defender of the universe -- river holiday

[swing]

Central Park had a yawning quality as grass stretched to the outer edge of buildings that lost their intimidating height behind trees as they sprawled their imprints into blades of chartreuse. River and Charlie laid in the grass like fallen kings on a warped chessboard -- it was hard to tell who had forfeited in their silence first. River focused on the shapes the clouds made when they spread their shadows on him and blotted out the sun as fingers made origami shapes with the wrapper from his candy bar.

"I think that one looks like a giraffe," River commented idly, too lazy to lift a hand and point out the one he meant.

Charlie rolled eyes from the edge of trees that he had been watching toward the sky to search briefly for the animal in question before he drew the red lollipop from his mouth and sighed out a reply, "I don't see a giraffe."

"Did you know that giraffes didn't really have long necks to begin with?" River asked his question as he turned his head to stare at his friend's shoes. "At first, they had short necks. Then because the parents were eating all the leaves, the babies had to stretch their necks further above their parents to eat and the cycle continued forever and now they have long necks."

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard," Charlie commented as he drew his legs in to cross underneath him. "If that were true then the giraffe's neck would be ten times the size it is now."

"Don't be crumby, that's what I --"

"Crumby? What the fuck is this, nineteen fifty-seven?"

"No, I'm just saying that's what I heard. Anyway, the giraffe turned into a mermaid petting a rabbit do you see it?"

"Giraffes aren't made of silly putty."

"They could be," River countered as he rolled his eyes away from the sky in time to see Charlie finish off the lollipop. "Hey, what's with you and candy all of the sudden? It's not because of that movie that's co--"

"Don't be an asshole, Holiday."

"Oh c'mon, that one was pretty funny." River sighed and laced hands over his stomach as he watched the sky transform into feathered comic book characters. "I think I see the Flash! Look!" River pointed vehemently at a corner of the sky and Charlie sighed before he sprawled against the grass to see what River was talking about.

"I don't see anything except clouds."

"That's because you aren't looking for anything but clouds. Didn't you ever do this when you were a kid?"

"No."

"Well, okay. Just look for shapes of things, it's not going to be exact like that one over there. That definitely looks like a turtle or a mushroom."

"That doesn't look anything like a turtle or a mushroom. It looks kind of like a lopsided racoon."

"See?! This is easy, you can do this."

"I never said I couldn't. I just..." Charlie trailed off and ground teeth against the empty stick that hung from his mouth like an unlit cigarette.

"You just what?"

"I don't know."

"Yes you do. Something's up besides the fact that things are okay now with you and Lucy." River picked himself up from his sprawl and settled his chin on drawn up knees.

"Lucy's pregnant." Charlie took the stick from his mouth as he anticipated River's response. When it was nothing more than an ellipse of silence, he continued. "Saying it doesn't make it seem more real."

"But it's a good thing right? You aren't mad or..."

"No, no I'm not mad. This is what I wan--what we wanted, I just.. I don't know. I can't imagine it, you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I don't know what I mean."

"Yes you do."

"What the fuck are you, my therapist now?" Charlie snapped words at River as he pulled himself up from the lawn. "Listen, I'm sorry I didn't mean to..."

"I know," River spoke through a sigh as he let his legs stretch out in front of him. "You're scared, aren't you?"

"Terrified." Charlie paused as he leaked truth and broke the stick in half. "I don't know, it's just not something I can fuck up at. I mean, it's a really big fucking deal and I don't think I could handle it if something happened. I'm not real good with being gentle, and this is a tiny breakable thing. It's fragile and it's got to be handled a certain way, a way I never was and I'm afraid that I don't know how."

"You know how." River clapped a hand on Charlie's shoulder. "Just like you know how to pick shapes out of clouds. You aren't going to fuck this up if you really want this and you really want the best things for your baby then it'll happen that way. I know these kinds of things, and I guess maybe that's because I'm on the outside of the situation. Sometimes, Charlie, I think you're too hard on yourself."

"Sometimes I think I'm not hard enough."

"And that, is why I think that everything will be just fine. You take care of Lucy and me now, this won't be any different."

"You guys don't wear diapers."

River smiled broadly and let out a laugh, "Not yet, anyway."

[swing]

River?s apartment was a mess of boxes with awkward words scrawled across their cardboard tops. What he hadn?t put away was pushed to the side while Charlie bit through packing tape in order to seal up the remaining bits of his life. River sat on the kitchen counter with a Capri Sun in one hand and a package of fruit snacks in the other while he watched Charlie stack the last box into place and dust his hands off on his jeans.

