OffLine...for i donno how long.....

[CanadianGirl]

I hear ya mel...life is a bitch...especially when you have no support where you are and it feels like that your alone...I have been there once and lost everything...thought like you did...whats the point of living i kept asking myself when i just lost my whole life in front of me...I sometimes do still think that, but i know i cant give up...I know life will getting better and theres no turning back...just gonna be strong and fight...when i get knocked down i pick myself up and try again and again until i get it right, so you do that...when you fall pick yourself back up and keep trying be strong...know that YOU have friends that love and care for YOU...

[CanadianGirl]

DON'T GIVE UP HOPE

Hope gives you the strength to keep going when you feel like giving up.

Don't ever quit believing in yourself. As long as you believe you can, you will have a reason for trying.

Don't let anyone hold your happiness in their hands; hold it in your own, so it will always be within your reach.

Don't measure success or failure by material wealth, but by how you feel. Our feelings determine the riches in our lives.

Don't let bad moments overcome you. Be patient, and they will pass.

Don't hesitate to reach out for help; we all need it from time to time.

Don't runaway from Love, but towards love; because it is our deepest joy.

Don't wait for what you want to come to you. Go after it with all that you are; knowing that life will meet you half way.

Don't feel like you've lost when plans and dreams fall short of your hopes.

Anytime you learn something new about yourself, or about life, you have progressed.

Don't do anything that takes away from your self-respect. Feeling GOOD about yourself is essential to feeling GOOD about life.

Don't ever forget how to laugh or be too proud to cry. It is by doing both that we live life to the FULLEST.

[~R-B~]

Mel this one's for you.
This song always makes me feel good
I hope it can bring a little happiness to your day.

*holds my hand out to form a circle and starts to sing*

And I never thought I`d feel this way
And as far as I`m concerned
I`m glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you
And if I should ever go away,
Well, then close your eyes and try,
To feel the way we do today,
And then if you can remember,
Keep smiling, keep shining,
Knowing you can always count on me,
for sure, that`s what friends are for,
For good times, and bad times,
I`ll be on your side forevermore,
That`s what friends are for.
Well, you came and opened me
And now there`s so much more I see
And so by the way, I thank you
And then for the times we`re apart,
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember,
Keep smiling, keep shining,
Knowing you can always count on me,
For sure, that`s what friends are for,
For good times, and bad times,
I`ll be on your side forevermore,
That`s what friends are for,
Keep smiling, keep shining,
Knowing you can always count on me,
For sure, that`s what friends are for,
For good times, and bad times,
I`ll be on your side forevermore,
That`s what friends are for,
Keep smiling, keep shining,
Knowing you can always count on me,
for sure, that`s what friends are for.
For good times, and bad times,
I`ll be on your side forevermore,
That`s what friends are for.

[img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

[Outside Looking In]

*stands behind mel and plays the violin as she types*

[Më£ïñÐa]

is that, that song called shinny happy people???

cuz i dint think i heard it before...but i have...
it seemed like AK was sway'n a little bit while she was sing'n...
a very pretty song... [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]

CG the poems you post say everything beautifully..
that one, Gods Garden? i believe its called?
that one, i love that one... [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

i dont like it when i get so down, its not me..
and i know i'm the only one who can pick myself up....
its so overwhelming i can hardly think straight...i just dont know what to do next...

the reason i'm still online is my brother, Mike works for edison and fixed it so i can have electricity till sunday night...
he loves living by himself.....so much so, that he wants to pay for a place for me... like a first and last, on a place....this saturday..
THEN all i need is a better pay'n job, by saturday....getting a second job is easy enough.... but i work too damn hard physically... i'm not sure if i could do it..
and if i dont get a better job or a second job right away....i'll end up losing it all again....

and here, most of you have been through ..."hitting bottom"... so to speak, but ya never brought it out in the open...
...i'm so fucking confused...

<font color="#9900FF" size="1">[ March 04, 2004 10:04 PM: Message edited by: M?????a ]</font>

[Briii]

Well Mel...
I guess back then I didn't wanna post it because I didn't want anyone to know what a shambles my life was.
I didn't confide in anyone.
I didn't want anyone to see what a mess I was in.

Everyone was so 'happy happy joy joy' all the time, I just didn't feel like it was appropriate.

Quote:
"and here, most of you have been through ..."hitting bottom"... so to speak, but ya never brought it out in the open...
...i'm so fucking confused..."


Let me fill you in of what exactly was happening to me in the year I fell down and stayed down....


