Diary Of A Pregnant Lady

[BlackMagicRose]

Just figured I would keep a journal of sorts on some of the happenings throughout this pregnancy. It might be kind of interesting to reflect back on it later on...especially once the baby is here. Anyway, so far I am lucky to not have morning sickness. I only had the one episode at work that basically consisted of me breaking into a cold sweat, getting really nauseous, and feeling like I was literally gonna hit the floor in a dead faint. So I have an ornery little shit growing inside me. So far I don't think baby cares for pizza since it gave me lovely stomach cramps, gas and the shits almost immediately. Normally I can eat just about anything and not have an issue. So far I eat a lot of plain dry bread and drink a lot of milk or white grape/peach juice. Work is going to be interesting in the next few months with the holidays coming up since we will be going to mandatory 6 day work weeks shortly after Thanksgiving. Oh HOLY HELL am I gonna be one tired Momma. Add in the fact it is my first trimester and most of what I want to do with my free time now is sleep or at least lay down and read and you have got a crash course in disaster coming...LOL. All is well right now though. Speaking of sleep. I think I am gonna head back to bed. I managed to crash out for 4 hours after work. And so it begins.... [img]eek.gif[/img]

[BlackMagicRose]

Okay...I couldn't figure out how to open the topic so I could post more. Duh...there is a little unlock button at the bottom. ANYWAY, I am finding I am getting more tired. I can almost just sack out anywhere. It makes it interesting when I have to work the next day though because if I work early I usually can't sleep. That is going to be a big problem once we go to mandatory 6 day weeks for the holidays. I will be so damn tired I won't care if I see daylight again or not. I am kind of concerned too though how it is going to effect the pregnancy by getting too tired. I don't think that is a good thing. Anyway, I am still feeling relatively fine. I get some stomach cramping if I eat something that the baby doesn't like. Which I am of course playing the find out what I can and can not eat stage. I figure try it once and if it makes me sick then don't try it again. At least not until later on when what I eat won't turn my stomach as easily. So far the only thing that gave me a really bad stomach ache was pizza. But I have yet to puke so its all good. Anyway, the ex-wife has blocked anyone but friends from seeing her blogs and so I am guessing she did it to trash me and him and whatever else. Oh well....I figure she is going to be a fucking cunt about anything and everything and is just going to be pissed because once the baby is born her child support will get lowered to accomodate us having a baby. I guess if she'd get off her ass and get a real job she wouldn't have to be on state medical and food stamps and whatever else she is drawing off MY tax dollars. Kind of sad that I am pregnant and working my ass off to make ends meet and she is just sitting on her sorry ass at home not doing shit with her life and expecting us to pay everything. Sorry shithead...we don't owe you anything other than that fucking child support money and it is going through the state so when they start taking it out they start taking it out. We were told NOT to pay her anything or even get clothes and stuff for the girls because unless the Child Support Division deducts it then they (CSD) can't and won't give us credit for it. One of the first things she started asking about when Daniel told her we were expecting was "Where is MY child support?" I basically told her she'll get her fucking money when THEY decide to take it out and that we aren't paying her anything because we were told not too. She wanted full custody so she can fucking deal with the expenses of having them full time. That is the way I fel about it. Maybe I wouldn't have as much of a problem with the whole thing if she'd get off her lazy fucking ass and get a damn job to support herself instead of expecting to live off Mommy and Daddy or Daniel when he gets his degrees. She has pretty much stated that once he gets his degrees she will live off the possible $1500 per month he has to pay her. Well I hate to tell her if I have to go all the way to the Supreme Court to get her to where she HAS to earn her own living and so we don't have to shell out that much money that we are working hard for then I will. Why should we have to pay for her to have a house or anything else instead of having our own? Why should we do without when we are the ones working hard to ensure OUR future. We owe her nothing!!! He's not m,arried to her anymore he is married to ME!!! His obligations are to ME!!! And like it or not we WILL take custody from her. That is just a given. Cinnamon is STILL sick and it has been well over 3 weeks. Supposedly she's had them into the doctor but if the kid is STILL sick then maybe that doctor is dropping the ball. And we've made it known that if they even have a sniffle we aren't taking them because I can't afford to get sick right now. And I know it chaps her ass but oh the fuck well. She went as far as to state that she doesn't plan on ever getting with anyone or getting married again that way she can draw or try to draw off Daniel's benefits if anything happens to him. Nice huh? It's like she is basically saying "you knocked me up a couple times so now you owe me your money and anything else!!!" Personally I am tired of dealing with her. I can only hope that maybe she'll get laid or something to remove whatever it is up her ass. *Mutters* Okay so that is my rant for the day. Pregnant and having to deal with a psychotic lazy fucking cunt of an ex-wife who loves nothing more than to make everything as difficult as possible for Daniel and I. Anyway, on that note I think I am going to go to bed.

