No place to go!!

I always shared a room with three sisters (two sets of bunkbeds in our room) and when I left for college, my belongings were put into a little closet-like space that was already filled with my older sister's stuff. The problem is that I have no room at home anymore.

I went home today for Easter and my little sister's tenth birthday, but I can't stay. There is no place for me anymore. My older sister house-sits for my Grandparents while they are in florida for the winter, but when I have stayed with her in the past, she makes me mop the floor and clean her bathroom and pay for food (even if I am there for only one night).

Everywhere I go I feel unwelcome or like I am a burdon. If I do go home, my little sisters throw a fit because I sleep in the living room and there is no place for my stuff. I can never stay for more than a night or two because they pester me so much until I feel so unwelcome that I leave. You'd think I would be used to this by now, I am a junior in college, but this is the first break I have felt completely alone with no place to go. Now that Justin and I have broken up, I don't even have company. I am so lonely that i sit in my room and cry (like right now). Here I am, at school during vacation (we have a week off this week).

I don't have a car, so I can't even go to the grocery store. The cafeteria has closed for the week, and even though I have money I could spend on food, I don't have any way to get it, and I don't have a microwave or anything. So I have a pint of milk and a box of raisin bran and a box of tissues to get me through the week. I don't want to ask my parents to take me over to the store because I feel like such a burden already. I am so miserable.

Sorry to be a downer, but I am so sad and lonely [img]graemlins/cry_smile.gif[/img]

Heidi, I am so sorry. *cross-country hug* I really think you should talk to your family and tell them how you feel. I'm sure they would hate to have you feel so alone; and they probably have no idea you feel this way. It's an odd thing when you have kids go away to school or anywhere else - your family life goes on and even changes while they are away just like theirs does, but the child who is gone remembers home just the way it was when they left.

I'm sure going back "home" and finding it different than you remember is difficult, but if you discuss it with your parents and your sisters, you can all work together to make it a good experience for everyone. Your parents (and your sisters too) would not want you to be so sad and miserable and alone. So dry your eyes and pick up the phone and call your Mom. Then let us know how it works out.

We love you, you know.... [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]

As the oldest of seven, I was "displaced" when I left for college- my sister Jill took my room. I had to sleep on the couch for vacations. It definitely made me glad to move out when college was over. My parents didn't bother me, but all those siblings did-the older few stayed up late making noise, and the younger ones got up early making noise! Aagh! So I know somewhat of what you feel.

Are your parents nearby enough to take you to the store? Maybe they'd be glad to help and it doesn't hurt to ask. (((Hugs))) your way and I hope that things start going around to you way.

Jen Day

I'm sorry to hear that.I understand though.I don't drive and everyone I know that has a car acts like its a burden to take me anywhere.I end up relying on coworkers to take me to the grocery store.My mom never even calls me.I wish I could help you,I know how you feel.Do you have any friends who can drive you,or maybe a convienence store nearby you can walk to?Or you could order something if you have enough money.As for your family,its sad that they would think that.Have you talked to any of them about how you feel?Remember you have people who care right here [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rainbow.gif[/img]

Awww, I'm so sorry! Do you have any good friends close by you could stay with? Or maybe friends with cars, so you could at least get gorceries? Hopefully it'll work out. Ooh, idea. Maybe if you get lonely you could call a friend, if you can't visit them? When I get bored I just start calling people, I love talking on the phone!

The problem about asking friends is that this is only break for our college, most colleges that my friends attend had break already in March. I talked to my dad about feeling displaced, and he appologized and felt bad, but didn't do anything. I am an extrovert, and I need people, so this week will be tough. I think some of my little sisters don't like me anyway cause the know that they make me feel unwelcome and then I leave. I think they plan it to get rid of me. I just wish that someone actually wanted my company without me always being the one to persue and beg. This stinks! [img]graemlins/cry.gif[/img]

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Originally posted by littlekitty81:
I'm sorry to hear that.I understand though.I don't drive and everyone I know that has a car acts like its a burden to take me anywhere.I end up relying on coworkers to take me to the grocery store.My mom never even calls me.I wish I could help you,I know how you feel.Do you have any friends who can drive you,or maybe a convienence store nearby you can walk to?Or you could order something if you have enough money.As for your family,its sad that they would think that.Have you talked to any of them about how you feel?Remember you have people who care right here [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rainbow.gif[/img]

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">There is a gas station, but the prices are far too high, and mostly there is junk food or things that would need to be cooked. That is the only store within walking distance that sells food. I have raisin ban, and that has some good nutrition in it, i guess.

