Just another reason why life sucks

well not only all the shit thats happened to me in the last year causing my life to suck, I now find out that my daughter who has been married only a year, now wants to leave her husband. not only do I think she is going to make a major mistake doing so, I shelled out thousands of dollars depleting my pension and it might be for nothing. he's had a drinking problem, and now a DWI, but he needs help, not dumped. I want her to try and work it out and she says she just wants out. Cant see how you can just throw away a seven year relationship like its nothing.

hell they just bought new cars and a new house and now she wants to give up?

I know I complain and whine too much here already, but youre the only friends I have to vent with. Its got me majorly depressed to see him so devestated.

I know she's my kid and I should be on her side, but I just cant believe she's doing the right think

thanks for hearing me blab on about another shitty part of my life

I would be on the same side as you, so don't feel bad.. It does sound like to me that he needs help, not left.First, the question that comes to mind is what has caused his drinking.. Most alcoholics, drunks, the like, have a trigger that causes them to do so. Was he a big partier in High school? If it's just all of a sudden, something's causing/caused it.. Is he extremely stressed for some reason and trying to hide it/keep it in? Something doesn't add up. He needs help.. And it should be her place to help him through it, not leave him for it.. A marriage means Through everything.. Sickness, Health, pain, hardships, downtimes, uptimes, you name it.

You should visit him with your "briefcase" and make him change his mind....

Now, if the problem is your daughter, sit and talk with her.....

Yeah...it sucks if its your daughter...just like me.... [img]confused.gif[/img]

They should both try going to meetings for a month or so, he to AA and she to Al-Anon. It helps a lot of people figure out what's wrong, can make sure she knows it's not HER fault and she's not enabling him, and may just get him to realize he's about to lose everything.

They don't work for everyone, but help enough that most people should try it.

Not to demean your daughter or her husband but they really need to make getting married a lot harder so divorce wouldn't be so easy. I know some people shouldn't be married in the first place but divorce has become such an easy cop out rather than dealing with a problem head on.

Brian, I will suggest you and your wife have a dinner outside with both of them, and talk about it. Is better to get the issues out and the alternatives.....

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Originally posted by Andyman:
Not to demean your daughter or her husband but they really need to make getting married a lot harder so divorce wouldn't be so easy. I know some people shouldn't be married in the first place but divorce has become such an easy cop out rather than dealing with a problem head on.

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I'm with Andy. People find it way too easy to get out instead of trying to work it out.

Did no one know about his problem(s)?
I would have definitely talked to my daughter about marrying a guy with a drinking problem.
Unless it's as AoD has mentioned something that just starting after the wedding.

Chase, talk to them individually find out what is really going on. Then get them together and talk as a family. They'd probaby be willing to come to some agreement if they knew what is at the root of the problem. The drinking is probably just the tip.

Good luck and Chase you are one of the most genuine people I've come across on the net.
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thanks all. he's seeing a counsler and is giving up alchol 100%. I think he didnt relize how much it was messing things up. they've been together since 16 so they never had the wild party freedom most have. He's vowed to make things work if she'll try.

its been a week now with her wanting out 100%. today he said she might be willing to try.

I agree its way to easy to take the quick way out by divorce. he in St Peters though, they make you go to divorce classes for about a year to make sure you know whats going to happen.

I hope she does decide to try and make it work. its hard to make a marriage work as its constant up and downs in life. they need to learn that. I've told them over and over including when he asked us for our blessing in asking her to marry him.

she probably feels like we took his side and her support system failed, but I just feel like she's making a mistake not trying and throwing it away so easily.

I can only hope they work it out.

thanks for the replies. I can always count on you my friends when I'm down

Sorry to hear that. I work with a lot of alcoholics - occupational hazard, but I don't think any of them are at risk of losing their marriage over it. Your daughter's safety is paramount, but if there is no real risk of abuse then she will dishonor your sacrifice as well as her vows if she divorces. However, that's probably the last thing she would want to hear from her parents. I hate to say it, but it sounds like they both need their asses kicked. But it's probably best to go with the therapy route...

Hmmm...I wish I had better advice...

Sorry to hear that... must be the extra radiation from the hole in the ozone layer...

i don't think the reasons for him being an alcoholic really matter, he is one and i am sure she knew this when they got married.
i totally agree with you though.... she shouldn't just dump him without a fight. even though my ex husband was a lying cheating bastard, i tried to make it work but it just didn't. yea they make divorce way too easy these days but my thing is, as long as you both try to make it work. one person isn't going to be able to do it. she should at least give him a chance. marriage is something i take very seriously, even though this is my 2nd one i have learned from my mistakes with my ex husband and ex boyfriends after him. that's how you learn what you want and what type of person is good for you. my friends have told me they have never seen me happier than i am now. that's from a lot of learning and trying!
don't feel bad for coming here and venting. i wish i had the nerve to do it a little more with my work situation right now...

actually his drinking has been getting a little worse.

good news, to a degree, she's decided to try and work on it a while longer. he's quiting alchol and getting help with it. He's really wanting it to work and it looks like for a while she'll try. she didnt sound all that thrilled about it, but says she'll try. thats all I can ask for.

Still, keep an eye on him from time to time. He did the same to get your girl....

Do they have kids? If not, it's very different.

Yep, he's looking to change - but be sure that it's real. One thing that is very, very true...you can't save someone from themself. Only they can do that, and you'd hate to see your daughter waste more years of her life on someone not willing to help themself.

And while it might seem terrible for her to through away a long term relationship, remember that once they have kids, she's stuck with this guy forever. Divorce won't get him out of her life, or the kid's life, at that point, and if he really does have a problem, that's just not something you want her to deal with forever.

Good luck!

No kids, thank god. he wanted them to get a good life set up before they had kids.

he's trying real hard. now she's never home and he says even though she said she'd try and work it out, she baits him trying to make him made and isnt treating him well at all. if she's going to try, she needs to really try.

all this stuff is just a major downer in my life. its making me so depressed I can hardly stand it. I now think she is making a mistake and acting terrible towards him. even if it didnt work out, she doesnt need to treat him so bad. I know she's my kid and I should be on her side, but I feel its not the right thing.

life just never gets any better. you get through one rough thing and BAM! smacked down again by another.

if there is a god, its sure treating me and my family like shit all the time. nothing ever goes right.