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OK, boyz! One for the holidays...
I know to the die-hards that a lot of these will be 'old hat,' but i'm anxious 2 c if'n any1 has some new[?] 1's we haven't heard yet, floatin around out dere...
I awreddy left 1 [in the "Abbrev's. in the threads" topic]...
Here's a few more...
Feel free to substitute any of your 'preferred' instrumentalists for the word "musician" in each joke [img]wink.gif[/img] ...
How do u make a musician's [/drumr/gtrst/keybdst/celloist/mandolin/fiddle/etc, whatever] car 'aerodynamically-correct?'
Take the "[your fav pizza joint - here]" sign off the roof...
Hear about the drummer who locked his keys in the car?
It took him about an hour & a 1/2 to get them & the bass player out...
What do u call a professional musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless. [an oldie-but-goodie]
What's the difference between a mandolin/cello/fluglehorn player & a squished frog in the middle of the road?
The frog was on his way to a gig.
How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
Put some sheet music in front of him.
How do you get a keyboardist to turn down?
Take the sheet music away from him.
How do u know when a drummer's at your door?
The knock speeds up. [Or 'slows down,' whichever your current experience [img]wink.gif[/img] ]
Whaddya do when a musician knocks on your door?
Give him the money & take the pizza.
Whaddya call a part-time musician?
An accountant/stockbroker/computer programmer...
Whaddya call a full-time musician?
Behind on the rent.
Whaddya call a young, successful, secure, un-egotistical, non-addicted, un-manic-obsessive-compulsive, non-manipulative, living, rock-star singer?
A fantasy. [Or dead - take your pick.]
What's the most common saying repeated by a musician?
"Would you like those fries super-sized?"
- OR -
"Whaddya mean you're not gonna be able to pay us the full amount that we agreed on..."
Whaddya call "throwin a fiddle/trumpet/mandolin/etc into the toilet without hittin the rim of the bowl?"
Perfect Pitch.
Darn musicians. You can't live WITH 'em, & ya can't shoot 'em [or can you, eh?!]...but u CAN try to take 'em to civil or copyright court.... [img]tongue.gif[/img]
<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ December 30, 2002 11:23 PM: Message edited by: FuseU1 ]</font>
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What did one guitar player say when he met the other guitar player?
"Hi, I'm better than you."
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how do you know when a drummers riser is level?
drool comes out of both sides of his mouth.
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whats the difference between a dead frog on the highway and a dead trombone player on the highway.
the frog was on his way to a gig
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In response to mja's last post:
What'd one drummer say when he met the other drummer?
"[x]Vinnie Colaiuta/[y]Dave Weckl/[z]Virgil Donati's better than [x]Virgil Donati/[y]Dave Weckl/[z]Vinnie Colaiuta...AND you,too".... [img]wink.gif[/img]
[All 3 r WAY better'n me....] [img]eek.gif[/img]
<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ December 23, 2002 09:47 PM: Message edited by: FuseU1 ]</font>
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Good one, Fuse! Very timely given the discussion on certain other threads. [img]wink.gif[/img]
BTW, Fuse, I sent you a reply message thru the HOD forum a few weeks ago (since your direct email was not available).
Yeah, that was a world-record post for you on that other thread: one word...we won't count the "PS" section! [img]wink.gif[/img]
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I "gotchyo e," bro [mja] - [not to be confused w/ Steely Dan's "Gaucho" [img]wink.gif[/img] ]... i'll be e'n u soon....
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whats the difference between a trampoline and a mandolin?
you take your shoes off b4 you jump on a trampoline
why did the guitar player (or drummer) put drumsticks (guitar pix) on his dashboard?
so he could park in the handicapped space.
what do bass solos and premature ejaculation have in common?
you know they are coming and you cant do a damn thing about 'em.
how many bass players does t take to change a litebulb in nashville?
1-5, 1-5, 1-5.
ba-dum ching . . . be here all week, wip your taitresses. two shows on thursday!
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LOL, Doc...
OK; 2 exceptionally corny ones:
Say the punch line to the 1st one in your best/worst southern accent [like a lightbulb changin' Nashville bass-player would; "hwuunn; no, foer; no, faavv; hwwuun-foer-faavv..."]
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
A jazz chord...
A jazz chord, who?
"A jazz chord, to say, I love you..." [Stevie Wonder]
OK! - try to hold back the 'hurlidge' fo' 1 mo' -
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Sam 'n' Janet...
Sam 'n' Janet who?
"Sam 'n' Janet Evening..." sing it like the song - like it's goin outta STYLLLEEE ["Some Enchanted Evening"...}
OK, i better stop now b4 i stink up the place any further [no icon w/ a smiley 'pinching his own nose'].... [img]tongue.gif[/img]
<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ January 03, 2003 12:41 AM: Message edited by: FuseU1 ]</font>
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a band is about to do their showcase for the big labels.
just before the go on, their manager shows up freaking out
"i just got you a major deal!!!!!!!" "2 million dollar" singing bonus!!!!!!!" " 7 ablum deal, and we're getting 20% off the top instead of 15%!!!!"
well, needless to say the band was ecstatic. but they also had to go on and play....
while they performed the realization of the big deal was sinking in:
the singer was thinking: i can finally buy the car i've always wanted....
the guitar player was thinking: i can finally move out of my girlfreinds house....
the keyboard player was thinking: i can finally afford nuendo....
the bass player was thinking:
AAAA DDDD AAAA EEEE AAAA
CHRIS PERRA