I know how it feels to sometimes feel like I am in the way. I would say that you should try and talk to your sisters or if you don't want to get all deep into it, just drop the hint. I have found that by subtly dropping the hint they usually get it and will think over their past actions.
I live in a house with my older brother and his buddy. I have an advantage over you because I do have my own car and room but often my brother's friend will stay up with another friend until 6 in the morning talking and playing music. His room is right next to mine and I can hear everything. A few times we have gotten into it because I'll have to be up early and he's up jabbering until all hours of the night, I'd say 3-4 nights a week my brother's other friend will be passed out on the living room sofa, making it annoying if I wanted to turn the TV on in the morning and makes me be extra quiet.
But like I said sometimes I would drop the hint to my bro's friend Sometimes all it takes it just muttering I'm always in the way, for him to say no you're not! Don't talk like that, and then you have the perfect chance to lead into letting your feelings be known.

I also have had to take friends without cars to the grocery store numerous times and I have never found it a burden. I like those late night trips. So don't worry about asking anybody for anytihng.
Also if you talked with your older sister about how you feel, maybe she could relate, since she had to leave at one time.
If you are bored PM me, or just hang out on Hostboard, or build an AG wishlist. [img]wink.gif[/img]

Hm, I'm not sure if this is helpful or not but you could always try making new friends [img]smile.gif[/img] I've never been too good at starting conversations or just going up to people and talking to them, but maybe you could find some new people to hang out with for a week?

I am very sorry to hear how you are feeling. Holidays are hard sometimes. Not sure if this will help, but you might want to get a hot plate for the next time you are in a jam like this. You would be surprised how much you can cook on a hot plate. They are very cheap. Or even look into getting a small microwave or see if there is a used one for sale.

You grew up with so much activity around you. Even at collage there is so much happening during the school year that it may not seem much different then at home. Getting use to being alone can be wonderful. People pay to get away and spend a week alone. Maybe think of this as a vacation away from all the hustle and bustle of life.

I would call your parents and ask for help to get some food. I am sure they don't want you to go hungry or live on cereal for the next 5 days. They may be just so involved with the children that are at home, that they are not thinking of how you are feeling right now.

Take a deep breath. Call your parents. And enjoy this quite week. Maybe read a good book.

Hope this helps.

[img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img]

I just tried taking your advice and calling home. I got my dad on the phone, so I asked for mom, and she was putting my brother (3-years-old) to bed, so I just said nevermind and hung up. [img]frown.gif[/img]

So give her half-an-hour and call her back! [img]wink.gif[/img] Putting a three-year-old to bed is a perfectly legitimate excuse for not being able to spend time talking. [img]tongue.gif[/img] Sometimes those little ones can be real little [img]graemlins/devil.gif[/img] And no matter how much we love them, caring for them can take up a huge amount of our time. This does not mean your Mom doesn't love you or doesn't want to talk to you! In fact, she's probably feeling like she loves you much more right now because she doesn't have to wrestle you into bed every night!!! [img]wink.gif[/img]

I don't know where you go to school but public transportation is an option if your city/town has it. Bus drivers are normally very nice people and are willing to tell you what places are along their routes. I didn't have a car my first year of college either and it made life very difficult at times. I know what if feels like to be the only one left in a dorm, been there, done that more than once. I use to stay at school for Thanksgiving and eventually started spending it with the family of a friend of mine. It actually became a tradition right down to be having to play on the boys team of "battle of the sexes". I also found that going to work or somewhere to volunteer helped. I had a friend who when he felt lonely would go have coffee at the soup kitchen with the homeless.

Ashley

I am the Mom of 4 grown children, and sometimes with all the commotion, out of sight, out of mind.

I know when the boys came home for a visit the youngest always had to be the center of attention. Jealousy, it creeps in no matter how hard you try to be fair. Thank goodness the youngest has a BF and now things are more even tempered.
But your Mom sounds like she has her hands full. Maybe if you offer your Mom a break for a couple of hours and babysit the siblings. Then maybe for payment she can let you run to the grocery store or WalMart for a few things to get you by the week. She doesn't know your out of groceries and doesn't know the cafeteria is closed. Maybe she just forgot.
And if that's not a solution, go to ebay and get a microwave, cheap. Order a Pizza, large, and make it last.
I'm also sending you a hug and if you want a care package, just PM me.
[img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]

Wow! This broke my heart! I have never experienced anything like this, so I offer my prayers.