?That?s it then. I?ve got to load them in the truck in about an hour and then I?m going to pick up everyone a few minutes after that I think.? Charlie?s voice was distracted as he checked his watch and rolled knuckles over the back of his neck.

?Yeah, I guess you have everything.? River shrugged in between a fruit snack and a sip from the Capri Sun. ?Everything you want, anyway.?

?Something like that,? Charlie spoke and turned a sharp eye toward his friend who held now freed hands up in defense. ?You can come with me if you want to.?

?Nah, I?d rather not help you.?

?Why?s that??

As Charlie turned to look at his friend, River slid from the counter and gave another shrug before he deposited the fruit snack wrapper in the garbage. He wasn?t going to explain his opinion to someone who was as hardheaded as Charlie was, so instead, he?d let someone else do it.

?Guess who I talked to yesterday,? River changed the subject and took another drink from his Capri Sun.

?The president. I don?t fuckin? know, who?d you talk to??

?My mom.?

?Yeah? How is she doin???

?She wants you to come out with me this week.?

Charlie felt his heart constrict at the very mention of visiting Los Angeles. It wasn?t as if he hadn?t considered moving out there before the opportunity in Philadelphia arose, it was the fact that he hadn?t actually intended to travel back there. He knew the city too well, the smog purified like sweet air in his lungs. He took in a breath and shoved hands into pockets before he spoke.

?Yeah? How long does she want us to stay for, because I?ve got to be to work on the fifth.?

?You?ll be back by the third, she just wants to visit with us. She says she?s got something important to tell her sons.?

Charlie felt a stab of guilt rip through him as he swallowed hard and nodded before his shoulders caught themselves in a shrug. ?Yeah, sure. Just let me tell Solomon and Quinn when we get moved in and we?ll go. When do you want to leave??

?I?m ready to go tomorrow, if you are.?

?Don?t we have to get tickets a??

?Mom took care of it.?

[swing]

"Dude, what the hell? I thought you were going to make a phone call not make the phone to make the call on."

Charlie flashed River a sneer for his words as he ducked to avoid hitting his head on the carry on compartment. River smashed himself into the window as Charlie sat down beside him, keeping his eyes trained on the laminated safety brochure that he had pulled from the seat in front of him before he grinned wide. "Did you need to make a solid?"

Charlie rolled his eyes and pulled a magazine from the back of the chair in front of him. He sunk lower into his seat and began to flip through the pages as River put the brochure back.

"Really though, it's cool if you did. I mean, making a solid before you get on the plane is like travel etiquette rule number one."

"River," Charlie closed the magazine and rolled it between his hands as he glanced at River from the corner of his eye. "Seriously."

"No, seriously! The entire plane thanks you for your ch--"

River's words were cut off by the cylinder of the magazine slapping against his arm. River made a face and crossed his arms as he attempted to sinking into the blue cushions of the airplane seat. "No need to get violent over bowel movements, Jesus."

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"No, but I kiss yours."

"Very original," Charlie unrolled the magazine and put it back in the seat's pocket before he pulled his seatbelt across his lap and waited for the overhead lights and flight attendant walk through.

"You're just jealous because I thought of it first," River grinned wide and followed suit, settling his seatbelt across his lap before he pulled down his meal tray. "When we take off, I need you to get my shit out of the compartment.

"Sure," Charlie replied as he looked around at the other passengers becoming anxious asat the delay in take off. "Did you talk to your mother, Riv'?"

River splay long fingers on the gray meal tray and drew awkward designs with his fingertips before he rolled shoulders into his seat. "Yeah, I talked to her, why?"

"I was just wondering."

"Did she..."

"...Yeah, she told me."

River sighed and slammed the meal tray back into the back of the chair, causing the occupant to whip his head around and stare. River waited until the man had turned back around before he nudged his nose upward with his thumb and wiggled his fingers in a childish movement. Charlie snickered into the back of his hand and River spread a small smile over his features before he sunk back into sobriety. "I don't know what I should do about it."

"She doesn't want to have treatment."

"I know, and that's really stupid. I'm sure the doctors could fix it."

"Well, she said that she just has to have glasses for now, so maybe it won't be so bad."

"Nothing is ever 'not so bad' when you're sick. You wouldn't know anything about it though." River looked out the window and immediately felt the guilt rise in his throat like a stone. "I didn't mean.."

