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NEW WORDS FOR 2002
Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary:
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.
Rollin' on the floor...
The Dog
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Too funny!
Pettin' the doggie... [img]wink.gif[/img]
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What the words in personal ads mean:
WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish................... 49
Adventurer............... Slept with all your friends
Athletic................. No tits
Average looking.......... Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful................ Pathological liar
Contagious Smile......... Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated................. Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure....... Medicated
Feminist................. Fat ballbuster
Free spirit.............. Junkie
Friendship first......... Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun...................... Annoying
Gentle................... Comatose
Good Listener............ Borderline Autistic
New-Age.................. All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned............ Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded.............. Desperate
Outgoing................. Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate............... Sloppy drunk
Poet..................... Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional............. Certified Bitch
Redhead.................. Bad dye-job
Reubenesque.............. Grossly Fat
Romantic................. Looks better by candle light
Social................... Has been passed around like an hors doeuvres tray
Voluptuous............... Very Fat
Proportion weight/height. Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate........... Stalker
Widow.................... Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart........... Old bat
MEN'S ADS
40-ish............. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic........... Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking.... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated........... Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit........ Banging your sister
Friendship first... As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun................ Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking....... Arrogant
Very good looking.. Dumb as a board
Honest............. Pathological Liar
Huggable........... Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle.... Insecure mama's boy
Mature............. Older than your father
Open-minded........ Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit..... Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet............... Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive.......... Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive..... Gay
Spiritual.......... Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable............. Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful......... Says "Excuse me" when he farts
