i always thought my parents would be together forever.. didn't we all, at one point?
my mother was married to my father for 20 years, and despite the fact he was an abusive alcoholic, she was quite prepared to spend the rest of her life with him.
they met when she was 17 or so and had been together until she was 42.
one day, out of nowhere he calls to say he isn't really gone playing music, he's with the new love of his life and he isn't coming back.
i didn't understand how a person could fall out of love
and it wasn't until today, driving through the prairies
(you have so much time to think since there's nothing to see... [img]wink.gif[/img] )
that i thought about something he had told me last year
during the only quality time we've spent together. we talked forever,
i was finally getting the answers i needed out of him
some kind of closure to the whole thing.
it doesn't trouble me so much today,
but while we were talking about everything from their beginning to the end,
it wasn't until today that i realized that he was never in love with my mom.
he was really in love with her older sister,
but my mom was 'the betty'
you know, betty, the nice girl, the one you take home and marry and have babies with.
she was just... second best
so then we've established they didn't fall out of love since they were never in love
he told me how they could never talk like he and her sister could, or how they could sit in silence, something he could never do with my mom. or that floating feeling he got when they were near each other, the insane jealousy after seeing her with her husband, even though he was, by that time, married to my mom
in all the years they were together, all the ups and downs, he only learned to love her as the mother of his children. children he never really wanted, in the first place. no more, no less.
how do you spend the better part of your life with someone you only just love...? or with somebody you resent...?
now, this isn't a roast to my father, sure he's a piece of shit, but he's MY piece of shit, right?..
but i guess, it just makes me wonder. the more we talk about marriage and happily ever after, i can't help but think. am i just another betty? i'm in love. but is he?
we don't ever really know, do we. is it a notion?
somedays i'm almost positive he feels the same way i do, but then it slips away.
but i guess after hearing that from my dad. the two women he loved as fiercely as a person could, and niether one was my mother, it just..
well
it doesn't give me much faith in love
... realizing how far from the truth i was when i used to think we were one big happy family..
it just seems like an illusion now
<font color="#fdfdfd" size="1">[ March 26, 2006 11:00 PM: Message edited by: the revenant ]</font>
and then!...
since they were never in love
i wonder..
how could a person do that to another...
lead them on like that?
how can you stay with a person you're not in love with?
i don't believe in 'for the sake of the children' so don't give me that shit, because that's what it is... shit.
nobody's happiness is worth sacrificing for somebody else's.. is it?..
is it a noble act? or is it just cruel..?
<font size="2.5" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">It may have been a noble act in so much as he left her while she was still a young lady and could move on.. Does that make sense?Originally posted by the revenant:
is it a noble act?
My dad died when I was 14 <~~hidden message
[img]biggrin.gif[/img]
yes, and no
i think it was a cruel act of selfishness
You see it like that cuz it's personal...
I can only imagine what your dad went thru and how he must've felt all those years.. [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]
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