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Thread: shiva.

  1. #31
    HB Forum Owner killjoyed's Avatar
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    Dear Renny,

    Sorry I've been such a cunt for not getting in touch with you, and I'm not really that good about keeping in contact with anyone but then again I figured you're a different sort of anyone, you know? I can't tell you where I am right now but I'll tell you it's in the states, and it's fucking hot and muggy and the goddamned fucking mosquitoes are the size of horses. They must be getting high off of me everytime they bite. It fucking sucks.

    Hey, did I tell you some undercover police officer has been snooping around Shep's work? At least that's what he says. I mean, who knows, he might just be fucking with me, or maybe he's been smoking too much ice, who knows. Fuckin' dickhead. But anyway I won't be here too much longer, and then I'll be back for a while. Hopefully for good,. I'd say I promise but then again who the fuck knows what's going to happen next. I'm sick of this shit too.

    Fuck, how's your rehab going? Meet any crazies and shit?

    Sorry about no return address but I'll be back soon, so don't fucking go and disappear anywhere, just sit your pretty ass tight at Dorothy's or something and try not to get arrested or anything. And since you're trying to be sober or whatever when I come back we can do something normal people do, like go to the movies or some shit.

    See you soon, greeneyes.

    love,
    शिव

    p.s. Tell Juels hi for me and that I have a new present for her. One for you, too.

  2. #32
    HB Forum Owner killjoyed's Avatar
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    <center>layin' in my plastic bed
    thinkin' how things weren't so cool to me
    my baby likes to shoot pool
    i like laying naked in my bedroom
    tyin' on the dinosaur tonight,
    it used to be so cool too.

    now i've got the needle
    and i can shake
    but i can't breath.
    i take it away
    but i want more and more.
    one day i'm gonna lose the war.</center>

  3. #33
    HB Forum Owner killjoyed's Avatar
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    the makeshift black curtains in shiva's room stayed closed the entire night, blocking out any distractions that the streetlife offered. sitting on her mattress between piranha tank and rattlesnake habitat, the goddess was using one straw to inhale 14th-block meth, and the other to scoop out little crystalline bits to drop down into the glass handcup of her pipe.

    when a lighter ran out she simply tossed into some dark corner of her dog-kennel sized room, sparking up another before the dead plastic bic even hit the hardwood floor. there were a couple animals aside from the caged ones rustling around, ferretclaws scratching at clothing dropped on the ground, curling up inside shirts and nosing into shoes.

    an hour later, fire-engine red hair streaming over her shoulders as it caught the glint of two lit candles, shiva concentrated over one of shep's sketchbooks, running a pen across pages to make shapes, people, animals, whatever switch her brain felt like making next, shearing sheets away and onto the mattress when she felt satisfied.

    and it wasn't until sunrise that she had stopped, clattering everything to the ground to stand up and grab the curtains, tying each at the bottom into a knot so they hung there like great fabric pendelums, the grip of sunbeam hands reaching through but not nearly potent enough to send shiva into a scrambling fit of untied shoelaces and ratty converse in search of her glasses. instead, she stayed in front of one of the dirt and city-rain streaked window, staring dully at the two big brownstone tenement buildings, watching as the sun started to come up, a bundle of furious wavering heat, primed to crank out another scorcher.

    a wide speedsunk grin brimming her face, she grabbed at a small basket by the side of her mattress, plucking out pushpins and thumbtacks, grabbing her chickenscrawl artwork to spear them one by one in a line onto the wall next to a single flip flop nailed in.

    with a yawn tearing at her face the princess of filth whirled around, squatting down to snatch up her sunglasses and put them on her face. when she half-tiptoed out of her room and into where nick had taken over the couch, the only thing alive to greet her was that pathetic little grey kitten, it's limp still prominent, mewling hard while he shoved his spine up and down her calves, tracking a constant circle around her feet.

    "oh?" she stared down at the creature. "fuck, i'll feed yah fuckin' later, okay?"

    mewl.

    "shit c'mon, shut the fuck up. Just.. justSHH.." her eyes went wild as she stepped away from the nearly full-grown cat, moving fast towards the front door in case the noises coming from shep's room turned out to be him shirtless in the doorway, scratching at his belly with a lash of four dragging fingers. shiv's featherlight frame slipped through to the outside world, fumbling at a cigarette and lighter for a moment before sucking in smoke and blowing it up into the air, walking at a near-shuffle down the sidewalk.

    and she knew that it she sniffed hard enough, she could find him.

  4. #34
    HB Forum Owner killjoyed's Avatar
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    <center>you were right i'm hangin' 'round because
    light and sound won't separate us from them
    you were right i'm underground because
    slight of hand won't separate your body from the dirt you're standing on today
    you're the good things yeah that's you, yeah that's you, yeah
    you're the icing on the cake on the table at my wake
    you're the extra ton of cash in my sinking life raft
    you're the loud sound of fun when i'm tryin to sleep
    you're the flowers in my house when my allergies come out
    you're the good things...
    and help's not short when you're diggin' your grave
    i'll help you dig it
    so you're diggin' your grave now you're speakin' my language I'll help you dig it
    </center>

  5. #35
    HB Forum Owner killjoyed's Avatar
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    when it had been long enough to wash the red from the hair, the desertborne princess just knew she was in trouble.

