It's 1:45am. There's a Reason Why You're Behind The Counter and I'm Not.

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May 13th, 2006, 11:48 PM
Raven Soul

Before I rotated in the real world of a suit, tie and profound corporate butt kissing in a sad attempt to reach the pinnacle of the corporate ladder, I to worked as a third shift convenience store clerk. I worked at the Olde Towne Shell on 4th and Russell in Covington, which if you are familiar with the area, you know then it has been a bright point in my 27 years here on Earth.

With that being said, I have witnessed many strange and curious things that have left me to this day pondering, what the fuck? Examples of such things are:
<ul type="square">[*]Being offered a blowjob for after hour beer purchase[*]Being offered a sex for after hour beer purchase[*]Being offered a blowjob by two strippers who just got off work and really wanted an after hour beer purchase[*]Being offered a sex from a guy for after hour beer purchase[*]Being offered a blowjob from a guy for after hour beer purchase[*]Being offered a wide variety of drugs for after hour beer purchase.[/list]I guess the moral of the story is don’t worry about the health of the fruit pie, because most likely right after you left, some hard up stripper who has wasted her entire paycheck on drugs mostly likely went into that very store and blew that that very same convenience store clerk which resulted in a trade for his six pack of beer and her scorching case of herpes.
May 14th, 2006, 02:53 AM
LanDroid

Heh. Luv werdz of wizdom!
[img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/shhh.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rainbow.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/sheep.gif[/img]
May 14th, 2006, 03:17 AM
reason

This is a highly irrelevant story, but I felt like sharing.

It's Friday night 1:45am, and I'm at the Petro truck stop outside of Greensburg, Indiana, 45 minutes or so from Cincinnati. I'd been playing basketball in Indy a few hours earlier, then went out for a few drinks with a friend.

I had a SEVERE case of the munchies. I wanted food. No. I wanted JUNK FOOD.

So after considerable pondering, I resorted to one of my favorites, Little Debbie Zebra Cakes. Zero nutritional value, mega fat, lots of flavour.

But that wasn't enough.

I went for decadence and bought a cherry filled, Little Debbie pie, contained in a relatively small box, but chock full of 420 calories, 18 grams of fat and lots of sugar.

So I go up to the counter with my zero calorie beverage, Zebra Cake, and cherry pie, and joke to the guy behind the counter that I'm "eating healthy".

He looks at the food and says (in this *really* creepy country accent), "The Zebra cake isn't healthy, but the cherry pie is healthy."

I look at the nutritional information on the back of the pie box and say, "420 calories, 18 grams of fat...I don't think that's healthy."

The clerk says, "But there's FRUIT in it!"

I say, "But.."

He says again, "There's FRUIT in it. They're healthy. I eat them all the time. I KNOW!"

Like I said, it's 1:45 am, I'm sore, I'm really tired, I'm hungry, and quite frankly I was really in the mood for a fight.

But I didn't.

I really wanted to say, "Listen, bud, there's a reason why it's 1:45am and you're behind the counter and I'm not and I get to leave you behind in East Butt Fuck. THIS CHERRY PIE IS NOT HEALTHY! IT'S SUGAR AND FAT FILLED HEART ATTACK WAITING TO HAPPEN YOU MORON. NOW GIVE ME MY CHANGE."

I left, feeling a bit less comfortable with the world around me.

[ May 14, 2006 01:37 AM: Message edited by: The Big Sexy ]
May 14th, 2006, 04:35 AM
reason

Quote:

Originally posted by Lew:
And the thing is, Reason has no idea how much Decatur County has to offer. He makes a mere stop to ingest junk food and then passes on. Yet how little did he realize that just a few miles in town there is a courthouse with a tree growing out of it. It's so much easier to judge things on the surface rather than trying to look deeper.

And yes, Reason, the guy was right- there is fruit in there, and fruit is nutritious (duh)....

Ahh, but I am very aware of the "world famous" courthouse tree. I've been IN the courthouse, but more on that later.

For 5 years, I dated someone in Bloomington, so I've driven that speedtrap section of route whateveritis maybe a 100 times or more. One morning at 5am, I got a ticket.

I played attorney and filed all these motions, just to fuck around with them. Finally they hauled me into court, and of course I lost, but only because they are a bunch of rednecks and didn't treat me fairly.

Anywho, the gas at that particular Petro station was always the cheapest, so I'd make a point of refueling there.

Inside the front door there used to be a station for brochures and the like, and usually full of Greensburg tourism info. I'd always take particular interest in those Greensburg brochures. I loved to read them. It's amazing how easily they fly out the window on I-74 when the windows are left open - very aerodynamic.

[ May 14, 2006 01:41 AM: Message edited by: The Big Sexy ]
May 14th, 2006, 04:47 AM
reason

In all fairness to the guy behind the counter, he appeared to have less body fat than me, so maybe he's onto something.

May I suggest we all try the Little Debbie cherry-filled fruit pie diet and post our individual results?
May 14th, 2006, 11:40 AM
jumper69

Don't forget world famous "Skydive Greensburg"

I've jumped many a times from there. In fact, gae and D2 got the "cherries" popped there (Their SKYDIVING cherries that is. Thought I should clarify) [img]wink.gif[/img]
May 14th, 2006, 11:43 AM
jumper69

Quote:

By Reason
I had a SEVERE case of the munchies. I wanted food. No. I wanted JUNK FOOD

uh..hmmm.....

That particular symptom is usually indicative of something illegal.

Is there anything you'd like to share with me reason? [img]wink.gif[/img]
May 14th, 2006, 12:32 PM
gae

Y'all need to get on over to the Plainfield board. Reason apparently isn't telling the whole story.
May 14th, 2006, 03:03 PM
Lew

And the thing is, Reason has no idea how much Decatur County has to offer. He makes a mere stop to ingest junk food and then passes on. Yet how little did he realize that just a few miles in town there is a courthouse with a tree growing out of it. It's so much easier to judge things on the surface rather than trying to look deeper.

And yes, Reason, the guy was right- there is fruit in there, and fruit is nutritious (duh)....
May 14th, 2006, 03:33 PM
cincygreg

It's ok reason. he's probably tellin all the regulars about this weirdo from Ohio who came in and said he though friut was bad for him. LOL!

Either that, or he's right now planning to come visit you since he wrote down your plates and is somehow related to the law of the area [img]eek.gif[/img]
May 15th, 2006, 01:59 AM
Lew

I'd like for Jumper to expound on his Gae commentary.....
May 15th, 2006, 10:33 AM
reason

Quote:

Originally posted by gae:
Y'all need to get on over to the Plainfield board. Reason apparently isn't telling the whole story.

Har, har.
May 15th, 2006, 10:35 AM
reason

Quote:

Originally posted by Law Dawg:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />By Reason
I had a SEVERE case of the munchies. I wanted food. No. I wanted JUNK FOOD

uh..hmmm.....

That particular symptom is usually indicative of something illegal.

Is there anything you'd like to share with me reason? [img]wink.gif[/img] <hr /></blockquote>No, hauling 255 lbs. up and down the court for 2 hours makes me hungry. So did the 3 beers afterwards.
May 15th, 2006, 11:50 AM
Beachcomber

LOFL! As I read your description of this guy behind the counter I couldn't help but picture Homer Simpson....
May 15th, 2006, 12:13 PM
reason

Quote:

Originally posted by Beachcomber:
LOFL! As I read your description of this guy behind the counter I couldn't help but picture Homer Simpson....

There's really no way to describe this guy...you need to hear his creepy voice and his passion for Little Debbie fruit-filled pies to truly understand.