....

my favorite uncle in the world is dying....

and i guess i am not looking for much in the
way of sympathy as he is not really dead yet,
but he is my favorite uncle... and i have
shared many memories with him ... and of him.


and i find no comfort about it anywhere

aww Ali....call me if you need to talk..its never easy and knowing what i do know..well..suffice to say i understand..and thats all ima post here...expect mail soon! [img]wink.gif[/img]

i know

people dying bytes donkey nuts

but i still love you.....and it's all i gotta say

When I was young, prolly about 10, one of my uncles was dying.

We were prolly not as close as you two, but I loved him.

Before he got sick we prolly only saw him about twice a year. When he started dying and was in the hospital he started to write me letters. He was gay and dying of aids.

I was mad at him for trying to talk to me now, after he hadn't tried to when he was well, and I never responded. I didn't actually know how sick he was. My family never conveyed to me that he was dying of aids until a couple years later.

Anyway, I regret it to this day that I didn't tell him anything before he died. Not even an "I'll miss you".

I'm glad you are spending time with your uncle. At least yours will know you love him and that will bring him some comfort.

that just made me burst into tears....

well the fact that this topic exists and that i
see it when i come to this board makes me upset,
but that post just really nailed it.

when i spoke to him on the phone yesterday, i
was sobbing like a bitch... and he was just
himself, though quite aware of the situation,
somewhat serious.

he told me how he was trying to take care of
things... sell his business, sell his second
home... all these things he needs/wants to do
before dying... so that his wife won't have to
deal with it after he's gone.

i hated hearing that shit... but i guess it
made him feel in control to some extent of his
situation.

just before handing the phone back over to my
aunt, he said that he had to pee really bad...
which made me stop crying and laugh like a
madman... i mean... i really just laughed in
a sad, weird way.

then he said that he loved me and missed me...
and before i could think, i just shouted,
"I LOVE YOU TOO!" ... like i was on some gameshow...
i felt so silly yet i could also feel it being
so immediate.

* * * * *

when i made the first post on this thread....
i felt utterly alone and empty... and as if i
just didn't have a damn place to go to talk about
this with anyone....

but after the replies... i want you all to know
that the posts really made me feel better....
and i no longer feel vacant.

thank you all

it's hard to hold it together when you're with the person who's putting his life in order as his journey comes to an end...this i know

my dad keeps telling me...be strong fiona, i don't want any tears...and that's probably the hardest thing...when i visit, we spend hours just sitting together watching a movie, or while he sleeps i'm in the room, reading

sometimes that's all you can do....is be present

What are you doing here girl. Go over to the man and share time with him once more!

lol... i will [img]tongue.gif[/img]

i hate my family.... but fortunately he is only
related through marriage... lucky him.

its gonna suck when he goes [img]frown.gif[/img]

he's honestly the last member i actually looked
forward to seeing....

i am a bit concerned about seeing him again...
like you said, trying not to cry. its going to
be so hard.... but you are right, it's about him...
and being there for him....

If I may interject, it is about you too. Cry if you must for if you are not real to you and what you feel, you convey the emptiest type of love and compassion.

Losing my dad was hard. Going home every weekend to see him fade away from the chubby beer bellied g uy to an 80 pound frail man who's fingers felt cold when he reached out and touched me. His illness went quick, no clue to diagnosed in July to gasping for life by January. Dead by the beginning of February. I never got it together to make the peace I should have/ needed to before the event. All came after.

anyway.... I agree... just spending time... being there...and not just at the end... but along the way is best. Being there can mean that phone call, you can mail him a card every week even if it's just some corny joke. People retreat from the dying. THat has got to feel just horrible to them.

Ugh... now im crying and im going to work....


I miss my Dad... today bigtime.

of course you cry...buckets and buckets of tears...but if they prefer to remember you smiling and being warm and witty and funny, that's a great gift to give...especially if they have asked for you to be strong...and respecting that wish does not mean you are empty of anything...it means you can be selfless at a time it's needed

and you always cry...huge heartbreaking teardrops

<font color="#5b5b5b" size="1">[ March 11, 2005 09:51 AM: Message edited by: Fiona-A ]</font>

reading this thread makes me cry.... i just
teared up again reading the most recent posts [img]frown.gif[/img]

but you know, you're right... i imagine that when
i see him, i'll just burst into tears at the
moment we all meet... yanno, like one of those
gay hollywood things.

he or his wife will say, "why are you crying?"

and i'll just shrug and say, "i dunno"

and they will know... and then he will try to
make me laugh... and all will be 'ok'.

* * * * *

uncle william's cancer seemed to come out of
nowhere for me as well. he had battled with
strange and sudden illnesses for a while though...
but nothing like this.

from what i know, it just showed up around january
and its been swiftly falling downhill ever since.

I HATE THAT SHIT!!!!!!!! i really do....
because even now i can't even really grasp the
situation... there's no time.... and everything
seems to immediate and pressing....

appetitive and on the fly....

* * * * *

i'm sorry if this thread brought up memories
for anyone, present or silent... of someone
they had truly loved and are now gone.

but i can honestly say that i'm so very grateful
for bringing it here and for the posts that you
have all made... because it feels so supportive
and thats what i need... (sorry, that sounded
selfish)

it means so much
thank you