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OFFICE Christmas Party Memo
From: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th December 2007
Re: Office Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols. Please feel free to sing along. Don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over ?10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.
I wish a Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Sincerely,
Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th December 2007
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.
There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th December 2007
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?! Anybody?! PLease?!
Officials feel that ?10.00 is too much money and Management believe ?10.00 is a little cheap. Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th December 2007
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food, so we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics. The restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F******g Employees
DATE: 8th December 2007
RE: The F******g Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks - I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f******g salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. Oh yes, I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday. Drink, drive, and die!
The B***ch from H**L!!!
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 9th December 2007
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery from her breakdown, I'll forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
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Excuse me, but do you know how many trees you just used to make all those memos?!?!?!?
WELL DO YOU?!?!? [img]eek.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/sure.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/wonder.gif[/img]
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LOL Sean! That's about the size of it too these days.
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Indeed! LOL!
I think we need to write a memo about the writing of memos! [img]graemlins/sure.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/wonder.gif[/img]
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Very funny, yet sad, too, because the Office Christmas party is on the endangered species list, with little to no chance of ever making a comeback. Although truth be told, the glory days have been over for some time. When I first entered the workforce (mid-90s) things had calmed considerably, and I'm sad to report I never got to attend a REAL Christmas party. But my older co-workers back then used to tell me of some wild parties in the late 60 and early 70s. Women were entering the workforce in unprecedented numbers, and that meant more boozing, more skirt-chasing, more backroom capers, you name it (you know, the stuff that stood for the true spirit of Christmas).
Nowadays, after hours parties are becoming rarer, and yeah, the "Christmas Party" in many cases has been reduced to a glorified carry-in luncheon.
But then again, maybe that's not such a bad thing. Call me old-school, but truth be told, the purpose of a place of employment is...well...to work. True, I have no problem with things that boost "morale," but truth be told, you wanna boost an employee's morale? There's one way to do it- DOLLARS.
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They should hold an office party on a day when there is no specific holiday that refers to anything LOL!
