Another one of those storiessss

Disclaimer: this includes profanity, alcohol and sex. its not that bad...just figured we do got some people on this site who might not wanna read this.

wellllll.......u think u learn from your mistakes...but u dont. u think , next time ill do it better...but u dont. its not like u intend to be an idiot...it just happens. and humans have not invented the technology to deal with shit like that.

welcome to another one of jadeys bitchin stories..and by bitchin, i dont mean awesome, i mean im gunna bitch.

okkkkk..soooo. for those who recall or dont..allow me to recap my other stories...there is this boy i really like Trent hes 19, a yr older than me. been friends with him since like 6 grade. his sister is my best friend, weve known eachother since 1st grade...thats way back ppl.

neways...so i fall in love with him. but love is such a strong word...so lets say i fell in deep like with him. well back in march, i basically confessed to him and turned me down in the meanest way possible, and then thoroughly embarressed me by telling the whole world about it...excpet changing the story COMPLETELY...and makin himself come out on top. basically he said to me...i dont want to date u, i just want to fuck u.

ok etc etc etc lets skip a 4 months of on and off bullshit...and go to last night.

okkkkk...so im drunk very very very drunk. more drunk than i have ever been in. i have always been safe with drinking..and i only do it everyonce in while...so dont wrry about me...so neways..so im very very very drunk. and i did get sick. that actually didnt suck as much as i thought it would...cuz first i couldnt feel or care about it and second i was glad cuz i ridding my system of the vile poison. oh and it was strawberry smirnoff vodka...straight, cuz i hate mixes...cuz i hate drinking...i just like the drunken stage afterwards..cuz suddenly shit is whole lot funnier.

but i wander...so trent leads me to his room. and i am fully aware of what im doing, and i actually went there with the intention of fooling around with him..regardless of his lack of feelings for me. why cuz i just dont care at this point either.

yah so...we are lying there...im freezing cold for some reason..so hes keeping me warm. im sitting there...freezing, being very drunk..thinking a mile a minute and really thinking of nothing at all..u know how it goes. and so all the thoughts that go through my head instead of just thinking them like usual....i just act out. i think "oh i want to kiss him" so i just did. that was our first kiss..lovely scene right...not. neways. oh yah and i had taken off my pants, cuz he told me so and my brain thought..why bother fighting it..u came here to fuck neways right. so neways, i cant really remember the details of it all..which suxs ass...but its my own fault and i deserve it. but i think our teeth hit...which is so stupid and im kinda embarressed bout it...but hey...i wasnt myself right.

neways...so then my friends actually showing concern sent their bro upstairs to check on me...doesnt find me in the bathroom...but in trent room. interrupts us...i think embarressing trent. im pissed off cuz it was just getting good. i go downstairs..and my sister and his sister go upstairs. so everyone (like 5 ppl) go upstairs...and trent decides to tell them what just happened.

but he LIED. he said i initiated the kiss...which i did...but that he didnt kiss back. and that it was all my doing, and that nothing really happened. well fuck u asshole...i may have been drunk but i wasnt having a fucking dream...thats not what happened.

im not going to even bother setting the record straight...because thats bullshit and im not gunna sink to that level. im just gunna stop.

so fuck him. im officially done. im calling him tommorow...and im actually going to meet him, talk to him face to face and tell him, this was a bad idea and its over. im gunna need a lot of courage, cuz he never gives me the time of day to hear me out...but im gunna make him. this is a fruitless relationship...and whiles hes never lied to me about his feelings...its still hurtful. it still just fucking suxs. so fuck u asshole. go fall in love with someone and experience a fucking emotion for once.

ok fin. thank u for that ^_^ in other news..ive actually been very well...so im not really that miserable...just a lil upset.

Yes, go tell him face to face exactly what you think of him and his lying ways! What goes around comes around so he'll get what he deserves onme of these days! >(

jadey chickened out....i cant face him. im just to embarressed. today was an incredibly miserable day. last night i had a nightmare about it. i took a nap..had a nightmare. i think about it constantly. i feel like shit. i kinda wanna just cry and have it all go away...but i cant cry. i went for a drive today to clear my thoughts...i was out for like 1 hr and a half...taking scenic routes (my area of connecticut is all scenic route anyways)

im trying to distract myself..but it isnt working out so well. i think im ill with stresssss. *le sigh*

this kinda suxs. i wanna go away to college now and never see him again. i kinda wish he werent my best friends brother. im an idiot.

