Week 10, Preview

Week 10

Here we go. With just four weeks left, now's your time to either firm up your position for the playoffs or hire a good assassin. Presenting the All-Haiku Edition of the previews! Because why not!

1. Darren vs. Ron:
The race for second
But how sad if he loses
Against a robot?

2. Murray vs. Megan:
There will be bloodshed
The lawyer's team is deadly
Murray needs to cheat.

3. Jose vs. Anthony/Someone
Oh, the coming hate
Anthony vs. Android
Wackiness ensues!

4. Rob vs. Jon
Two last place teams play
For respect, pride, the future
And mockery! Yay!

5. MJ vs. Jeri
The reason she plays
Is to beat me and laugh, clap
Bitter? Of course not!

There you go. Hey, what do you want? I was in a rush.

Because of RonBot
I'm in last place. Laugh at me,
and I'll *bleep* your face!

QB: [img]graemlins/beer.gif[/img] Jacksonville
RB: [img]graemlins/beer.gif[/img] Indianapolis
WR: [img]graemlins/beer.gif[/img] Seattle
K: [img]graemlins/martini.gif[/img] St. Louis
TS: [img]graemlins/coffee.gif[/img] New England
TD: [img]graemlins/dog.gif[/img] Kansas City

QB: Colts
RB: Pats
WR: Bears
K: Colts
TS: Cowboys
TD: The withering Giants

Haiku? We got your haiku *right here*.

Eagles suck our a$$
Still won't play them never no
Redskins racist name.

[img]graemlins/kiss.gif[/img]

Curses get bleeped out
The Web has porn, bizarre smut
What, you can't say "ass?"

Ahem. Here's Jeri's lineup. The Hostboard crashes her computer at work, so I'm doing the honors:

> OK. Here's my lineup for this week. I don't feel good about this, mostly because I play myself twice. Drat. Double drat.

QB: San Diego
RB: Carolina
WR: NO
KS: Carolina
TS: Jacksonville
TD: Denver

With all due respect to Megan, who is as beautiful as she is literal, we'll volunteer her haiku for her...

Ahem if I may
your honor the facts are these
not so much with rex

[img]graemlins/wonder.gif[/img]

The Miscarriage lineup. Watch what we do here.

QB: SEA (against the Rams? Shootout, here we come!)

RB: NO (a moot point, really. Both my RBs are on teams that throw more than they run, so I'm hoping to drum up just a few more points here.)

WR: OAK! (What insanity! The Giants haven't had a 200-yard passing game in months, and with Amani Toomer out for the year and Tiki Barber having a huge season, they're not likely to. Plus, they play Chicago. The Giants, along with ATL's defense, have cost me more than a few games this year, and it's time for an upheaval. Good-bye, the Giants!)

K: Balt

TS: IND (this had better be an absolutely slaughtering in Buffalo, because my next choice is)

TD: TB (2-6 and loving it! The Falcons' defense has given up many, many points in the past few weeks, and I haven't broken 55 points in months. So I'm changing it up.)

There it is. That Oakland pick will give me negative points. You watch.

> Ahem if I may
your honor the facts are these
not so much with rex

A long time ago, Rob, myself and some friend of Rob's named Shawn (Shaun? Sean? Whichever; he really liked wolves), wasted an entire day coming up with innane haikus. I think we wrote them down. They were vile and ridiculous and strange, and we laughed and laughed.

And then I went home and ate butter. Good times.

Here's my trash talk to Ron's team:

"0011 0101 1011 1100 1001!"

QB: The Racists...I mean, the Redskins

RB: The murdering palefaces...I mean, the Cowboys (Actually, my official pick is Denver, but the joke doesn't work with The Broncos.)

WR: Monty Python's Flying Circus (Why not? If they're not playing, I'll take the Eagles.)

K: The Globetrotters (They can get more field goals than anybody! Even Jesus! And they're coming to Buffalo in February!! If Mike gets picky and makes us stick to football, I'll take the Vikings. The football team, not the real Vikings.)

TS: Seattle (Shoot out!)

TD: N'Orleans (Getting shot! Oy.)

Thanks for the haiku Jon...you and Mike think way too much alike. [img]smile.gif[/img]
My team this week is also going to see big changes, mostly b/c the Giants play da Bears and I have them as my starting TS and TD, respectively. So, here goes:
QB-STL
RB-ATL
WR-IND
K-MIA
TS-WASH, even though they're going up agst. a well-rested Philly team. yikes.
TD-CHI, hoping they are embarrassed enough after last week to stuff the Giants.
Not sure if this'll work, but we'll see.

Oh, such craziness. Clearly, I'm not the only one in a silly mood today. With that in mind, here's my new lineup!

QB: The city that sorta created grunge music -- but what it really created was the pre-hipster movement, complete with people wearing flannel around their waists and accusing Courtney Love of murder. And don't get us started on the coffee!

RB: The city where you'll drown if you're black. Also, reknowned for its annual street festival, and the place where Joe Francis goes to make a fortune! Girls Gone Wild, indeed!

