Without Being Told

Hummm, this probably needs another verse. Perhaps later.

Without Being Told (dec 14/00)

Single pillow on a queen sized bed
Clean circles on a dusty shelf
Dented carpet where the table stood
Echoes of shouting
Lies being retold

Doors nailed shut, windows boarded
Stairway leading to nowhere
A stack of empty coffee cans
Dreams diminished
Bleeding uncontrolled

Silver peeling from mirror backs
Set-aside tools left to rust
Pages missing from a book
Hearts defenceless
Fingers going cold

What did you tell me at first?
Working late, just out with friends?
The beginning of the ending
The things I knew
Without being told

Naw, no extra verse needed, this is good. Not sure about the 'bleeding' in the second verse. Sort of a violent image for such a poignant poem. Liked the rest of it though, esp. 'fingers growing cold'.

Thanks Ersby! I thought as I posted it that it needed more "couples" imagry, but it is ok without it.

1st stanza: things missing
2nd: emptyness
3rd: damaged things
4th: um, realization?

The "bleeding uncontrolled" refers to the way your heart feels when it's broken, like it's pumping out of control. Also the way it feels when you're really sad (like the speaker in the poem is) and you feel like life, happiness, energy and stuff are draining from your body? Like that too.
For a change, it isn't literally about hacking one's wrists open!

ok, I've only read it once. and let me tell you what i got out of it.

I see a house condemed. . . and a couple. . . someone cheating, I see someone was hurt by this (physically, maybe the betrayer) and now he/she is dying from a brutal death caused by a rage of jealousy.


hhmmm. . . no more cheesy poofs before bed for me.

I like it by the way.

Thanks dpblu! It took me a while (and several re-reads) but I finally found where things could be interpruted as physical violence! That's very creative on your part dpblu! What I found was connecting the imagry from different stanzas; shouting, bleeding, defenceless, cold, that they could indeed refer to violence. Wow!
I actually wasn't intending that, which in no way lessens your interpretation btw. Perhaps my sub-conscious is trying to tell me something...
What I had in mind was a person reflecting, in a non-linear manner, on the breakup of his/her marriage. The things that got taken away or left behind reminded him/her of the troubles they had and the pain he/she feels now.
This is my favorite way of writing poetry; to write it all out, then try to figure out just what the heck I'm talking about! You finished with those cheesy-poofs there dpblu?

I love poetry.

Maybe my subconscious is telling ME something. http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

and yes, unfortunatly, the cheesy poofs are all gone.
http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/frown.gif