his fingers twitched, ached for her. Muffled curse. Goddamn it to fucking hell. He continued to lick furious thoughts to himself and fume. Just because he could. Augh.

Natalie had followed the damn Cowboy after his snide little comments, breathing curses the whole way. Steel coated greys were jerked to the car ripping out of Cowboy's driveway, and the sight of blonde had her choking. What the fuck was she doing here?!
"Mackenzy Cord!" She was screamin' at his front door, clueless he was just above that dark head of hers. She was poundin' upon the door with a brutal fist. "Open up, you shit!" The fuckin' balls on this man.

She was yanking espresso from line of view, fixating her glare upon the door. She'd put a stiletto boot into his ass for this. Who in the hell did he think he was? She hadn't done a damn thing wrong. That chin was jutting out in defense to her inward thoughts, delectable mouth growing thin as she ranted quietly. He couldn't just sleep with her, and then do so with Annabelle. Oh, shit no.

Fists were balled, hanging near those razor blade hips, and spine was held stiff. She'd be kickin' down the door soon if he didn't open it. "Mackenzy!" Why in the hell, had she become so possessive? They weren't even technically together... teeth were harsh as she bit down upon lower lip, working the cupid's bow to a red swell. "Chicken." Muttered to the door, as if it truly understood. And she pounded on the door once more. For Good Luck.

Hell hath no fury like a woman... who believes she's been scorned. He winced hearing all the noise and it only served to make his brain throb all the more. "Jesus tap dancin' Christ, woman!" Bellowed from above that wildly tousled mane of espresso. Remind him never to get on her bad side. Oh, wait. He already had. Cringe. No, she had done nothing wrong, he had just been surly as having felt like he had been made a fool of when she didn't readily take up on his hint that he had been ready to leave earlier at the tavern.

But...he had no designs on the model. No ring. In this town even if you were anchored down with a wife and a shitload of kids you were still considered fair game to some unscrupulous individuals. But not him. He had vowed to himself long ago that once he committed himself to a relationship, he saw it through thick and thin. Problem was, he never really knew exactly where he stood with the model.

"You just missed Anna. She's making me soak my ribs." He really should go soak his head. Cocky bastard. Syrupy sweet baritone fairly dripped menace. C'mon show him those pretty claws. She knew she wanted to lay into him. Hmm.. either way.. he was lookin' to get hurt. Physically or emotionally.

"Don't you dare call the lord down on me, Cowboy! He will not save your ass from me! Is it unlocked?" Meaning the door, of course. Natalie didn't do well with hints, y'see. No beatin' 'round the bush for her, tell her, straight out. "Tell Anna to eat me." She was sneering, and if he couldn't see her, he could hear it. Words were dripping from mouth, smooth as honey, and as dangerous as poison.

Damn, Cowboy. He should know exactly where he stood with her. The problem was, they never thought to clue each other in. Either way, she was coming in, intention to give him a damn good tongue lashing, perhaps more if he deserved that. "I'm sure she made you soak more than just your ribs, Mackenzy. Tell me, was she as good as me?" So hauntingly calm had those words become.

An ominous silence. Not from shock or guilt even. He was completely floored. Yes, he had been taunting her but he hadn't been serious. She sounded awfully candid (and colorful, God love her) to be just blowing off some steam. Gritting his teeth and trying to squelch the urge
to shout, 'You little shit, there's never been anyone but you..' but he bit down on his tongue, forcing himself to suck in on a several sharp, calming breaths.

"It's open." Not sounding all that inviting.
He was beyond shocked at the sheer fury in her arsenic-laced words. As biting as if she had just scalded him with acid. He was starting to turn into a prune, thus, the cowboy was reaching for one of the the luxuriantly plush towels as he struggled to his feet.

Rivulets of water trickled over sinewy muscle, as rock-hard as though carved from an artist's chisel. Really, it wouldn't be fair for Natalie to witness him as such, being as the sight alone was enough to melt a woman's eyes on initial impact. She was too angry to be swayed though by his masculine charms, right? Towel swathed around sharply bladed hips and knotted firmly just above the juncture of dark hair leading an intriguing trail to disappear beneath Egyptian cotton. He pushed his hand through unruly onyx. A characteristic gesture of unconscious frustration.

He didn't want to see her with anyone else. That's what it boiled down to in a nutshell.
And while he had reacted the way he had. The knowledge could have knocked him over with a feather. Grey-greens staring intensely at the entryway for when her catwalk's perfectionist prowl would soon fill the space. Gnawing nervously at his lower lip. Not exactly sure of himself for the first time in his life. Uneasy.
And he didn't like not being in control. That was what unsettled him the most.

