I NEED HUGS!

Today I told my Mum I'm in love with a girl. I just about threw up with nerves trying to. She's kinda ok but she's also somewhat in denial, she's trying to encourage me to go out with a boy I said I liked years ago (turned out he's not gay Go Figure!). Since I didn't actually declare I was totally gay ( I just know I adore this girl) and well I think there are too many bad associations my Mum has with the actual word.

And then she's asking me all those questions like "So have you always felt this way?"

And the thing is well hell I'm not really sure myself the only thing I know for sure is I'm totally in love with this girl.

It gets even more complicated as I met her overseas and so she doesn't even live anywhere near me but we've kept in constant contact since we met and well now it's become more serious. So we haven't really been able to do much about it yet but she's coming over to NZ late this year to visit me.

So even we don't know how it's going to turn out yet and Mum wants it all wrapped in a neat and tidy package which I just can't do. I couldn't even do it if it was a boy that lived miles away.

* sigh* I need hugs and encouragement and practical suggestions and a new stomach. [img]graemlins/gulp.gif[/img]

*hugs*

congrats on coming out.

I'm a little low on the practical advice part, though.

It took me ages to come out. And it took my mother a lot of time to come out to herself like "the mother of a gay girl".

This is the point: it's hard to come out as gay, it's hard to come out as "parent of a gay person". Mostly it feels like failure.

I felt a failure when I told my mom and she asked "So, I'm not going to have grandchildren, am I?"
She felt a failure when she thought she had raised a creature who happened to be "less than perfect" according to her strict criteria.

It could be worse: try to figure what happened when my mom found out her son was gay too [img]biggrin.gif[/img]
It may seem silly, but sometimes I don't feel at ease with my bro being gay.

It just takes time and loving. Love for your mother, your mother's love for you, your love for yourself.

The rest - including the person you're fond of - is just background noise.

*huggles*

I was less than supportive when my brother first came out, but that's just because I wanted to give him a hard time. I'd figured out he was gay before he decided to tell our mom and some friends that were gathered for a 4th of July party.

I just acted like I was surprised. I started growing a goatee shortly afterwards. When my brother mentioned it I told him that he had made me question my masculinity, and that by growing a beard I was helping reestablish it. He thought I was serious. :D

"Really???"

"Naw, I'm just fucking with ya. I figured it out years ago, but figured it was your business and you'd talk about when you were ready."

Just remember that you are loved. *hugs*

**hugs!**

Don't worry much about your Mum, she'll be OK in a little while. Most parents live in some form of denial anyhow, lol! Be of good cheer! The worst is over, now the fun (finding your true love & etc) can begin [img]smile.gif[/img]
As for your stomach, if you find a new one, can I have the intestines?

*hugs*

Obviously there's gonna be questions and unsure feelings and whatnot. The only thing you can do is take it a day at a time and see what happens or doesn't happen with this girl and let your mom get used to the idea.

i take it this means we're not dating anymore, CB

Oh Firebird, you poor thing...

You poor, broken hearted thing.
If only there were something I could do...
(jsut kidding- I'm hitched and so are youl!)

Chaos- don't worry. Your situation sounds like mine, and (btw) that's exactly how my own mom reacted.

She kept saying "If only you'd tell me you were gay.." But the fact is, i wasn't gay- and I hadn't 'always felt this way.' I just really, really, really liked this particular girl!

It seems the word you are probably looking for is 'Bisexual.' It's a decent term.

I used to balk at it, because I don't really feel 50/50 about the whole thing-(maybe 7-/30 or 60/40). But ultimately, i decided to use it- since I clearly do like both girls and guys.

My girlfriend, funnily enough, also got pissy with me. Like my mom, she kept asking "why can't you just declare yourself a lesbian and get it over with?" Well, the answer is- 'cus I'm not a lesbian. For some strange reason she kept thinking that meant I'd go back to a man eventually- and my mom did too.

My poor mother waited for years for me to "get over it." But the fact remained- I really, really, really liked this girl! And we're still together. And I'm still bisexual.
And now, my mom's accepted it.

So, I don't think you need to panic. If you aren't totally gay, that' s perfectly alright. You don't have to be. And you certainly aren't the only person to feel confused in this way. But again, you don't have to be- 'cus there's a third category.

*hugs*

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ January 05, 2006 08:46 PM: Message edited by: Lulu ]</font>

Well, not everybody decides to go to a Pride Parade the day after they have decided to come out [img]biggrin.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img] like *cough* me.

Relationship is something related to the personal sphere.

Labels have a social, political meaning.

You don't need to "pick a side" and make a political statement if you don't feel ready.

Not everybody decides to be a communist right after discovering political debates [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]biggrin.gif[/img] like *cough again* me [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Just don't make your gf feel like she's second best. It has happened to me sometimes and it really hurts.

yeah, labels are mostly for the benefit of other people- so they can figure out what nice, neat, little box to stick you in.

What most important is that you stay true to yourself and treat your relationship with respect... even if other people refuse to do so.

And give your mom some time. I think it can be a tad confusing for moms- I mean, here's this daughter they think they know and have raised since she was a kid... and then she pulls the rug out! Don't worry- parents love you, no matter what they say... and eventually they come around.

Thanks everyone!

Well 2nd day my Mum just managed to get around to asking me what my girl did for a living and once again asking if I wanted to go out with this other guy, before we parted company for the day.

Luckily my Mum is presently occupied with being inbetween relationships with one BF attempting to win her back and the other trying to keep her and my Mum hmmm wanting free license to go out with anyone she chooses so at least she doesn't have to worry about my news constantly and well she gets to see her rather messy relationship problems in comparison with mine and realise well maybe it's not such a dumb idea.

