Audition Behavior

OK, so I have a couple. The first is on the last show I directed. I had an actor who, based on a past performance, I'd kind of wanted to work with. I guess he'd be about 60 years old or so. We'll call him Actor X. He came to the audition, filled out his form and sat at a table.

A certain actress came in, also one I'd wanted to work with again. She's quite attractive, and about 30 at the time. We'll call her Actress Y.

Upon her entry, Actor X proceeds to quite loudly flirt with her. Maybe that's an understatement. He was hitting on her, quite blatantly, and disrupting my auditions with it.

I get Actor X to shut up so I can hear the other actors auditioning, but at some point he still finds a way to shove his hands completely down the back of her pants during a hug. Yep, you heard me.

I cast them both. Actor X couldn't control his sexual desires nor behavior throughout the entire run -- not just with her, but with both of the other actresses I'd cast as well. (Luckily for him, he did manage to control it with my AD, who is my girlfriend.)

Oh yeah, he's on my own personal "do not use list" now.

Honestly, Actor 'X' in the previous post was not me. I only mention this because it very possibly could have been.

Dennis Stewart

The one audition that stands out the most for me was one for Winnie the Pooh, where several children were needed. The auditioneers were asked to either sing Happy Birthday, or Winnie the Pooh. Here's what one little boy did, and the exchange that followed.

He sang:

Winnie the Shit, Winnie the Shit.
Shitty Little Shitter, oh Shit Shit Shit Shit (the crowd started howling in laughter by now)
Winnie the Shit, Winnie the Shit.
Shitty Little Shit Shit Shit oh Shit!

Director: Michael*!! Why would you sing the song like that?

Michael: Well, poo is a baby word, and I'm 8 now, so I'm just gonna sing it my way!

Director: OH NO YOU WON'T!

After the laughter died down and Michael's ever-so-responsible mother found out what he did, she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out, causing even more laughter to erupt.

Strangly enough, Michael was not cast.

Dan Muir

*Name changed to protect the innocent. And after 25 years, I have no idea what his name was anyway.

I was at an audition of Assassins. This "actor" gets up and instead of singing a song from a musical, recites the Rolling Stones' "Sympathy for the Devil". I guess he was trying to scare us. He was scary all right. Particulary his acting, which was all method and no moment. I later found out his acting teacher was one that I loathe. Despite the dearth of male auditionees, he didn't get cast.

So tell me about strange audition experiences or unusual people. For instance:

At a callback for 1776 taking place in the basement of an ancient church in Naperville, somebody did a song reaching some very high, loud notes. And from the bell tower, a big friggin' bat flew into the callback to see what all the noise was about. He zipped around the room a couple of times, was unimpressed and left.

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An actor who likes to be Method showed up for an audition of Other People's Money. He was auditioning for Garfinkle, the heavy, loud, abrasive lead. The actor wore a rumpled suit, hadn't shaved for a couple of days and was rude to the person who handed out the audition forms, who was just there to help, hadn't read the script and had no idea why this bozo was so nasty. But this doesn't measure up to the time he auditioned for Annie Get Your Gun dressed as Sitting Bull. No. I'm not kidding. He really did that.

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I once asked a young woman to read a scene for me. She had listed on the form the parts she would accept, and this wasn't one of them. I knew that and wouldn't have offered her a part she wouldn't take; I just needed someone to read the scene with another actor who hadn't read yet, and I also wanted to see any versatility she might have. She refused to read the scene. Guess who wasn't offered a part of any sort? She had showed me that her Directability Quotient was zero. I mean, if you're balking at a request at an audition, what's going to happen in rehearsals?

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Another actor, being asked to read a scene, said, "What's this Character's Arc?"

CRAIG: He's a salesman. He's glad-handing everybody and wants to control the room by force of his personality.

ACTOR: (Snapping contemptuously) That's not an Arc!

Oops. 'Scuse me for not taking the same acting class you did. I'll give you a basic sketch of the character if you haven't read the show, but I don't have time to discuss the Character's Fucking Arc with you. Just get up and read. Of course, when he did read it was awful. He had shelled out money for classes, had all of the terminology and none of the skill. Couldn't act his way out of a paper bag. I look for potential in people -- he had none. But even if he had, being really rude to the director is not a good way to get cast.

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So what are some interesting audition experiences you've had, either as an actor or a director?

