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Thread: Joke a Day

  1. #21
    HB Forum Owner Cowboy83's Avatar
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    I recieved this from a woman, can you tell?

    This is an oldie but goodie and bears repeating (for you guys!)
    How to Shower Like a Woman
    1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
    2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
    3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups
    4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
    5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
    6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
    7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
    8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minute until red.
    9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
    10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
    11. Shave armpits and legs.
    12. Turn off shower.
    13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
    14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
    15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
    16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
    17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    How To Shower Like a Man
    1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
    2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
    3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
    4. Get in the shower.
    5. Wash your face
    6. Wash your armpits.
    7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
    8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
    9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
    10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
    11. Shampoo your hair.
    12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
    13. Pee.
    14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
    15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
    16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
    17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
    18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife,pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo woo' sound again.
    19. Throw wet towel on bed.

  2. #22
    HB Forum Owner Cowboy83's Avatar
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    STRIKE ACTION
    Strike Action
    I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
    reasons:
    * I do physical labour.
    * I work at great depths.
    * I plunge head first into everything I do.
    * I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
    * I work in a damp environment.
    * I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
    * I work in high temperatures.
    * My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
    The Response
    Dear Penis;
    After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
    the administration rejects your request for the following reasons;
    * You do not work 8 hours straight.
    * You fall asleep after brief work periods.
    * You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
    * You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
    * You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
    * You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
    * You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
    * You will retire well before you are 65.
    * You are unable to work double shifts.
    * You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
    * And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.


    Sincerely,
    The Management

  3. #23
    HB Forum Owner Cowboy83's Avatar
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    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

  4. #24
    HB Forum Owner Cowboy83's Avatar
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    The long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be fully considered. Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research. It is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can't remember what to do with them.

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