-
losing
to pat on a rainy day as i receive word by email that you're moving out west
pat
green shoes
vegan
wanderer
brown hair
waiter
twin
scruffy yet endearing
playing in the fountain
seeing me half naked
in the half dark of dawn
boy i'd have loved
but never had the chance
all i can do
is list what i know,
what i love,
and wish you well
in l.a.
and admire you
like i've always loved you
as you've moved away.
****************************
(don't mind me, i'm just)
don't mind me, i'm just
some fuckingfangirlwipeout
who don't know up from down,
right from rain,
you from me.
you manage to
pull off looking like
a walking talking living breathing
fucking jeff buckley, one who
doesn't scream at the rain or
dangle from bridges.
i thought i knew what to say
when i started this conversation, but you,
you smile and batter me
with the things i thought i wanted
and the words i thought i had.
and then you walk away.
and then you disappear.
****************************
why indiana
i never found cold beer in
the convenience stores
like i did in ohio,
like i did with you.
i never found freedom
or righteousness
or holiness.
i only found
stupid indiana laws,
scraps of grocery lists never filled,
the fluorescent nirvana of packaging,
the dream of all things
we could never have
but only taste
like the color of your light
on my tongue.
-g
-
I like the first and third one best.
-
kool...me too, actually.
i fergot to mention that i ripped the first 3 lines of the third poem off of dwim (gee, i'm not being very original lately, am i?). thanks, dwim!1 also, in the first poem, the lines "in the half dark of dawn" and "but never had the chance" are sposed to be indented...*grumble* silly hostboard...
anything specific you liked/didn't like?
-g
------------------
Sometimes i think everyone on this board is crazy. The rest of the time i'm sure.
-Dan :)
somehow i see [gollum] clinging to a tower and rousingly calling for a new world order. -starky
-
Well,....not really. See, as I said before, I'm funny about critiquing someone's writing. Everybody writes differently and I don't think it's...polite isn't the word I want, to say "I don't like this because..." Ok, so we want constructive criticism. I don't think that's my thing.
In your case Gollum, I just like 2 out of 3 better. http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/smile.gif
-
kool kool. :) i can live with that.
anyone else?
-g
------------------
Sometimes i think everyone on this board is crazy. The rest of the time i'm sure.
-Dan :)
somehow i see [gollum] clinging to a tower and rousingly calling for a new world order. -starky
-
I've got a question. (oh, and the poems were . . . different, but good)
I write poetry, but most of my stuff has a direct connection with my life. . .
The three above poems. Did you just write them to write poetry, or did they materialize due to events in your life?
just a thought.
http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/smile.gif
-
well, i think they all came about coz i was listening to a kerouac cd (_kicks joy darkness_, highly recommend it btw). the first one is completely directly related to my life. the other two are related, but more indirectly. and again, the third one came out of a line dwim said in an email.
they're actually the first pomes i've written in a while--for some reason i've been doing more fictional stuff lately. *shrug*
-g
------------------
Sometimes i think everyone on this board is crazy. The rest of the time i'm sure.
-Dan :)
somehow i see [gollum] clinging to a tower and rousingly calling for a new world order. -starky
-
Big ups to my little sistah g!
Seriously, I dig all three.
-
Very good, as usual, gollum. http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/smile.gif
------------------
Branflakes, the ninja lesbian milk getter.
The one called "brain" and "brainflakes" and....
Officially declared "cute".
"One thing I've never been is straight, dear girl." Katchoo, SiP
I'm tired of the silent majority. Silence equals death.
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