    "oh, fuck, fuck, fuck..."

    it came in whispers from chapped lips, nervous fingers knotting into the sides of her body that had gradually turned into hips, flesh curving out from previous juts of bone and slippery brown skin. she could tap the sand from her shoes at airports and safehouses, security pacing warily with AK's slung over shoulders, her eyes tracking for kevlar vests and number of re-loads.

    like any of it mattered.

    how was her brain supposed to function when all she could think about were alligators and runny eggs, greasy black hair, v-necks, stolen kittens, those stars splitting the sky into a million pieces, memories on top of dreams that spanned wide to stitch a sickening vision of green eyes?

    it didn't, it couldn't.

    "flight 847, prepare for landing, attendants please check the cabin..."

    and when the stewardess came smiling to the dazed halfbreed, telling her to buckle her seatbelt please, shiva had to fight the spill of arabic that threatened the edge of her tongue.

    "uhm, sure, uh." embarrassed, the little rat went snickering at herself, rolling anxious eyes sideways to catch a view of citylights out the window, fingers struggling with cloth and metal. the plane dipped a wing to the left and as they banked, her heart raced madly, pumping clean blood through detoxed veins, calling an ancient shriek of insanity to her brain.

    for a moment, she wished that they could crash, that she could die before hitting the ground, so she could be saved from the surefire soulshake that was certain to meet her. the destroyer knew how she would find him, tangled up in some other bitch's limbs, sweaty bedsheets and used fucking needles on the floor (and how dare he get high without her if that was the case!), fantasizing how she would find the nearest alleyway and sniff out the things that made her feel halfway human again.

    but the winds had different ideas... and obviously the pilot didn't understand, and when she felt wheels squealing the runway a brief smile touched her face, head falling to the side with the skin of her cheek kissing the coolness of the window.

  6. #36
    HB Forum Owner killjoyed's Avatar
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    when the world got too much of her and she remembered that she wasn't born to be caught in one place for the rest of her life, she caught the frenzy of wanderlust, the itching in her bones that worked its way from the marrow to the skin, hounding her until she felt like she was going to run fucking mad crazy off the edge of the earth.

    liquor stores could only hold enough for her tapping feet, writhing fingers and flipping eyelashes, the confused baleful eyes of a fleshed-out dalmation watching her every move.

    "c'mon mick, we got bigger fish to fry..." the destroyer muttered as she darted from sidewalk to sidewalk, across streets and between alleyways as they whispered familiar tunes into sandblasted ears.

    in the howl of a full moon she could be seen, slipping beneath shadows and lighting cigarettes, the spotted dog clicking his toenails to the thump of her unlaced shoes. when the seasons became desperate enough so did shiva, but somehow she adapted better. instead of slapping the air with cold rushes of wind, the halfbreed stayed secretive and complacent, smirking to herself at things that amused her, wrapped in fraying black cotton and denim, moving bones underneath skin underneath clothes underneath clouds and not minding the chill that reached through.

    at least it kept her awake.

    when she brought herself out into the rest of the regular world there were cars and pets on leashes (mick sniffed all of their asses and shiva didn't bother to tell him "no"), the reflection of herself in darkened store windows, a slipping ghost barely there. flicking a spent cigarette aside, fingers rubbed themselves into snaps at mickeydog, brown eyes startling him into a sit-and-stay. shiva shouldered one of the double doors to a CVS open, the back of both hands immediately rubbing into her eyes.

    "holy fuck, s'bright," she muttered before clawing for a hoodie pocket, fumbling a pair of familiar white-framed sunglasses onto her face. "fuck, goddamn." she stammered before blinking behind the safety of her new shields, finally able to take in her surroundings. although it had mostly left with the absence of severe methamphetamines, her heart still went pounding somewhat, fight or flight starting to react. this is when renton would've proved to be good distraction. ...or encouragement.

    aisles were woven back and forth in until she managed to catch the eye of a middle-aged woman wearing a nametag and fake fingernails, a new strategy taken up quickly. shiva pretended to be interested in eyelash curlers and nail files, popping some gum in her mouth to snap ridiculously loud on it until the woman deemed the little shit as non-threatening. a small little smile twitched across her lips, and with a deft little swoop down and around aisle four over to five, before she knew it there was a wrap of her own filthy fingers to the thin cardboard of a box of hairdye.

    red, red, red.

    before her brain knew what had happened the desert rat's feet took flight, legs pumping furiously as she propelled forward, hooting in general hysterics at the shouting of the lone old-lady employee before barreling out the store and into the cold again.

    "c'mon mick c'mon!" shiva screamed to the obedient beast as she ripped around the corner, eating up sidewalk, girl and dog disappearing into the swallow and safety of an alleyway, a lingering laugh still echoing within the depths of store lights shining to spotless floors.

    <font color="#000000" size="1">[ September 17, 2008 06:34 AM: Message edited by: killjoyed ]</font>

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