*pat pat* Do it when you can Jadey... or try not to talk to him often... I don't know what you're going through but I'm sure you have support from all the guys from s-c, whatever you do ^_^

yah thank uuuuu. i think the not talking to him is working out. not like i have a choice though since im pretty damn sure hes pretending i dont exist.

but today was a good day. im very preoccupied by the work im doing for my madre...which will give me lots of moneeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. im doing these bookmarks and the dead line is in ....5 hours!!! dear god..and what am i doing? procrastinating of course. cmon give me some manga!!!

plus im working on my flat up at URI. school starts sept 8...wooohooo for shitty uri starting so much later than other schools.

but yah so with all that work it really took my mind off it..so i didnt feel like crying. we'll see bout tommorow though. ^_^

Yeah, good for you~~! Just ignore that... not saying it... until he comes to you. Then totally tell him off. Man, I dun think I could be so strong after something like that happening. You're great, it's awesome. And one day, you'll find someone you're REALLY in love with, who will be in love with you and you'll live HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

yah i kinda saved myself. yesterday i was haning out with the usual gang and we started talking bout that evil night...and i said.."shit i can hardly remember that night".........so basically i pretended that i didnt know what the fuck they were talking about. and that whatever i said or did was bullshit.

so i guess im in the clear. though if he ever does bring it up...or trys to get with me again....im seriously just gunna go off at him. cuz that was some serious bullshit.

but on a side note...im very happy now ^_^ i just got paid 250 for doing this art thing for this office up at URI. my madre works there and she put in a good word for me and i got offers to do work for other offices. sooo yeaaaaaiiii.

Gosh, I feel a little awkward posting some advice, since I don't know you, but of course if you don't like what I say you can just ignore it [img]wink.gif[/img]

I totally feel for you. I've been in a situation similar to yours, however, I kinda think you're not handling it in the best way. I'm saying that 'cause I did what you're doing now, and it kinda bit me in the ass later. I don't think you should avoid him or try to pretend the thing never happened with your friends. All that will come of that is very bad memories that will likely cause you a lot of pain. You're not allowing yourself to actually get over what happened, you'll never heal from it by running away. I think you should confront him, because unless he gets off on being an asshole, I doubt that he feels very good deep down inside about how he's treating you. The fact that he lies about it to his friends kinda proves that, because it shows he's too ashamed to look like the asshole he is in front of everyone. I think you should call him on it- tell him he's a jerk for rejecting you and then using your feelings for him to coerce you into doing things with him. It's a horrible, immature and selfish thing to do. He needs to grow up, and that won't happen if you don't slap him in the face with it. Also, you're putting yourself in danger of making the same mistake twice if you don't confront him- because hey, maybe one day he decides he really wants to get in your pants and he turns into the sweetest guy...if a guy gets away with using you once he can usually do it again if you're still harvesting some pain against him. Also, by not confronting him you're not going to learn as much as you could from your own mistake, and that's a waste of pain if you ask me. If you don't learn from your pain you're just going to hurt yourself in the same way over and over until you finally get it, and by that time who knows where you'll be.
Hopefully reading that wasn't a total waste of time for you, because man I feel like I was typing forever [img]wink.gif[/img] Good luck with feeling better

As Miko-chan said, you have full support from the people on sakura-crisis. So just forget that whole mess and continue living your life. And you learned something, which is a good thing.

Congrats on that art thing!!! ^^

no i appreciate that and agree with it 100%. its excatly what i want to do. i want to call him and say I need to talk to you right now so meet me in somewhere. and then i want to tell him forget this whole thing. your an asshole. etc etc etc....

but the thing is...he wont give me the time of day. he doesnt care to listen. and i cant say that im breaking anything off...cuz we never had anything. and even though he lied to our mutual friends about what what really happened...he never lied to me about what he wanted. like he did clearly state, he didnt want to date me. he didnt want to get involved. and for a moment, i faltered and thought, well hell go for it anyways. and now i regret it...cuz its a waste of time.

i stopped with him before, and he brought it back, so im thinking, well maybe hes changed his mind...but he hasnt obviously.

