"Honey!!!...You can't lift that by yourself..

[Filthy McNastie]

Just got some new bedroom furniture.

When we moved a few years ago we bought new furniture for the entire house...except one part.

Our bedroom.

My bro-in-law had some furniture that he had aquired when his dad died...and he gave it to us because my O.L. liked it...(all except the bed...I'm not sleeping in a dead mans bed)

The problem with this furniture was...it was O.L.D...if you've ever seen a Seka porno...you've pretty much seen this furniture.

But...I figured I could strip the knightly looking plastic crap off of it...sand it down...and make it look OK...WRONG.

I bet that fucking shit had 15 coats of laquer on it...!!!...after I had completely destroyed the shit with a belt sander...I gave up.

Fast forward to this weekend...

Went out and bought some new stuff...it looks real nice...couldn't get anyone to help me move the old stuff though.

I got al of it but one piece out to the burn pile...the last piece was a 6 foot long, solid as a rock dresser...I fumbled around with it...tried to push it...tried to pull it...cussed a little...well...ok...a lot...when it hit me.

The look on the O.L.s face was priceless when I kicked the front door open...18" chain saw in hand...already running...

I walked right through to the bedroom...and sawed that heavy bastard right in fucking half...sawdust flying everywhere.

Since we were getting rid of the bed as well...I went ahead and took a pass right down the footboard of that cocksucker for good measure.

Moved the shit on out...no problem.

The O.L. was laughing her ASSSSSS off the entire time.

Fuck pussyfooting around.

WAR GASPOWERED CHAINSAWS...!!!

L8.

[Haywood Giablomi]

WAR The Filthy Chainsaw Massacre

Coming soon to a bedroom near you

[OmegaVerb]

Burn pile ...

We're having one on Memorial Day. It's our old shed in the back yard. The fucker is 20 years old and it's practically falling apart. Some gasoline and the fire department on speed dial ... we're ready to go.

A new shed will be built on the concrete slab it stands on now.

[Patsy Stone]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Filthy McNastie:
The look on the O.L.s face was priceless when I kicked the front door open...18" chain saw in hand...already running...</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>


Did anyone else have a Mr. Mom flashback when they read this? This is very funny!!!!!!

WAR"Yeah. 220, 221, whatever it takes."

[Smackie Chan]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Filthy McNastie:

WAR GASPOWERED CHAINSAWS...!!!</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

I follow ya!

[Python]

So finish the story. When does an animal die?

[tomasmk2]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Patsy Stone:



Did anyone else have a Mr. Mom flashback when they read this? This is very funny!!!!!!

WAR"Yeah. 220, 221, whatever it takes."</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

RACK THE MR. MOM RESET!

WAR slamming miller lite and watching the Y&R!

[Trampis]

Thanks alot,Filthy,the sawdust is killing my ashma.
Sincerly, the snakes living in the vent.

[Deej]

Filthy, this is weird. Ever since I moved to Lovelady, I find your stories much more believable than ever before. We have the little town stuff here. We have the burn pile. We have the Coydogs, the ass holes at the Rent a Center, the heavy equipment tearing up the land around us. We even have the abandoned cars in the back of the property. We have no idea how it got there, but it is damned sure there.
We have this neighbor kid who is about 14 years old. He is smart, plays all the sports on the Lovelady teams, makes straight A's, bought my Daddy in Law's 1986 Ford Ranger, with only 26,000 miles on it, I might add, waiting to be old enough to get a license to drive it.
He paid for it by doing chores around the place here. In other words, just the all around cool kid.
He was pulling up some stumps with the tractor the other day and I invited him to come eat with us since I had smoked a brisket on the pit. He thought it was the best barbeque he had ever had, and of course he was right.
Anyway, yesterday he called and asked if I needed some firewood for the pit. Well, since I have paid an arm and leg in Houston for Oak BBQ Chunks by the bag, I jumped at the offer.
About two hours later, here he come in the pickup out of the back pasture, (remember, he can't drive on the public roads) and he was hauling a flat bed trailer with, I kid you not, at least 2 or more cords of oak firewood. Now these monsters were great big logs. They were way too long and too big around to fit in my firebox, no asshole jokes please, so I had to get out the Poulan.
Filthy will understand this. I sawed those suckers in half and then quartered them with that chainsaw. I probably used over two gallons of gas and no telling how much chain saw oil cutting them up. I have been spitting sawdust ever since.
I now have enough firewood that if I don't get a job, I can open up a BBQ business and sell sandwiches on the road to get us by for awhile.
I don't think I will start the business for a day or two. I am kinda old and tomorrow I am gonna be really sore.
Filthy, if you have any more furniture, you might think about using it for BBQ wood and selling the BBQ to those Russians. Hell, with all that varnish and shit on it, they would get so high they would come back for more!

[socalvansmack]

Filthie & OV

Burn piles?

I know it may seem like a supreme pain in the ass what with hauling it to a local dump and paying a dump fee but how about saving the matches for Devil's Night and mixing in a landfill.