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My weapon
I used to fight many battles
I reach for my weapon
To fight this civil war
I point my weapon at my target
Ready
Aim
Fire?
Cloud of smoke
Target remains
No damage occured
Dry fire
Blank shot
Try again
It's got to work this time
It's never let me down before
Could this be the first time?
~Truth 187~
Fragments of the mind
Frozen in time
concept...?...ok...but some things were a little off....sorry...just me but i don't know why you have those question marks in there and the last line..."could this be the first time?"...i don't get cause ...well...i don't know but i don't get it. mainly you were really cryptic and it doesn't come off to me cause its not strong enough.. but maybe that's just me.. you seem very straight forward throughout the poem and then it changes at the end...with the last question..which leaves me (the reader)..hangin but not understanding...
actually the only cryptic parts are the questions because they don't seem to be parts where someone would question....so maybe all of its not crytic..but the questions confuse and the rest of the poem therefore becomes cryptic...i don't know.
___---parch
about all your poems: all indulged in yourself...and maybe that's your rut you were talking about about a month ago (when you took a break) and to me, all your poems seem the same...take a look, like I did, and look through all the poems..and check out all your titles....all self involved......maybe you should try and branch out..and write about something else....a girl........not involving you...a simple description.....or something.....you know.....like I am trying to do..but it's so hard for me right now..all I write about now is a girl...and it's hard to change my train of thought considering she is all I think about....but I tried with feeling this american night.....and it's hard.....maybe you should ask for topics to write on? you know?