OT: My sister is engaged

I know this is usually a happy and exciting event but this guy my sister has been dating is so irrisponsible and I don't care for him at all. My sister and I used to do so much together and talk about everything and once she started dating him she became a totally different person and not in a good way. She has dated him for two years and their has been never ending secrets and lies. He is ten years older than her and much more experienced. He has two children from two different women plus a week into their relationship my sister told me that he found out that his last girlfriend was pregnant. None of these women he has been married to. He takes such advantage of her with her money. She pays for almost everything, he moves in with her because he says it will save 'her' money (mentions this to my dad on fathers day...of all days!), doesn't have a car for nine months and uses my sisters car with no insurace. My sister is just so brainwashed by this guy and it makes me so upset because I can't talk to her anymore without this guy bad mouthing us back and convincing my sister that all of this is our problem that we have to get over. I feel so bad for my mom because my dad is the type to just walk away and not want to deal with it. Yesterday I found out that he proposed to her in Jamaica last week even though our family is in termoile and he has not explained himself on any of these issues. He told my dad AT THE AIRPORT when he was dropping them off that "he was going to make a commitment to his daughter". To me that was just a slap in the face. We just can't seem to convince her that this guy does not have her best interest at heart. Sorry about rambeling on and on but I just have to vent. We just don't know what to do anymore it just is really breaking my heart!

Stephanie [img]graemlins/cry.gif[/img]

OMGosh, I am so so sorry to hear that about your sister. Hopefully it will be a long engagement and she will realize she deserves much, much better. You sound like a wonderful sister and she will be lucky to have you to lean on when things fall through. Or maybe your sister will inspire him to change! My thoughts will be with you and your sister!

I'm so sorry about this...I will pray for you & your family. Expecially your sister.
You should also pray & ask the Lord to show her the right way, & that she will relize how he takes advangage of her. & pray for her safty!

I'm sorry, but I would never marry someone ten years older than me, let alone a guy who has had 2 children with people he never married. Sorry, that is just my point of view. [img]eek.gif[/img]

I'm praying for your sister's safety, money, and life will in the end, be ok. THis must be such a traumatizing situation for you. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]

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Originally posted by *Marisol_Grace_Girl*:
I'm sorry, but I would never marry someone ten years older than me, let alone a guy who has had 2 children with people he never married. Sorry, that is just my point of view. [img]eek.gif[/img]

I'm praying for your sister's safety, money, and life will in the end, be ok. THis must be such a traumatizing situation for you. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Yes. I agree w/ *Marisol*_Grace*_Girl*.
I also agree w/ Brown*Eyed*Girl. She does deserve MUCH MUCH better.

what makes this all the more harder is that before she met this guy her standards were at a different level and we would talk about things we could or couldn't accept in a guy and now this man has all of these things and she willingly accepts them.

Not to minimize your story - but it sounds a lot like Britney and Kevin. Seriously though, I don't have a sister (or a brother, for that matter) but it's a bummer when someone you care so much for ends up with someone that doesn't deserve them. From experience, I can't offer suggestions for anything to do - except to hope that it all works out in the end...and be there for your sister no matter what. She may end up really needing someone if it doesn't work out. My guess is that she won't appreciate you telling her how wrong he is for her - she'll likely be resentful and your relationship will suffer more. Instead, love her - doesn't mean you have to love him or the fact that she loves him. From my personal experience love makes us blind. But, I totally agree with you - and I can't understand how this guy could be such a great catch...the fact that his former girlfriend is now pregnant is just the icing on the cake - UGH! As much as it hurts your heart, try to be supportive of your sister's happiness - though you can make it known that you don't agree with her decision. In the meantime, pray that she wakes up and gets far far away from this loser!

I'm sorry to hear that you've got such worries about your sister. I think you should talk to her, and tell her that you feel like you don't know her new fiance very well and that you'd like to know what she loves about him. Then you should ask what their plans are for marriage, and if they've talk about budgeting and working and who is going to do what. You want her to be happy, and while it's certainly not your decision who she marries, you can help her figure out what is to come in her relationship. As to the age difference, I want to point out that over the centuries thousands of people have married out of their age range and have had true and lasting love, so please don't let that worry you as much as the other stuff. I'll pray for you and your sister, and remember to see her side as best you can [img]smile.gif[/img]

I'm so sorry for your situation. I know how you feel. My older sister once dated a guy I hated with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns. Even though this was...gosh, nine years ago, talking about him today still infuriates me. The way I handled the situation was probably not the best (but hey, I was only 14!) - my strategy was just to be incredibly rude to the guy. I would tell him "good riddance, don't come back!" every time he left our house, and not in a joking way. He had the habit of telling my sister what to do, and when I heard him say things like "hey, go get me a Pepsi," I would snap, "Get it yourself. Your legs aren't broken," or I would just flat out tell him to leave my sister alone and quit bossing her around. I kept telling my sister that she could do better, that he was a jerk, that I couldn't understand why on earth she was still with him. She never really responded to me when I was rude to her guy or questioned her about him. My behavior didn't do anything to change her mind; she needed to make up her mind for herself. Love is a strange thing...sometimes people are inexplicably attracted to other people and will put up with a lot in order to stay with that person, for what seems like no good reason to the rest of us. In my experience, there isn't much you can say to change someone's mind about someone they are in love with. You can express your doubts and encourage them to really think about what they're getting themselves into, but to change someone's mind about someone they're in love with is awfully hard. Don't pretend you like him or think their engagement is a good idea when you don't, but just know that if she's going to break things off with him, she's going to have to get to that place on her own. Hopefully the relationship will run its course before she marries him and she'll come to her senses and find someone better. I hope it all works out for you guys. [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]

I am sorry to hear of your situation. Since this guy has a hard time committing (several kids and no marriages) maybe he will break it off before they get married.

If it were my sister (I have 5 sisters whom I love dearly) I would not talk down about her fiance, but I would continue to be her supportive friend in every other way. Continue to go out with your sister so that maybe she will have the chance to meet a different (better!) guy. If you badmouth her fiance, she probably won't want to hang out with you and then you will lose all your influence. Bad guys try to alienate their wives/gfs from their families to control them. If you can, kill him with kindness so he cannot alienate you from your sister.

I hope she comes to her senses before she marries him or has a baby with him. If he has all these other kids, her future finances will be severely hurt. If he has a bad credit history, he will mess up her credit let alone her heart. Good luck and remember, your sister needs your love and support more than ever now.