"Good." The door knob was handled, and turned, rise of bird shoulder to shove her way in.
Of course, Natalie was upset. She was falling for the damn man, hard and fast. Nothing to catch her, either. Besides, she had just seen that slut leaving. No one touched what was hers. Hers. The realization had Natalie at a loss for words, and she was searching for breath.
She looked at him, as if he were hers. She didn't want to share. She didn't want to be with anybody else. And lord almighty, there he stood, in his half-clothed glory. Natalie's mouth ran dry, and greys widened. We never said the little catwalk darling wasn't vulnerable.
We just found her kryptonite. Mackenzy Cord.

Mouth was snapped shut, once she was aware she had been gaping, and anger returning brought a narrowing to eyes and a sternness to mouth.
"Why the fuck was she here?" Voice had gone eerily low as Natalie moved farther in, slowly closing the door behind her. She felt like she was crumpling. How could he do that? Natalie would never. Besides, whether she knew it or not... he had her at hello. Hands fell to grasp sharp-boned hips, chin raising defiantly in the rise of anger. Ignore the swell of tears that threatened to spill, she was too damn proud for her own good. She wanted to shake him, knock some damn sense into him.
Didn't he see why she taunted him so at the Tav? She was hopeless for him. Could a man be so blind? Did she need to scream it at him? Her hair was mussed from the wind, wild in it's natural state, and she had animalistic behavior about her. Possessiveness.

He looked askance towards the model, palms extended making a vague gesture then dropping towards his sides. Helpless. He had never felt that way around any other woman. He let her rant. Arms folding across the solid strength of his chest. Replying with the utmost of calm. Steady gaze never wavering from hers. "She's my physical therapist. Her job would be in serious jeopardy if she didn't pay a house call now and then." Quiet murmur. No, he wasn't trying to incense her further, simply stating facts.

His voice lowered an octave as he uncrossed his arms and rubbed uncomfortably at the nape of his neck. Rolling his shoulders back to ease the ache between the blades. Bruising that was easily hidden by layers of clothing was laid naked and bare before her eyes now. His ribs, sans their bandages were a ghastly sight. Mottled blues, purples and a sickly yellow enough to turn even the sturdiest of stomachs. Against the sun-kissed bronze of his skin, the injuries were not as shocking as would have been expected due to the extent of his injuries. He shook his dark head and muttered some hoarse Italian.
"I didn't sleep with her." It was more of an accusation than a bluntly formed statement.
As though to say, how could you think I would after I've been with you?!

The suspicious glistening of tears within those storm-laced greys had him melting in sympathy somewhere inside. "Natalie," He murmured.
Oh, shit this was hard. He was going to chicken out on this one. She was right. He was a coward. Mumbling in Italian and he finally broke the eye contact. Studying his bare feet as he rubbed them together.
"Ti amo cos? tanto. ? stato sempre voi." It's always been you. And... he would just let her deduce on her own what Ti Amo meant.

"Physical therapist, is that what they call whores nowdays, Mackenzy? We'll just have to find you another one." No, she didn't want that girl anywhere near her Mackenzy. Hers, got that?
The glint in steel-coated greys softened as steel-coated greys ran over his beaten body. "Oh, baby." She blinked, anger filtering away in the silk-soft words, and she was inching towards him in a crawling pace, palm outreached to smudge it's imprint upon his bare flesh as light gaze traveled upwards to mesh with his. The wetness still lingered in her stare, and the full curve of mouth was still dropped.

"I've heard that one before, Mackenzy." Please, don't lie to her. Lip trembled briefly, before she drew it taut once more, an attempt to look like the hard woman she normally was. The urge to bruy her face into the crook of his neck was fought, and brows knitted stubbornly. Why did he have to make her feel like this? He could ignite the most passionate responses from her, whether it be through love-making, anger, or the uncontrollable softness she felt around him. He was molding her into something she didn't think she'd ever be able to do.

"Comment je vous adore." The itching in palm was feverish, and need finally caved in. Hand rose to cup the line of his jaw, stare searching.
For truth. For more. She needed answers. How did he feel about her? How could he act so flippant, as if he had not a care in the world 'cept for his own ambitions. Was she merely one of those ambitions? To be bedded, and cast aside for something better? She wouldn't tolerate it.
Not a bit.

