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So, I'm driving home from the store with a much needed bag of kitty litter, and I'm thinking to myself that all the projects I'm in the middle of are going to take a budget and a lot more planning, and I want something I can shoot and wrap up over X-Mas break. So, I'm thinking to myself, and I go over my options.
A. My boss told me I could use her house for anything I needed.
B. My girlfriend just gave me a new watch.
And this is what I came up with. I apologize for the length, it's about seven pages in Word.
Any ideas for a title?
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INT. CAR ? DAY
The camera is outside of the car, facing into the front window. Two men are inside arguing.
The ROBBER in the passenger seat has a ski mask over the top of his head but not pulled down over his eyes. The DRIVER is nervously smoking a cigarette.
DRIVER
I?m telling you, I?ve been watching this house for like, a while week now. They leave early in the morning, and neither come back until well into the evening. Real workaholic types.
ROBBER
All right, man, if you say so.
The robber gets out of the car.
EXT. HOUSE ? DAY
The robber creeps around the side of the house to the back door. He puts a blanket over the glass and breaks it in with the butt of a flashlight.
INT. HOUSE
The robber creeps in, looks around the living room, then goes down the hall.
He enters the bedroom and starts rummaging around through the drawers, when the phone rings. He freezes, and looks over at the portable on top of the dresser. It rings a few more times.
INT. KITCHEN
Slow zoom on answering machine.
We hear a click as the answering machine picks up.
MALE VOICE
Hi! You?ve reached Bobby...
FEMALE VOICE
...and Sheila...
BOTH VOICES TOGETHER
And we?re not here right now!
INT. BEDROOM
The robber smiles at the goofy message.
INT. KITCHEN ? C.U. ON ANSWERING MACHINE
BOBBY?S VOICE
So just leave a message, and we?ll get back to you.
There is a loud beep.
SHEILA?S VOICE
Hey, sugar! I?m gonna go ahead and stay here for my lunch break, if you get this, go ahead and eat without me, and if you don?t, then I guess you went ahead and had lunch out as well! I love you so much, baby! Talk to you later.
INT. BEDROOM
The robber smiles, then begins to root through the house again.
He hears the front door slam.
INT. ENTRY HALL
BOBBY comes in, stretches, and throws his keys on a counter. He hits the button on the answering machine.
INT. BEDROOM
As the message plays, the robber blanches, then starts to look around for escape.
INT. LIVINGROOM
Bobby starts to walk down the hall.
INT. BEDROOM
The robber looks around, then dives under the bed.
Bobby comes in and falls backwards onto the bed, and cuts the T.V. on.
UNDER THE BED
The robber mouths out ?shit!?
ABOVE THE BED
Bobby watches T.V. until he gets a phone call. He gets up and answers it.
BOBBY
Hey, sweetheart!
He sits down on the bed.
BOBBY
No, no, now is a great time! She?s going to stay home for her lunch break. No, she called baby.
UNDER THE BED
The robber makes an indignant face.
OVER THE BED
BOBBY
Yeah, baby. Yes. I?ll be waiting.
He hits the off button on the phone and drops it on the floor.
UNDER THE BED
The robber mouths the words ?mother fucker,? looking appalled at the man.
INT. FRONT DOOR
There?s a knock at the door.
EXT. FRONT DOOR
A PRETTY GIRL waits at the door, looking nervous, looking over her shoulder. Bobby answers the door and she comes in.
INT. HOUSE
BOBBY
See, no big deal.
INT. BEDROOM
They enter the bedroom, and start to kiss.
UNDER THE BED
The girls shirt falls in front of the robber?s face. He scowls.
ABOVE THE BED
The couple get into the bed and start fooling around.
UNDER THE BED
The robber looks up, then looks at the phone, then looks up again. He snatches the phone off the floor, and searches through the memory function.
CLOSE UP OF PHONE?S LCD SCREEN
The man scrolls through the numbers to ?Sheila?s Work?.
INT. OFFICE
SHEILA is at a desk, lazily typing into her computer, talking to a COWORKER.
The phone rings, and she answers.
SHEILA
Hello?
UNDER THE BED
The robber thinks about it for a second.
ROBBER
Hello, Sheila?
SHIELA (through phone)
Yes, who is this?
INT. OFFICE
ROBBER (through phone)
Um... I think you?ll want to hear this.
UNDER THE BED
The robber holds the phone up to the bed.