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ September 17, 2006 01:15 PM: Message edited by: Sgt. Bilko ]</font>

This isn't quite so dramatic, but was at a college audition recently where I had to watch everyone's monologue, which included earnest recitations of speeches from Sandra Bullock and Hilary Duff movies. (You know, the classics! Who could forget when Hilary Duff was talking to Chad Michael Murray in the locker room before the big game....) I had no idea movies were fair game. And here I've been wasting my time with musty old play scripts.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sgt. Bilko:

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An actor who likes to be Method showed up for an audition of Other People's Money. He was auditioning for Garfinkle, the heavy, loud, abrasive lead. The actor wore a rumpled suit, hadn't shaved for a couple of days and was rude to the person who handed out the audition forms, who was just there to help, hadn't read the script and had no idea why this bozo was so nasty. But this doesn't measure up to the time he auditioned for Annie Get Your Gun dressed as Sitting Bull. No. I'm not kidding. He really did that.

***********************

I was in that Annie Get Your Gun, and he was cast as Sitting Bull. He did a good job. What was scary was when he occasionally came out of character!

How about the knucklehead who showed up and accompanied himself on 5 string banjo for Godspell? (We Beseech Thee) He wasn't cast.

Hey, wait a minute, that was me!

Quote:

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Originally posted by dstewart24:
Honestly, Actor 'X' in the previous post was not me. I only mention this because it very possibly could have been.

Dennis Stewart

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<font size="2" face="Times, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif">I'm not saying I thought it was you, but... [img]smile.gif[/img]

XOXOXOXO

The strangest audition I've ever been to, and one I'm glad I brought someone along to...

I showed up at the director's condo in Glen Ellyn (median family income: $95,332). I'd already had a bit of a strange encounter with him on the phone - he was a little scatterbrained, I just assumed.

I buzz in at his condo, and I turned away from the foyer door to make a joke with my friend. Like a scene out of Jurassic Park, my friend stopped, looked up and breathed an almost inaudible ?Oh, god.? I whirled around.

Mechanically walking towards us was a most disconcerting combination of Michael Jackson and David Hasselhoff. The Director was in his 20?s, tall and muscular, with a Dutch, square face, framed in Jheri curls. He wore a leather jacket for the band Disturbed that was highly reminiscent of Michael Jackson circa ?Thriller,? complete with cheap stretchy baby blue kid gloves ? the kind that children wear. He walked with an arrogantly menacing pace, his chin slightly tucked down, almost glaring through bloodshot eyes.

He invited us in to his apartment. Start creepy music.

I walked into his apartment and immediately the rich smell of musky cologne hit me in the face - I?m sorry, I should say the rich smell of musky cologne poured on every possible surface, and possibly even circulated through the airshafts. The only light in the apartment comes from a yellowish kitchen. His walls were lined with clippings from gossip magazines and pictures of great method actors like Marilyn Monroe and Marlon Brando. Stanislavski books lined the single bookcase in his sparsely furnished apartment. His carpet was stained and looked like it hadn?t seen the right side of a vacuum in months. The room was darkened by black material shrouding the bay windows. A white door leaned against the black material, blocking out any natural light.

As almost an afterthought, The Director impersonally asked my partner and I to take off our shoes. I glanced at the carpet again, shuddering, and acquiesced. The Director took off his shoes and then his jacket, revealing a second layer of bizarre ? an old, pink wife beater with his name spelled on it, minus one letter, barely covering his massive arms and pectorals. He kept his baby blue kid gloves on. As a second afterthought, he requested that the shoes not be kept by the door, but in the closet. Great?that way they are harder to find when someone comes looking for our dead bodies.

He walked into his kitchen and distantly offered us a drink. We declined. Afterwards, I wonder if I might have accepted a drink, but only on the condition he took a drink first.

I casually asked him to tell me more about the project. He regarded me impersonally, almost like an animal or child, and ignored my request. I asked him again, and he mentioned with a trivial air that the project is still being completed and he can?t really tell me anything about it. He started to play with the camera, pushing buttons and lining it up, all with his baby blue kid gloves still on. I stopped him again, and asked him to tell me exactly what we?d be doing. In a rather standoffish tone, he requested that we slate to the camera (saying our name and what we were auditioning for). He asked for two takes ? the first one normal, and the second to convey that we are very confused and uncomfortable about something. I almost rolled my eyes in irony, but by the time I did the second take, I started to get the feeling we were really going to be axe-murdered. As my friend slates to the camera, I picture The Director watching our audition back as he eats our hard-boiled brains on a T.V. tray. I trembled.