Greys narrowed briefly in their search, as he muttered the foreign Italian. He knew she wouldn't understand a word. Pressing of her smooth forehead to his own, and eyes slid close. The truth. She needed the truth. She gave a weary sigh, and she allowed herself to grow slightly lax against him.

"Yeah? Well, I've only said it once. Because I'm stubborn like that. I don't allow myself to fall. But baby, you changed all that for me. I never knew I could feel like this. I want you but the need transcends the physical. I--" He swallowed. Moistening suddenly parched lips.
Closed his eyes and...made the leap. She could crush him with her laughter or her incredulity. Or worse case scenario...her pity. No, he was oblivious in matters of the heart.
A woman would have to practically knock him over the head and beat it into him if she wanted to make sure he knew she was interested! That was just Mac.

"I never thought I could feel this way twice in one lifetime. Natalie, I love you," he breathed. Ti amo. Yes, she was learning what that Italian endearment meant. And it was a definite doozy. He was rushing on before she could say anything. "I don't want to play games. I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't want to see you with anyone else. But I'm not a jealous man, baby. If you want to date... go right ahead. I won't stand in your way. I.. shit, baby..
I just..." Want you. He faltered and his shoulders slumped. "I..I'm sorry.."
He was moving to brush past her. Shit, he'd said too much already.

"Mackenzy?" She was blinking away tears, and she pulled back to bring that searching stare back to his handsome visage. The tremble upon mouth had returned, full force.
Lord, don't make her cry. Don't make her cry. Cry. Nostrils flared, and she drew in a shuttering breath at his admission. Love. He loved her. She couldn't swallow past the lump that had risen in that graceful line of throat, and shoulders were beginning to be wracked by sobs. "Mackenzy." It was choked out, and the tears had started to fall. She clutched at him as he made to move past, and she tugged him back to her svelte frame. "Mackenzy."

Natalie was curling inwards to him, giving into the earlier need of burrowing her face into his shoulders. Yes, he was goin' to get wet. "Oh my god... Mackenzy... I love you. I love you. I love you." It was chanted repeatedly into his skin, breath a warm breeze on his tanned flesh.
"No more games. Only you. Please tell me this is real." Pinch her. She had to be dreaming. Natalie was known for dramatics, but this one was not an act. She slumped against him, knees threatening to buckle beneath her sudden dead weight.
"Don't leave me." Breathless beg, and she finally lifted tear-smudged face to his, eyes beseeching. Never, had she felt so weak.
"I need you, Mackenzy." Don't let her weakness scare you, and don't you dare leave.

His eyes slid closed at her strangled confession, a hitching of his lungs as he finally could breathe again upon hearing those treasured words. "Natalie, mi bellisima amore. Promise you, I'll never leave you lonely. I need you more than the air I breathe. Hell, baby, you are the air I breathe." Murmuring against her tangled espresso as his arms finally came around her, stubbornly ignoring the slight pain it caused him to gather her within his warm embrace.

"It's real. But you are my dream."
God, who knew the cowboy had such a poetic soul? Not many, that was a secret he intended on taking to his grave. He didn't pinch her but he did give her backside an affectionate squeeze. Yep, it was official. Wasn't no fairy tale but it was real life. That was good enough for him. "Ti amo, mi amore. I'll never stop loving you."
He could keep that promise. After all, he had started to fall that first night. Not believing in love at first sight, but he certainly had felt something. He couldn't abide another second without crushing his mouth against her own.
A kiss of affirmation of all that had been confessed this night. Murmuring against the corner of her mouth while the razor-sharp tip
of his tongue licked gashes along the sultry expanse. "I promise."

She was sagging against him still, choking on every breath that was exhaled.
"Mackenzy, I love you." She had to say it again, to pound all that happened into her head. She was murmuring inanely into his skin as he spoke. Lips were wrenched from the curvature of neck, and she peered at him through fanned lashes, demure. "Don't stop. Never." Fingers were running restlessly through his tumble of onyx, and she was staring dreamily at him before his lips seared her own.
Oh, god. He could never get rid of her now.
She was fly paper.

Perfectionist's mouth fell hungrily open beneath his, and she was nearly purring into the cavern of his mouth. "Jesu, je t'aime!" It was gleeful murmur against his mouth, and she carefully wrapped coltish limbs loosely about his waist.
"I don't care what they think, Mackenzy. I don't want to hide this." Blinking up to him, and there was a indignant flare to greys. "I... don't care." She was drawling words out to make it perfectly clear she had every intention of letting others know exactly how she felt.
No more hiding.

