Joke a Day

[Cowboy83]

<center><u>Protective Computer Gear</center></u>

Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new secretary (a very attractive blonde) in the office down the hall from me.She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work, can you help me ?" she asked. I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine,where I found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive.While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall trying awfully hard to keep
straight faces. Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got into the drive."Oh, you mean the condom!", she said. "Condom???", I asked. "Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses."
By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard 3.5" plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played, and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked (as serious as one could be), "Does that mean I don't have to stroke it ten times or blow on it either???"

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ July 02, 2004 05:47 AM: Message edited by: Cowboy83 ]</font>

[Cowboy83]

Top 10 Actual E-mail Addresses:
Many colleges and business's tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning or end to make up an E-Mail address. For example, Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may happen when you have a large and diverse pool of people to choose from. Add to that a large database of company / college acronyms and you have some very funny addresses. Probably not funny to the individual involved, however:
10. Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) -
[email protected]
9. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) -
[email protected]
8. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) -
[email protected]
7. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of
Pennsylvania) -
[email protected]
6. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) [email protected]
5. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) -
[email protected]
4. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) -
[email protected]
3. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) [email protected]
2. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton Canada) - [email protected]
1. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) -
[email protected]

[peteTR25]

The top 10 E-mails is really funny. Iam still laughing and smiling.

pete

[SummerStorm]

some of 'em are nawtttttttteeeeee baby*giggles n steals a kiss as i run out......nekkid.....softly whisperin*.........


come to bed baby

[Cowboy83]

Father & Son:
Over heard at drug store last week. Standing near the check out stand, a teenager spotted a display of condoms:
"Hey Dad, what's a three pack for?" remarks the
teenager.
"Those are for the weekend. Two for Friday night, and one for Saturday" remarked the father.
"Then Dad, what's a six pack for?"
"That's when she moves in to your pad. Two for Friday night, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday".
"Then Dad, what's a twelve pack for?"
"That's for when your married. One for January, one for February, one for......."

[Cowboy83]

Square Balls:
A little old lady entered the main branch of a large downtown bank with a large grocery bag in her arms. She told the teller that she wanted to open an account to make a substantial deposit, in excess of $200,000. Further, she said that since such a large sum was involved, she would deal only with the president of the bank to make the necessary arrangements.
The teller looked in the bag and confirmed that it was, in fact, full of cash. He called upstairs and explained the situation to the bank president, who agreed to see the woman. The teller escorted her to the presidents office, and the president invited her to have a seat, which she accepted.
She repeated her request to open an account. The
president said he would take care of it personally, but his curiosity was killing him. He said, "Mind if I ask how you happened to come into such a large sum of cash?"
"Not at all," was her reply. "I bet."
"You bet?" he countered. "At the racetrack, or on
professional sports, or in casinos...?"
"Nothing like that," she said. "I just ... bet. For example, I'll bet you $50,000 that by tomorrow morning your balls will be square."
The president chuckled but, seeing that the lady had the funds to back up such a wild bet, agreed. They shook hands on it, and she promised to return at nine the next morning to follow up, and left.
As the day wore on, the president found himself
frequently checking to make sure that all was in order.
It was, but just as a precaution he cancelled his
regular Tuesday afternoon golf match and went home
early.
The next morning when he showered, he was actually
quite relieved to find that nothing had changed
drastically while he slept. He confidently headed for the bank, laughing all the way at the unexpected windfall that was about to become his.
The little old lady showed up promptly at the appointed hour, accompanied by a young man. When the president asked who he was, she replied that he was her lawyer,who she always brought along when payoffs involving significant sums were involved.
The president told her that sorry, she had lost that particular bet, so the funds would be outgoing rather than incoming. She insisted on examining the evidence for herself, considering the amount at stake. He deemed it a reasonable request under the circumstances, so hestood up, unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants. She
proceeded to closely inspect his jewels for any
abnormalities. As she did, the president noticed that her lawyer was standing in the corner, banging his head against the wall.
He asked the lady, "What's the matter with him?"
She paused her inspection long enough to glance at the lawyer and replied, "Oh, him. I bet him $250,000 that before ten A.M. today I'd have the president of the bank by the balls."

[Cowboy83]

Hey Pete, I am going to try to put at least one joke a day up on here just to bring a little humor into people's lives, you're welcome, see you around, The Cowboy

[peteTR25]

Cowboy , Thank you for the last two jokes. They were funny and great. Iam looking forward to more jokes.


pete

[Cowboy83]

JUST TO MAKE YOU SMILE...
What is the Iraqi air force motto?
I came, I saw, Iran.
Have you heard about the new Iraqi air force exercise program?
Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.
What's the five-day forecast for Baghdad? Two days.
What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
They both have Kurds in their way.
What is the best Iraqi job?
Foreign ambassador.
Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
You only have to teach them to take off.
How do you play Iraqi bingo?
B-52 ... F-16 ... B-1... B-2
What is Iraq's national bird?
Duck.
What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!
Why does the Iraqi navy have glass bottom boats?
So they can see their air force.

[Cowboy83]

This one is mainly for the ladies but its funny anyway..........
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?" The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff.... was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her...so I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt...so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants....so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to! pull off my shorts...so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy..."
"And, here I am."
BLONDE MEN DO EXIST