The Director then declared that the three of us would improv a scene where my partner and I were meeting him in his home and were very suspicious and uncomfortable because he seemed very strange. I chirp, ?Is this supposed to be Method or something?? He ignored me and started talking to himself, looking over at the door leaned precariously against his windows, ?I?ll start by?coming in?no wait, this is my place??

It?s at this point that I interrupted and said, ?I don?t think this project is for me?? and got up to leave, turning my back to him.

?Since you?re here,? he started menacingly, ?I wish you?d audition.?

At this point, my friend interrupted and said, ?You realize that the scenario you are asking us to do is what we are experiencing in real life??

?Yeah,? he said indifferently, but perhaps a little confused, looking for additional information. We left. And my friend said he had to take several showers just to wash off the cologne?not to mention the creep.

And - believe it or not, I'm actually excluding additional creep from the audition. My guy remember a lot more: http://kemroll.livejournal.com/21521.html

And to end it all off, the guy sent me videos of himself nekkid and more.

It was horrifying!

xo

Ann Marie

My first audition since high school wasn't meant to be an audition for me. I had accompanied a friend to the auditions for a play directed by a co-worker. My auditioning friend talked me into trying out, though i protested not being prepared. I thought to have some fun and tried ?winging it?.

This was a mistake.

Misreading a stage direction on the script i'd never before seen for Playboy of the Western World, i missed a vital stage direction that explained I was to deliver a line while holding the torn shirt of a man who?d run away/off stage. Obviously for an audition I wouldn?t be expected to tear off someone?s shirt. But all I knew was that I wasn?t to let go of the shirt while delivering my next line. I held on tightly, even as the actor tried running off stage. It was as bit of tug-o-war, he trying to flee, me pulling him back onto the stage while trying to read the script. In his desperation to get away, and my determination to hold on tightly, we tore the shirt in question completely off his torso!

The now shirtless actor shouted, "We're supposed to be acting!"

I had to fight like heck not to laugh. I mean ? fer cryin' out loud ? i'd just destroyed the guy's favorite shirt, yet for some reason it struck me as ridiculously funny.
I was determined not to laugh. Others, however, were not so inclined and, after an eerie silence, laughter ensued with vigor. I wasn?t sure whose head looked more likely to explode, the director?s or that of the topless shirt mourner.

Oh well! I never liked that shirt, anyway.

mr. sillyperson

Quote:

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EDIT: S mileyman and G eekster are forbidden words Craig? Wow.

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<font size="2" face="Times, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif">Yes, and C urley, too. I had forgotten about that one. Thanks for reminding me.

[img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img] Everybody has their own standards of what constitutes obscenity. You've just discovered mine. [img]graemlins/angel.gif[/img]

Here is the full list of Words That Will Turn into Asterisks:

b ath
c umquat
y earn
S mileyman
G eekster
C urley
s emprini
P avarotti

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ September 21, 2006 10:55 AM: Message edited by: Sgt. Bilko ]</font>

Three stories stick in my head - one of which I've detailed previously in one of my oh so entertaining tete-a-tetes with *********/Curley/******** on NICOTH, so I won't repeat it here.

"Steel Magnolias" - 77 women audition. However, the icing on the cake - was a woman who showed up in a flower patterned miniskirt and white pantyhose. She'd dolled up a bit to look like Truvy. Anyway....the miniskirt didn't quite fit...and didn't quite cover. So, she sat down in the chair and um......shoulda worn slacks.

I didn't think I was the only one who noticed it, but I did think it would...um....not be brought up. BUT my entire cast was cast from that day of auditions, and it was brought up during rehearsals. Everyone saw it. She couldn't act - but she made an impression. Still famous auditioner that was talked about this summer with one of my cast members.....TWO YEARS LATER.

"Twelve Angry Men" - had a guy who auditioned for me who was quite talented, with a resume out to Cleveland. I had made the distinct announcement that "If you are not called back, it does not mean you are not cast, it just means I don't need to see whatever role it is I'm considering you for..." Now, since then, that has been untrue...but for that show, not everyone who was cast was at callbacks. I also announced that everyone who auditioned would get a call, whether they were cast or not.

The next day I received an email from this gentleman saying that since he was not called back, he obviously was not cast, and that there was no need for me to call with a "no," that that was just awkward. The not calling thing I respect. But, the killer was I was probably going to cast the guy. His email proved to me that he didn't listen, or worse, couldn't listen. And with "12 AM" being my directorial debut - the last thing I needed was ANY sort of issue with a cast member who couldn't listen. I assured him that he was being considered for a role, despite not being called back, but that he could rest assured, I was NOT going to call him if he wasn't cast. He never got a call. But.....he probably would have.