INT. OFFICE
We hear moans through the phone, and Sheila frowns.
COWORKER
Who is it?
SHEILA
Some sick prank call.
GIRL (through phone)
Oh, Bobby!
UNDER THE BED
The robber still holds the phone up to the bed.
INT. OFFICE
SHEILA
What the hell?
BOBBY (through phone)
Oh God, this is so good!
SHEILA
Bobby!?
She drops the phone, grabs her keys and storms out.
INT. HOUSE ? ENTRY WAY
Sheila busts in through the front door and storms down the hall.
INT. BEDROOM
Sheila comes in through the doorway, furious.
SHEILA
Bobby!
BOBBY
Oh, shit. Baby! I can explain!
GIRL
Oh my God!
The girl grabs her clothes and runs out of the room.
SHEILA
Bobby, you son of a bitch!
BOBBY
What are you doing home!
SHEILA
What am I doing home? What am I doing home! What the hell kind of question is that! I don?t know what the hell is wrong with you, making me listen to you, you...
She can?t say ?cheat on me,? but stands there fuming.
BOBBY
What the hell are you talking about?
SHEILA
I got your sick phone call, you bastard!
BOBBY
Phone call! What... what phone call?
He looks around.
THE FLOOR
The camera searches the floor for the phone.
BEDROOM
Bobby goes over to the phone mount and hits page. He hears beeping and looks around, finally looking at the bottom of the bed.
BOBBY
What in the fuck?
He walks over to the bed, kneels down, pulls the skirt up and looks under and...
UNDER THE BED
There?s just the phone beeping.
ABOVE THE BED
BOBBY (under bed)
What the hell?
UNDER THE BED
He reaches for the phone.
ABOVE THE BED
Sheila is scared, starting at something off screen.
We pan to see the robber, creeping towards the door, with his finger to his mouth. On his way out, he passes the dresser and looks down to see the man?s watch and wallet.
He holds the watch up to Sheila.
She looks from him to Bobby under the bed. She looks back at the robber and shrugs, with a weak smile.
He winks at her, grabs the wallet and takes off.
CUT TO BLACK.
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Davis man...you stole my thunder I was gonna post a script too. It can wait.
I liked it, it's nice and simple and has the makings of an entertaining short. Good use of the stuff you had to hand.
And you look like a film maker by the way. Real serious and beardy http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/wink.gif
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How many bones has a body got? A child's got more bones than a grown ups got. And that's a natural law!
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Thats not too dab dude. Actually that would make a great add. Very clean cut and to the point. It would pretty easy to shoot too. Use some people with a bit of talent and you'll have a winner.
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The pay-off from struggle is the most sweetest revenge.
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I agree with the preacher that it is a nice simple script.
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"Personal Note: When I was a little kid, my mother told me not to stare at the sun; so once when I was six, I did."
-Maxamillian Cohen in Pi
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none of my business I know, but I wish you guys would stop posting your scripts up on the internet.
One of these days you are going to find you are watching your own story on TV, and you didnt earn a penny from it.
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Speaking for myself, I don't believe my scripts will ever be stolen. They're not that good!
And I only posted the last one cos It had already fallen through from my point of view. The next one that goes up, I REALLY need some feedback on...so if as many people as posss could take the time to read it, I'd be greatful...
Hey Davis, thanks for your interest. I visited your site. I like you're little "diary" entries. You infer that before you met Jenni, you were negative and did'nt have as much fun as you should.
Sounds like me now http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/biggrin.gif Must be cause im singular again!
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How many bones has a body got? A child's got more bones than a grown ups got. And that's a natural law!
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your choice.
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good ol Venkman has some talent under his belt..how bought you drop your buddy a line!
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LOL in the spirit of lazy ass X-mas vacationing, I refuse to cut my hair or shave until well into the new year. 'Course, it's been easier to do since I can be a lazy slob since my girlfriend went home to see her family for Christmas, otherwise I'd probably be clean shaven. And sober. And the apartment wouldn't look like shit. http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/smile.gif
As far as your script, post it up, bro man! I want to read it. I liked your last one.
As far as my script, I can't wait to shoot it. I've got this other project, but it's actually going to cost BUM BUM BUM money. We're not all Chance, after all. It's going to take a while to save up a grand or so. So I wanted something to do until then. I just have to get friends of mine who actually look old enough to be married. :P
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