God, I Hate My Life!

[Cuda]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Biggie:


TFKYOA, bigbarreloPythons.</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

Wouldn't that be BiggiebarreloPythons?

[Uncle Fester]

Rack the two-parter.

The fucking dichotomies of life are both a curse and a wonderful blessing.

I hate cliches, but that's the way the ball bounces.

I also hate truisms, but boy, having your health is really everything.

Yesterday was a two-parter for me.

The hottie dental receptionist flirted with me and we shared big laughs.

Then I went to the Goodyear station to pick up my car. The manager didn't flirt with me and we shared horror stories about big car repair bills.

Goober said I need a new catalytic converter, struts, front stabilizer, brake job, radiator hoses, and tranny lines. He also suggested I get a different haircut.

To top it off, they failed to fix what I went for in the first place (electrical short).

As for kids, you try and love them to death, but they just won't die. (just kidding God, heh heh)

[Python]

Fuck, I just remembered I've got a haircut appointment today. Well, not so much a haircut. More like trimming the 500 or so strands that consitute the top of my balding head so I don't look quite so much like Barney Fife.

I'll probably wet a line in the bass ditch for a few minutes until my wife calls for me to put some chicken on the grill so we can gag on some type of low-cal, low-taste, cardboard looking healthy meal. Then I'll drink a beer or two, read this slow as hell board, and go to sleep. Same freaking thing every night. I'm such a loser.

[Smackie Chan]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Python:

Fuck, I just remembered I've got a haircut appointment today...I'm such a loser.</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'll say...chicks make hair appointments. Men walk into the barber shop and wait til they hear, "Next." REAL men don't get their hair cut.

[ElGRANDPEEHOLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Smackie Chan:


I'll say...chicks make hair appointments. Men walk into the barber shop and wait til they hear, "Next." REAL men don't get their hair cut.</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

RACK the potential lung cancer victim.....
I've never in my life made a hair appointment. Come to think about it, if you have made a hair appointment, there's probably a 90% chance that you're gay, and just don't realize it.

[Bacefelice]

Ever wonder if God put you on this earth just to amuse Him? Like whenever something good starts happening, God parts the clouds, brings forth His holy hand and flicks you in the back of the head? "Just keeping you in line, peon," he booms from on high.

"Ha. Good one, God. That was funny how You gave me a false sense of security, and then made a mockery out of my life. Scoreboard God."

Yeth, Daddy. Scobode.

[Python]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Bacefelice:

Yeth, Daddy. Scobode.</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

Rack.

The only reason I make an appointment is because I found a place that doubles as a tanning salon and there's some pretty awesome looking girls going in and out the whole time I'm there. On the down side, like there's a chance in hell they'll pay attention to a middle aged, balding guy sitting across the room.

[Filthy McNastie]

Gotta go with Py on this one...

I go to a hair salon myself.

I get to flirt with the girls cutting hair along with the girls getting their hair cut...have tits and crotch rubbed over damn near every part of my upper body and hands...and...they have freaking mirrors everywhere for you to check out the snatch unnoticed.

At the barber shop you get some dude that smells like Vienna sausage and urine...rubbing his package all over you through his 10 year old polyester nut-huggers...trying to make senseless small talk with you just so the two of you won't feel like a couple of homos grooming each other.

In closing...

Hair Salon = Pussy galore.

Barber Shop = Greased back Stag party.

L8.

[Python]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Filthy McNastie:
Gotta go with Py on this one...

</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

So you're saying at some point I was a bad poster?

Sorry, Smackademy Awards flashback.

[Deej]

JUST PISS ON IT!
You think you have problems? I take my 8 year old daughter with me to serve some legal papers about 40 miles out of the closest town called Lampasas, Texas.
The only thing out there are rattlesnakes and jackrabbits! I drive down dirt path roads and finally get lucky enough to find this dude who has decided to hide himself in the middle of nowhere! Bear in mind, this is about 500 miles round trip from nowhere, which some of you may know as Lovelady, Texas.
This place made Lovelady look like a metropolis! Anyway, we get back home at about 12:30AM and have had no bad incidents.
Today I go to pick up my wife from her job and right before I get there all the tread comes off the rear tire.
These are nearly brand new tires so there was no reason for it. The thing was that it happened right in front of the only tire place in three counties. I paid the guy $30.00 for a used tire and off I go.
Fuckin Luck!
Now most of you may know I have had my share of shit lately and this is the iceing on the cake. A stroke of good luck.
I have become so ready for the worst that my bad luck has become somewhat of a crutch! Bad but dependable! Now this!
What the fuck else is gonna happen, I win the damned lottery of something. You just can't depend on anything anymore!
By the way, Py! If you think I am gonna get into my new wheels that seem to be coming together, drive all the way to N.O. to have you outdo me on hard luck stories, you better shake your pitiful self hard and get a grip!
Bad luck and hard times are mine and you cannot have any of them, do you understand! They are mine!
Now back the fuck off and say something funny!

<font color="#330033" size="1">[ March 29, 2002 01:14 AM: Message edited by: Deej ]</font>