Hugs and thank you for posting this plea so we may comfort you. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/broken_heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/girl_hug.gif[/img]

[img]graemlins/island.gif[/img] [img]cool.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/island.gif[/img]

*huggles* [img]graemlins/girl_hug.gif[/img] . I'm a sophomore and although I sort of have a car, it's at home (16 hrs away) and I don't have a license. Pizzas are good if you can get delivery. With the time alone you could try to get some homework done- like any papers you might have due. I wish I could send you a chocolate bar and a big subway sandwhich. I've never been in as bad a situation as you are in, but sometimes the friends in my suite don't chat with me. If they knock they usually ask for my roomate (who is like never there) and then they leave. A couple of them are here (our Easter break was fri-Mon) and I haven't talked to or seen them at all. It can get annoying, especially when you're the last to know something too. And one of my friends (the one I've known since kindergarten) thinks its a burden if I ask to go to Walmart. I hope everything works out! Enjoy some peace and quiet. [img]graemlins/rainbow.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/sun.gif[/img]

thanks for replying- it helps somehow to know that people out there care about me. I got a call to come in to work in the morning, so at least I have something to do, and something to go to bed for (eventually).

We don't have public transportation here, this college is not exactly in or near a city. It was a good thought though. (the nearest soup kitchen is over an hour away. I volunteered at it a few times in high school).

Yea, work, I love to go to work. Smile at everyone and see who's day you brighten up. Maybe you won't be so lonesome, because you'll be to tired.
I just googled "Free Stuff" and all sorts of things came up. Have some fun.

I'm so sorry that you feel that way! [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img] If I were in your shoes, I would definitely talk to someone about the way you feel. If you can't tell a parent, talk to an aunt, uncle, or grandparent who has a good relationship with one or both of your parents and would be able to tell them how you feel and make them understand that you want things to change. Sometimes it is easier for people to hear these kinds of things coming from family or friends they have known most if not all of their lives, or a person they can trust.

<font color="#33CCCC" size="1">[ April 16, 2006 11:04 PM: Message edited by: AGfanatic ]</font>

Heidi, I am so sorry. [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img]
Please don't give up on talking to your mom. She needs to know how you feel.
Working tomorrow will keep you busy and you never know who you will bump into.
Sending you hugs from Canada. [img]graemlins/boy_hug.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/girl_hug.gif[/img]

Nia [img]smile.gif[/img]

Gosh, Heidi, I'm so sorry! I wish you were closer, I'd run you to the store, or better yet...you could stay with us.

I am willing to bet that your mom has no idea what you are dealing with. Keep trying to talk to her. Just tell her that you feel left out, and that you literally have ver little to eat this week! She won't want you in that situation.

I would also alert her to the way your sisters are treating you. She's probably too busy to notice what's going on. She'll help you, just keep trying to communicate with her.

Your post is really sad for me, too. I remember feeling that way in college because my Mom was newly remarried - my Dad passed away when I was 13. I felt like my Mom was so busy with her new marriage that she was thrilled that I lived in a dorm and was out of the way. I think that is one reason that I got married my senior year in college just a month shy of age 21. My DH felt the same way as one of 6 kids, he lost his room when he left for college. We had no food and were thrilled to have a hot pot and a package of Ramen. Fortunately, I got a job as a babysitter for a doctor's family within walking distance of campus, and they treated me kindly and generously. I think my Mom thought at 18, I wanted my independence and didn't need her anymore. She was very wrong. That was a long time ago. I graduated from college in 1985, but your post brings up that pain. One of the most poignant moments in my relationship with my Mom came a few years ago when she said she would have done things differently and given me more support in college. I don't know why, but that apology really meant a lot to me and our relationship improved tremendously.

This experience did shape my life for the better in the long run as I was forced to get a lot stronger. Now, my oldest son is a college sophomore, and we are building a new house with a bedroom just for him even though he will probably only live with us for 2 more summers. I just never, ever want him to feel the same way I did. I send him care packages of food frequently and shipped him a cheap microwave ($50) from Amazom.com. Shipping was free and it came to his dorm in 2-3 days. He is able to keep it in his dorm room. We also get groceries delivered from Peapod.com. Do you have that service in your area?

Hugs and prayers are being sent your way. If I lived in Maine, I would love to invite you over and definitely take you shopping. It would be fun.

