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OK...right...I just needed somewhere to post this and happily Terry directed me here [img]smile.gif[/img] It's my current opinions about Darren etc...well some of them. It might be a little harsh...in some places it could have been harsher. But it's honesty. It probably won't make any sense...but I just needed to express my feelings.
Aha. Here goes...this monster of an essay opinion.
This is how I feel.
I have a lot of feelings but I'll try and compress them.
I love Darren. I love him a hell of a lot. I care about him, which makes all this harder.
What I think is, that frankly, Darren doesn't care anymore. Not like he used to...or in the way that he appeared to.
Where's the sincerity? The kindness? I know that sounds a little harsh. But remember, all the messages, that were heartfelt, that made you feel like he really cared? I'm not denying Darren has a good personality. I'm not saying he's a bad person. But hell - I'm a good person (or I like to think I am) but he just seemed so much more...the way he would talk about peace and love and use his words so eloquently, that I desperately wanted to be like him. I wanted to give up my faults and be as good as him...with my words, with my ability to express emotions and be compassionate. Not that he doesn't have faults. But you see what I mean.
About the silence - something doesn't seem right. Like he's keeping something from us, I don't know what. The whole thing is like secrecy and to be honest I don't like it. I'm actually over having news I think...if there's nothing news-like to tell us, then that's it, that's fine.
But like we were saying before...how come he hasn't left us a message about...the war, or anything going on in our world at the moment? Where's the love? Remember September 11? When he posted that lovely message? I'm sure that helped a lot of people. And now...nothing.
And it also reminds me that then...and the other times when he has been compassionate RECENTLY... (there haven't been many really) have been when he is touring/promoting a record. And I had this shock thought, that maybe, just maybe, he does those types of posts and lavishes affection on us when it suits him. When he needs us, just to ensure that we will give him support. He knows that with a few choice words, we will come crawling back to do his bidding. We're too loyal for our own good, we always have been, and I feel now he is taking advantage I think. He knows he can manipulate us with his words - I'm not saying he definitely DOES or he will, but it's something he can do if he wants. We're that easily taken in.
I have nothing against Darren - I know that sounds stupid given I've just been accusing him like that. But really, truly, I do love him - as an artist, as an idol, and to be honest I care too much and I know it. I don't WANT him to be like this. These conclusions are hurting me and I don't want them to be true. I'm hoping to God that they're not and I'm reading too much into this. But I believe in Darren so much...or I did...I'm slowly feeling that my faith in him is lessening. More and more evidence keeps arising that contributes to my theories.
He's changed so much - I don't know exactly how or when. But I hate feeling like this and I wish I could just love him unconditionally. I want to, sometimes. But I know that I can't just ignore these feelings. And I think that my opinion of him may now be scarred forever, because I hold grudges and I dont forget these feelings, not ones like this.
Even if I regain my faith in him I'll probably always remember the doubt I had in him. And I don't want to. I just want it to stop. But I don't know if it can or will. I miss him so much, and I want him to come back, to show us love again. I want to feel loved by him and appreciated as a fan. Maybe I will be. When he announces that he's recording again, gets all excited and starts - key word - promoting. It's that pattern again.
I hope to God I'm wrong about this. Maybe one day I'll look back on it and laugh, and wonder how I ever doubted him. I hope so. I hope he proves himself to me soon. That might sound selfish. But we all have to be selfish sometimes. [img]smile.gif[/img]
xxSam
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Sam, although it nearly kills me to admit this but I am having some of these feelings about him too recently. I don't want to feel this way about him and I feel like a cynical hypocrite even to admit this.
I have a little theory though that maybe one of the reasons why he seems more distant now is because of the people who surround him are keeping him at arms length of his fans. People like Leonie and Tracey who I am beginning to get a suspicion about that they actively dislike a certain section of the fanbase. Well I think the behaviour and attitudes of some of them may well be to blame here (not accusing anyone who posts here of that!) but you get my dift [img]wink.gif[/img]
At any rate, it does feel as though he doesn't care as much about the fans anymore. I think he may well not be caring about his career as much now either. I think he's disillusioned with it to be honest and it's not giving him the happiness he wants from it. Judging from his demeanour throughout last year he just looked fed up with it all (+ he's not been well). When he was in SG, although parts of it during the Affirmation time must obviously have been difficult for him to handle, he always looked on stage and in some of the interviews like he was enjoying it all and was hungry for the success of it. Now he seems indifferent to it. I think he feels like he's sacrificed his life for something that has not lived up to his dream and maybe he's feeling a bit resentful. It cost him his marriage and his partnership with Daniel was painful in the extreme. He's put on a brave face in the past, but now the mask is beginning to slip a bit and maybe what we are seeing is the real Darren, warts and all. I think he's realised that fame, success and fortune do not equate to personal happiness and that is what he really wants in his life now. I think he is suppressing anger and frustration at how his career has been handled too. It's like he's cut himself off from us and just wants to surround himself with a handful of people (like close friends and family) that he feels he can really trust because I think his faith in some people has been severely dented and he feels let down by them.