WR: The other city across from where the 49ers play. Lots of gangs here, for some reason. But Jason Kidd came from there, so it's all good!

K: Used to have the highest rate of syphilis in the whole country, which is funny if you think about it.

TS: Space aliens with dark, wonderful powers.

TD: Batman (Because wouldn't you?)

There you go. I don't know why, either.

I'm playing my Dolphins/Panthers in every position.......again

To answer the question of Mr. Two Time Champion from the recap, I can say this. As long as the roots are not severed, all is well. And all will be well in the garden. Yes. In the garden, growth has it seasons. First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again.

My God, Chance the Gardner is a genius! And so insightful!

Also, congrats on the Atlanta gig, Anthony. I haven't been down there yet, but I think you'll find it dramatically different from Buffalo. And not just because of the weather. [img]wink.gif[/img]

Oh I have been to Atlanta sir. I have seen... the yankee delights.

Ha! Mike, I laughed out loud. High rates of syphilis and black men drowning. Comic genius. Plus, Batman.

Also, Mike said:
"Also, it fascinates me that the preview messages have always gotten more reponses than the recap messages; I really figured it would be the other way around. Go figure."

That's only because the recap messages are only new for about a day, then you post the preview for the next week. We all gravitate to the newst post. And by the way, semi-colons are *my* thing. Please stop using them. Especially so unnecessarily.

He would make outrageous claims, like he invented the Question Mark.

Darren apparently has sole ownership of the ";" eBay's wonders will never cease!

This was brought to you by the Number 2.

Many brave muppets died to bring us this news.

Thanks for the lineup, Chance. Your brilliance continues to confound me! [img]wink.gif[/img]

(Also, here are the lineups for the Invisible People. Now with more Murray!

Jose
QB: TENN
RB: SAND
WR: MINN
K: HOU
TS: ARIZ
TD: IND

Murray
QB: DEN
RB: JAX
WR: SAND
K: ATL
TS: MINN
TD: JAX )

What was Ron's lineup? Did I miss something, or was it posted in binary?

Oh, Ron. Right.

QB - NYG
RB - OAK
WR - DEN
K - TB
TS - SAND
TD - PITT

Good luck.

Well, I shall try, most likely in vain, to defeat a 'bot.

QB: New England
RB: Cincinnati
WR: Cincinnati
K: Giants
TS: Chicago
TD: Carolina

Ismell pain...and with it rain...and it's headed my way.

UPDATE!*

* We just want to confirm that we lost to Rob by one freaking point, thus sealing our fate as the *dumbest* run team in the league. Who tries a 52-yard field goal, into the wind, with a punt returner standing in the end zone? Who doesn't play through the whistle? Who doesn't play the Eagles? Who can't score a regular gig? Oops. We mean, who doesn't play the Eagles?

We forgot. This was haiku week.

Wayward Jersey Jons
Running back field goals yay points
Tackle him! Seriously?

[img]graemlins/handcuffs.gif[/img]

After trees are pruned
Shall they not grow back stronger?
Hundred points! Great Oak!

[img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/wilted.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/wilted.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rose.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/wilted.gif[/img]

And I wasn't even watchin. All my picks were based on alcohol induced whimsy.

I didn't watch any games this week or pay the least bit of attention to my/Jon's teams or their points.

I have been assimilated!

FU Ron!

Oh damn, I forgot. Have to say it in Low-I.Q. Haiku

The fight for last place.
Just to save face. All your base
are belong to us.

[img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]

This is the best Haiku yet; it's almost in iambic pentameter!

And just for the record, Jon, I've actually got you tying Rob, for Rob's second tie of the season (remember: rounding!).

Also, don't feel bad. Philadelphia finally did what you needed them to do all season -- that is, score a lot of points and blow a team -- but they just did it too late. Meanwhile, Pittsburgh's running backs finally needed what I needed them do -- that is, run the goddamn ball like crazy -- but they also did it too late. Ugh.

I'll do the scores as soon as this Monday night game draws to it's Anthony-friendly close. He's leading Jose by 13!

I don't mean to impugn your math skills, but according to what's on the board, Jose should have 56.

I'm at 100 with my first five categories, and there's only been 7 points scored against my defense so far, so that's still like a 40 point drubbing. Unless, of course, TB goes on an eighty point tear....this one is over.

Let us humans of Zion celebrate this victory over the 'bots. Don't sell us short. Unless....wait, which pill did you swallow, Mike! Who are you working for?

Recent escapee from the Matrix,
'Chance' [img]cool.gif[/img]

No, by all means, impugn away, Anthony. Here's what I've got for Jose:

QB: TENN - 367 = 18
RB: SAND - 107 = 11
WR: MINN - 257 = 26
K: HOU - 6 = 6
TS: ARIZ - 10 = 5
TD: IND - 16 = 8

I don't mean to impugn your paranoia, but you are wrong, sir! [img]wink.gif[/img] (Not that it makes a difference, as you'll see when I do the scores tomorrow. Egads, what a beating.)

I'm checking the board.
Alas no stats or wrapup!
Impugnment abounds!

So the team with the worst record gets a first round draft pick in any slot next year right?