Melbourne Herald Sun Interview

Hayes album a dark story
By LUCY CARNE
29aug04

FORMER Savage Garden star Darren Hayes has revealed he spent his childhood dealing with domestic violence and alcoholism.

The multi-millionaire singer who grew up "poor" in the Brisbane suburb of Woodridge with an older brother and sister, has spoken to the Sunday Herald Sun about his painful past.
"My father was an alcoholic and we experienced domestic violence," Hayes said.

"It's a very difficult decision to admit this and talk about this, out of respect for my family, but I only talk about it because we are survivors.

"It's really hard to say that, because I love my Dad. He is my hero and he hasn't had a drink in 20 years . . . he is an amazing man now."

Hayes, 32, who now lives alone in San Francisco, said he tried to escape his pain by becoming a performer.

"My life, up until the age of about 12, was filled with turbulence and violence. It was definitely the reason I became a performer. I wanted to reinvent myself, I wanted to escape.

"I've been searching for the love of my father all of my life, that's why I became a performer."

Hayes formed Savage Garden with fellow Brisbane boy Daniel Jones.

Their two albums have sold more than 20 million copies worldwide. They topped the charts with songs like Truly Madly Deeply, I Want You and To the Moon.

But at the height of Savage Garden's success in 2001 the duo split.

Jones stayed in Brisbane while Hayes moved to the US to pursue a solo career.

On his new autobiographical album The Tension and The Spark, which will be launched in Australia on September 13, Hayes deals with the effects of his troubled childhood and his struggle to reveal his past.

"As an adult, when you get to a point where I was, where I had sold 23 million records, had No. 1s in America, I was supposed to be happy, right? Well I wasn't.

"I'm not going to lie to you, it's heavy, but it's a beautiful feeling to really truly say I forgive and I am proud of my dad.

"I don't have to lie about who I was as a child. I don't have to get everyone's approval.

"Now I can move forward and I feel so much more honest about who I am today."


http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/com...5E2902,00.html

Janie xx

It is very sad to read that apparently Darren like so many others have had this childhood experience.

I sincerely hope that the members of his family (who have not made the choice to go public) who live here are not hounded by the media in light of his revelations.

Due to past experience too I wait to hear these things from his own mouth rather than rely totally on what I read (hope that makes sense)

Personally, I find it very uncomfortable when I see things like this. It'd be different if the relationship with his father was still unresolved but the fact that he cites him as his "hero" and that the man "hasn't had a drink in 20 years"......well, to me I find it pretty unpalatable for him to be washing his dirty laundry in public. I just hope that his family are ok with this...... [img]confused.gif[/img]

*edited for typos*

<font color="#9966FF" size="1">[ August 29, 2004 08:32 AM: Message edited by: Twizzle ]</font>

I guess he would of gotten his familys approval before he actually spoke out about it. He would of written it into the songs but then made sure it was okay to actually say the words to the media.

But I mean maybe its a good thing to speak out so people know that families go through these things.

Kat

^^ As I said up there, just as long as his family are ok with this. If they've given their go-ahead for him to reveal all, so to speak, then I suppose it's ok.

Me, I always find this sort of revelatory stuff uncomfortable though - whomever it involves......

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Originally posted by Twizzle:
^^ As I said up there, just as long as his family are ok with this. If they've given their go-ahead for him to reveal all, so to speak, then I suppose it's ok.

Me, I always find this sort of revelatory stuff uncomfortable though - whomever it involves......

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<font size="3" face="Tempus sans ITC, Papyrus,Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">oh yeah I agree Terry. I always get fidgety around those kind of revelations. Its prolly why I never go about telling about my life.. I just dont like to deal in it.

Kat

Me either Kat, not that I've got any <u>real</u> skeletons in my closet. [img]wink.gif[/img]

That's probably why I don't buy gossip mags (unless there's a specific piccie or article that I'm/was interested in). I dunno if it's b/c I find the general content uncomfortable to read or if it's b/c I'm just not interested enough in celebs and their lifestyles. [img]confused.gif[/img]

LOL Terry, theres heaps in mine. Im the same as you Im not into celebrity woeful stories. I mean we all empathise with Darren and I do too esp with the latest issues, but its like you know the unknown and dont need it written in black and white.

In saying that its the media and who knows if its taken out of context.

Kat

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Originally posted by Kattitude:

In saying that its the media and who knows if its taken out of context.

Kat

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<font size="3" face="Tempus sans ITC, Papyrus,Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">That's very true Kat. I just can't bring myself to believe that someone like DH, who's well known for being very private and protective in regards his family, would say these things outright. It just doesn't sit well with me. I mean to say, we pretty much all knew who was being referred to when he initially said that there had been a form alcoholic abuse in his family in the past but for him to come out and name names just doesn't ring true to me. It's like the press have put 2 and 2 together and made (and named) the correct total. [img]frown.gif[/img]

I dunno....

