A Moral question.

hey guys. I'm asking this here because you guys are more mature than the guys on the white board and I don't want to go to anyone I really know because this would get around the block very quickly, if ya know what I mean. It's kind of a moral question. Is it wron to (warning: cliche word alert) "like" someone that is three years younger than me? She turned 17 about 3 weeks before I turned 20, so we're almost exactly 3 years apart(just a little less). I have two good friends that are getting married in Sept. She'll be 26 and he just turned 23, so I don't see them having a problem with it(their opinion is pretty much the highest rated in my book. But it's what the rest of the church will think since we are both really well known in the church.

What do you guys think?

THe only thing I can see wrong with it is that she is under 18 at the moment. If it makes you feel any better, my wife is almost 6 years older than I am.

I have never looked at age as a major factor once everyone is legal.

Well, seeing as the age only matters with one action, and us both being strong in our religion, I don't think there's going to be a problem with that.

Didn't really mean it in that way. Good for the both of you in that respect, though.

It was really geared toward her being able to make decisions for herself in the matters of who she would want to see.

If her parents show no animosity to you or the situation, then I don't see an issue with it if the one matter isn't going to enter the picture. The age difference is all that great and it basically comes down to maturity on both your parts, and the level of maturity that is perceived by her parents.

There are other legal matters to consider, as in some states it is even aginst the law for someone under the age of 18 to be emotionally linked to someone over the age of 18, much less with intimacy entering the picture. It sounds though that the major legal issue isn't a problem, then just check to see if the age gaps proves to be an issue.

I already feel a load lifted off my chest. It was seriously bugging me.

I think all that really matters is the difference in maturity between the two of you...in other words, if there isn't much of a difference, then it really shouldn't matter. 3 years difference isn't much between two matured adults, but it can "seem" like a lot when you're talking about teenagers or young adults.

But consider this - if you were in high school, and let's say you were 18 and she was 15, then in my experience, people don't find something like that odd or "wrong". I think your sticking point here seems to be the fact that you are beyond high school age and she is not. It seems like you are viewing this as an "issue" through a common social stigma. But when you spin it into a different light (like the scenario suggested above), then it doesn't seem so bad.

My best advice to you is do what FEELS right. When you start attaching all kinds of different moral questions, I think that just obscures what you really want to do. Just follow your heart [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ June 21, 2004 01:52 AM: Message edited by: munkkey ]</font>

Age is a problem if you make it one. If your family and friends are ok with it, as are hers, then no worries. As long as there is love in both of your hearts, then really no one should snicker or make snide comments (who would laugh and mock love?)

As long as she doesnt cut off mens toes i see no reason for a problem

Well, looks like I may have the lead for age disparity: my wife is 7 years younger than me. BUT, she's at least 7 years more mature than me [img]tongue.gif[/img]

As for the question at hand, if her family has no problems with it (since she is legally a minor) then I'd say go for it. One thing I've learned in my short time on this globe is that you CANNOT live your life according to what others think is best or by trying to please everyone else, whether it's family, congregation, friends, etc. YOU have to do what makes YOU happy and not everyone else. If you always look for approval you are always going to find someone that disapproves. Remember, unless you're a cat, you only get one chance at this life thing and you don't want to spend it always thinking about the WHAT IFS for the rest of your life.

I think three years is actually a pretty good gap in age between you two. Two of my friends are living together..she's 21, he's 24. I also once dated someone three years older than me.

hell, my sister once dated a guy four years younger than her..it didn't last long though.

It's all about what you have in common. 3 years apart is nothing. Especially as you get older. But with both of you being quite young I must caution you. When I was 20 I was seeing a girl who was 16. It was a nice summer romance but our maturity disparity became more evident when she went back to high school as I went back to college.

As far as your moral ground is concerned, I see no problems. Love is where you find it.

I know no religion that frowns on age differences as long as both of you are of accountable maturity. The law, however, may have something else to say, but that has more to do with sex than dating and relationships. Go for it, try to keep you hands to yourself for a year, and if you're still concerned about what your church will think of it then speak to your leader (pastor, whatever) about specific moral concerns.

Many good points have been made, I can only amend here. I don't see a problem with 17/20. 316 made some good points about not living according to the expectations of others, though it's understandable if your church's reaction is a concern. Even then, this still isn't a broad enough age gap to raise any eyebrows.

Since we're all sharing stories, I've dated a girl who was 4 years older than me, and two younger girls (3 and 4 years younger respectively, everyone being in the 20's range). It never "felt" like there were any age gaps, and no problems arose because of it.

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ June 21, 2004 09:19 AM: Message edited by: Cemetery Man ]</font>

316, I got ya beat.
8 years between me and the wife. her being the younger.


and Oce, I think -megalithanod covered it pretty well.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

but then again, my opinion may not be the best one in this case. [img]wink.gif[/img]

well myself and angelus were 6 years apart of course me being older but it didn't work cause of maturity and other things... i have been thru a lot more than he has so... that was always a prob. but that age is real good in my opinion. and i have also dated someone 20 years older too... it all depends on the people... [img]wink.gif[/img]

I started going out with Pappy when I was 17 and he was 21 or 22, I can't remember. Anyway, we are about four and a half years apart. In the beginning I remember Pappy being a little concerned because I was still in High School, but once we realized we were mature enough for each other there were no more problems.
Besides, high school girls are the hottest. [img]wink.gif[/img]

Ten years is the biggest gap in age I've dated (her being older). But it's not the difference that makes the difference, my friend. Todd started dating Wanda when she was 15, and they've been very happily married for many years.

The biggest thing is how much you both may still change. Who you are now is not always who you'll be in three or five years, as you're both going through some steep learning curves at that age. That's why most young marriages end in divorce, because people "grow out" of the relationship. My advice is by all means stay together, keep on dating and learnign about each other AND YOURSELVES. But don't do anything "permanent" for a few years.

Besides, if both parties learn to live on their own, it's even better when they learn to live together. No one can claim ignorance on doing chores/bills/situations. Plus it makes each a better well-rounded person.

Just my 2 cents (that's $1.50 Canadian)

Me and my wife are 3 years apart and there's no problem here.

I say you dump the hooker's body in a ravine just outside of a turnpike in Oklahoma....

oh wait, you mean it's not about "that" ?

*ahem*


yeah I know a 17 year old chick that's dating a 20 year old, no problem

I say go for it... nothing wrogn at all

also with us crazy Canadians, the legal age is like 16 or something, or at least for consent or something [img]tongue.gif[/img]

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ June 21, 2004 12:33 PM: Message edited by: toymank ]</font>