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Thread: That is not funny!

  1. #11
    Inactive Member ellanoize's Avatar
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    Two hunters go on a moose hunting trip for a week, but before they took off the pilot of the bush plane laid down a few rules. One being that they were only allowed to bring back one moose because of the weight capacity with the hunters and the gear etc.
    The two hunters were not happy with this arrangement and beg the pilot to allow them to bring back two moose on their return but to no avail until one hunter had said that the pilot with the same plane the previous year let them bring back two moose. With that the pilot finally agreed.
    The pilot left and returned to pick up the two hunters a week later. They then loaded their two moose and gear into the plane and proceeded to take off but the plane barely got off the ground and ran into the trees at the end of the runway. The plane was smashed up and the two hunters were laying on the ground, when one hunter woke up and woke the other hunter up. The second hunter said where are we to the first hunter in which he replied "Oh! about a hundred yards further than we were last year."

  2. #12
    Inactive Member ellanoize's Avatar
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    Joke of the year......536997513 laugh

    Two women were sitting together, quietly . . .

  3. #13
    Inactive Member cherrysmum's Avatar
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    didn't I email you that last one LOL... and the five dollars worth of gas was just too funny.

  4. #14
    Inactive Member ellanoize's Avatar
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    Yes, I believe you did Mum, and I thought it was funny enough to repost, I hope you don't mind...coz, I'm a pirate LOL

    One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

    His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

    The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
    'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

    She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'

  5. #15
    Inactive Member ellanoize's Avatar
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    Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence.


    The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so."

    Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for five years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for five years; you may speak two words.

    "Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."

    "I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said. "We will get you a better bed."

    After another five years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."

    "Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine; and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

    On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office. "You may say two words today."

    "I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.

    "It's probably best," said the Priest. "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."

  6. #16
    Inactive Member cherrysmum's Avatar
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    Can always count on rog to keep us laughing..those are so funny

  7. #17
    Inactive Member ellanoize's Avatar
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    Letterman In Trouble With NASCAR I'd say he hit this one right on da head.

    I'll bet Dave Letterman does get some 'flak' from the NAACP.

    Al Sharpton and the Rev Jackson will go nuts!!!

    David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:

    # 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.

    # 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.

    # 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.

    # 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.

    # 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.

    # 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.

    # 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.

    # 3 - No Cadillac's approved for competition.

    # 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.

    AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR..............



    # 1 - They Can't wear their helmets sideways.

  8. #18
    Inactive Member ellanoize's Avatar
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    The Aisle Seat

    Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London.One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat... Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.' 'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'

    As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one, too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the f l ight.

    As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors... 'Why does it have to be this way?' 'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity?This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?'

    THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES.

  9. #19
    Inactive Member ellanoize's Avatar
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    Quote for the day:

    Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

    If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

    If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

    If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

    She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

    So - if you give her crap,

    you will receive more shit than any one human being can handle.

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