Laugh Dammit !

[Rogue Angel]

nah... i like Shitdog.... [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img]
i suppose you could call it a Dogshit, too.... lmfao. or a Bullzu... Shitdog is the best, though.... *screamlaughing*....

coming online after taking large doses of pain meds and muscle relaxers can be hazardous to your health... [img]confused.gif[/img] lol....

[ellanoize]

A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.
Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims: "If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says "If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!"

More sighs and loud applause!

Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the preacher stays, I will give him sex," There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?"

Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side while his wife replies:

"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said "Screw the Preacher."

[BlackMagicRose]

LMFAO...that reminds me of my Great Grandma who passed away at 101 and a half...LOL. She was FEISTY!!! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Rogue Angel]

[img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img] i read this at work while ago... i was DYING to tell it to someone... but they are kinda uptight at times, and i didn't think they would appreciate the humor... i however, thought it was fkn hilarious... [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Mer]

lmao makes me think of red and kitty from that 70's show

[ellanoize]

I am Thrilled t hear that everyone is enjoying these funnies...ready for another one?

************************************************** *

A young blonde female stock broker was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps a MG convertible.

That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored
and she fell in love with it's gorgeous red paint job. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?

At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?" "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."

"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.

"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?" "Simple really, just shit in the carburetor," he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, "Oh, OK... How many times a week do I have to do that?"

[Rogue Angel]

[img]rolleyes.gif[/img] *giggle*

[ellanoize]

Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how well they had their wives trained.

The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.

They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so well trained, that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."

Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.

The man replied, "Well, I was lying under the bed and she crawled over and said, "Come out and fight like a man!".

[Mer]

LMAO oh thats goooood! [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

DEAR DIARY . DAY ONE

I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.


DEAR DIARY . DAY TWO

We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY . DAY THREE

I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.


DEAR DIARY . DAY FOUR

Went to the ship's casino . did OK ... won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my husband.

DEAR DIARY .. DAY FIVE

Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman He again asked me to visit him for the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled.


DEAR DIARY . DAY SIX

I saved 1600 lives today... Twice