He laughed at her gleeful enthusiasm and her excitement was infectious burning a warm glow within smokey-emerald. "If you don't care then I don't care either! Screw them, right? All that matters to me is you, Natalie. Baby, you are going to become my everything if you don't watch your step. You're swiftly becoming my favorite addiction. I'll love you more than any other man loved a woman in all of history. Promise me you'll never leave me, either, mi amore. I don't know if this old heart could take much more abuse." He murmured the poignant words around a hearty chuckle but she could sense the underlying pain suffusing the words.

"I promise to make you so happy. God,
I love you. And damn, it feels so good to finally say it aloud." He sealed the reaffirmation with another liquid-knee causing, lingering melding of their mouths. Arms hauling her flush against his muscled frame as though he would never let her go. In keeping with his promise, if he had any say in the matter. He never would.

(Taken from live play 1.21.05)

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ January 22, 2005 05:34 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

<center>

Baby, you told me that you loved me
And you'd never leave my side
To the bitter end, through the thick and thin
You promised me, baby
That you wasn't goin' anywhere

Baby keep it real, let me know just how you feel
Tell me it's real
This feelin' that we feel
Tell me that it's real
Don't let love come just, to pass us by

Try, is all we have to do
It's up to me and you
To make this special love, last forever more


I can't explain the way you made me feel,
Everytime that you told me
That you loved me
And you know you did, too many times
Just when I thought that love
Could never be a part of me

That's when you came along
And showed me happiness
Baby you are the best,
I think you're different From all the rest
And I really love ya


Tell me it's real
This feelin' that we feel
Tell me that it's real
Don't let love come just, to pass us by

Try, is all we have to do
It's up to me and you
To make this special love, last forever more


Tell me it's real
(do you really love me)

This feelin' that we feel
(do you really care)

Tell me that it's real
(you promised that you'd never leave my side)

Don't let love come just, to pass us by
(you promised that you'd always be there)

Try, is all we have to do
(is all we have to do)

It's up to me and you
To make this special love, last forever more


KC & Jo-Jo </center>

<font color="#996600" size="1">[ January 22, 2005 05:58 PM: Message edited by: incomplete addiction ]</font>

[Roping the Wind]

<center>Go!!!


So 1, 2, 3, take my hand and come with me
Because you look so fine
And I really wanna make you mine.

I say you look so fine
That I really wanna make you mine.

Oh, 4,5,6 C'mon and get your kicks
Now you dont need that money
When you look like that, do ya honey.

Big black boots,
Long brown hair,
She's so sweet
With her get back stare.

Well I could see,
You home with me,
But you were with another man, yea!
I know we,
Ain't got much to say,
Before I let you get away, yea!
I said, are you gonna be my girl?

Well, so 1,2,3, take my hand and come with me
Because you look so fine
And I really wanna make you mine.

I say you look so fine
That I really wanna make you mine.

Oh, 4,5,6 C'mon and get your kicks
Now you dont need that money
With a face like that, do ya.

Big black boots,
Long brown hair,
She's so sweet
With her get back stare.

Well I could see,
You home with me,
But you were with another man, yea!
I know we,
Ain't got much to say,
Before I let you get away, yea!
I said, are you gonna be my girl?

Oh yea. Oh yea. C'mon!
I could see,
You home with me,
But you were with another man, yea!
I know we,
Ain't got much to say,
Before I let you get away, yea!

Uh, be my girl.
Be my girl.
Are you gonna be my girl?!
Yea!


Jet </center>

[Roping the Wind]

He was jostled out of a sound slumber by the shrill ringing of the telephone on the nightstand near his bed. Muttering in sleep-roughened Italian, he fumbled for the receiver, yawning around his gravel-rough greeting. "S'middle of the night. Y'house or y'hair better be on fire."
Grumping into the phone as he pressed it against his ear. Calloused palm scrubbed along the hard edge of his whiskered jaw, then stilled at the sound of the voice on the other end of the line.
"Natalie? What's wrong, baby?" The last vestiges of the languorous sensation still suffusing his bones melted away with a note of alarm in his raspy baritone. She didn't have to speak for him to know it was her. They had an eerie connection that transcended all else. Soothing, comforting tones then as he murmured his next admission.
"Whatever it is, mi amore, I promise you, s'gonna be alright." Maybe that's all the confirmation she needed right now. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. She had his word on that. No, the model was stuck with this rough and tumble cowboy for the long haul.

"Go to sleep, Natalie. I'll talk to you in the morning. G'night, beautiful." He paused listening to the sound of her breathing, his mouth curving in response. Tomorrow was, after all, another day.