(it has been a long time... I'm working on a looooooong story, but it's not ready for any sort of real exposition yet... instead, I offer you a strange sort of collage, words taken from a recent e-mail and fiddled with to form an essence, purposefully disjointed, as it were, at least, I think....)
Excerpts from L. 11/30/00
Gives me a bit of a headache.
Hey, I can do it.
The patterns on the porch floor may be crawling.
I can see pretty clearly.
People I was talking to went to sleep.
All of it is only me.
You can't trust them.
Know that's not true.
Remember another time couldn't ignore your state -
If it bothered you
Just get fucked up again.
You could remember
You and your fucking drugs,
Trying to reach out through.
I'm still me though. What's that worth?
Something told me to go back.
I was safe with you.
Is that true, worth anything?
Can you believe anything?
Then believe that.
I went about trying.
Emptied my pockets,
Knife and chain on the floor,
And the cross on the wall.
Hoping against logic;
It was more sadness than any sort of petition -
The green book you gave me.
What clearer sign could you want?
I'm being hit in the face by truth again.
Cut through everything.
I disclaim it.
I lit a cigarette.
It had stopped for a bit.
Your feelings have again gotten through.
It wouldn't ever have been a slight against you.
See? You Fuck.
You didn't say the same thing.
Instead, I love you.
You didn't mind. Thank you.
The thousand times you've made me loved.
All I see of myself is mistakes compounded.
I feel because you believe.
I trust you, and so I think.
