Help with sports page

[TuringComplete]

I'll ask for some other contributions later, but right now I'd like some help with reasons why a new FA has appeared in the league.

Example:

<big>New Free Agents</big>
<ul>[*]Cristo, M, 22, PG SG, asking $1,300,000 - Just completed a 2 year prison term where he led the California Penal league in scoring.[*]Dawson, C, 31, C, asking $4,500,000 - Tired of answering no when people asked him if he played basketball, he's going to give it a shot.[/list]

Please submit short (and tasteful) blurbs that could be used in place of the ones here. Feel free to post them here or send them to me directly if you want them to be a surprise. I figure that I'd better get at least 50 or else they'll get too repetitious.

[Stumps]

Obviously ones with names that sounds like they are of a particular ethnicity can have been enticed from the relevant country.

Young guys can come from the "development" league.

Really old guys might be assistant coaches who've been convinced that they can still contribute better than some of the young chumps out there with roster spots.

[hornetjohn]

If they are young enough, they could be finished serving suspensions for losing eligibilty in college - or perhaps "undrafted" due to social issues.

[Graffin]

xxx, asking zzzz:
Having failed to achieve what he wanted in other avenues of life, this high-school hero, has decided to give Basketball a last chance to become his true calling.

xxx, asking zzzz:
Was considered a natural first round pick when younger, he instead decided to dedicate his life to helping the poor kids in Calcutta. After recieving an epiphany involving a ball and a rim, he is back to his first love, basketball