OSHA hazardous materials data sheet

C.O.S.H.H. REGULATIONS
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET

CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
Substance: Woman
Symbol: W02
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55 Kg, but there are known isotopes ranging from 45 Kg to 225 Kg
Occurrence: Large quantities in urban areas, with traces found in most other areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface normally covered in powder and paint film (thickness variable according to age)
2. Aromatic odour.
3. Boils at nothing, freezes for no apparent reason.
4. Melts if given appropriate treatment.
5. Yields if pressure applied in the correct manner, explodes if stressed excessively.
6. Bitter if used incorrectly, may become sour with age, can sometimes be sweetened up.
7. Found in various grades, ranging from virgin material to common ore, pure specimens are relatively uncommon..

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Great affinity to Gold (Au), Silver (Ag), Platinum (Pt) and all precious stones.
2. Capable of absorbing great quantities of expensive substances.
3. Liable to explode spontaneously, without warning or reason.
4. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a male.
5. Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water.
6. Insoluble in liquids, but greatly increased activity when saturated in alcohol.
7. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental - especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS
1. Pure specimens turn bright pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.

HAZARDS
1. Highly volatile and dangerous except in experienced hands (highly dangerous in inexperienced hands)
2. Delicate handling required.
3. Illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen (great care must be taken when handling multiple specimens).
4. May begin to swell if suitable handling precautions are not taken.

CONTAMINATION PROCEDURE
1. If contaminated, the services of a skilled lawyer must be sought.