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just visited this site were I saw some ugly drummer jokes... Here are 3 of the ugliest I read...
Q: how do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
A: When he doesn't know when to come in.
another answer: when the knocks keeps gettin faster and slower
Q: why are drummers stupid?
A: because they only know how to count from 1 to 4.
Q: How do you make a drummer slow down?
A: Put sheets of music in front of him.
Q: How do you make him stop?
A: Put notes on it!
[img]eek.gif[/img] sorry guys!!! [img]graemlins/whatever.gif[/img]
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Funny [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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How do you know if the drum riser is level?
When the drool is coming out from both sides of the drummers mouth.
Ah well, I tried.
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Q: What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
A: Homeless!!
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We did a slew of these a few yrs back.
Most of you have heard these 100 times, but for those who may not have, here goes...
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How do you make a drummers' car aerodynamically correct?
Answer 1: Take the Pizza Hut sign off the roof.
Answer 2: Really?! He owns a car?! Is it paid for?
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What do you do when a drummer [musician, actor, comedian] knocks on your front door?
Give him the money & take the pizza.
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3 people pass on & are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.
Peter, as part of 'entry into Heaven' quiz [img]wink.gif[/img] ," asks the 1st guy, "How much income were you earning when you passed away?" To which he replies, "3.2 million." Peter replies, "Oh, you must've been a CEO of a major company," to which the guy replies, "yes."
Peter asks the 2nd guy the same question. "300,000" was his response. "You must've been a head surgeon," Peter says, to which he replies, "yes."
The 3rd guy steps up & says out loud, "7,480."
Peter retorts, "Yeah?! What instrument did you play?" [img]graemlins/sure.gif[/img]
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What's the difference between a dead frog in the road & a dead tuba player?
The frog was on his way to a [paying] gig.
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What's the definition of "perfect pitch?"
Tossing a trumpet/trombone/tuba/fiddle/juice harp/accordion/electric gtr/Kenny G's sax into the toilet without hitting the rim of the bowl.
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An accordion player stopped at the grocery store on the way back from band rehearsal [img]wink.gif[/img] to pick up a few things. Upon entering the store he realized that he had left his instrument uncased & uncovered in the back seat, exposed in plain view. Panicking, he runs back outside towards the car & notices the back window busted out. Fearing the worst, he runs up to the car & looks through the broken window & into the back seat...where he is surprised to see a second accordion. [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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OK, this one may be a little risque, but in the name of levity, here goes:
What did the strip club dancer do to her arse hole before she went to work?
...Dropped him off at band practice.
<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ September 13, 2004 12:32 AM: Message edited by: FuseU1 ]</font>
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Q: what do you call a guy who hangs out with a bunch of musicians?
A: a drummer
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I heard a different variation on the drummer knocking on the door. It is:
Q: How do you know when a female vocalist is knocking on your door?
A: Because she doesn't know what key to use or when to come in.
Had to flip that around [img]wink.gif[/img]
Q: Did you hear about the band that locked their keys in their van while in the Guitar Center parking lot?
A: Yeah, it took them an hour to get the drummer out!
Ouch [img]rolleyes.gif[/img]
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LOL!!! [img]graemlins/cry_smile.gif[/img]
OUCH!!! [img]eek.gif[/img]
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I got a good one for ya!
Q. Why did the guitarist put drumsticks in the dashboard of his car?
A. So he could park in handicap spots
hope you like
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Q. Whats the difference between a Pizza and a musician?
A. The pizza can feed a family of 4
[img]biggrin.gif[/img]
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How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
Put some sheet music in front of him.
How do you get a keyboard player to turn down?
Take the sheet music away from him.
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How did the rock band's drummer get back at the bass player?
He detuned one of his tuning pegs & didn't tell him which one... [Dohh! [img]rolleyes.gif[/img] ]
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Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Gifted
Q: How would you define Tejano music?
A: Polka on stolen instruments.
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It was time to change the brain, so i went to the hospital. There were 3 brains available. One from a coalmine worker for $25?000, one from a Nobel Prize Winner for $65?000 and a unlabeld one for $350?000.
I said to the chief surgeon: i want that brain for $300?000, from whom is it?
The surgeon said: it is from a Rock?n?Roll drummer who just died in a car accident with his Ferrari.
I asked the surgeon: why is that brain of that Rock?n?Roll drummer so expensive, yes five time more then the one from the Nobel Prize Winner?
The surgeon said: this brain is like new, it was never used.
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These are funny.
You guys are all banned. [img]wink.gif[/img]
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A horn player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years came back from vacation to hear a rumour that Buddy had died. He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife and said "Can I speak to Buddy please?"
Buddy's wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up.
A couple of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there please?"
"No, I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's wife. And hung up the phone.
Ten minuted later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I speak to Buddy please?" he said.
She recognised his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed down the phone.
Two minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy at home please?" the horn player asked.
Buddy's wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again, Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D. DEAD. Why do you keep ringing me to ask for Buddy???!!!!"
He thought for a moment, and said: "I just love hearing you say it."
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Q: what did the drummer say on his first paying gig?
A: Would you like frys with that?
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"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a drummer!"
"Now Johnny, you can't do both!"
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A drummer is fed up with all the jokes about not being able to play a 'proper' instrument with proper notes, so he decides to take it upon himself to learn a real one.
He walks into his local music shop and says to the guy "Morning, I'd like to have a look at that red trombone please and that lovely white accordian." The guy replies.... "well you can have the fire extinguisher sir, but I'm afraid that the radiator is attached to the wall!!!"
[img]graemlins/shhh.gif[/img]
<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ September 15, 2004 05:53 AM: Message edited by: Dazzler ]</font>
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Man these jokes are really great!!! You guys just rock!! What a great place this is!! PT.
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Hi Guys,
One of my favorite joke is :
Dennis Chambers, Dave Weckl and Vinnie are talking together and having fun drinking some beers...
Suddenly the conversation to become "hot" between Dave and Dennis :
Dennis ; I'm the best drummer !!!
Dave : No, it's me !!!
Dennis : I'm telling you Dave, I'm the best drummer !!!
Dave : No DC it's me, God told me.
Vinnie : ...Me I said that ?...
I like.
Peace everybody.
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What did the drummer do when faced with the daunting prospect of eating & paying the bills?
1 Got into software programming / real estate / became a doctor / got a real day job.
2 Packed away the kit, put on some shades, a bandana, a shiny sports jersey & no belt, & a sheist-load a' bling, went out & bought a drum machine, & learned to dirty dance & "play" the turntable. [img]eek.gif[/img] [img]confused.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/thinking.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/sure.gif[/img]
[You DID say "Ugly drum jokes"].... ;cP
<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ September 21, 2004 12:51 PM: Message edited by: FuseU1 ]</font>