I ended up getting a divorce from a man I'd spent the past 20 years being committed to.
I had my wages garnished. (from a minium wage job even)
I ended up in a bad relationship after my divorce.
Became even more depressed.
Lost all my friends.
Lost my house, due to lack of ability to pay.
Had my electricity turned off.
Lived in my van for nearly 3 months.
Had no fresh water or clean clothes.
I lost all my picture albums, memories of my children, because the ex stole them out of my van when I was at work.
Had no reason to live, so I became more depressed.
Ended up taking every lil thing that might of been worth money to the pawn shop, including my precious computer just to be able to eat once a day.
I got laid off due to lack of work.
Had NO way of getting any money then.
Couldn't go looking for work too far, because I lost my van. (again, due to lack of ability to pay)
Lost every bit of dignity and self respect I had.
I nearly gave up.

Well there.
Now you know.

Something I'm definitely not proud of, but as you can see, I had nothing. NOTHING to want to live for.

That was 5 years ago.

See Mel?
Things DO change.

Life is good for me now.
5 years ago, I would of never believed it could ever be this way.

<font color="#9900FF" size="1">[ March 05, 2004 01:51 AM: Message edited by: Briii ]</font>

[Genie!]

First let me say I'm sorry. I know I haven't posted here in ages and maybe I haven't earned the right to or I have no business too. You can always delete my post, but I couldn't ignore this part:

Mel:

but it wont stop, everything i try to hold on to, gets taken away..
i have to let go, theres nothing more to hold on to.....
every time i try to stand up, something knocks me down..... there's no reason to even try to stand up anymore....
i dont see any reason, except to exist

<font size="4" face="times new roman">Mel, nobody knows this or feels this way more than me believe me. I mean, I thinik EVERYBODY here knows everything I have lost. I have been there so many times when I felt like I had nothing else left to lose like everyone has constantly taken away everything from me, and I can't hold on to anything. I'm not saying what I lost is more than what someone else has lost, but I'm just saying I've been there many times and I have felt the same way. But look at where I'm at now. I have never been so happy before in my entire life, with the exception of my kids not being here. I am happier than ever before with me and who I am and things have turned completely around for me and I can even feel the change in myself, and it feels good.

Mel, when you hit rock bottom, there is only one way to go and that's up. If it doesn't kill ya, it makes ya stronger. Give it time and the good comes with the bad, and the good times DO come back around. It's always better after the storm, just give time a chance to bring back the good because the bad things can't last forever.
I kow all that is cheesy, bad advice maybe but I meant it sincerely and it's how I feel. Like I said you can always delete it if ya want.

[heidi!]

Someone brought this thread to my attention last night......wondering why I had not posted on it...I didnt see it........I guess I dont pay attention to the boards like I used too...and I thought your situation was fixed.....

Mel.....We have known each other for alot of years...been friends for most of them..*smirks....You know I love you to death.....and I have seen you walk away from hard situations......Painful ones.....with your head held high......
You can do the same this time around.......Things will change......If you feel like you have hit rock bottom there is no place for you to go but up.......You realize this right.......Things can only get better from here.....
If you cant get more hours where you are.....mass email your resume to every job opening you can find on the net.....The internet is the best way to find a job.....its an excellent resource.....
I dont know if the goverment helps there.....with rent and stuff.......Maybe you could look into that....
What dont kill you will make you stronger.....None of this is because of something you have done......Its life being a bitch.....It will get better....You just need to hang in there until it does
And always......If I can help in any way...You know how to find me...
[img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

[heidi!]

btw.....If you want and dont have time because of work you can email me the newspapers ...employment agencies in your area....and I can look for you.......and email them to you........I can even help with your resume if you dont have one already...Just let me know.....

[Annabananabelle]

hey mel...

I've known you now for what.. 6 years? And you have always in that time been someone I could count on to have my back.. no matter what happened to me or how long I fell off the planet....

my rock bottom was pretty public on here.. I don't think there is a soul here who doesn't know aaaaaaaaallll about it..

but since then...

I have made it through unbelievably well.. in fact.. I'll be graduating from school in June.. took a lot of hard work.. but I did it... I think you can too.. if you want a better paying job.. go back to school.. doesn't matter if you have no money.. there are programs in place to help anyone who wants it bad enough go regardless of income.. you just have to be willing to fill out the paperwork... and it doesn't matter what your prior education status was... community colleges work with people to get their high school diplomas.. GED's.. or associates degrees.. whatever you need they can do.. and you can work still.. they have classes at night.. online.. even telecourses where you just watch tapes on your TV and do assignments based on the tapes...

mel.. when my life has been at its darkest.. you were there for me.. anything I can do to return the favor.. just let me know...

I'll be in San Diego sometime this month or early next.. I'll try to get together with you then..

much love, honey!