so at this point...even though confronting him right now would be the best idea...i cant do that. because it will blow up in my face when he leaves in the middle of it..and then tells everyone what a "melodrammatic bitch" i am.

so as of now...im gunna let it blow over, and if he ever tries anything again..thats when im gunna say "no, get over yourself u egostiscal ass, im not going to waste time with you anymore"

and as for making the same mistake again. i agree..not confronting right now, does lead to that danger, because it basically leaves the option open to go back. but i think at this point...i dont even want to persue any kind of relationship.

and what makes it easier...i am moving to rhode island in like 2 weeks, so ill be like an 1hr away, so it wont be hard to not see him right?

anyways, thanks for the advice. everything you wrote is exactly, almost word for word what i have been thinking.

OH MY GOD. you must be reading my mind! i agree with that ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. its incredible. i thought all of that, and the two friends that ive told about this situation, told me to just forget about it...but reading that i know now i was completly right! im not going to just forget about it...cuz its true, regret just fucking sucks! and since we're not talking now, not talking after wont be much different right!

anyways, i took that advice..before i even read that post...i talked to him yesterday over aim...but i dont like doing that cuz i never know if hes taking it serious or not...so i didnt really get into it, but i did say, i had some things on my mind and you will hear me out. and even though i really wanted to just call him a jackass, i didnt, cuz like you said, that just turns him off from listening even more.

i think it actually is going all right...and im going to ask him..even if it amounts to nothing, that he not tell the whole world about our situation, because im sure he wouldnt like it if my side of the story got out.

oh and the whole hope thing...yah thats right on the money too...and im going to say that...i didnt use that point yet cuz i didnt really think about it too much. but its true, he knew how i felt about him, so i couldnt understand why he persue this kinda relationship unless he was holding back..giving me hope.

so yah, next time i see him..prolly in a couple days, (im a busy social bee) im going to tell him all of that. running away is easy, but telling him straight to his face will give me the upperhand.

haha, i should just print out ur post and give it too him...cuz that was basically it in a nutshell.

I see what you mean. He probably would say something like that, because he probably doesn't understand fully that he's got the biggest problem out of the both you. He rejected you, but otherwise said he'd sleep with you. That's pretty sick, and it's wrong. He has no right to say anything bad about your behavior when he gave you that kind of option, because it's misleading. Even if he was straightforward with telling you he didn't want to date you, saying he'd sleep with you is a type of acceptance on his part. He can't complain that you took it for hope, when he knew that you cared when he said it. How else would you take it? Any small means of acceptance after rejection gives a person hope, and if he didn't want you to have any hope he should have rejected you flat. No matter how serious he was about that "I'll have sex with you" comment, it makes no difference, because he's still responsible for saying it. You've got him on two counts of asshole- the ass who'd use somebody's feelings for his own gain and the ass who's so cowardly he has to deny it. If you can't talk to him, write him a letter. He'll read it. Nobody gets a letter and doesn't read it..he might pretend he threw it away, but nobody ever actually does that. You won't come off as "melodramatic" for confronting him if you're thoughtful, calm, and collected about it. Besides, if you're no big deal to him like he's acting he wouldn't avoid you..he'd just be the same as he always was before. Confrontation doesn't have to be a lot of screaming and insults, it's better if you stay cool. It's ok to show that you're hurt, and don't try to act superior, don't call him names or make accusations- don't rile up his defenses, and just be honest about how what happened between you two affected you. Admit which faults were yours and apologize if you feel the need to, but insist that he was unfair and cruel and demand an apology. If you can't do that face to face then write a letter- it's easy to be calm and collected in a letter. I know you don't want to, but if he's avoiding you that's a big sign that he isn't so annoyed he wants nothing to do with you, (that's what he'll probably think to himself, but I doubt it's the truth)..the fact is he knows in his heart he's done you wrong, and he simply doesn't want to face you. He's probably not aware of that, so he'll probably try to turn it into all your fault. Don't fall for the lines he's telling himself. He gave you an inch and you took it..it blew up in your face and that's something you have to deal with, but he has no reason to be such a jerk about it, he should be responsible for his actions. I really, really think you should confront him, at least in a letter. I never really got to confront the person that hurt me, and now I'm stuck with all kinds of horrible regrets and confusion that have messed up a lot of potentially solid relationships. Maybe this thing isn't big enough of a deal to do that to you, but letting something that hurt you go without resolution can be more damaging than the event itself. Anyways, that's my advice, again, I really urge you to try it.