Oh little dear here is a hug for you!!
I have never really experienced this before, as I was the youngest kid and everyone sort of moved out and I had plenty of space to myself. but now I am the mother of 4, and we all share a very tiny 3 bedroom house. my oldest dd is 19, and plenty of times I think how nice it would be for her to move out. I hope that doesn't make me sound selfish. I know she is not ready and I always tell her she can stay as long as she needs. But I know when she does go her space will be filled very quickly.so thank you for sharing your story, now I will be more sensitive to her feelings when the time comes.

It does sound like your mother is a little overwhelmed. Would you consider calling her and offering her some help. Explain that you are off this week with nothing to do and maybe she could use some babysitting or something.This will give you a chance to spend time with your family and take your mind off your own lonliness. Helping others is really great for making us step outside ourselves and get some perspective. Then while you are there helping out you may have a better chance to share your feelings, or you may realize that it wasn't so bad after all.
Hang in there, its not easy becoming independent but you can do it!!
~Annie

Whoa, hang on!

You're going to make yourself sick eating only rasin bran for a week!

I'm serious, your body needs WAY more than that, and if you try to live off it, you'll seriously make yourself ill from a vitamin deficiency. You REALLY need to get in touch with your mother/father and tell them what's going on. Someone needs to know that you need care -- food and someone (in real life, you've got plenty of online friends) to love you.

She's your mother, she'll help you out. If you don't want to feel like a burdon, offer to do some chores for her -- the idea of babysitting was a good one that I'm sure she'd like.

But honestly! Please tell us you'll make sure you get good food this week!

I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. I would also suggest to call your mom and talk to her. Call her once she's finished putting all the little ones in bed and had a minute to breath - I would think you know their approx. bedtime. You should let her know how you feel. It can be difficult for other to see what you feel inside - especially if they have a busy family life to handle and might think you're having a good time and enjoying your college life and 'freedom'.

Sending you hugs from the other side of the big pond!

Heidi, if I lived closer you could hang out with me and my friends, we are older but fun....I would feed you and give you place to stay...we could go to Longwood gardens....Geocaching....in fact if you have problem on your next break come visit Delaware and bring a doll...there is a lot of fun stuff to do here....could you take a train and come. Please let me know I would love you to come visit

How far away is the nearest grocery store? I didn't have a car all through college, so I bought a bike and biked everywhere. I went to school in Colorado, so you'd even see me biking in the snow. [img]graemlins/sun.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/storm.gif[/img]

Man, I think I should do that now. I could stand to lose a few pounds. [img]redface.gif[/img]

I don't have much to add to the good advice here. Make sure you get some food (if you absolutely have to, you can buy more at the overpriced gas station store, and of course you can order pizza, and maybe Chinese or anything else you have around there). I hope you can get through to your parents and tell them that you need them right now. And if you have any friends with cars (or friends' friends with cars) you can just let them know that you'd like to go grocery shopping when they go, if there's room--then you're not putting them out at all. Hope things look up for you soon; if there's anything I can do (though I'm about as far away from Maine as one can get) let me know!

I talked to my parents, and they came to get me for supper and brought me back. I guess I will eat some meals there at least. My sister called, because she was going to the store, so now I have bread and some other things to get me through the week. Luckily I have this board for company, or else I'd really feel completely alone here!

Glad to hear you will get some good home cooking at least. It is good you were open to your parents about how you feel, or even if you just told them that you were lonely, it's a start.
There is always someone on this bored to hang out with!

I graduated from college about a year and a half ago, and as an only child my situation was different, but I had a lot of friends in similar situations. I actually had several friends whose parents just couldn't afford to let them spend weekends at home. My parents had no problem with me spending holidays at school or bringing friends home with me so that my friends wouldn't be alone. I know that you might feel like a burden, but I also know that you must have great friends (duh, you're a nice person) who just hate the thought of you spending that time alone and would never consider it a burden to spend time with you. Call some of your friends who have driven home (nearby) and ask if they want to hang out for a little while. If you have so many friend here who like you and care about you and have never even MET you, your in-person friends must be nuts about you!

It's good that you now have some more groceries and some homecooked food! As soon as you know it, the week is sure to fly by. Are any of your dolls on campus with you? If they are you have the week to spend extra time with them [img]wink.gif[/img]

BTW- Your siggy pic makes me want #21 so much! I guess that will be another girl added to my wishlist [img]smile.gif[/img]

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Originally posted by simplepretty:
I talked to my parents, and they came to get me for supper and brought me back. I guess I will eat some meals there at least. My sister called, because she was going to the store, so now I have bread and some other things to get me through the week. Luckily I have this board for company, or else I'd really feel completely alone here!

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I am glad you were able to talk to your family and have dinner with them. Keep us posted. We care about you. [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]