Diary Of A New Mommy

[BlackMagicRose]

Okay since I had a pretty rough pregnancy and didn't get to write much since I wasn't even around much I thought I would start a periodic chronicle of my exploits as a new Mom. I am getting a late start in this game of parenthood compared to most of my friends and family. My sister had her first at 19 and was married over a year at the time and me I am just now getting to the having a baby part at 32. Sometimes I wonder if it is what lead to all the problems I had during my pregnancy. I wouldn't trade Kian for anything in the world though and I look forward to him being able to come home because I spend most of my time cooped up in this apartment all alone. And while I do like my alone time it is going to be nice to have that little person with me. At least I can talk to him and he won't talk back at this point. Well, he'll squeak and stuff. He makes funny noises and squeals and stuff which is cute and I know when he smiles he isn't smiling because he is happy to see me, he is smiling because he has gas. One of these days when his vision gets clearer and he can actually tell what he is looking at instead of just relying on voices and sounds like all babies do for the first few months he'll start to smile out of recognition when he sees me...but until then I am afraid it is just going to be gas. Thus far I have dubbed him Peanut since he looks like a little peanut. He's still tiny but not as tiny as he was when they took him via emergency c-section. And he's just as cute as can be. Of course I think any mother could have the ugliest baby in the world and it would be cute to her. Kian isn't an ugly baby though...he's absolutely precious. And he's a little spitfire which is a blessing considering he had to be born so early. My main thing right now is going to lay down so I can get some rest and get over this cold that I have and heal from both surgeries so I will be fully healed when he comes home or at least almost completely healed. That day is getting closer and closer and I can't wait.
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[BlackMagicRose]

It is impossible to say how hard it is to be home and have my baby still in the hospital with no definate date set for him to be coming home. There are just so many little things that we need to learn to do and with the gas prices taking a HUGE hike here it is making it really hard for us to get up there to be with Kian as much as we need to be. On top of that they did an EEG on his brain because he is really uncoordinated and stuff and tends to jerk like he is having a seizure but it isn't bad enough to be a seizure. And they say when they wake him up he is more irritable than most preemie babies are as well. So I just don't know. I hope he is okay and that everything is fine as it has been with all the tests they have run on him. It is scary when you don't know what is going on and you can't drive up there every single day and you live just right outside the limits to be able to stay up there. I miss my baby and it is so hard being away from him for so long. I wish he was home. And I wish we knew that all these little things were goingto work themselves out. [img]frown.gif[/img]

<font color="#6D3D57"><font size="1">[ May 21, 2008 01:27 AM: Message edited by: BlackMagicRose ]</font></font>