I hope he gets over these feelings and comes back again to us [img]smile.gif[/img]
Janie xx
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#ccccff"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by DarrensPassion:
Sam, although it nearly kills me to admit this but I am having some of these feelings about him too recently. I don't want to feel this way about him and I feel like a cynical hypocrite even to admit this.
I have a little theory though that maybe one of the reasons why he seems more distant now is because of the people who surround him are keeping him at arms length of his fans. People like Leonie and Tracey who I am beginning to get a suspicion about that they actively dislike a certain section of the fanbase. Well I think the behaviour and attitudes of some of them may well be to blame here (not accusing anyone who posts here of that!) but you get my dift [img]wink.gif[/img]
At any rate, it does feel as though he doesn't care as much about the fans anymore. I think he may well not be caring about his career as much now either. I think he's disillusioned with it to be honest and it's not giving him the happiness he wants from it. Judging from his demeanour throughout last year he just looked fed up with it all (+ he's not been well). When he was in SG, although parts of it during the Affirmation time must obviously have been difficult for him to handle, he always looked on stage and in some of the interviews like he was enjoying it all and was hungry for the success of it. Now he seems indifferent to it. I think he feels like he's sacrificed his life for something that has not lived up to his dream and maybe he's feeling a bit resentful. It cost him his marriage and his partnership with Daniel was painful in the extreme. He's put on a brave face in the past, but now the mask is beginning to slip a bit and maybe what we are seeing is the real Darren, warts and all. I think he's realised that fame, success and fortune do not equate to personal happiness and that is what he really wants in his life now. I think he is suppressing anger and frustration at how his career has been handled too. It's like he's cut himself off from us and just wants to surround himself with a handful of people (like close friends and family) that he feels he can really trust because I think his faith in some people has been severely dented and he feels let down by them.
I hope he gets over these feelings and comes back again to us [img]smile.gif[/img]
Janie xx</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>
Janie, I agree. He has seemed distant and I don't think that's entirely his fault. As to the speculation about his happiness - I don't think he's happy, I've been able to tell when he's happy and he's just not, or he doesn't seem it. I remember that quote about him looking for love from external places (was it from Minx magazine?) and I think he's been doing that again, to try and fill a void in his life, but he's realized it's not working. He might be questioning himself right now and to be honest it makes me really upset that he's not happy because I feel empathy for him and it means I'm not happy too. There are times when I don't care and I want to cut myself off too - so I can relate. But I hate the fact that he might be feeling like this. I'd also hate to think, like I've said before, that we (or some of us) as fans have let him down with these harsh opinions of him, like he's being analyzed from every angle. It's only because we're concerned, but if he knows about it, he probably feels like he's being put under a microscope and it's probably hard to cope with...these people who he thought were loyal, have let him down. I hope he doesn't think that way. I feel like I'm being punished.
Maybe he also realized that as fans...he doesn't know us, and for all these years he thought he did...just like we thought we knew him. Maybe it works both ways.
He thought he could get all this love from us...but he's realizing it's not a substitute for real love...same as we're probably feeling about him really.
I think Leonie's comment in the tourbook, on that note, about us not knowing him, was very harsh - sounds stupid, but when I read that I felt pretty wounded, at the way she'd worded it...in a strange way it hurt me. I don't like that quote and that was one of the earlier things that started it, to be honest. Just that little quote had a tremendous effect on me I think subconsciously.
xxSam
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Sam, thank you VERY much for posting this on here. I know that you really needed to express yourself and, let's face it, you can only do that on the f/c forum if it's in a positive vein.
I have nothing to add to this b/c I, unlike most of the other DH fans, don't really care whether or not he does get in contact with us, via the f/c or whatever BUT I do feel for those of you who're hurting b/c of his apparent disregard of you.
I do agree with what you've written btw. I think that you're probably more right than you suspect!
