Haldir Potter

<font color="skyblue">Inspired by a funny corrupted movie poster (sorry, I can't remember where I found it), I've had the idea to write this funny fic. But I thought it would be much more fun if we do it as a group, each person doing at least a paragraph before letting someone else take over. Mwhahaha! I'll start:
----------------------------------</font>


One moment, he was on the wall at Helm's Deep, fighting like mad. Sweaty, bloody, tired, and so hungry, he wished he had remembered how much he'd hated battles before he'd agreed to lead Elrond and Galadriel's host to Rohan. Haldir groaned to himself.

Suddenly he felt something sharp and cold make contact with his brain. The next thing he knew, everything was quiet.

The screams and horrors of battle faded away like a bad dream. He was lying on his back in some cramped space, with early light just begging to penetrate his eyelids. He groaned and rolled over, trying to fall into a deeper sleep.

Unfortunately, a loud angry knock on his closet door awakened him only a moment later.

Haldir groaned and found himself in his small closet on Privet Drive, about to begin another torturous day. He almost wished he was back in his dream (the remenants that remained). Ever since he spoke his first word ("Periannath?"), this was the house that grounded him daily for being too elegant or too tall or having hair too long. Today would be no exception. He put on his glasses, itched the trademark scar on the back of his head, and reluctantly got up.

Little did he know that he'd been thrown into the UftRoUKOC, that is, the Universe for the Rehabillitation of Unjustly-Killed-Off-Characters. Little did he know how many adventures awaited him beyond the manicured streets of Privet Drive...

<font color="#ff99ff"><font size="1">[ May 01, 2004 08:19 PM: Message edited by: Callisto Star ]</font></font>

<font color="#ff99ff" size="1">[ May 01, 2004 08:24 PM: Message edited by: Callisto Star ]</font>

Haldir slowly opened his door and set off to the bathroom. Yes, he knew that his aunt wanted him in the kitchen to make breakfast and yes, he knew that she might hit him for cleaning himself up first, but he simply had to take care of his hair! After all, what were a few bruises compared to split ends?

Haldir stepped into the shower and basked in the warm water. For a second, he was no longer a six foot tall eleven year old. He was no longer the weird kid that could walk on snow. He was no longer the abnormally beautiful child that even 30 year old teachers were unable to resist. He was just Haldir.

As Haldir was conditioning his hair for the second time (always remember to rinse and repeat!) his slender fingers happened upon the scar on the back of his head. He thanked the heavens that it was hidden on his scalp instead of marring his face and perfectly sculpted features.

With a sigh, Haldir turned off the running water and stepped out of the shower. Today was his cousin's birthday and every year, he was left alone as his cousin and best friend were taken some place "special". He wondered where they would go off to this time?

<font color="skyblue">*

Heh, I love haldir to death but i cannot pass up a chance to make fun of his hair-obsessiveness. went to a site and they said that the actor who played haldir really WAS very worried about his hair because it (the wig) cost lots of money!</font>

<font color="#ff99ff" size="1">[ May 01, 2004 08:23 PM: Message edited by: Callisto Star ]</font>

<font color="skyblue">Calli! No one's adding to the story!!! *sniff* okay, i'm going to have to add the next part because no one will add to it. be afraid, be VERY AFRAID!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. okay...anyway...</font>


When Haldir came down the stairs to the kitchen, he was met with his aunt's murderous stare.

"You were supposed to look after the bacon, boy. You'd better hope it didn't burn while you were taking your sweet time up there in the bathroom!" She said as she whapped him across the head.

"Sorry Aunt Beryl (SM)." Haldir replied as he made his way to the stove. Thankfully, the bacon hadn't burned. As he stood here flipping the bacon, he surveyed his "family".

Aunt Beryl was a rather busty redhead. She was extremely tall and had it not been for her rather...large...assets, he would say that she was very bony. She loved to crane her tall figure over the fence and spy on her neighbors; she was a big gossip.

"Damn boy. Stop brushing your hair! It's unnatural how not one hair is ever out of place..." Haldir heard his uncle say.