[img]confused.gif[/img]

It does make uncomfortable reading, He must have his family's endorsment,(I really hope so) otherwise it would be a betrayal of trust.Even so it must be hard for his family to read and deal with the publicity that it is going to create. I am not sure I agree with using family troubles as a means of album promotion, when pink used it on her Mizunderstood album her mother was quoted as saying she didn't realise Pink felt so bad about it all still and found it disturbing. Sometimes lyrics should just be left to stand alone without any explanation (like poetry) too much background can alter perception, somethings should be left for the listener to interpret in their own way.

These recent articles upset me for many reasons, one of which being that it saddens me that he and the rest of his family have experienced these things and I know how effectual his words are going to be on so many (I don't think that is a bad thing btw. Just as so many found comfort in his Crash and Burn lyrics, and were able to then perhaps find ways of dealing with what was going on in their lives, or at least learn that they "are not alone", I believe his words have the power to help people who have experienced the effects of alcoholism and family violence).

The one thing that I admire the most in Darren, and it is the one thing that drew so many to him, is his way with words. His stunning ability to write words that make people go "God.. that is me". And he has done it again, this time not only in the lyrics of TTATS, but now with these recent articles.

Do I think he spoke to his family about what he might be saying in the Press? Hell yes I do. He loves his family dearly. He has always voiced his love and compassion and respect for them, and I don't believe he would not have talked to them about what might come out of these new confessional lyrics. And I don't think that his comments about his childhood are the only confession that will come from him. I suspect there will be more. I admire his ability to take the risk to expose himself (and others) and to deal with the effects of that exposure and learn from it. I have as much admiration for him, living through an abusive childhood, as I do for any other human being on this earth who has experienced it as well. The risidual effects of family violence lives in some for... well, for some it lives on for forever. And maybe this sharing from Darren is his way of finally being able to get rid of the last risidual effects that lie within him and within his family.

I honestly do think Darren must have had his total family's agreement before he made any such revelations to the press or otherwise.

I agree with most of what Laurie said here. I think an awful lot of people would draw some comfort from the fact that he has been through such an experience and learned to come through it the other side. I do not think he said these things to be sensationalist or to cynically market TTATS. I think his motivation was partly as some form of closure on his past, and so that people can draw some strength from the fact that there is a light at the end of the tunnel sometimes if you find yourself in these situations.

I think he acts as some form of catalyst to people to help themselves and that is why he is loved by them. No man is an island and if we can't share and communicate our troubles then nothing will ever be resolved and no soul ever helped. He has a very empathetic nature and that is a very rare gift in a person these days. He is also a wonderful communicator of feelings and emotions and as Laurie said his words and the way he expresses himself do have a profound effect on some people who may have gone through these traumatic experiences in life.

It is always a risk exposing yourself to the media but I am sure he considered this carefully before doing so. I just hope the press doesn't twist it all to make something out of all this that just doesn't exist in reality otherwise there is a risk of other people in his family being hurt.

Janie xx

Well I truly hope he did Laurie and Janie because if reports are accurate, Darren's dad has already been confronted. If once again Darren has underestimated the media here then he is a fool, sorry but he is the history here is well documented, they will be like dogs chasing a bone!

I'd also ask if something was hinted at during the l/p about these revelations, because sorry you don't seem surprised?

Yes I too feel uncomfortable about this and how accurare the reporting is, as I've said until the words come from his own mouth I will remain skeptical and concerned for the intrusion his family will suffer now.

My hope would be, if there is any ounce of accuracy in these reports (and I don't think these came out of nowhere... I think there must have been something said, but perhaps not in the way it is reflected in these articles that are surfacing), that the entire family sat down and talked about the possible results of his words and just how to handle that.

As for Darren saying anything at the LP's Barb.. I can only speak about San Fran, but no.. he didn't say anything. Both he and Leonie stated how "deeply personal" this record was, but nothing else was said. I honestly didn't need/want to know any more than that. When I heard the lyrics, I understood some things, and wondered some other. As I think, the album was meant to do; make you understand and make you wonder.

If I sound as if I am not surprised, it is only because I have always wondered where Two Beds came from. Affirmation was a personal album for Darren, he spoke so often about it... and I had wondered if that song came from his own experiences, or the experiences of someone he was close to, and that is why he could write so deeply about it.

Thanks Laurie [img]smile.gif[/img]

I just feel for his family that's all, it's not the first time others have to deal with the repercussions of things reported because he is not here! Thinks it will be a very interesting interview if he does Rove Live in September [img]wink.gif[/img]

I always accepted what he's previously said about Two Beds.

link to Sunday Mail (Brisbane) article

http://thesundaymail.news.com.au/com...5E2765,00.html

I too find it sad that the press/media are so intrusive by approaching Darren's dad in this way. Darren's always claimed that with any of the songs he's written in the past, that he's always had the permission of the people involved to do so. It's no wonder his mother was in tears when she heard TTATS, especially Unlovable.

As for not being surprised about this, although nothing was said directly at the LP's, the very subject matter of the songs was a cause for thought about this very topic. The lyrics of TBAACM have always led me to believe this song was autobiographical, especially since there is a line in it that states *wonder how Iever made it* It was sort of staring us in the face all along if you think about it.