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Going to be really controversial here and say that I think Leonie is half the problem on more than one front! Apart from her questionable managerial skills, I think she is jealous of Darren's relationship with his fans and actively tries to discourage him from getting so close to them. I've heard tales of her pushing fans away etc [img]frown.gif[/img] I think she may also be responsible for the direction his music is taking. She was the one who told him that she thought some of the stuff he originally wrote for Spin wasn't good enough and made him rewrite whole chunks of it. Her connection with Specificus leads me to believe that it is because of her indirectly that Darren's music is heading towards the techno/electronic stuff (self-interest playing a part here?) despite the fact that it seems that a lot of the fans prefer the style of the SG music!
She seems to have some sort of Svengali like hold over him and her Machiaevellian machinations and interference in his career are actively doing him harm! I think he must think he owes her some sort of debt but he would do so much better if he stopped mixing business with pleasure ie stopped letting his friends run his business for him. There are too many people with their own agendas here for him to make any objective decisions about his career.
Janie xx
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I totally agree with you Janie!
I think Leonie is very bad news indeed! She's done/doing more to harm his career than anyone or anything imo [img]frown.gif[/img]
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[img]frown.gif[/img] [img]frown.gif[/img] *cries* As deeply as it hurts, I can see where you and Janie are coming from Sam. It also hurts more profoundly than I can express to think of any upset and disillusionment from both sides I HATE to think of both Darren and fans as hurt and unhappy [img]frown.gif[/img]
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Thanks Terry [img]smile.gif[/img]
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#ccccff"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by DarrensPassion:
Going to be really controversial here and say that I think Leonie is half the problem on more than one front! Apart from her questionable managerial skills, I think she is jealous of Darren's relationship with his fans and actively tries to discourage him from getting so close to them. I've heard tales of her pushing fans away etc [img]frown.gif[/img] I think she may also be responsible for the direction his music is taking. She was the one who told him that she thought some of the stuff he originally wrote for Spin wasn't good enough and made him rewrite whole chunks of it. Her connection with Specificus leads me to believe that it is because of her indirectly that Darren's music is heading towards the techno/electronic stuff (self-interest playing a part here?) despite the fact that it seems that a lot of the fans prefer the style of the SG music!
She seems to have some sort of Svengali like hold over him and her Machiaevellian machinations and interference in his career are actively doing him harm! I think he must think he owes her some sort of debt but he would do so much better if he stopped mixing business with pleasure ie stopped letting his friends run his business for him. There are too many people with their own agendas here for him to make any objective decisions about his career.
Janie xx</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>
As to Leonie...where do I start?! lol*
Right, Leonie. I think some of the opinions about Leonie on the anti board...those are some of the few opinions they have on there that I somewhat actually agree with.
I think Leonie is a nice person...nice enough. But I think her feelings for Darren, whatever they may be, distract her from doing her job properly, which of course is where you're right...you shouldn't mix business with pleasure.
She's over-protective of Darren and I think controlling about his career.
It does seem odd that Darren has most of his friends as part of his crew...well, apart from the band who I have no problems with [img]smile.gif[/img] And I guess it's nice that he likes to surround himself with people he loves [img]smile.gif[/img] But seriously, when people care about you as a person and have opinions that are affected by that relationship, it makes things difficult. On one hand, it's nice that it's close-knit. On the other hand, it's a bit strange to be honest and Darren's career was handled better when he was in SG in the early days, when Leonie played a somewhat minor part in it all.
I feel that Leonie, not Darren, may be responsible for dividing the fanbase IF it is being divided at all, (for want of a better word or phrase, because I'm not getting into the fanclub argument lol*) she's responsible for creating animosity in a way...I don't think I'm wording this right. lol* I'll leave that point for a bit, I don't know what I'm talking about.
Anyway, also, you could always tell really, that Leonie was a bit manipulative, the tone she used in her account of SG's split was something I didn't like and the way she was verbally getting at Daniel in order to protect Darren made me sad. Daniel might have said a couple of inaccurate things around the time the split broke, but he was confused too, as Darren probably was. But again...lol* I'm going off track, I'm not getting into the SG split!!
Anyway, in short...agree with your points about Leonie.
xxSam
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LOL at you not wanting to get into another fan club debate Sam. We don't want that bunch of pompous windbags to find this board and bore the arses off of all of us again do we??? [img]wink.gif[/img] LOL
<font color="#000099" size="1">[ March 20, 2003 10:55 AM: Message edited by: Twizzle ]</font>
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lmao I know. [img]wink.gif[/img] Fanclub politics are the least of my problems atm [img]wink.gif[/img] Don't they realize that *this* is the trendy discussion to be having about Darren? Fanclub stuff is SO last year lol*
xxSam