Oh good! I'm so proud of you! ^_^ *big hugs* good luck, I hope you get a good resolution, if not, at least you can be proud of yourself for trying. [img]smile.gif[/img]

ahh today is a bad day. i had to postpone my "breaking it off" talk cuz work got in the way. so friday is the day.

so i was excited about this talk...like i said i cant wait to be done with it and be on top for once.

but noo..today is a bad day. this is what happens when you stay up till 3:30am all alone drinking ice tea. u think way to god damn much. and now im going backwords. i feel kinda miserable right now. i really wish i wasnt put in this position. i really wish i didnt have that talk. im going to....but it sucks that i have to. im not asking for him to return feelings..u cant push that on someone...but damn it just understand me for one damn moment. dont turn everything into a joke. a person honestly cares for you and u ridcule them.

ahhh ok...more updates later. i must not regress. no more ice tea!

things should hopefully get easier once you're able to talk to him. Just be careful, try not to forget that you're talking to him to get him out of your life and not secretly looking for some small means of hope. Be strong, or he'll take advantage of you.

Hey, just thought I'd let you know that talking about this stuff, (and some other things too) helped to motivate me to find out where the guy that hurt me the most was, and try to talk to him so I could resolve the last few issues I've been unable to get out of my system. I sent him an email and asked if I could talk to him, and believe it or not, he agreed. I was really surprised. We haven't talked yet, but I'll let you know how it goes. It's either going to be very helpful, or a horrible disaster. I'm guessing the latter, but you never know.

Yah isnt it always the latter....and yet we still try dont we.

well...i talked to him..didnt do it in person cuz i didnt get a chance to see him, so i did it over aol. he had been saying he was going to come over in the morning and implying how we would fool around or whatever. he says them as jokes to cover himself when they backfire...but hes serious when he says these things. so instead of playing along i just flat out said..."dont bother trying. if thats what you are coming over for...dont, because nothing is going to happen. i dont want think anymore because it never goes anywhere" his reply--"you think to much...you think to much about the future"........im like "well yah, but its the truth...and as for future, this is the future, this has gone on for months now...i think ive waited long enough for you"...and then he says "you think to much....just like shareena...his ex-girlfriend" im like .......................whoa whoa whoa...taboo subject. we dont not speak their names. haha..yah im a dork but when im talking about us...i dont want to hear about *them*.

well...even though i said all that..he kinda dismissed it. like he didnt take me seriously. and he didnt because he came over the next day (oh and im home alone cuz i dont start school till sept 9 while everyone else is at school and work)...and hes expecting things. so i said no and pushed him away...but then he kissed me anyways..that really took me off guard...and i let it go on..but then my brain said "STOPPPPP" so i did...and tried to tell him how i didnt want this and how i was serious...

but i think he doesnt believe me. i think he knows that im very weak against him. so i must no be weak!!! even though today wasnt a total success im happy that i at least put it out there. so there is no joking around...and there are no suprises. i am serious..i just have to make him believe that.

anyways..yah i hope things go well for you..and even if they dont..i hope you feel better about trying. i know i do. he may not take me seriously..but im kinda proud of myself for saying something. i didnt give in ...cept for like ill say 20 seconds..but hey...anyways....good luck ^_^

whoa... that's some serious shit. o-o; at least you've learned a lot... i'm sure you'll never let anything like this happen again.

i hope everything works out. good luck and everything... ^_^ be strong! yeah!

<font face="comic sans ms">^^; major dramas.. ne? it's been a while since i've sat down on my comp... but newayz, your situation brings back bad BAD memories... i say you did a good job talking to the guy... cause if you didn't, you'd have been my case. cause i didn't talk to the guy... mainly cause i wanted to strangle the guy whenever i thought of him? so yeah... i didn't want to be so violent... but now i kinda regret it. i mean, it would've been nice to tell him how i felt but i figured it's too late now.. but at least your guy talked... bs here and there but still.. it's better than stop talking just like that. u know? which is my case... after all this stupid crap that we went through, he just stopped talking to me. so i was like wtf.. but i'm over it now. and to think, i was this close of doing it with him. hehe.. i'm ever so relieved.. but i learned not to trust any guys. EVER! BUT that was my case.. as for yours, i hope everything works out for you. *cheers for jadey* </font>

Oh! I am so proud of you! ^_^ *big hugs* you're a good girl! Keep that up, be strong...and the more and more you're able to resist him the stronger you'll feel...and if he shrugs you off for not doin' what he wants then you can proceed with the bitch slapping...he probably thinks you have no clue what he's doing, maybe he thinks he's some kind of player and's getting off on that..if so, what a retard. I dunno...let's just wait and see I guess.

