Lord Of THE Rings

[Miss Cornuts]

look at all these fags lobbying to be in the story. Get a life losers!

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Here's a cornut... wait, gimme that back!

[Buttspray]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Miss Cornuts:
look at all these fags lobbying to be in the story. Get a life losers!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Somebody's pussy has a Pontiac in it!!!



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<A HREF="http://160.79.129.225/waves/10110/fart3112.wav" TARGET=_blank>Click on this for what I really think of you!

</A>

[Filthy McNastie]

I have to admit...I was a little concerned when I took one in the Crank.

Seems to have turned out all right so far...

L8.

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[EuroClone]

Tee Hee!

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"My English Grammar Comes Down Like A Hammer"

[Dr Bob]

Amazing what prescription medication does to the creative juices...

BTW, recall that it is mandated that Py be knocked off by the third frigging scene!






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JUST RACK ME!

~swoosh!~

[Van [down by the river]]

Doc, it's going to be tough to kill off Python considering the fact that he's playing Elrond, an immortal who rules basically everything and therefor never has to be involved in any fighting.

Maybe I should just employ a little creative license and change the story around and pull a South Park, with Py being Kenny?

The third act, Py always dies in any Smack Chat drama-spoof? That's been the rule with Py so far? Hmmmmm, that's a worthy tradition and one I'd be loathe to break. Because it's the esteemed Dr Bob making the request it will receive all due consideration....

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Didn't we know? Didn't we feel it?

Time, it seemed to stop outside our window...As we ran down the freeway, to be free.....of everthing...

[OmegaVerb]

Since Vandalf is telling the story ... and that character dies half way through ... How will we know how it ends?

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It's not like you to be so stupid ... Try harder next time.

[Python]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Van [down by the river]:
Doc, it's going to be tough to kill off Python considering the fact that he's playing Elrond, an immortal who rules basically everything <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Another example of art imitating life.



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This is just a blue pill. Lighten up.

[Van [down by the river]]

~As we pick up our story the Nine travelers are set to depart Rivendell. In the usual manner befitting a House of such Lore and Lineage the Lord Of The House, Python, saw each guest off in the finest tear jerking manner. In other words, he deigned to shift in his opulent Barca Porn Lounger, whereby he lifted the armrest and withdrew another beer before shifting in his seat and boofing into the abused seat of his poor noble recliner. He did grunt a distracted, "Oh! Leaving? Watch the plants on the way out..."

Mrs Py, unmanacled at Py's behest in order to see the guests off properly on such a momentous occasion, spoke first to Valvenis, the Ring Bearer. To him she offered a fine coat of Elven fashioned woven steel rings called Mithril, which unfortunately was meant for someone bigger than two feet tall. Poor Valvenis looked like a poncey R2D2. She offered to him also "Shlong", a pissy no account elven knife that to little Valvenis was a great big badass sword. Val looked at "Shlong" and immediately got harder than all the chili dogs compacting John Goodman's lower intestine.

To Peehole, Valvenis's faithful manservant, Mrs Py knew better than to waste formed sentences and such. She merely patted him on the head and bestowed upon him two gifts, the first being a box of cooking utensils and the second being an oversized satchel of water soluble suppositories. Mrs Py was known far and wide for being Wise.

Next, to Filthy The Tall strode Mrs Py. She immediately realized her mistake of forgetting to wear more than her night raiments to such a public gathering when Filthy's rather obvious OTHER "Big Horn" made itself known! Mrs Py leaned into Filthy, taking care to make it look like she was keeping a proper distance between herself and Lil' Filthy ('sha, right!), and as she whispered words of encouragement into his disgustingly hairy ear few marked her dropping of her phone number down into Filthy's leather jerkin.

Next in line was Zy, furiously swinging his axe in wide circles for no apparent reason. "Got me some Red Bull!", was his response, so the minstrels sing, passed down from generation to generation. As Mrs Py approached, Zy's axe stroke struck a little too close for comfort, ripping off the lower portion of her Elven nightie, revealing a green beaver trimmed into the words "Gaux Tigers!" After accepting the futility of trying to protect her modesty Mrs Py merely kissed Zy's cheek and said, "Ass. Go forth, and kick lots of it, for me." At that moment in time, the former ocean's deep gulf of distrust and enmity seperating elves and dwarves was bridged forever, as Zy forthwith declared both his (and of course his boys') undying love for all Elven women with green trimmed beavs.

