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I hope my long lazy smile,
With my crystal clear eyes,
Does not give away,
That which penetrates so deeply.
How I've screamed your name with angst,
My idealistic mind collapsing at your feet,
My feet.
My clean dry eyes,
Sparkling deep as an ocean,
Clear as an untouched beach,
As if I was still abounding,
With infancy.
I lay to waste beyond the lines of reason,
Touching my own insides,
Going further than dangerous,
Laid down rules,
By my own accord.
Oh how I wish to touch you,
The way I touch me,
And those I know not.
I'll reach out to you,
Perhaps if once you take my hand,
As I beckon,
And I can wrap you in me,
For a bit (if only that).
Oh how I would scream your name then,
In sheer frustration,
As you lay waste to my walls,
Which I have so delicately applied,
Applied to myself,
My mind,
My soul.
I wish this though,
For such a dream as sweet as your idea,
Could touch my wall,
With a needle and bring me,
To a screaming halt.
Mouth open,
Mind shut,
Your name pouring off of my weary lips.
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way to bring it to a climax! - good structure and nice follow... led me thru the whole way, well constructed, creative, nice visions, skill in wording and that about sums it up.
nice.
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oooolala i likey! everything with the eyes screams that what u want from her(hopefully a her!! http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/wink.gif)is pure and natural. its clean. its bare. theres no second reason. its just her. oh wow. this caught me majorly. i love how u worded this. its like u will put everything aside for this, for this one- letting down everything that u have built every barrier u are risking to take down. "clear as an untouched beach" oh i love that. its like with her u would be starting all over again...leaving everything cleaned off like a slate.
your alliteration is something.."long lazy smile" nice!
it flowed beautifully.
"for such a dream as sweet as your idea"---my favorite.
wow its just like your mind would stop and pure instinct would take over...
im sorry i analyze more than anything when i read...i love this. read it over many times.
the last line was perfect. wow just wow.
BRAVO!
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