Hey Pogue, you filthy Tim...

[EuroClone]

You might want to check this - Celtic v Juventus in the Champions League. Must-win game...
www.football365.com

and then click for the ticker. 1-1 at the moment...classic game already...

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"Kill God - Let Us All Sort It Out"

[Pogue Mahone]

Thanks for the head's- up, amigo. Looks like I'm on the tail end:

CELTIC 4 JUVENTUS 3

Wednesday October 31 2001

Lubo Moravcik inspired a stunning Celtic victory - but not even he had the power to change events in Porto and put his team through to the second stage of the Champions League.

The mercurial Slovakian had pleaded with manager Martin O'Neill for the chance to start his first match in the competition before he hangs up his boots at the end of the season.

Even at 36 he did not let anybody down as he played a key role in Chris Sutton's two goals and strikes for Henrik Larsson and Joos Valgaeren to give the Bhoys revenge for their defeat in Turin.

The victory gave Celtic the scant consolation of winning all their home games in Group E - but two goals from David Trezeguet and an Alessandro del Piero free-kick made it a thrilling finale.

Moravcik was soon rising to the occasion and almost conjured up the opening goal in the 12th minute.

Bobby Petta found him in field, and he comfortably ghosted past Alessandro Tacchinardi before unleashing a low right-foot effort which debutant goalkeeper Fabian Carini had to get down well to push around the post.

Moments later the Slovakian was booked for diving after he looked to have been fouled by Ciro Ferrara on the edge of the box.

The home fans were stunned into silence in the 19th minute after Moravcik and Valgaeren had felled del Piero in the sort of range the Italian thrives on.

He duly obliged with a superb right-foot curler into the top corner which gave Robert Douglas no chance, but moments later Celtic should have got back on level terms when Moravcik exchanged passes with Sutton and was clean through on goal.

He might have thought he was offside and snatched at the chance, giving Carini the opportunity to save with his feet.

Valgaeren took his frustration out on Cristian Zenoni in the 22nd minute with a rash challenge from behind which rightly earned him a yellow card from French referee Gilles Veissiere - but the Belgian became the unlikely hero for the second time in five days moments later when he swooped to score the equaliser.

Moravcik saw the defender in space and picked him out with a pinpoint cross which he dived to head home into the corner to give Carini no chance.

Moravcik was clearly revelling in the spotlight, and Mark Iuliano deflected his goalbound free-kick for a corner after the Italian had fouled Sutton.

Pavel Nedved blazed over in the 42nd minute, but Celtic took the lead just two minutes before the break.

Moravcik swung in another trademark corner, and Sutton leapt above the Juventus defence to head home.

Juventus coach Marcello Lippi replaced goalscorer del Piero with Trezeguet at half-time, but Juventus did not lose any of their dangerous pace on the break.

It was the Frenchman who fired his side back on level terms in the 51st minute when Amoruso picked him out on the edge of the box and hit an angled left-foot shot past Douglas.

Five minutes later Celtic were in front again from the penalty spot after Iuliano had fouled Sutton in the box from another Moravcik corner.

Larsson had been going through a lean patch by his own standards but he coolly stepped up to send Carini the wrong way and found the bottom right-hand corner.

The night got even better for Celtic in the 62nd minute when Sutton produced a wonder strike to double their lead.

Bobo Balde was first to Moravcik's free-kick, and his flick-on was hit on the volley by the striker who found the top corner.

Moments later Carini saved a point-blank effort from Larsson with the Juventus defence in disarray.

In the 65th minute Moravcik was given a hero's farewell as he was replaced by the fresher legs of Stilian Petrov.

Trezeguet gave the visitors a lifeline in the 76th minute when he fired home after a mistake by Balde.

At the final whistle the home fans waited anxiously for the news to filter through from Portugal, but when it came there was nothing that Celtic - or Moravcik - could do about it.

trick or treat!

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There's a lesson in life to adopt and interpret
It applies to all people, regardless their race
Oh don't put your trust, or your faith in the person
If sometimes they seem to have more than one face...

[James Dean Bradfield]

well it's a grand ol' team to play for .


Does Reggie Blinker still have malaria? (sic)

[EuroClone]

I reckon Celtic will have a very good run in the UEFA Cup. Martin O'Neill is a genius. When I was working at a football programme shop in Nottingham, I used to see him every afternoon on his way out the Forest ground. We should have had him as manager, but we fucked up righteously. Bah.

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"Kill God - Let Us All Sort It Out"

[Uncle Fester]

More exciting soccer action:

BARNSTONEWORTH 0 FLAMMINTON UNITED UNDERPANTS 0

Thursday 1 2001

Niles Pennythwart came through with an inspired scissor kick/fart combination at the 86 hour to inspire a stunning tie in the second-level, sub-human, advanced qualification for upper level advanced regal league tournament party.

The mercurial Pennythwart was able to kick the ball off his foot while a group of sullen and slovenly Slovakians stood around and watched. One of the players apparently muttered "So he kicked it. Yippee. What's the point?" before he was issued a yellow card and a queen of diamonds, making for a straight flush. The referee also gave a good dressing down to six of the Barnstoneworth front guard, who were lying on the pitch napping and complaining about "all the bloody noise."

After 168 hours, the crowd was electrified when United Underpants striker, Myles Throngspouten, propelled the ball deftly past mid-field and into a crowded phalanx of Turkish tourists who were picnicking at the north end. One of the tourists was overheard to shout, "Hey, you watch it! I've got an open can of soda here!" but order was restored before a melee ensued.

The tie game gave the Underpants the scant consolation of tying all their home games in Groups E-R, but extra credit was granted because David Trezeguet was able to hit the ball of his head without breaking his glasses or sustaining a bloody nose, which made for a thrilling finale.

The home fans were stunned into silence in the 1998th minute after it was announced that a goal was rumored to have been scored in a football match somewhere in South America. The rumor was later proven false.
One fan, Arthur Greensleeves, was nevertheless excited by the thrilling action. "I've been going to the matches all me life, it's a thrill it is! Bloody hell, I'll never forget the time I saw a corner kick back in '39!" he said. "You don't forget something like that!"

The game turned ugly on the 23rd day when Ian Anchorpottle took out his frustration on Barnstoneworth forward and souvenir salesman, Lord Phillip Blatherskape with a rash challenge from behind. Blatherskape responded boldy with an indignant guffaw, saying he "did not swing that way" and admonished Anchorpottle harshly by saying "You sir, are no gentlemen!" This rightly earned him a yellow card and a bouquet of flowers from the French referee Gilles Veissiere, who said that fighting was not allowed and that all territory should immediately be ceded to the nearest German.

After a series of fouls, free kicks, and yellow cards and letters, tea and refreshments were provided and the game was adjourned.

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[The Whistle Is Screaming]

Holy Shit, Rack Fester for the funnies. I almost shot a Starburst out my nose. By the way, Myles Throngspouten is my favorite playah.

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Terrapin

[Biggie Cohen]

Holy bananas, Fester. That may well be the finest post I have ever read. Just tell me that it is an original work, and it's bound for the Archives.

RACK UNCLE FESTER!!

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What was that?

[DMike316]

RACK FESTER!! RACK FESTER!!

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If you can't beat them,
arrange to have them beaten.

[Uncle Fester]

Biggie:

Of course it's mine. What can I say, certain topics inspire me.

So what do I win?

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[Smackie Chan]

Fester -- glad you found your way over here. That's the second or third time I've read a post of yours that just fucking REEKED of genius. Beautiful work, and the heartiest of RACKS!!!

You've inspired me to start a thread...

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Help, I'm having problems at school