To Terpy The Elf next strode Mrs Py. These two were well acquainted, as Mrs Py was a big hockey fan and when Py was feeling extra benevolent he occasionally allowed the Mrs to watch college hockey telecasts. "I've seen what you and your big limber hockey butt can do with a goalie stick, now let's go see you drill some Orc scrote with that bow of yours....." Mrs Py unnecessarily purred into Terpy's pointy ear. I say "unnecessarily", because while Mrs Py was shamelessly whoring herself to Terpy she needn't have bothered, for as it happened Brian Boitano was doing a triple lutz on Py's big screen and neither hell nor the coming of Euro himself could distract Terpy from the vexing vision of Boitano's flexing butticles. Unbeknownst to Mrs Py, Terpy was thusly inclined. Remembering his manners, however, Terpy lowered his voice as best as he could in an attempt to sound like Shaft and replied, "I will go forth and put a serious Elven ass whoopin' on all who stand between us and our goal!"

(At this comment, Zy The Badass Warrior Dwarf could not restrain himself from guffawing, and Vandalf bopped him one...)

Over to Cuda and Warren slithered Mrs Py, and their meeting was short lived. See, they weren't paying attention to any of the proceedings. They were busy playing a game of their own deviant concoction called "Strip D&D", and it seemed Cuda had the upper hand. When the beautific Mrs Py appeared before them they both inexplicably shot their loads and scurried under the redwood deck in utter shame and embarrassment. Oddly enough, however, considering how embarrased they SHOULD'VE been, from beneath the deck there was heard by sharp elven ears little giggles and Warren's voice saying "That was so cool! That one load arched up and got me right in the eye!" Mrs Py, thoroughly nonplussed, moved on...

On to Catfish she strode. Unbeknownst to all but Py and Mrs Py, Catfish was betroathed to their hottielicious daughter, Liv Tyler. A lot of really mythical and important shit was going to have to happen first before Cat was to be allowed anywhere near Liv's sacred kitty, but there was a palbable feeling of "Oooooh, I'm gonna hammer your daughter till she sings to me in German!" passing wordlessly from Catfish to Mrs Py. "Wish it were me you were planning on pillaging, instead...." offered Mrs Py to Catfish, equally wordlessly, as Py again shifted in his Barca Boofer in order to let everone "enjoy" his next rippling winner off the naugahyde...

Lastly, Mrs Py fairly sauntered over to Vandalf, who'd up until then been commiserating with Zy The Dwarf about his bad manners over laughing at Terpy being so "hard"...

To Vandalf Mrs Py said, "Please, take me with you! I hate beer! I hate farting! LSU will never win dick and until they do that sick fuck is the meanest bastard to live with you could ever imagine! Look at me! He made me shave my bush into, into, well, you saw!"

As if on cue, "Geax Tigers! Yeeeehaw!!", came resonating out from Py's den...

"Look, Mrs Py, You know we can't take you with us. There can be only Nine, and you'd make for ten. Plus, you'd be the only woman there and there's no way in hell I'm going to be responsible for having instigated a nightly inter species gangbang! Besides, if you've been following along in this thread you'd see where Dr Bob points out the tradition that says Py won't make it through the next installment, so just bide your time and hold your horses, you may be free of his flatulent tyranny yet..."

"Oh Vandalf! Oh Dr Bob! May the Blessings Of This House be upon you and this journey!"

And with those final parting words the Nine solemnly passed through the secret gates of the Last Homo House and they headed out of the Valley Of Rivendell, and into the wild world beyond......

~to be continued..~

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Didn't we know? Didn't we feel it?

Time, it seemed to stop outside our window...As we ran down the freeway, to be free.....of everthing...



[This message has been edited by Van [down by the river] (edited January 17, 2002).]

[Python]

I don't like where this is heading.

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This is just a blue pill. Lighten up.