Uncle Nappa(DBZ) was a very large man. He supposed that's where his cousin got his size from, except his cousin was more fat than muscle. Anyway, Uncle Nappa's favorite past time was to complain about Haldir. About once a week, Uncle Nappa would shout over his newspaper that Haldir needed a haircut.

Haldir couldn't help how long his hair was, it's just the way it grew and he liked it that way. He remembered once, Aunt Petunia became so frustrated that she shaved his whole head, but left a little on the back to hide his "horrible scar". Haldir couldn't fall asleep. He kept thinking about the next day at school and how all the kids would make fun of him. He couldn't handle it, they already made fun of his height and weird attributes.

Thankfully, by the next morning his hair had grown back to its normal length and though he had to go without food for a week, it didn't matter because his precious hair was back.

"You know, your hair makes you look like a girl." His cousin said as he stuffed his mouth with sweets.

Haldir couldn't stand his cousin, Buu(DBZ). He was extremely overweight, almost bigger than Uncle Nappa and that was pretty big. Buu loved to pick on other kids, especially Haldir, when he could catch him. Haldir looked fast and he was even faster. Unfortunately, on the rare occasion that Buu caught him, he really did some damage.

"36." Buu said after he counted all the sweets on the table. "That's two less than last year."

"Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Nehelenia's (SM) present, see, it's here under this big cake from Mummy and Daddy." Aunt Beryl said.

Haldir stood up from the table, not wanting to be involved in the quarrel that was sure to come. He'd rather not eat his bacon, it was bad for his complexion anyway.

All of a sudden, the phone rang. When Aunt Beryl got off the phone, her face looked grim.

"Bad news, Nappa. Ms. Kaede's (IY) broken her leg. She can't take him" She said as she jerked her head in Haldir's direction...

<font color="skyblue">Okay, okay, I know Nehelenia didn't exactly die aaaaand i know Kaede didn't either, but work with me here. (unless someone would like to think of two better replacements, which would be much appreciated!)</font>

<font color="#ff99ff" size="1">[ May 01, 2004 08:24 PM: Message edited by: Callisto Star ]</font>

<font color="skyblue">LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rock on, angelwings! Haven't been able to get online much myself, but let's keep this up.