EDIT: S mileyman and G eekster are forbidden words Craig? Wow.

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ September 20, 2006 03:14 PM: Message edited by: skyhill ]</font>

With regards to Skyhill's "audition behavior" stories, there could be the possibility that the actor with the resume from Cleveland may not have been in the building when the announcements were made that not all roles would be cast from callbacks. Needless to say, it's never good form to contact a director while the auditioning process is going on. Things may be said which may put doubts in the director's mind...which appears to be what happened here.

I can assure you Warbucks that I announced more than once (including at the end of the evening) that not being called back did not mean that one wasn't cast. I also put it on the audition form, and on a one page "expectations" sheet that I hand out to every auditioner who walks in the door for every show I direct.

There were PLENTY of ways to get that information....and still it was ignored, or worse, not believed.

It's one of the reasons why that event sticks in my head so much. There were LOTS of chances to hear what I said.

And his resume was "out to Cleveland" because there were a LOT of things on it, not because that's where he was from....

What can I tell you, Skyhill ? You appear to be the kind of director who means what they say at an audition. From what I can tell, we both appear to have resumes that "go out to Cleveland" and I am sure you have been at auditions where the director tells you that "not all roles will be cast from callbacks" or "I wish I could cast all of you in the show." More often than not, you know that is a line to make the auditonees feel better. I guess the best advice I could have given "Mr.Cleveland" would have been to keep his big mouth shut and let the director cast the best person for each role.

There is a line I always include in audition notices for a show I'm directing:

"It is in the best interests of the actors auditioning to familiarize themselves with the play."

It is always my hope that this line will cut back on the number of clueless actors who don't read past the suggested age for each part before auditioning for said role. It should work in theory, but...

Case in point-when I held auditions for "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, I had approximately 70 actors auditioning. About 30 women auditioned for Nurse Ratched. Of the 30, only 3 actresses seemed to have gone out of their way to try and understand the character before auditions. The other 27 stood there, book in hand and simply read the lines and "emoted" as they saw fit.

I had about 25 men auditioning for McMurphy. Once again, three of them had potential-among the rest, I got a lot of Jack Nicholson imitations-complete with watch-cap.

One of the things I try to do during auditions is let someone read a role, then pause and give them some direction and have them read again. This tells me that they know *how* to take direction and are willing to modify their reading of the part when directed to do so.

My favorite actor story goes back quite a few years. I always tell actors at auditions that if toward the end there is a scene they haven't read yet that they would like to read, or an actor they would like to read against, let me know and I will try to accomidate them. During a break, an actor I was considering came up to the table, leaned down and said, "Don't read me with Joe Blow anymore-I can't stand him."
Well, I knew Joe Blow, and had worked with Joe Blow in the past and guess what? Joe Blow was getting a casting call.

This guy...not so much. Although I guess he did me a favor that day by letting me know that he was a potential gear with a tooth missing who could have caused problems during the production if I had cast him.

Rabbit Trail.
I love audition scenes in movies. Two of my favorites are from:
Midwinter's Tale. (if you haven't seen it its a must see movie about theatre Dir: Kenneth Brannagh)
The Commitments. You know where all the musicians audition at the beginning. kills me.

I on the other hand have always auditioned appropriately and without mishape.

I remember auditioning once for a part that was very dear to me-in a play I loved. I mean, I knew this character, and in many ways I was this character. I worked harder getting ready for this audition than I ever had before, working with an actor auditioning for the role of the brother of the character I was working on. We spent hours and hours together on the scenes.

At the auditions, I was frustraited because I wasn't being read with him in the "big" scene the two characters had together. The actors I was reading the scene with weren't giving me much to work with. In hindsight, I should have asked the director to read me with my friend-but I didn't. Still, I thought I had kicked some serious butt up there.

When the call came in, the director told me she had given the part to another, less experienced actress who was a friend of mine. Her reasoning to me was that I had just had a part in a production, and this actress had done a lot of backstage work over the years and "it was her turn".

Well, I was happy for my friend, but I didn't agree with the director's stated reason for casting her. I didn't think she had the emotional depth to play the part and sure enough, when I saw the play, she played the character all on one level-angry. It broke my heart not to play that role, especially since my friend was cast as the brother.

But once again in hindsight, it probably was just as well. Because just as the play was getting ready to open, my uncle was diagnosed with cancer-and went downhill in a hurry. I ended up spending a lot of time with him in the Hospice-something I would not have been able to do if I'd been cast. And believe me-my family would not have gotten the concept of "The show must go on."