Janie xx

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Originally posted by NoRegrets:


I I always accepted what he's previously said about Two Beds.[/QB]

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<font size="3" face="Tempus sans ITC, Papyrus,Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Yep me too Barb!!! I havent really changed that opinion either.
Kat

^^ What/who did he originally say that TBAACM was based on then?

From everything that I've read about Darren's description of TBAACM, he's more or less inferred that it was written about possibly friends or neighbours in that situation. He's never made it very clear who it was about but I guess that was because he didn't want to really say. I suppose he was protecting his family's feelings about that in not wanting to actually reveal the source of his inspiration for that particular song in the past.

Janie xx

Oh right - I remember now.

Ta for that. [img]smile.gif[/img]

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Originally posted by DarrensPassion:
From everything that I've read about Darren's description of TBAACM, he's more or less inferred that it was written about possibly friends or neighbours in that situation. He's never made it very clear who it was about but I guess that was because he didn't want to really say. I suppose he was protecting his family's feelings about that in not wanting to actually reveal the source of his inspiration for that particular song in the past.

Janie xx

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<font size="3" face="Tempus sans ITC, Papyrus,Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">But why has it changed now??? He hasnt stated it was written about him/his family. Why is everyone assuming it must of been now.

How come that was protecting his family but now its free for all on the family problems.

Meh all seems a bit too odd for me

Kat

Takes a deep breath .....

OK I have a few things I want to say about all this. I think the main thing that is bothering a lot of people is why he should be making these revelations now when in the past he has gone to such lengths to protect his loved ones' privacy.

The following are my own opinions, I am not trying to be some sort of armchair psychologist nor do I know Darren personally, these are just my own observations and thoughts.

My own feeling is this. He has come to the conclusion that he can no longer hide his past from people and to divert the many questions that will inevitably arise from some of the lyrics from TTATS, he has tried to pre-empt this by giving his side of the story and background to the media. I am guessing this is with his family's full permission.

There comes a time in life, when you just can't pretend to be someone you are not. He created that persona in SG and now he just wants to be honest and not hide his childhood and his past anymore. It was obviously making him extremely unhappy having to do this, not being able to be honest to himself even about what his childhood really was like. He needs to do this in order for him personally to move on, so that he can start to build honest meaningful relationships in his life. I also think it's just a case of him hating to hide behind a false character that the media and/or fans may have created in the past. I think he's truly sick of that. You cannot be all things to all people and so he just wants to be true to himself at last and if some people don't like it well that's up to them.

I honestly do not think this is a move cynically designed to market TTATS. If anything he is too honest and perhaps a little naive for his own good and I just hope he doesn't end up getting hurt all over again because the press can be ruthless when these sorts of stories break around celebrities. Given the fact that some of the Aussie press aren't too well disposed towards him, I hope he's prepared for the backlash that will inevitably follow.

Janie xx

Personally, I don't undertand, nor do I endorse, this current trend for celebs etc. to feel that they have to tell the world about everything from their sex lives to their woes, past or present.

That's ^^ not just aimed at DH btw but to all of the ppl that indulge in it.

As for song lyrics, I must be a pretty shallow person b/c I don't tend to delve into their meaning(s) too much....

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My own feeling is this. He has come to the conclusion that he can no longer hide his past from people and to divert the many questions that will inevitably arise from some of the lyrics from TTATS, he has tried to pre-empt this by giving his side of the story and background to the media. I am guessing this is with his family's full permission.

There comes a time in life, when you just can't pretend to be someone you are not. He created that persona in SG and now he just wants to be honest and not hide his childhood and his past anymore. It was obviously making him extremely unhappy having to do this, not being able to be honest to himself even about what his childhood really was like. He needs to do this in order for him personally to move on, so that he can start to build honest meaningful relationships in his life. I also think it's just a case of him hating to hide behind a false character that the media and/or fans may have created in the past. I think he's truly sick of that. You cannot be all things to all people and so he just wants to be true to himself at last and if some people don't like it well that's up to them.

I honestly do not think this is a move cynically designed to market TTATS. If anything he is too honest and perhaps a little naive for his own good and I just hope he doesn't end up getting hurt all over again because the press can be ruthless when these sorts of stories break around celebrities. Given the fact that some of the Aussie press aren't too well disposed towards him, I hope he's prepared for the backlash that will inevitably follow.

Janie xx[/QB]

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<font size="3" face="Tempus sans ITC, Papyrus,Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I really like the way you've put this Janie [img]smile.gif[/img]

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As for song lyrics, I must be a pretty shallow person b/c I don't tend to delve into their meaning(s) too much....

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<font size="3" face="Tempus sans ITC, Papyrus,Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Nah, that doesn't make you shallow Terry. We all experience different things from music.

For me, music has been food for my soul. I've been emerged in it for so long that I take things very seriously and very deeply. When I buy a new album, no matter whose it is, the first thing I do is whip out the lyrics, put on the headphones, turn up the volume and listen to the stories the artist has chosen to share. It has always been that way for me.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that there was this one song my dad used to play, when I was very young, whose lyrics really really got to me; and from that point on I just listened intently to the words.

We all take different things from music [img]smile.gif[/img]