[BlackMagicRose]

Okay...well at the moment I am feeling kind of queazy. Maybe it was too much to hope for that I wouldn't feel sick. All I know is I go back to work tomorrow and close for 3 days and then open 2 days. The bad thing is that the last day I open I have to be there an hour earlier for a meeting BUT I should in theory be getting off work an hour earlier. Why they are doing meetings every Saturday morning I don't know. And what is probably going to suck is that they are going to switch me opening on Saturday to closing on Saturday because I live here in McMinnville and not in fucking Salem. Which that totally fucks up the visitation with the girls because their Mother expects us to pick them up by 6 to 6:30pm and the car seats are in MY car because they don't secure down in Daniel's car the way they should and his car uses at least twice as much gas as mine does. And since we have to drive all over hell to get them we need to use my car so that we at least save some money in gas. I am really worried about the 6 day weeks though. I just don't know how I am going to be able to do it. I am already tired enough as is. *sigh* But if I were to quit my job I then wouldn't have insurance and wouldn't be able to afford to have the baby. So I am stuck.

[BlackMagicRose]

Okay...I don't have to do 6 day work weeks after all. That is just for the Retail Sales Consultants and I am a Sales Support Representative. THANK GAWD!!! I am sooooo tired right now it isn't even funny. I am just plain old exhausted. I didn't know I could get this tired. I guess that happens when you are carrying around an extra person even if that extra person isn't very big yet...LOL. Makes me wonder how tired I will be as the pregnancy progresses. I haven't gotten full blown morning sickness yet. Basically I have gotten kind of queazy and that is just usually if I get up too fast or if something I eat doesn't agree with the baby. Anyway, I think I am gonna go to bed...LOL. [img]graemlins/sleepy.gif[/img]

[BlackMagicRose]

Okay...I am tired as hell and work is just insane right now. I am getting to where I don't really want to be there. I have to have a doctors note to even be able to use a chair to sit down part of the day even though I am pregnant. Then they changed my work schedule on me without notifying me so I was supposed to open today instead of close but had no clue since no one said anything to me until about an hour or so AFTER I was supposed to be there. I of course took my copy of the schedule in and showed them where it said I closed. And it STILL said I closed when I worked on Saturday. Anyway, now they have me opening, closing, opening, closing, opening and being there and extra hour early on Saturday because of these stupid fucking meetings. Which means I close on Friday night and have about 9 hours from the time I get home till the time I have to be up for the stupid meeting. Nice huh? Anyway, I had my bad tooth pulled Monday and I think my body is in a little bit of shock from it since I haven't really felt that good since. Although it doesn't hurt even remotely as bad as it did so that is a plus. I just don't know. Monday I had a hell of a panic attack because my regular doctor wouldn't authorize me to go to the dentist despite the fact I was in so much pain I thought my lower jaw was going to fall off or something. Them telling me I couldn't have dental work done whatsoever and I was like "that is a crock of shit because I have spent the past four days researching what I CAN and CANNOT do!!!" The whole thing about hair dye is a myth, same with acrylic nails, dental work can be done...you are just limited to what they can give you medication wise and they didn't give me shit for the pain so HEY what is the big deal. It just seems to be one thing right after another. And I am getting SO burned out at work. They hired me on as part time but are working me full time plus hours. So I am like beyond tired and stressed out. I am just starting to wonder if the job is really worth it. Yeah I make bank but at what cost? [img]frown.gif[/img]

