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I don't know what to say about this one, Kama. As usual, it was very well written with unexpected twists in the storyline. And, whether intentional or not (I believe intentional) you seem to prefer writing stories where the sex isn't the primary focus, but rather incidental to the story itself. I applaud this as it makes for a much better story, IMHO.
But the reason I mentioned my speechless state initially was that the story did not end like I was expecting it to end. I would guess that I won't be the only one to mention this...
Abra and Saskia were sentenced to a life that they clearly did not want. There was no safe escape, no happily ever after. That was the biggest twist of all. For me anyway.
BUT, your job as a writer is not to write for me or anyone else. It is to put your own ideas together, in your own style and hope your efforts will be understood and appreciated. Readers/non-writers may not understand the angst that the story teller feels when he/she posts a story that they've worked hard on and hope that said story will be liked.
Soo...even though it didn't end the way that I thought, I REALLY enjoyed this tale of two, desperate, love struck women whose ultimate fate may have been orchestrated by others, but still found love and comfort in each other's arms.
WELL DONE!!!
AP
The story reminds me a lot of a movie from a couple of years ago, Compulsion.
The ending is different, but it has the same sense the protagonist would never escape the moment she entered their world, and her "lover" was really an enemy.
thank you for your long comment, apenman. yes, i tried to do something different here. i know it kind of sucks, but as you said i want to write thrillers and mysteries where sexfighting is not the most important part of the story.Quote:
Originally Posted by apenman
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i was not aware of it. i just checked the IMDB summary and yes, there is a similarity. plan to watch it soon. my story was inspired by the kubrick film - EYES WIDE SHUT.Quote:
Originally Posted by indris
Interesting story Kama
I had a feeling this was different from the start. But I had no idea it was this different!
I get it though, the compelling need to write something different. Which is why I can no longer write about just sexfighting. But with this story, might I suggest, you take it further. Chapter 5 is the close-out! I say it should just be getting started! Come-on man...are you really going to let Abra and Saskia live the rest of their lives in bondage? You like twist and turns? You've taken us around some curves we did not expect! Then take us on some more curves.....delve into it Kama. You delved deep with Maja and Ebba, do the same with Abra and Saskia! They obviously are not happy with their situation, yet they seriously dig each other. Why should they stand for remaining slaves? What's the next step man..........COME-ON.........keep the journey going!!!
Shak
Quote:
Originally Posted by shak7
that is a very encouraging post, shak. according to kurt vonnegut, a writer must write for exactly one person and never the masses. i guess i will write for you since i dont think anyone else liked it much. i will continue the series (i am currently working on a short story and will get back to MATING SEASON after it).
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couldnt have put it better myself.Quote:
I get it though, the compelling need to write something different. Which is why I can no longer write about just sexfighting.
i removed "THE END" from the story.
I DO like this story and found it both sexy and thrilling.
But of course, I love that you removed the "THE END", would love to read a continuation where the couple actually may break free, maybe by one of them sexfighting a female guard into oblivion.
Thanks a lot for this story!
Johannes
Quote:
Originally Posted by kamafight
NOW WE'RE TALKING!!!
I disagree with some of what kurt Vonnegut says. It's true we write what we feel and what we envision, but if we choose to communicate it to others, we do it in a language and with the type of passion that captures their interest. But we also choose the target where our voice will be heard. Some audiences don't want what we are giving, so we don't force feed them. But others want it and to them we continue to give. I love your thought processes (well the big snake bugged me out!) But it was the most unique and interesting twist I ever read in a story like this. You took it from regular sexfight story to science fiction/horror story, which I thought was great.
I stopped writing my Dezerai stories for this board because I needed to make my characters real people and not just sexfighters. Dezerai 4 and 5 barely had any hits, so I learned my lesson. But I had the most fun writing them. Which is what I am encouraging from you. Delve deep man, some of us like where you are trying to go and I personally can't wait to see where Abra and Saskia end up! (hopefully locked together forever...............VIVA EROTICA!!!)
Shak
wish i could frame this post for future sexfight-crime fiction-sci fi writers. thank you for this great post, shak.Quote:
Originally Posted by shak7