3rd day well I'm real proud of her, she's asked a couple more questions and I did admit I'd previously had a crush on one of my female friends, and she's realised that I am probably not going to go out with a guy while I'm in love with this girl so she's stopped asking me to go out with him (I also mentioned it wouldn't be very fair on him at this stage.) And she actually seems really concerned about me as a person and has said if ever I have any relationship problems I can always come back to her (she's still a bit haunted by the fact my sis took so long to admit to her that her marriage was in shambles and thinks it might've been because Mum would say "I told you so..."). And she also expressed concern about me handling the opinions of other people, like alot of her generation she thinks alot of people are unaccepting and homophobic, and while she has a right to be concerned and I know there are still alot of people out there like that I reassured her with the fact that I had had nothing but extremely positive and supportive feed back from my friends and people I have told. She wanted to know who I had told and what they had said basically. She also asked what she was going to say when people asked her the inevitable question of " So has Martina got a boyfriend?" And so i asked her what she normally said which is basically along the lines of well she's always out with her boy friends and girlfriends and so told her she could stick with that because it's basically true and essentially not reallly other people's business. And I get the feeling she thinks I've faced my major issues of the past few years (Since I've had quite alot of struggles with depression absolutely none of which had to do with this) and now thinks maybe I'll feel alot better so I guess it's a fair enough excuse to let her continue believing as she's never understood Depression anyway.

Today she asked me whether or not I talked to my Dr. about it to which I replied 'NO' and she said "So you didn't think it was an issue" so not sure where she was going there aside from thinking it was abnormal. But she dropped it after she got her answer anyway.

Hopefully she gets to talk to my sis properly soon, my sis has reassured me she'll support me and help out with helping Mum understand (she's probably going to have to explain 'Bi' in very small words and she'll probably do a better job of it than me), my sis is so used to being in trouble with my Mum she almost fearless about saying anything to her.

[img]smile.gif[/img]
Well, things are going... well!
Except for being depressed eh? Blah! Fooie!

Quote:

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Originally posted by 5Cats:
[img]smile.gif[/img]
Well, things are going... well!
Except for being depressed eh? Blah! Fooie!

---

<font size="2" face="Comic sans ms, Helvetica, sans-serif">[img]tongue.gif[/img] Actually I'm very happy right now. It's usually a biochemical imbalance these days I'll be perfectly fine for ages then go kamikaze. Luckily my friends are used to it by now. [img]smile.gif[/img]

HUGS!

[/QUOTE] [img]tongue.gif[/img] Actually I'm very happy right now. It's usually a biochemical imbalance these days I'll be perfectly fine for ages then go kamikaze. Luckily my friends are used to it by now. [img]smile.gif[/img] [/QB][/QUOTE]

That's not too bad then. And your friends don't mind, lol!

*BIG HUGS*

Glad things are going pretty well with your mom. Time is the best answer. Parents have to go through their own "coming out" when children come out (no matter what the label). She'll be fine down the road.

My mom and I had a huge falling out when I came out. Didn't speak much for 4 years. I got all the usual responses: "I'm never having grandchildren", "it's my fault because *insert reason here*", "how do you know if you've never dated men", "what do i tell people", etc.

I've never known a parent that didn't come around eventually. Even mine did.

And glad to hear the depression is not a bother at the moment. As I'm fighting with PTSD and depression right now, it's a nice reminder that a lot of it is biochemical problems.

welp....*hugs* for everyone..even 5 cats.. even tho last time i hugged a cat i got scratches an fleas n stuff.

an sincei figure everyone can always use soem more cheerin up i will share a small sample of a comic strip that i absolutely love.

from get fuzzy..

http://ramblingadventures.blogspot.com/gf-011205.jpg

also since this next one is so hilarious, im gonna show it as well

http://tinypic.com/1o10y9

I adored the "issues" strip, in which Satchel puts a collie fur on because he thought that would've made hime look more attractive.

I'm so sad I saved it on my work laptop that was stolen [img]frown.gif[/img]

If you have it Spyder, please send it to me...

i will definately check 3p-o my dear

this the one your talkin bout 3p-o?

http://felyne.blogs.com/photos/uncat...60174395_1.jpg

http://www.geocities.com/spyderluv69/fuzzy1.jpeg

http://www.geocities.com/spyderluv69/fuzzy2.jpeg

I love you too Spider! Especially after 2 liters of beer and 6 oz of Metaxa Brandy [img]wink.gif[/img]
But seriously I love my internet friends every bit as much as my "real" friends.

Oh my! It is!!!!

Get Fuzzy is my "perfect coffee break" when I get to work [img]smile.gif[/img]

I immediately saved the strip again! Thank you so much Spyder...

And I really do think it fits this thread perfectly, eh Chaos? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...2995040203.gif

lafffsss i like that one.

there was one i was gonna post.. but i dont know if i should. If your familiar with get fuzzy, it's the one where bucky is trying to get more presents, and rob makes the comment to satchel that they will play it straight.. and satchel doesnt quiet understand.

I only hesitate cause i understand a person coming out is a serious thing, and i do not wish to be percieved as making jest at it.

I know that one! It is just too funny...

And don't worry, Spyder, I don't think Chaos would mind...btw she never minds even when I clog her e-mail with Get Fuzzy "strip of the day" postys [img]smile.gif[/img]

Or maybe we should create a "Get Fuzzy and other strips" anthology thread [img]wink.gif[/img]

I'm up for a "Get Fuzzy" thread!