hrm... im not sure if I can follow the HP story as close as you have. I'm def throwing in Matrix characters in the future (if you saw the third one, you understand why I'm so mad). Now, let's see...
~~~~~~~~~~~~</font>

The next thing Haldir knew, he was thrown into the car, lectured numerous times, and found himself in the zoo. The zoo!!! So long he'd desired to visit, to see all the wonderful animals and creatures he'd dreamed of, but for so long he'd been denied the joy. Now, at last...!

"C'mon, boy!" barked his Uncle Nappa. Aunt Beryl and Buu were already hurrying forward in the crowd. Haldir shook the blissful thoughts from his head as he hurried forward to avoid a beating.


Through gaps in the noisy crowd, Haldir could see and hear the beauty of nature. The call of the birds. The roars of the great cats. The trumpetings of the oilphant... er, elephants.

But Buu was interested in only one thing: The ice cream vendors.


Haldir waited by a tree as Uncle Nappa purchased yet another cold treat for his pink son. Haldir closed his eyes in exasperation. It was a blessing just to have left the house, yes, but he wished Buu would look beyond the food to appreciate the animals.

Above, something whispered in agreement.

Haldir opened his eyes in shock and looked around suspiciously. Who had said that? But it didn't sound like any of the obnoxious tourist voices that surrounded him. Convincing himself it was just his imagination, he closed his eyes and leaned back again.

If only they would listen, whispered the voice again.


This time, Haldir was sure that the sound came from above. Only the upper branches of the tree stared back at him. Yet as he stared at the leaves as they swayed in the wind, he could have sworn the tree was laughing at him.

It *is* you, isn't it? Haldir whispered in awe. There were no trees along Privet Drive, and very rarely was he out of the house anywhere near where a tree might be. Are there others like you? he asked hopefully, Others who are so wise and beautiful?

So many more, whispered the tree with the wind.

"DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!" came a piercing voice. "DAD!!!! HALDIR'S TALKING FUNNY!!!!!"


In an instant, Haldir was roughly thrown away from the tree and hit the ground. His uncle glared daggers and looked ready to turn him into a pile of dust. "What. Have. I. Told You About This, BOY!!!!!!!!!"

Attracting many strange looks, Aunt Beryl restrained her husband's arm. "We will deal with this at HOME!" she said behind closed lips.

Haldir groaned as he was dragged away. He knew that a long painful night awaited him.

May the Valar watch over you! called the tree in a sudden gust of wind.

Haldir wasn't sure who the Valar were, but he knew the tree meant well. Hennaid, he whispered below his breath in reply. Namarie, mellon.


It was then that Haldir realized that the words that left his lips were not at all English.


<font color="skyblue">~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lol, that was fun. Let's try to introduce the main characters from now on, but not follow HPSS too directly... different things should happen at Hogwarts, and it will be even more fun if our crazy minds think them up.

I think we know who old wizard Dumbledore and evil Voldemort-Chaos-Sauron will be. [img]wink.gif[/img]

And I'm gonna try to do the non-story notes in skyblue so that there's a distinction. Thanks!</font>

<font color="#ff99ff" size="1">[ May 01, 2004 08:21 PM: Message edited by: Callisto Star ]</font>

<font color="skyblue">Just for kicks, I'm gonna try to keep this going. [img]wink.gif[/img] Weird stopping point I know, gomen. </font>


A two week long grounding with only bread and water followed the zoo incident. But the next months followed without much excitement-- the shorter kids making fun of his long hair in school, locked in his closet every week, Buu squealing for candy every day-- the normal life he'd had to live for the past 11,0000000 years. Or so it seemed.


That is, until the day the letters arrived.

It was a Saturday and Uncle Nappa and Buu were out somewhere boring while Aunt Beryl magicked... err, cleaned, upstairs. Haldir got the post as usual, but was shocked to find a strange envelope among the pile with only one word on it: "Haldir".

Eagerly Haldir ripped open his first piece of mail to be greeted with a strange piece of parchment with faded ink.

"Dear Noble Haldir," he read.
"You have been invited to join the Council of Elrond, held this year only in Imladris. We're aiming for the end of October for the Council's opening date, but it will all depend on how quickly everyone gets their butts to the valley. We're gonna be talking about cool important things. So yeah. Come. It'll be fun.
Sincerely,
Lord Agent Smelrond

P.S. Don't tell anyone about this. It's supposed to be a big "chance meeting" at my place... be prepared, I'm gonna say it was "fated". Go me!"

Then Haldir noticed a final postmark below that, hastily scrawled in red ink.
"P.S. Sorry Hal, wrong letter! This message will self-destruct in .001 seconds. BOOM!"


Haldir jumped back and squealed like a girl as the message in his hands burst into flames and was no more. Awhile later, Nappa and Buu returned to find Haldir still crying and rocking himself on the stairs, mumbling something crazy about his first letter burning itself because he wasn't pretty enough. Nappa was disturbed and sent him to his room... er, closet.


<font color="skyblue">~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think we can safely say that next time the real letters can appear. [img]wink.gif[/img] And Hagrid. Who should Hagrid be? Or is Hagrid just ok as Hagrid? Still, it would be fun if we threw someone in his place... drawing a blank here. </font>

<font color="Cyan">Calli I found that Picture which inspired the start of this story.</font>

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v13/Lomiel/potter.jpg

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! yep, that's it. Gotta love it. ^_^"

I totally forgot about all the others in the background. Galadriel as McGonagall and Aragorn as Snape! [img]biggrin.gif[/img] [img]biggrin.gif[/img] And Frodo as Ron and Sam as Hermione! ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And... is that Legolas as Dumblydore? Don't understand why they didn't make him Gandy. Gandy as Hagrid oi.

Lol, thanks mucho! [img]biggrin.gif[/img] [img]wink.gif[/img]