Laugh Dammit !

**ellanoize** · July 11th, 2007, 02:01 PM

A Texan Is drinking in a New York Bar. He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texan baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Texan baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later the Texan returns to the bar.

The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Texan baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you ... so how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born.

The Texan father takes a slow swig from his Lone Star, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans in to the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

**Rogue Angel** · July 12th, 2007, 03:41 AM

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! i know a couple people around here that will appreciate that joke... [img]tongue.gif[/img]

**ellanoize** · July 12th, 2007, 05:16 PM

This old joke is a bit sick....but funny as hell, I certainly hope this can put a crooked smile on yer face [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]

__________________________________________________ _

Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess what guys, we've won a trip to see the Pope!"
Everyone gets all excited and chants, "We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him."
The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying, "Go ahead, Dopey, ask him, ask him!"
The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, "Do you have a question to ask me, young man?"
Dopey looks up shyly and says,"Well, yes." The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask. Dopey asks, "Well, do....do they have nuns in Alaska?"
The Pope replies, "Well, yes, I'm sure we have nuns in Alaska."
The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, "Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!"
The Pope asks Dopey if there's more to his question, and Dopey continues, "Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?"
To which the Pope replies, "Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes."
Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, "Ask him the last part, Dopey,ask him the last part!"
The Pope asks Dopey, "Is there still more to your question?"
To which Dopey replies, "Well, uh, yeah.....are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?"
The startled Pope replies, "Well, no, my son, I really don't think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska."

At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, "Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopey fucked a penguin!"

**ellanoize** · July 12th, 2007, 05:22 PM

A hug offered can not be stolen *huggs*

**Rogue Angel** · July 12th, 2007, 10:51 PM

[img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

**Rogue Angel** · July 13th, 2007, 03:58 AM

*tugs at rog's shirt*... i could use a funny today, my friend... i'm feeling a little... i don't know what, exactly. Not sad... not lonely... just. odd. *steals a hug or two*... ever feel like you don't know your place in the world, and you don't think you'll ever find it? it's kinda like that... i just don't know where i'm supposed to be, who i'm supposed to be with, what i'm supposed to be doing... nothing solid to keep me grounded these days... and no signs that i'm headed in the right direction.... *crinkles nose*... blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhh. *L*

**ellanoize** · July 13th, 2007, 01:05 PM

Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. &n bsp;It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"