[BlackMagicRose]

I am exhausted beyond belief and am about to kick Daniel's ass out to the couch since he either wakes me up when he comes to bed after I have finally fallen asleep OR he snores all Gawd damned night and wakes me up that way. I am starting to feel like this pregnancy was a HUGE mistake. Between the panic attacks, work not taking my doctors excuses as an excused absence (was in the ER for 10 hours on Wednesday and am being written up for it), my Mother bitching to me about Daniel and him not working and him smoking and so on, and everything else I feel like it is all a mistake. He can't or won't get a job because of the fucking practicum he has to do starting Winter term. We are cutting me down to 32 hours a week because of the complications I am already having. Yeah my blood pressure shot up to 180/100 the other day and they put me on blood pressure medication...won't let me take anything for the panic attacks. They said the baby is where it should be so no need to worry about it being an ectopic pregnancy but I shouldn't be cramping this early on and my blood pressure shouldn't be this high this early on. But unless I actually start bleeding not to really worry about the cramping. So, yeah....I am to the point of just wanting to bury my head in the sand and never come up. I got chewed out by my Mom about wanting to go back to school and she snapped at me saying that I needed to stick with this job since I am making good money and it is like yeah but if I ACTUALLY get my degree I can be making almost 4 times what I am now and be able to set my own hours. I'm trying to keep all the bills and shit paid but I can't do it alone and I am about to call the child support division and tell them that a 30 dollar credit for my child is not enough and makes it seem like Neciah's kids are worth more and are more important than mine. She's not doing SHIT with her life and YES it DOES impact me since I am having to pay for damn near everything!!! I shouldn't have to be swinging both car payments, the insurance, and every other bill and gas money on top of it. [img]graemlins/cry_smile.gif[/img]

[BlackMagicRose]

Having two kids that aren't your own is definately not easy. Especially when you are pregnant and damn near every little thing grates on your nerves. For instance they are whining about every little thing, they have colds and don't cover their mouths when they cough, and prefer to run around the house completely naked. All of which were things that I was either NOT allowed to do when I was their age or in the case of the covering your mouth when you cough was taught to do at a very young age. Things at my place were very proper for the most part and rough housing inside the house wasn't allowed either which pisses me off to no end. Now I am getting their cold. I specifically said if it was allergies fine but if they were coughing that no we wouldn't take them. Well, they ARE coughing and stuff and now I am getting sick. Hence why it is important to cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze or anything. Anyway, it looks like I am going to be off work until November 10th. We are trying to get my blood pressure and anxiety under control. Right now I am having a lot of lower back pain along with the cramping. This baby is an ornery little shit to say the least. At this point I really don't care about the job because I am sure that I can find something else to do to make up the difference and not have the stress involved. Honestly the amount of stress from work is not doing me or the baby any good. And the hits just keep on comin' because the tranny in Daniel's car is going out. Uh yeah we are paying 24 grand for a car barely worth 12 and the fucking tranny is going out in it. It's a brand new car too...2006. It doesn't even have 30,000 miles on it. So basically we were told our only way out is to let it get repo-ed and then file bankruptcy so the dealership has to eat that 24 grand. We don't really have any other way out since that car is the reason for most of our financial problems. We keep spending all this money for gas and maitenance on it and then some other problem crops up. Hell, my credit is shot now anyway since everything is pretty much in my name since he couldn't get anything in his name. What a fucked up mess. I guess at least we won't have to worry about the credit cards or anything since we are having to file bankruptcy. He also got a bill in the mail today from the Division of Child Support wanting him to pay $2520 right now. It would have been nice if they had been taking the money out like they were fucking supposed too. I swear it is a neverending mess. [img]graemlins/grrr.gif[/img]

[BlackMagicRose]

Okay so this isn't going smoothly for me at all. First it was the high blood pressure and now it is not only the high blood pressure but migraines as well. And of course they are like the ones I had a couple years ago that basically made you want to sever your own head and call it good. Well, anyway I have been in and out of the hospital ER and the last time I went into the one here in Mac the doctor said it would be "unethical" for him to treat me. Okay so I am sitting there in so much pain crying which is something I rarely do and all they can tell me is go home and try to slep it off. I am like I already did that. I also explained that the longer the migraine goes without being treated the worse it gets and then it becomes even more difficult to get the damn thing to break. GAWD...being pregnant sucks!!! [img]graemlins/whatever.gif[/img]

