Laugh Dammit !

[Rogue Angel]

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!! mean, but funny.... [img]wink.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed
there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news." The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him... I am so sorry,... but he's dead."
Edna replied... "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
"How soon can I go home?"

[Rogue Angel]

*SCREAMLAUGH*... ohhhhhhhhh yeah... edna is definitely mentally stable!... maybe ralph stole her cookie at dinner, and she just went to get it back... ? [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

A Texas Tech graduate, a University of Texas grad and a Texas Aggie were sitting in a bar in San Antonio. The view of the river was fantastic, the beer was ice cold and the food exceptional.
"But," said the guy from Tech, "I still prefer the beer joints back in Lubbock. There's one place where the owner goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th."
The Longhorn said "Well, at my local bar in Austin, the owner will buy your 3rd drink after you've bought 2."
"Hell, that's nothin'," the Aggie responded. "Back in College Station there's this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink and keep them coming all night. Then when you've had enough to drink, they take you upstairs and see that you get laid. And it's all on the house."
The Red Raider and the Longhorn immediately doubted the Aggie's claims. "And this actually happened to you?" asked the Tech grad.
No, not myself personally," admitted the Aggie. "But it did happen to my sister."

[Rogue Angel]

*snickers*... [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

Google is spying on us, that's a fact, but sometimes having someone who knows what we do may result useful...

[Rogue Angel]

HAHAHAHAAA!!!!!! [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets so bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton gets this letter from Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people?s carts when they weren?t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ?Code 3 in house wares?? and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M?s on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a ?CAUTION - WET FLOOR? sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he?d invite them in if they?ll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, ?Why can?t you people just leave me alone??

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the ?Mission Impossible? theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ?Madonna look? using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled ?PICK ME! PICK ME!?

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams ?NO! NO! It?s those voices again!?

And last, but certainly not least?

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ?There is no toilet paper in here!?

[ellanoize]

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Looking up again, then down.

Finally, his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the darn ball!"

The guy looks up and answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the club house. I want to make this a perfect shot." Once again he begins setting up his shot.

"Forget it, man," shouts his partner. "You'll NEVER hit her from here!"

[Rogue Angel]

*collapses*... i think i like Mr. Fenton... my kinda guy!!!