"No, I understand. You're right. I don't know what it feels like to be sick, just what I think it's like to be sick. I mean, I've always had control over what affects me and what ailments I suffer, but it's different when you can't control it. I don't know what that's like, but I do know that it's a really brave thing to just let things happen the way that they are going to. I admire your mother for that."

"You admire her?" River half laughed through his question. "She's giving up, and you admire her."

"She's not giving up, she's--"

"Like hell she isn't. She sends me to all these doctors and makes me go to all of these appointments because she wants me to get better and live, while she just lets herself deteriorate and for what? It's not like she can't pay for the treatment, she's just following my dad's example."

"River..You don--"

"Sometimes I hate him for it. Sometimes I hate him for just giving up because he was sick, but then I realize that the methods of treatment weren't as advanced as they are now. I mean, if I had taken care of myself like I was supposed to, then I'd be pretty much cured."

"You are pretty much cured, Riv'. I mean, aren't you?"

River was silent for a moment as the flight attendant began her speech about the safety features of the plane. Once the woman had sat down and the plane started toward its ascent, River opened his mouth to speak. "Something like that."

[swing]

"Dude, what the hell? I thought you were going to make a phone call not make the phone to make the call on."

Charlie flashed River a sneer for his words as he ducked to avoid hitting his head on the carry on compartment. River smashed himself into the window as Charlie sat down beside him, keeping his eyes trained on the laminated safety brochure that he had pulled from the seat in front of him before he grinned wide. "Did you need to make a solid?"

Charlie rolled his eyes and pulled a magazine from the back of the chair in front of him. He sunk lower into his seat and began to flip through the pages as River put the brochure back.

"Really though, it's cool if you did. I mean, making a solid before you get on the plane is like travel etiquette rule number one."

"River," Charlie closed the magazine and rolled it between his hands as he glanced at River from the corner of his eye. "Seriously."

"No, seriously! The entire plane thanks you for your ch--"

River's words were cut off by the cylinder of the magazine slapping against his arm. River made a face and crossed his arms as he attempted to sinking into the blue cushions of the airplane seat. "No need to get violent over bowel movements, Jesus."

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"No, but I kiss yours."

"Very original," Charlie unrolled the magazine and put it back in the seat's pocket before he pulled his seatbelt across his lap and waited for the overhead lights and flight attendant walk through.

"You're just jealous because I thought of it first," River grinned wide and followed suit, settling his seatbelt across his lap before he pulled down his meal tray. "When we take off, I need you to get my shit out of the compartment.

"Sure," Charlie replied as he looked around at the other passengers becoming anxious asat the delay in take off. "Did you talk to your mother, Riv'?"

River splay long fingers on the gray meal tray and drew awkward designs with his fingertips before he rolled shoulders into his seat. "Yeah, I talked to her, why?"

"I was just wondering."

"Did she..."

"...Yeah, she told me."

River sighed and slammed the meal tray back into the back of the chair, causing the occupant to whip his head around and stare. River waited until the man had turned back around before he nudged his nose upward with his thumb and wiggled his fingers in a childish movement. Charlie snickered into the back of his hand and River spread a small smile over his features before he sunk back into sobriety. "I don't know what I should do about it."

"She doesn't want to have treatment."

"I know, and that's really stupid. I'm sure the doctors could fix it."

"Well, she said that she just has to have glasses for now, so maybe it won't be so bad."

"Nothing is ever 'not so bad' when you're sick. You wouldn't know anything about it though." River looked out the window and immediately felt the guilt rise in his throat like a stone. "I didn't mean.."

"No, I understand. You're right. I don't know what it feels like to be sick, just what I think it's like to be sick. I mean, I've always had control over what affects me and what ailments I suffer, but it's different when you can't control it. I don't know what that's like, but I do know that it's a really brave thing to just let things happen the way that they are going to. I admire your mother for that."

"You admire her?" River half laughed through his question. "She's giving up, and you admire her."

"She's not giving up, she's--"

"Like hell she isn't. She sends me to all these doctors and makes me go to all of these appointments because she wants me to get better and live, while she just lets herself deteriorate and for what? It's not like she can't pay for the treatment, she's just following my dad's example."

"River..You don--"

"Sometimes I hate him for it. Sometimes I hate him for just giving up because he was sick, but then I realize that the methods of treatment weren't as advanced as they are now. I mean, if I had taken care of myself like I was supposed to, then I'd be pretty much cured."

"You are pretty much cured, Riv'. I mean, aren't you?"

River was silent for a moment as the flight attendant began her speech about the safety features of the plane. Once the woman had sat down and the plane started toward its ascent, River opened his mouth to speak. "Something like that."