OT: A moral dilemma.

Only MY daughter gets into these situations, I swear! Some of you may remember the gas station incident (she prepays $6, clerk rings up $60 unbeknownst to my daughter)

So anyway...here's the latest one.

We're not rich by any stretch of the imagination. We'll be getting student loans for our college bound daughter. We live in area where there is "money" and my daughter has a lot of friends who have "money". She has a boyfriend who is from our modest background and that's no problem. However, another guy friend who is her video/film partner from high school is from a very rich family. They're very close but not romantically (he's going to NYU for film, she U of M). Yesterday, their last day before he heads off to NYU, he gives her a check for $1,500 to help pay for her college. Naturally, among other things she is too proud to accept this gift. We parents agree, that is just too much money to accept as a gift and lord knows what strings may be attached to it. Our initial reaction is that here's a rich boy trying to make good by throwing his parents money at something. Easy to turn down, right?

Here's the mind blowing twist. He didn't get the money from his parents. He got a job over the summer waiting tables and cleaning restrooms to raise money for my daughter's "scholarship" as he called it. He felt bad that my daughter didn't qualify or win any of the local scholarships awarded and wanted to do something for her. He also gave some money to another "less privileged" girl.

Okay, how do I wrap my head around this?

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ August 22, 2006 08:50 AM: Message edited by: Andyman ]</font>

Here's my honest intitial reaction...It seems like a really gerneous and caring thing for someone to do. But it's only $1500, which doesn't actually do much to help with 4 years of college. So if there ARE strings attached, it's not worth the risk and guilt for only that amount. I would just say thanks but decline the money.

What are these "morals" that I keep hearing people talk about? [img]wink.gif[/img]

This is kind of a toughie. What was he like all through high school? Was he a genuinely nice, caring, "do anything to help a friend" person, or a "I have more money than you, DANCE, DANCE MONKEY!!" type of person?
If he's the first type, and he earned the money himself, it would make it a little easier to accept the gift.
[img]graemlins/thinking.gif[/img]

Personnaly if the guy worked for that money but can give it cause he doesn't need it for his school fees because his parents have money, the reason why he can give that money to your daughter is still because his parents are rich.

I wouldn't accept it but I would thank him well for his kindness.

Accept it, thank him personally & watch him(or have your daughter) like a hawk when at all possible.

We can't accept the money. It's just a question of how do we turn him down without hurting his feelings or diminishing his "noble" act? I say noble because this guy didn't have to work to raise the money. In fact, it sounds like he even took a shitty job to raise the money when he could have just asked his parents for it (and they would have probably given it to him).

Well, a good excuse might be to tell him how much you appreciate the significance of what he did, but that you'd rather someone even more "needy" have the money, or you'd like to carry on the spirit of generosity in some way...like, have him make a donation to some kind of charity in your daughter's name.

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ August 22, 2006 10:04 AM: Message edited by: munkkeyboy ]</font>

Accept the cash then take a Louisville Slugger to his boy beans. That way, if there are any of those type "strings" attached, he's not going to come collecting anytime soon.

But in all seriousness, this is a tuffy. The fact that he's chosen only girls to do this for kinda says something. There's got to be some lesser then privledged guys that he knows, why isn't he showing them any love?

If this was my daughter there'd be no way in hell that I'd allow her to accept the cash, and as far as letting him down, a simple "we can't accept your money becuase we don't feel comfortable" should suffice. If it doesn't and he raises a stink, it points more to some lesser then noble motives on his part.

And like Munkkey said, it's only 1500 clams, no where near enough to make even a key-scratch in the amount that is going to be spent on college expenses, and not worth whatever else comes with it.

Quote:

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Originally posted by munkkeyboy:
...like, have him make a donation to some kind of charity in your daughter's name.

<font color="#cd6600"><font size="1">[ August 22, 2006 10:04 AM: Message edited by: munkkeyboy ]</font></font>

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">BINGO!!!!
What was it that your mother-in-law was in the hospital with? Maybe an organization related to that type of illness?

The "donation" thing is an interesting angle. [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]