It's time for us to band together as a people. To join forces across the world and set aside our differences so that we may stop Michael Bay from ever making another movie.
Michael Bay is an evil man. His hatred of humanity knows no bounds. He despises us and wants to hurts us... badly. And so he unleashes the most painful things he can muster... his movies... on an often unwitting public.
I saw "Parts: The Clonus Horror", the odd little movie with disturbing actors and the 2nd Darren from Bewitched a few years ago and although it was bad, i walked away confident that no one was dark or twisted enough to think it should ever be remade. I didn't count on the man who brought us Armageddon...
And bringing us Armageddon is still Bay's goal apparently, as his characters spew forth lines like "GO GO GO GO!", "C'mon!", RUN!", "GO!", This way!", "GO GO GO GO!"...
Don't get me wrong, i sat through Bad Boys and Pearl Harbor, i knew this was going to suck hard and unforgivingly, but i was not prepared for the hatred and rage it would invoke. It made me mad. It made me mean mad. This movie hurt me and i wanted to hurt it back!
The endless chase scenes with super cool futuristic flying motorcycles and flatbed trucks and Helicopters and explosions and car crashes and people yelling "GO GO GO GO!". It was overwhelming. THIS was how he planned to bring about Armageddon. He came dangeroulsy close to succeeding.
Friends, if you care about the future of our race, then we need to kill Michael Bay. Hard and fast like an oversaturated MTV-hyper-edited-has-been-no-talent-hack-band video that Bay himself would have directed. Fight fire with fire.
no stars. no anything.
