Okay, my fellow glammiez...I'm going to disregard my usual inane posts of all manner of silliness, in order to promote something of a more serious nature for a change. I recently became a "street promoter" for a hot new diet trend, and this post is made in hopes that it will benefit those who wish to lose weight, but not by having to spend outrageous sums for meager "low carb" meals that taste like stuff you'd find under a schoolkid's desk. Now, you can have your protein, and eat it, too...a lot of it! Because scientists have unveiled a new source for essential vitamins and protein that is conveniently low-carb and calorie-naturally! It's just one simple meal a day, and for the other two, you can eat whatever you want! Best of all, it's completely free! So, what is this wonder diet, you ask? It's called the "HopAway Diet". All you've got to do is put yourself on a strict regimen of at least one daily meal consisting entirely of glacial spring water and...GRASSHOPPERS! Naturally low in calories and unnecessary carbs, the grasshopper is a perfect choice, being high in protein and 8 essential vitamins and minerals. With grasshopper season coming into full swing around the world, now is the time to start the best and last diet of your life! Just listen to these testimonials of what eating the little critters has done to enhance the lives of two "HopAway" dieters:
Pam, Housewife, mother of Two:
"After I expelled my second infant, I became slow and less attractive to future mating partners. When I would go to the purchasing complex, other people would laugh and throw sun-ripened comestibles in my direction. I decided it was time for the HopAway diet! In just three lunar rotations, I eliminated one third of my molecular mass. Now, when I go to the purchasing complex, I'm the one throwing the sun-ripened comestibles!"
Howard, Grasshopper Stockholder:
"When I received a letter alerting me to my educational reunion, my gelatinous sides quivered in fear. The other educatees would stare in scorn at my expanded girth. Perhaps they would poke at my abdomen, wondering if I was pregnant. I even tried to fit into my old athletics garment, but I blew it to bits! "I shall begin the HopAway diet!" I proclaimed. By the time I went to the reunion, nobody recognized me, I was so thin! Not only was I not mocked, I was able to anonymously abscond with great amounts of valuable booty."
See how easy and effective the "HopAway" diet is? Try it today!
DISCLAIMER: This is in no way, shape, or form an attempt by crickets to wipe out the grasshopper species.
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