As for me...well...people can change a lot in 2 years (that's how long it'd been since I last talked to him) I guess. I was really surprised that he was willing to talk to me...and when we did start talking he was actually...nice...which was very, very weird. He wasn't sweet, but he didn't insult me or try to make me feel bad or anything, which he always used to do when we got on bad terms. I asked him some questions and got the closure I needed, and we had a mild conversation about random stuff and then I said thank you goodbye. It was very difficult after that to keep my resolve to cut off contact again, but that's the final step for me now to get over him completely, so I was a good girl too and did so. So, now I can lose the regret, and move on. It feels strange to have lost the burden I was carrying for so long, it became a part of me..I feel kind of confused now *laughs* Anyways, I'm glad that I had the courage to swallow my pride and contact him, because I have the feeling it's going to make a world of difference to me in the future.

yah lets play some fucking victory music!!! my day went extremely well today. i did it..i fuckin did it! haha..he came over today..even though i told him no...he still came over. skipping ahead about 2 hrs of filler time...he kissed me by suprise again. so this time..i kissed him back...prolly deeper than he expected cuz he seemed kinda suprised too...but then i stopped, kissed him on the cheek and said..."no more..this is the end" so he got up, seemed thoroughly disappointed and left. but before he left..i stopped him and said "and im serious...no more" and he didnt really say or do anything in reply...cept look deflated. i doubt he'll tell anyone about this..because he lost big time..and ive got him now, since i came out on top of all the conversations and situations.

so yah...play me my song...some one get me the victory champagne and the victory cigar...its time to celebrate. and for you too...haha..i think we kinda did this together huh. this is far sweeter than revenge...revenge always makes u feel dirty or petty...doing the right thing, and ending it proper feels good.

as for all those out there in these kind of situations...my heart goes out to u...cuz it was pretty damn hard. took me near 7 months to end this thing properly. back in march was the first time i tried to end it...blew up in my face...and then at least once a month some catastrophe would happen but i would always go back.

and now FINALLY. i said the words and its over. im actually extremely beyond happy. i do feel really proud of myself. so yah...i think ill celebrate. im gunna buy some shoes or something.

Heehee *happy* Now go find a guy that actually cares...*is buzzed up ont hat right now* My boyfriend is like, feeling especially nice lately ^_^ he keeps buying me presents! (he never does that *sniff*) [img]wink.gif[/img] this morning I found the newest Bjork cd on my chair, and I just came home to find a Gambit comic waiting for me...he knows I love Gambit [img]wink.gif[/img] *sighs* I'm going to try my best not to get paranoid that he's up to something 'cause I like being spoiled in the little ways [img]wink.gif[/img] * gets ready to go immerse herself in Gambitness* [img]wink.gif[/img]

ok...u can call me an evil bitch...but right now that kid is having girl troubles and im happy about it!

yah he quickly forgot about me and moved on to his next target. i dunno what the hell is going on with it...but i think they are fighting. could be similar to my situation i dunno...but hes actually mad about it. so im actually happy. im glad to see hes on the receiving end. hes only spoken to me twice since then..and literally its been like one sentence.

i honestly dont care...cuz i dont want to see him. im at URI right now and well....freshMEN...hehehe.

in my art class on boths sides of me are the hottest guys i have ever seen in real life..like u know..tv hot or ashton kutcher hot..i dunno that level. haha...i know i sound like a dork but seriously....its just that good.

so yah fuck that kid. i wanna see the aftermath. this is what he has in his info on aim

we dont give a damn
we're gona get fukin' merked if we keep it up
time to go back to the [way] it was before.

wow...he keeps adding stuff..it was diff before. hes really pissed. im extremely pleased. i know its bad and im going to hell. BUT ITS UR TIME FUCKER. hahahahaha...ill prolly regret this. ahaha