OT: self-worth

My mom says I worry too much over my grades. She says it is ok to get a B. But I want all A's. I do make straight A's though so it is ok. But I stress out so much I get sick over it. But I always end up with perfect grades. My mom says I shouldn't base my self-worth on what grades I get.

I like doing beauty pageants. I like them because they're pretty you dress up fancy and do fancy hair and makeup and get crowns and stuff. But I always lose. Cause I'm not pretty enough. But I really WANT to be pretty and for people to pick me as the winner and think that I am pretty. My mom says I shouldn't base my self-worth on peoiple picking me as the prettiest in a beauty pageant.

I get sick a lot. I have some health problems. I worry about those too and I try to stay healthy. But I feel not good as other people my age because I've got things wrong with me. My mom says don't base your self-worth on that either.

What ARE you supposed to base your self-worth on? My mom is gone and this is bugging me. I won't go to sleep.
[img]graemlins/wonder.gif[/img]

<font color="#051E50" size="1">[ November 26, 2005 11:17 PM: Message edited by: StarTrekCaptain ]</font>

I do the same thing with my grades. I hold SO much pressure on myself, and as a result get very stressed out about school. However, if I don't get too carried away it usually works in my favor because I'm in the running to be valedictorian of my class. I really hope so, since I've been working my butt off for 4 years! I'm also an actress and have a very difficult time with auditions because I get so down when I don't get cast in something. I don't really know how to avoid getting down about your self-worth, but I do know that you shouldn't base it on what anyone else thinks. There will always be people who don't like what you have to say or offer...and there will always be people who will! Try to base your feelings of self-confidence on accomplishments YOU are proud of that YOU achieved, like a poem you finished writing or a song that you love singing, not on something you have no control over, like beauty pageants or the state of your health.

Don't know if that helps, but that's my opinion. [img]smile.gif[/img]

<font color="#051E50" size="1">[ November 26, 2005 11:42 PM: Message edited by: AG*dancer* ]</font>

Oh honey...don't be so hard on yourself. We are all imperfect, and there is no way to change that.

I think you are a wonderful young lady, with many gifts. You are very special. Don't ever forget that.

Quote:

---

Hmmmm.... deep question....
how about honesty, integrety, compassion, being true to the values you think are important in the world...
and we're not all perfect at that...

---

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I agree with this 100%. Especially being true to your own morals and values, perfect or not, you should always stick to your guns about everything. Especially the issues that are attacking teenagers now: drugs, smoking, drinking, etc. Don't think they're bad because people tell you they are. You have to KNOW they are bad yourself, or it really doesn't matter at all.

Well, I think you should base your self-worth on how you act. If you treat other people nicely and do good things, then you are a good person. If you care about yourself and others, then you are a good person. From what I can tell about you from your post, you are a very good person! [img]smile.gif[/img] You care deeply. In fact, too much. Don't worry so much about what others think of you. Mostly, they are just worried about what others think of "them," and they are not thinking about you at all...lol! I understand the part about wanting to be perfect, with grades and all. But in the long run, it's really not that important. After high school, no one worries about what your grades were and a few B's really don't hurt. And they're definately not worth getting sick over. I always tried to get A's, too, but I did end up with some B's and even a C once! It was upsetting, but my world (surprisingly!) didn't end. Maybe you could try asking God to take away your worries. I do that now and it really works!

Good Luck!

AGDancer thank you, I know what you mean about taking rejection. Its neat you are an actress. I am glad you keep trying even when you don't get a part. And thats really good you might be valedictorian. Thank you for your help.

Ponydreamer you literally make me cry I am sitting here with tears down my face. And I don't even know why!thank you though.. They are good tears I guess.
ps I like your ponydreamer name

<font color="#051E50" size="1">[ November 27, 2005 12:06 AM: Message edited by: StarTrekCaptain ]</font>

Quote:

---

Originally posted by StarTrekCaptain:

What ARE you supposed to base your self-worth on? My mom is gone and this is bugging me. I won't go to sleep.
[img]graemlins/wonder.gif[/img]

<font color="#051E50"><font size="1">[ November 26, 2005 11:17 PM: Message edited by: StarTrekCaptain ]</font></font>

---

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Hmmmm.... deep question....
how about honesty, integrety, compassion, being true to the values you think are important in the world...
and we're not all perfect at that...
you have value and worth just because you are you - there's no one better at being you than you!! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Honey, you are a specially made child of God. He made you and He loves you. You have a purpose in this world, even if you don't know what it is yet. Never forget this.

Thanks everybody. I am in college now. Thats why I think its so important to get perfect grades.
I just got my grades back from this past quarter and I got all A's again.
I asked my mom and she told me something this is what she told me- you have self worth because Jesus thought of you years before you were even born and decided you were worth giving up his life on earth for so he died so that you could live your life and go to heaven to live forever and since he made such a big sacrificice for you then you know you are worth a lot.
That makes me feel better.....

but, um, I still want to be pretty...

I have a friend who says, "if you have to chose between a 4.0 and a good time in college, don't pick the 4.0." I got straight As in high school. I didn't get them in college. I could have, but I decided that some things were just more important. And I'll tell you, not getting a 4.0 hasn't hurt me a bit. I got into an incredible graduate program as the first person to be accepted without at least 5 years of government experience, and I'm headed to law school next year. It's not the A that's important, it's what you learned. I know plenty of people who got As in classes that they can't remember a single thing from. I, on the other hand, remember everything about the classes I got a B in. Remember, your education is about YOU. It's not about the job it can get you, or the approval people will give you. You go to school because YOU want to learn. I know people tell you otherwise, but your life is about you, and living it. Don't let anyone tell you you're not pretty enough, or you're not smart enough. If they're telling you that, all it means is that you're both prettier and smarter than they are. Your mom is right, your self-worth isn't based on anything that other people can see. Your self-worth is about being satisfied with who you are. If you're not feeling good enough, you have to remember to work on the things that make YOU happy. If you enjoy going to the movies, it's not going to hurt you to take a few hours off studying to go to the movies. If you want to work out, it's no big deal to go to the gym without makeup on. Life is about living it and being the very best you you can be. Do what makes you happy and satisfied, not what other people say should make you happy and satisfied. Good luck, and don't worry! You're great, and everyone who really knows you knows that.