[BlackMagicRose]

Well since I have so much time on my hands I have been redoing board layouts and need to come up with one for our "Pentacles and the Paranormal" board. I'm sure I will find something sooner or later. What sucks is I had TONS of holiday pictures that I moved to a cd and the cd didn't copy right so I lost them. Guess I will have to go image shopping again or just do something from scratch like I did with mine and Hubby's board. The only things I didn't actually do was the corner pic itself but I modified them both to suit what I wanted. Anyway, Cinnamon turns 6 on the 7th of December and I made her a fancy birthday card with sparkle text. I may do another one and include Daniel and I's names on it and make it even more bright. He'll have to send it to the ex-wifes email for her though. Anyway, Gran's birthday is the 6th of December and we are going to dinner at Mt. Angel to a German restaurant to celebrate it since it is her 85th. Gawd I hope I can still get into my pants or my skirt...yes I said skirt. I will wear one under certain circumstances if necessary. Wedding gowns are an entirely different matter. They may be gorgeous but GAWD DAMN they are HEAVY!!! Hard to believe I just got married in February and will be around 5 and a half months pregnant on our first anniversary. Insane how time flies by so fast. This is more than likely going to be our first and only baby since I am having several problems. I just don't know if I will be able to risk a second one. The high blood pressure, severe migraines, and now the swelling of my ankles and feet and severe lower back pain is almost too much. I just hope I can carry this little bugger to term. As far as the ultrasounds went everything looked normal...evidentally it is just Mamma who isn't normal. One good thing is my hair and fingernails never looked better...LOL. I'm actually getting my own fingernails to grow out some and my hair is growing like it is on liquid crack or something. I am trying to grow it back out and keep the layers in it. By keeping it layered it takes some of the weight off my neck. Anyway, I foresee a LOT of putting up my feet and sitting in bed crocheting, reading, or watching movies in my future. So far the last due date they gave me was June 13th but I have this strange feeling the baby is going to be born on June 11th. This coming June 11th marks 20 years since my Grandpa Hummel's death. And for some reason I had a dream that the baby would be born on that day. Something to ponder. It would be very ironic and bittersweet if it happened that way.

[BlackMagicRose]

Have you ever noticed whenever you want to sleep...you can't? That is kind of where I am at. I am hot for some reason and can't seem to settle down despite the fact I was in the hospital emergency room till about 1:30am. I don't know how many shots of dilaudid they gave me along with the zofran for the nausea. They did an ultrasound to see if it was my appendix causing me so much pain. All they can figure out is that it is the muscles of my uterus expanding to make room for the baby I am carrying or that my gall bladder is about to go out even though nothing is showing up on the tests or anything. I did ask them to check the baby since they were having to do an ultrasound and the little bugger is doing fine. Heart rate is at 163 beats per minute and Daniel could see the screen and said that the baby had gotten quite a bit bigger since the last time he saw it when it looked basically like a "clump of snot" according to him. I am working on baby blankets for my Mom cause she has a couple gals at work that need them. And I have a couple started for me that I put on hold until I finish the ones for Mom. I am kind of hoping we have a little girl because I have a pattern for this little dress, cap, and bootie set that is absolutely adorable. I'll have to scan it and post a picture of it. I wish I had had the pattern when Hannah was little so I could have made her one. There really doesn't seem to be much I can't do with some yarn and a crochet hook. Funny though that I can't knit worth crap. So anyway, I am pretty much through the first trimester and I am really hoping things start to level off. One main concern is my blood pressure and my feet and ankles swelling really bad. That isn't supposed to happen until later. Anyway, I am going to go scan that picture of the crocheted layette. It really is adorable. The one with it on the little girl doesn't have the booties but you get the idea of the little dress and hat. The little girl reminds me a LOT of Kaela when she was a baby. Anyway, I am going to go ahead and work on a few other things. Here's the pic. [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]