Dilbert Newsletter

Anyone else read this? I love it
http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/di...ewsletter.html
(I'm a follower of Dogbert's New Ruling Class [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img] )

some snippets:

A personal favorite:
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">There's no such thing as a Dogbert Award, but when I heard this story from a reader, I thought that maybe there should be.

"I have a student whose vocabulary is rather impressive. He annoys his classmates by answering questions in such a way that they have no idea what he has just said. Finally one student had had enough and asked why his classmate couldn't say things so other people could understand him. Without missing a beat the student shot back "Because I don't speak retard!"

My immediate reaction was that the entire school year had been an elaborate set up for that punchline. </div></div>

Here are some more true quotes from people who put the DUH in In-duh-vidual, as reported by DNRC field operatives.

"Well that really throws a wrench in the ointment."

"I think there's something wrong with my alarm clock; it keeps making this really loud noise in the morning!"

When talking to a colleague about my newborn twins, she asked what genders they were. "A boy and a girl,"? I answered. My colleague's next question: "Are they identical?"?

"That's water over the bridge."

"You're dead meat in the water."

"That stands out like a diamond in a goat's butt!"

"You shouldn't violate the law because that's illegal."

"They have us by the balls of our feet."

"Never pet a burning dog."

"It's hotter than a French hen."

"They should lock him up and throw away the book."

"They cooked themselves. Now they have to lay in it."

"Make sure you cross your p's and q's."?

"Don't look a blind horse in the eye."

"I put my wrong foot in the wrong mouth at the wrong time!"

"Cows died to give us that cheese."

"Don't slap the hand that milks you."

"Call me back at your least convenience."

"It's six of one and one of the other."

"I can't do it in the spur of a hat."

"That's going to change the whole ball of works."

"They're not the brightest box of cookies."

"The pro's for are more than the pro's against"

"I wouldn't touch him as far as I could throw him."?

Here now, more true tales of Induhviduals as reported by vigilant DNRC members:

There was a question in our company newsletter asking about whether they could water the flowers in the bathrooms since they were looking wilted and sick. The response was "The flowers are artificial." [Editor's note: Evidently some employee created a restroom gas cloud powerful enough to wilt artificial plants. You have to admire that on some level.]

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Our health teacher told us that "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die." The other two apparently became immortal.

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So a few friends and I were at a museum, and they had this wall of analog clocks with a city name written under each one, showing what time it was around the world. We had about ten clocks in view, when my friend looks at a clock, looks at his watch, looks at the clock again, and says, "Well, this one's pretty close, but all the others are way off."?

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One week, we had the Land O' Lakes brand on sale and a customer came, and asked for one pound of store brand cheese. Trying to be helpful, I told her that we had the Land O' Lakes cheese on sale for cheaper. She asked me what the difference was, and I told her that Land O' Lakes was better. Her response: "I'll take a pound of the [store] cheese."

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We were interviewing a new recruit and the owner of the company made this statement during the interview: "I believe people are more fragile than eggs, and if it were up to me, I would rather play with my eggs." It took quite a bit of restraint not to burst out in hysterical fits of laughter.

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While working for a leather company, we were chatting in the lab about food. One of the other lab technicians pondered aloud, "I wonder why you never get the skin on beef?"

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Every time my husband gets a new temp assignment, he gets a new security badge. The temp stands against the wall and the camera ? generally in a fixed position ? snaps the ID photo. My husband uses a wheelchair. So his security picture features the blank wall above his head.

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On a canal boating holiday, the boat had a shower, with a stirrup pump that pumped excess water through the side of the hull.

A friend (an engineer) asked "Why didn't they put the hole in the bottom of the boat?"?

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I went to a local pizza restaurant and asked about the difference between a large and a medium pizza. The Induhvidual told me the large pizza had 10 slices and the medium had 8 slices. I told her to take one of the large pizzas, cut it into 8 slices, and I would pay for a medium. She just stared at me like I had asked her a question about Euclidian Geometry.

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I went into my local bookstore and explained I needed Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler for a politics essay, the woman behind the desk said "Is it a new release?"

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In the interview, which had been going very well up to this point, the interviewer asked, "Why do you want to leave your current job?" In my Induhvidual moment, I responded "It's too much work." Needless to say I didn't get any further consideration.

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A few of us were talking about fighter planes and one of my friends asked, "If a plane is going faster than the speed of a bullet when it fires, does the bullet come out the back of the plane?" We were all surprised when he failed out of the engineering program the following semester.

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I was paying my cell phone bill with a debit card. The Induhvidual behind the counter carefully checked my signature with the one on the card. I guess that's to prevent people from stealing wallets and going around paying the victim's bills.